₦airaland Forum

How do i manage anger?

I hardly get angry as i have developed a thick skin. However, when i am...i confront the person by raising my voice to let the person know he/she erred, but i almost always never act on my anger. If the person is unrepentant, i just walk away, and tune the incident off my mind, however, there could be some subtle transfer of aggression to whoever comes around after.

valacious: When u find yourself so much in love with an opposite sex, and u both have some real chemistry, then get married fast, before something happens. You can fall in love many times, but I know there's just one person your heart will always remember.

Are you saying your heart cannot remember more than one person? I beg to differ as i believe you can remember as many as possible in their own different ways of touching your heart. Different situations, different memories.

Oluwaadajo: Love comes in different forms.

Romantic love both exhilarates and motivates us. It is also critical to the continuation of our species. Without the attachment of romantic love, we would live in an entirely different society . So in a sense, love really is a chemical addiction that occurs.

Love is an emotion . There are times it cannot be controlled. You can manage it but cannot control it.

We are talking about romantic or erotic love here, and not filial nor agape. So what's chemical about the addiction? Any chemical elements or compounds involved?

Anger is an emotion, can it be controlled? Yes, it can. Even if you're not angry, can you act as though you were angry? Yes! In other words, love as an emotion can be controlled.

BTW, its nice to see this making front page...

Oluwaadajo: Confused!

You can make a decision to love and stay in a marriage but how can you make a decision to love and stay in love.

Love is a decision, my bro, or so it seems, and you can decide to stay in love even in the face of facts that would have made you turn your back! Whether you decide to stay in it or opt out of it, it's still mental conditioning... with different levels of tolerance.

DigitalSignal: Like I said before, love is abstract! It's a state of mind that you attain over a period of time and as long as you've not shut the door for love, which may not even be possible, you can love as many times as possible! Two love experiences may not exactly be the same but they're all unique in different ways! The fact that we have the most beautiful girl in nigeria or wherever does not negate the existence of other beautiful ladies! My point is that you can love in one relationship and love differently in another! We have often times in relationships assumed feelings we do not have just to get what we want from the other party; that's the reason the word 'love' doesn't seem to have meaning anymore to some people! So if you open your mind, love can come in at any time during your life time!

True talk...i agree!

googles: You can love as many times as possible I have come to learn. No such thing as "one true love"

Hmm, maybe in truth, there's no such thing as one true love. But i think love is a decision you make and decide to stick to, come what may.

Flytefalls: You mean you can not call it love

Well, maybe for want of a proper definition, i won't call that 'true love'. What i mean is when you get to love too many people over the course of a lifetime... then the mystery of it being special, unique and reserved for that one person is lost, as the person can be replaced anytime and whenever, depending on what circumstances.

DigitalSignal: You can love as many times as possible during the course of your life's journey! Love is abstract. It's not something you possess physically that when lost can't be found!

Even though i think this should be the case, i still believe you can't just truly love too many people over the course of a lifetime, else that would no longer be called love. However, could there be a figure to the maximum number of true love one can experience? Probably, like someone said an empirical study could be carried out.

[quote author=Yield][/quote]

Do you believe in that saying, "if you love someone or something, let it go; if it comes back it's yours and it's meant to be, if it doesn't it never was to begin with?" Something like that, you get my point, lol.

Yea i believe in that saying.

You say you have been in true love twice already. The first left after two years, came back but the love you had had disappeared, etc. Would you call that true love then? You didn't state why she left, but she came back after two years. Why did the love you had for her disappear if it was true love to begin with? I assume she came back because she still loved you, yea?. But your feelings had changed ( you said the "pure love you had for her had disappeared" )? Just trying to understand.This topic brings other questions to mind. Interesting responses.

Well, that's why i'm throwing the question to the house, if there's something such as true love, or if its just mental conditioning, like i felt with her during the first spell. As regarding why she left in the first instance, i wouldn't know. Just that at that time, i was schooling away from Lagos, and only saw each other when we were on break (plus we did many other things 2gether but no sex, u know). I guess she probably was seeing someone else in my absence, at that time. However, i'm the type that's quite vengeful (not a good trait i know), and i don't forget when wronged easily. So when she came back after two years, even though i was curious 2 see the once upon a time love of my life, i was not too eager about her. We started dating, and this time around we went all the way (if u know what i mean, love-making things). But i discovered there was nothing special about her anymore. This time around, she would never get angry at anything i did, and it was so obvious she wanted to cling to me for life. But i was no longer impressed with her, and at some point i just had to back out. So, in a nutshell, i think true love can be turned to hatred once its betrayed.

