₦airaland Forum

BreezyRita:

In most parts of the East, having a child oitside wedlock is frowned on. The young girl is deemed wayward.
She lives with this stigma. And it becomes difficult for her to get a husband. Who wants a certified "second hand" wife?? Most suitors, on finding out she's had a child, either deserts her on his own or us pressurized by family members to do so.
Now, she realizes time is not on her side and decides to do something.

My question: Should a young woman who's had a child outside wedlock, lie to her suitor about it. Lying could be by not saying anything about it to him. I know what'll happen if he finds out but I need your opinions here.
.

A woman who would deny her child should not get respect from anyone.

Please do not marry him. You're not suited for him if this is how you feel. You will just torment an innocent child because of your childishness. Leave his father alone and go find another father for you future perfect children

Where's the post were Mutter was mocked? I'd like to see the exact post.

bukatyne:
I also do not support employed women leeching off their hubbys or requesting for spousal support during divorce

Employed being the key word. I support spousal support in cases were one of them stayed home to care for the kids. Spousal support is not permanent but the spouse who stayed home for the family should be abLe to get help in at least restoring them back to they were before they gave it all up. I used to get all worked up when I see my cousins schedules in Nigeria. Up at 5 and still not back home by 9pm. Maids raise the kids and as soon as they are old enough for boarding school, off they go. While I still believe that the children's wellbeing is the most important, I can see why many of them choose yo keep this up. They likely have stories of women in their family who were kicked out with nothing. Spousal support is a good thing.

babyosisi:
Your write up is sound but terribly unbalanced
First of all the marriage you describe is one of convenience
The girl was looking for a ticket to the west,the man is looking for a presumed naive and pretty young wife he can mold into an image of his choice including choose her career.
Respect goes both ways
It is not unilateral or it becomes servitude
I tell women all the time that I have absolutely no problems being submissive or being labelled a submissive wife.submission is not a dirty word to me and the reason is because I am married to a man who loves and respects me and treats me like a full grown adult with a thinking faculty,if it were not so,I wouldn't submit to him,period.
You are telling a one sided story and one sided stories are dangerous stories.
Just as much as no man goes to do trado and ask for the hAnd of a woman in marriage with a Plan of killing her somewhere down the road,no woman also goes into marriage with plans of making her marital home a living hell for herself and all the inhabitants.
The sort of acrimony that can lead one into killing their spouse doesn't occur overnight and in these cases there is something each of the party involved could have done differently.

If a man feels he has the right to kill a woman he made to become somebody ,then he is sick and that fundamental mental illness hasn't been addressed by you in your write up
Nobody owns another and nobody has the right to feel that way about a wife or anyone.
Some of these men you are making excuses for ran their homes like military camps and when they said jump the woman needed to say how high.
Do you sincerely want to tell me you haven't heard of men who demanded their wife's paycheck as soon as she received it?
Or those who recorded the odometer nightly and will question her movements when it was off his estimated calculations.
Beaters and batterers plus those who forbade their wives from associating with friends and family?
I know a man that followed his wife around suspecting she was cheating and she would catch him trailing her,so she should keep quiet because he brought her to America?
I know another that planted secret cameras to keep an eye on his young wife while he was at work
There are men with frank mental conditions and personality disorders out there and these men do get married you know,and many times the women realize who they married and bail.Do they now deserve to pay with their lives?

I happen to know a little detail on the first family in the original post
The woman had left and returned numerous times,each time wanting to stay because of their children
She had just returned from burying her father and same day she was murdered by this man
Do you want to know more about the case?
The man was a pharmacist who had tried unsuccessfully to get a license as a pharmacist because he couldn't pass his board exams ,the wife was a registered nurse,he was laying carpets and doing other odd jobs to survive.
Men usually don't do well emotionally when they are underachieving or when their wives are more successful than they.
Earning more gives a man confidence and boosts his manhood
Mr Emeruwa couldn't handle his frustrations and took it out on his wife ,police had come to their residence in burtonsville Maryland numerous times and he eventually murdered her
There was another case in Virginia,similar scenario
The Atlanta case of the man who owned a grocery store years ago,same thing
Infact another Atlanta case the man Mr Akeredolu drove from Houston texas to Atlanta Georgia to murder his ex wife on her 40th birthday after she had divorced him.
That is how psychopathic many of these men can be
Please stop making excuses for killers

That first one you spoke about, I believe they had three children. One with special needs and if I'm not mistaken are now in Nigeria. My heart breaks for all of them especially the one with special needs. What's life in Nigeria going to be like for him. Just a senseless waste.

cococandy:
she said she prayed that God take his life sometimes.

