₦airaland Forum

Godswillnwaoma:
Unizik female hostel

Dora Akunyili Hall

kinggenesis:
1. For engineers every course apart from engineering is easy.

2. An engineer has the power of getting up at 9.25 am and
reaching the class at 9.30 am.

3. T-shirt and jeans are engineer's national dress while galla and La casera is the national food.

4. A normal person will fix the broken things but an engineer will first break a thing and then he would fix it.

5. An engineer can build a car, spaceship and they even can
make time machine. However, he just can’t build a relationship
with a LADY.

6. An engineer doesn't care for the rise in price of petrol or gold but he gets mad when cigarette costs #20 instead of #10.

7. An engineer loves to solve a problem. If there is no problem,
then he will create one and would start solving it.

8. An engineer can derive any relation just give them the final
expression.

9. Are you made of copper(CU) and tellurium(TE), because
you’re CUTE. This is how engineers flirt.

10. An engineers’s worst nightmare is teacher taking the class
but not taking the attendance.

11. An engineer can finish his syllabus in one night.

12. An Engineer knows nothing, but only an Engineer knows
this.

13. An Engineer will never sleep in night and will never wake up in morning.

14. An Engineer is the most innocent person in front of his
parents.

15. Never argue with an engineer because arguing with
Engineers is like killing the mosquito on your cheek, you might or might not kill it, but you’ll end up slapping yourself.

16. No one can speak better English than an engineer who is
having a bottle of ORIGIN in his hand.

17. There is always a hidden folder in engineer's laptop.

#Engineers_rock_joor......

Alakoba ni e

Curiosity kills the cat.You decided to investigate and you got the result.

You watched pornography on 3D and you are complaining. Accept whatever comes your way.

She is married to the oracle of her ancestors. The oracle sees nothing wrong in the bandage wrapped on her cleavage.

proxillin:
I met this lady on a social app. She friend-zoned me for some 3 months though I made her realize my intention.

She keeps disturbing me with lengthy chats. She can chat for 24 hours. And that alone was getting on my nerves, that I started snubbing her on chat. I only respond once in a while.

I think she noticed it, she changed her tactics and started flirting..talking dirty and sending me funny pictures of her.

I took it as an invitation, so I brought up the issue of dating again. She said we should meet and discuss it.

We set a date for the date. In the morning of the set date, on whatsap she told me she is coming with a friend of her. I thought she feared for her security and was trying to play safe...I agreed they should come together.

We went to Cumbaland (Indian restaurant)...chop all the choppables (Chop my money). We still continued the discussion, she ended up not giving me any tangible answer.

2 weeks later, she said the weekend will be boring for her, she will be home alone, she said she wants to come to my house. Chaii my head bounced. I was like chaii...this is the opportunity.... On the Saturday morning when I went out to pick her at the bus stop close to my house, I saw a lady beside her, I thought the lady was just a passerby...to found out she was the same friend she brought on the first day (her makeup confused me). They came, I ran my generator for 8 ours they spent with me glued to my DSTV watching telemondo/MTV. She wouldnt even talk to me.

I later invited her to my inner room where I made my move, she refused and started cursing. So I dont want it to turn to a rape scenario, I let her go.

Later on whatsap, I asked why she keeps bringing her friend, she said she cant go anywhere without her.

I said OK...This bad thought just came to my mind. I knew I had nothing to loose again. I have spent already (thats a loss on its own). Nothing can be worse.

So I intentionally invited her over to my house this time...as usual she brought her friend which was part of my plan.

When opportunity presented itself, I collected her friends number. I took a risk, I told her not to tell my girl. To my dismay she cooperated with me, I pinged her on whatsap, she responded and we started flowing just neutrally.

The next time we agreed to go to the beach. I was very surprised to see this girl dressed sexily, even over dressed more than my girl. My eyes stayed glued on her that my girl nearly caught me. May be she did, may be not.

In the night I buzzed her and I told her how sexy she was that day. I told her I felt like kissing and foundling her that day.

She said "you should have done it in front of your girl" jokingly.

I said "Do you know my girl doesnt stop us", she said "Hmmmm"

Shockingly she said "I know there is nothing between you guys"

I was shocked. So my girl told her friend she had nothing for me.

I told the lady, why is she doing this to me? She hasnt given me any answer and when I make any move, she bark like dog. What does she want, shes confusing me....