@rali123,

I'm not saying true love should be about physical attraction. I only mentioned what got me closer to my first in the first instance was more of her physical beauty than what attracted me to my second. At least you need to like something about someone before getting closer to them and then developing further affection. It's when you get closer that you begin to like other things about them too.

Flytefalls: Yes... Although your words are more user-friendly lol

Now that's clearer.

WackyJ1: Hmmm too bad. 5 years just went like that. There is really no guarantee for things like this

Na so we see am o!

Flytefalls: I don't believe in it. Love is love as love. Nothing more or nothing less. I believe we can love deeply and successfully, but although it may be a "once-in-THIS-lifetime" experience, it could be just as strong with a different partner "out there" (obviously with differences. Just my opinion

So in other words, you are saying there's no limit to the number of times one can find love (or true love, in my words) in a lifetime.

WackyJ1: After 5 years!! What changed in the girl?

It's a long story bro. There had been imminent cracks along the way, but all changed when she was finally out of NYSC and got a job. She wanted to be free, and to test the waters, since we were together throughout her university days; besides she was a very smart girl who made a 1st class. But i guess it was cos, she started making new friends and forming new habits and i was like curtailing her.

rali123: @sleekymag, u cldn't av loved the two of them the same way, u MUST av felt something diff for each of them which you have to define yourself, one could 'probably' be love then the other (please find another suitable word for it)...

Well, at the time with my first, it was like, yea, this is it! I definitely was in love (or chose to mentally be in love, whatever that is). My second spell with her only proved that love had vanished after her earlier betrayal.

With my second, i felt yea, this must be the God-ordained love i was looking for. We were together for like 5 yrs or a bit more. And she reciprocated my love until the final year (people change too).

However, i recall the second wasn't love at first sight or first date, but more like friendship that grew into love. The first (i think) was more of my attraction to her physical beauty, but the second was more than just physical. However, both share the same birthday.

With hindsight, i feel the first was probably not real love, but so many people are in this type of 'love state' today, that they think its love instead of 'infatuation'.

rali123: No1 can truly love twice, it happens just once in a life time...

Really? Then how would you describe my own experience previously highlighted? Could it be i still haven't fallen in true love yet?

Remember when in love you think that's d all in all. I remember my ex sending me a card every birthday with promises of love till the end. In one, she said, when am old and with a third leg (walking stick), she would still be at my side loving me all the way. In one special annual program we were to attend, she was going to miss it and told me we still have over 60 more of such programmes to attend together, so i shouldn't feel too bad. But today, she's an ex. Of course we both would love to have another shot at true love, with our respective future partners.

[quote author=gree-die]yes, still.[/quote]Wow, then am happy for you, and hope it lasts forever.

binger: Hoo haa!

binger: you live once,you die once,you love only when there is something to be loved...hence,u can love as many times as you open your heart to what makes u fall in love.

I think i agree with you bro!

[quote author=gree-die]you love truly only once....
you may love odas but not as much as u love dat one. ofcz u must ve heard something lyk" he is/was my one true love, i ve tried but cant love anyoda lyk i love(d) him" etc

oh yea i ve experienced true love...... i think [/quote]I think what we call true love may not be true love as such. Its just an emotional state where you feel that one person means the whole world to you and nothing else matters as long as you're together. I think true love with only one person may just be a myth. You can find true love as many times as you choose to feel in love. Its just a mental conditioning.

[quote author=gree-die]you love truly only once....
you may love odas but not as much as u love dat one. ofcz u must ve heard something lyk" he is/was my one true love, i ve tried but cant love anyoda lyk i love(d) him" etc

oh yea i ve experienced true love...... i think [/quote]You think? So you're not sure? And what happened to him? Still together?

Well P-Square's Alingo seemed okay by me. But all those other ones deserve the ban on local stations please.

Ok let me start with my own experience. I can say i have been in true love twice already, and i'm still single today, hoping a third true love would come my way. I fell in love as a teenager just entering the university, and the relationship lasted two years, then she left. After two years or so, she came back, but then, the pure love i had for her had disappeared. i managed the relationship for six months till i decided to walk out.

I didn't find true love again for another three years. And when i did, it lasted a whooping five years, and then it fell like a pack of cards (though not my making).