In short, na so her friend agreed to come to my house alone ooo. It was on a rainy Saturday. She barely enters my house when we started the "You know what " (close your eyes).

I was at my office one day when I saw pings...my girl started blasting...

Why are men like this?
You are a dog
You are not different from others..
Men will always be men ...blah blah blah..

So if u want to date someone, its my friend that you think its right for you to date. You cheated with my friend.

I said "Madam, Let me ask you a question".

"Were we dating?"

She said "No"

I said "So whats your definition of cheating?"

She said "but u have been disturbing me for a while now"

I said "For a while? ooh and you are proud of that? And have you given me any tangible answer?"

She said "why are you impatient?"

I just told her to get a lawyer...she cursed and changed DP to funny images about guys...U know what they do na...

I found out that she read her friends whatsap chat and got to know we were fckng.

Guys....Am i really at fault?

Did I betray her?

I doff my hat.

Her husband needs to see a shrink.

Trouble sleep yanga go wake am.na wetin e dey find. palaver e go get.

The spirit will be her neighbour at kirikiri

nicerichard05:
My fellow NLanders I just wanna know if it good to leave huge amount of money in your salary account. I work in an oil and gas company and since I started working 11 months ago I haven't touched my salary, was just Thinking if this companies have a way of checking their staff account balance, if they do that means they would begin to suspect where I get the money I spend since my salary is untouched.
Thank for your response.

I will simply respond to your enquiry by saying ewo orisa.Salary account na dangerous account.though its your account but if you have issues with your employer that has to do with your being roped in fraud,diversion of funds in the office or you get involved in a deal your account can be frozen pending when investigation is concluded. I believe you have other accounts. Please transfer a substantial amount from your salary account to another account as a precautionary measure.My salary hardly lasts for 30mins in my salary account.Once I get the alert I transfer with the speed of light online to another account.

Please is your umbilical chord tied to your salary account ?

He is not the first and he won't be the last ex-governor to be detained in prison.I am not excited by this development. He will cough out part of what he acquired illegally and be set free on the usual term of plea bargain.

Maybe the doctor is the prophet's cousin.

PMB should not limit the exposure to Jonathan's administration. He has to conduct his investigations from the past to the present.He must start from IBB's regime and end it with that of Jonathan.

These smugglers are wicked.Why beat a man to the point of transforming him into a ninja turtle

Aye fe lowo si oro re.

abi im grandfather too dey thief when e small.make e no go be say im family lineage don dey cursed. dis type of inheritance from the father get as e be

E be like say denrele and the younger sister need to visit Bruce(Caitlyn) Jenner doctor to do the needful.

woodcook:
Wetin she carry for mouth wey make are cheek fat? I hope its not what am thinking.

na puff puff

Nopes you have not been scammed.Its quite unfortunate you have been duped.

Nothing spectacular about this gunship.Make dem go upgrade dia gunships jare.dis one wey be like shakabula gun wey ode aperin dey use shoot antelopes and grass cutters for Igbo eledumare.

Caseless:
I was told the south-south is bereft of modicum 'intellectuality' , I didn't believe, until I saw your likes on this forum and those ogogoro/kaikai sellers I saw on channels tv last night. You all prove that belief right!

The few you saw is now a yardstick that assisted you in your survey to draw a conclusion on the entire region.

oyinbo no strong.dia immune system na zero.me e don tey wey I buy insecticide last.every night I dey host blood party for mosquitoes. as dem dey suck my blood na so dem dey die.Plane crash no fit kill d hostess but na tiny mosquito execute the woman.kudos to the Nigerian mosquito.

Even if na to be chef or doorman jega go surely accept am.mission accomplished.

missKiffy:
I met my boyfriend's dad for the first time last week and he introduced me as a 'friend' to his dad. I later asked him why he introduced me as a friend just to clarify things and know if am just a 'friend' to him and he told me his dad understands what he meant even tho he referred to me as a friend, and I think he was right cos his dad was dotting on me after meeting me, he even told my boyfriend he likes me.

Should I still be worried or am just bothering myself for no reason.

You be girlfriend. abbreviated to friend so the guy papa know the levels.your guy never upgrade you to fiancée level.so no give yourself headache.make u patiently wait for the upgrade or the downgrade.d downgrade bad o as u fit become ex-girlfriend wey we still fit abbreviate to ex-friend.

By their load we shall know them .e be like say celestine and hamisu try hustle small for rugged terrain.sani be like prodigal son wey carry im papa money run con come back with nothing.

Dapo777:
I am surrounded by christiañs and Muslims, although i don't care about their religion, but what disconforts me is that i feel scared to tell anyone I am an atheist and they see it as awkward when i tell them I dont go to church and i am a christian The fact I dint go to church , I know how some of them act, how will they act if I tell them i don't believe in God, in nigeria do people stigmatize atheists the way they stigmatize sickle cell oatients and HIV patients?

Pls help me. I don't know what to do. And I can't go to church, I sleep off very easily in any church , cos what they say doesn't make a grain of sense to me.

Its quite simple.What people feel about you should not bother you.Nigeria is a secular country and we all have the right to hold on to our beliefs.
Your belief makes you a brand and you need not be afraid.
The easiest way to explain to people about your status as an atheist is to approach media com,optimum exposures or S.O & U Saatchi & Saatchi.
They are advertising agencies that have vacant billboards all over Nigeria.These agencies will pass the message across on your behalf with your picture on their billboards with a mind blowing advert.

Money ain't a guarantee for happiness. I wish the couple a happy married life. As for the Op his anti virus needs to be updated. Mc Afee,Avast or AVG can clear the virus from your brain.

Politics is a game in nigeria for individuals who possess the skills for Politricks and Polithieves.I will not condemn Saraki but rather condemn the leadership of APC for accepting politicians defecting from different political parties to their fold.It is all about personal interest from the president to the former president and present leaders,senators, house of rep members of APC ,APGA and PDP.The politicians from Nigeria are only interested in their personal Agenda.Tambuwal fulfilled his as speaker defying the leadership of PDP,Saraki and Dogara just fulfilled theirs.
The masses are never a part of their Agenda.As usual let the money flow while the winners share their bounty and the vanquished lick their wounds.

At the last ECOWAS meeting in Ghana,President John Mahama wore an outfit that portrayed his pride in his culture .Ex-President Good luck Jonathan wore an outfit that portrayed his own culture.As far as am concerned the outfit PMB wore to the G7 summit is OK.
I don't think attending such a summit deserves an award or places an African country ahead of other African countries that didn't get an invite.
I am amazed at how people abuse themselves on nairaland forum.
The naira and cedis have depreciated in value over the years and the economy of Nigeria and Ghana have never been so bad.We should take our leaders to a task to bring positives changes that will be beneficial to all and not waste time ranting about which country is superior to the other.

The American,British,French,Japanese,German and italian leaders are interested in technological advancement in their countries and a better way of life for their citizens while our leaders are squandering our resources and on Nairaland citizens of two sister nations are claiming superiority over one another as if a winner will emerge that will be paid in millions of dollars.We have a long path to tread.

efilefun:
Wished we have a functioning and good education system in Nigeria.. but we only got "Spoilt children" leading the nation. May her soul rest in peace and may God almighty give her loved ones the fortitude to bear the loss

Sometimes the institutions are not as functional as the ones we got in Nigeria.JAMB ain't a requirement and with 5credits in WAEC you secure admission into most private institutions and some are relatively cheaper than private universities in Nigeria.

Lastly few can be rated as good private institutions e.g ashesi university, central university college,methodist university,Wisconsin university,GIMPA,Pentecost university college and some are mainly single buildings or multistory buildings or some you receive lectures in a 40feet container in different parts of Accra operating as universities. e.g sikkim manipal ,zenith university college.accra institute of technology.

The individual that did the decor for the reception should be flogged with koboko.

bigtt76:
I live there so I think I know what I'm saying. People not well enlightened on the dangers of dumping refuse into drains, building on waterways with impunity, not enforcing sanitary standards in a city such as Accra and blind eyes from government officials on all of these issues are definitely a result of bad governance.

To those of you who feel I'm wrong, yes floods do occur in countries with most as a result of climatic changes and not of the people embracing poor sanitary conditions or government officials allowing poor building standards. All these caused the Floods and not necessarily cause of the torrential rains.

It's been a yearly occurrence dated as far back as the late 90s... we are in 2015 yet same thing same place year in year out.... that's not Natural disaster.

You are so on point on this issue.I worked in Accra for four years and used that route from kaneshie to osu everyday. Whenever it rains for 45mins non stop the effect is better imagined than experienced.