Two years on, and am still looking for that lady who can be my true love, particularly when am thinking of settling down. And the issue is, am the very selective type. One would wonder if i was ever truly in love those times, or if love in itself is just a figment of the imagination (you choosing to feel the way you feel).

[quote author=gree-die]you live once, you die once, you LOVE only ONCE[/quote]How true is this? For you, are you saying you've loved only once and are still in love? Or you're yet to experience true love?

I am curious to know if true love can be found as many times as possible in someone's life. Is there a limit to the number of times one can fall in love or is TRUE LOVE really a one-time event? I am not talking about deep crushes you've had at various point in time, neither am i talking about you loving someone and the love was never returned. Am talking about reciprocal love to the point that you both feel you'd rather spend the rest of your lives together, until something happens and you unfortunately find yourselves out of love again. Is true love real, or is it a myth that's over-hyped? Your opinions are welcome.

Nice move by NBC though its coming very late. I think they (NBC) should subject all music videos to vetting and approval before being released on the terrestrial airwaves like they do to our home videos through Nigerian Film & Video Censors Board (NFVCB). D level of moral decadence is so alarming. These days you see children that are under ten years old dancing and shaking bumbum and reciting vulgar words from these songs. Something has to be done, please.

People even used to eat it raw sef (after cutting out its head). When fried however, it can be so delicious. Oh sweet memories of boarding school!

My biggest turn-offs. Ladies that are/have

1. Too Loud (lousy)
2. Too much make-up
3. Arrogant in demeanour

Well my sequence of actions would be
5 - I'd quickly turn off the tap. Can be done in a few seconds, and could spill onto the rug (depending on the type of flooring in the house. (SEX)
2 - Then off i go, getting the baby and petting him/her to stop crying (FAMILY)
1 - With my other hand, i'll quickly answer the phone and tell the person to hold on for one minute (WORK)
3 - Then i dash out the door to say hi to whoever is at the door, and while greeting him/her (FRIENDS)
4 - I rush out to get my clothes which may be already a little wet by now. They'll get dry inside the house under the fan joor. (MONEY)

But i don't get the Sigmund Freud Priorities (we can always make money though but its not a do-or-die affair), however the above would definitely be my line of action.

BARTH NNAJI

Farouk Lawan is d undisputed champion in dis contest!

D-Banj nice song, am impressed. On point as an official theme song for the AFCON. Besides, the song will be enjoyed more by all Africans!

Thumbs up to DBANJ joor!

Anvaller: No answers to Striklymi's questions yet? I still dey wait o.

To answer his questions.

striktlymi:

Good morning,
I really do think he has a right to his own opinion but the question still remains:

1) In the year he mentioned was the church as affluent as it is today?

Of course the church wasn't as affluent, but then he was depending on his salary as a means of sustaining his family. That's the more reason why it would have been easier to retain earning salary now than in those days, imagine what his salary would be if he was still earning. In the early 80s, his salary was N300 monthly.

2) When he gave all his salary to God, how did he feed and if he was fed by the members is it not the same as collecting salary; afterall the salary comes from the members contributions?

When the widow of Zarapheth gave her last meal to Elijah, did the oil dry up? So many people are busy eating their destinies today. How he fed must have been through God's divine provisions, but if you need to ask him personally, maybe you should. But you can't conclude, he said he has never once knocked on any member's door asking for anything. Infact there were instances where offerings raised in those early days was used to meet the needs of members immediately after service.

3) If the University was not built with the money of his church members, where did the money come from. We know certainly that God did not come down from heaven to build the school.

When members give in church, they give to God. It's not a donation or contribution. It a way of worshipping God and promoting His kingdom. If the church decides to build schools or universities with part of the funds, it becomes God's own, through the ministry, and not for any member. We had missionaries in those days that built schools in Africa, members of those missionaries didnt lay claim to it. Spiritual understanding is necessary.

4) Even if the school was built using money from God knows where, is this a justification for some of the members not to be able to afford the tuition?

Somebody already answered this 4th question. Other private Nigerian schools charge more (N1.5m) e.g. Baze Uni, Atiku's uni etc. CU's fees are actually subsidized by the church, and even our federal universities are subsidized by the federal govt to the tune of hundreds of thousands per student. Universities in Europe and America are even worse, they are more expensive when u compare with these universities (CU). we hear of student loans in america and the rising debt profile of students, parents even have to save for their kids university education for years just to meet up. So we know its good value actually.