I guess she's a gentle soul(I believe so ).
A more aggressive person would have acted on those thoughts

But she did not act out on it yet she is excusing it in these men. I'm sure if you listened to her sister in laws discuss her, you would think she had set out to kill their brother. If he had killed her, people would have said she was disrespectful. The same way he r own husband accused her of being disrespectful. I read her posts sometimes and I truly feel sad. I'm traumatized by what she went through yet cannot and absolutely will call her out for her dangerous stance on issues.

ileobatojo:
That is quite some astounding hypocrisy.

I honestly don't know if I should hug her or slap her. She's been through hell and I don't think she got the professional help she needed. It's all a coping mechanism for her. Most people would have snapped. She never one day thought to kill that demon who did those things to her and yet she makes excuses for men who have not even dealt with half of that. She has PTSD in my opinion

cococandy:
Even if they do want to sit at home, can they afford to? How many families can really afford for one party to be a permanent stay home parent? That only happens when the kids are tender and once they are weaned,fiam it is off to the labor market for mama once again.

After all the struggle and suffer that both parents put in together, some men will still have the guts to say that it is all they worked for as if the part the woman played was nothing at all.

Every time on NL one keeps reading stuff like this you wonder if all the women in the world are house wives. Goes to show you the financial contributions of the wives are never taken into consideration when these alarmists start their exaggerations.
****************************************
The sentiments you see on this thread is exactly was goes on in the Nigerian environment.
The wives work tirelessly. both the educated and uneducated alike. Struggle to make ends meet and all what not only for the men to kick them out when they are bored and a new sissy is in the corner. All her contributions swept under the carpet because typically most families would buy props in the man's name even if they both brought the money for it.

That's why it seems unfair to them that a woman is given her due and fair share in the case of a divorce.


The wise courts of the west know this that is why anything acquired during marriage is community property as it is seen to be gotten by the joint effort of the couple whether only woman or the man is working.

It's truly sad. It's to the point were it's dangerous for a woman to put her career on hold to even have babies. The same nigerians who want their women to pop out babies by 9 months into the marriage are the same ones who have the audacity to disrespect women. I'm glad women are becoming more selfish when it comes to maintaining a good quality of life.
In many redneck households, the woman stays home while the husband works whatever job. You never hear anything like my house or my car. These are largely uneducated people. Then let's look at these ones who sound like they managed to get an education and you just wonder who you should compare them to. If they think this way what would the uneducated ones who have never stepped outside their villages think.

cococandy:
the part where the woman spent sleepless nights working shifts and coming home to the unkempt house to begin a different shift as the house maid is usually conveniently forgotten.
Even the taxi drivers will claim that half their wealth was taken by the same woman who probably makes 4times what he makes.
Yet it was all his wealth that was shared in the divorce. The woman didn't contribute to it.

It's rare to find a Nigerian woman especially those fresh from nigeria who want to sit and home. The man would have to be pretty rich for that to happen and when I say rich I don't mean lawyer rich or medical doctor rich either.

Fhemmmy:
I am sure the wealth he is talking about is a house that is yet to be paid off and maybe couple of cars that are still on finance....

lol. Usually the case

2sExy1:
Mutter nailed it. The brother to my mother's friend is a cop in the US. He went there in the 80s and built himself from scratch. When it was time to marry, he came back to Nigeria to marry and took the woman there... the snake changed her skin. they divorced and she took more than half of his wealth. Dude had to start from scratch again and he had to rent an hotel and carried his mother along. From what I head, he took one car, his clothes, and mother from the house.

Several months later going to a year, he got another apartment and started all over again. I guess he has bought a new home now. He has even renovated the house in Nigeria.

My own uncle suffered same fate from when he married a woman and took her to the US. She got him into trouble which eventually led to her own deportation and my uncle fled to Canada. dude lost a lot and last time I saw him, he wasnt the same handsome tall wide chested dude I used to run to as kid with open arms....

So how did a cop get his wealth? Wealthy cop. That's funny. Can we just tell these stories the way they happen. Wealth cop rotflmao. Tell us that the woman was cheating, that she was abusive and lied in court and got away with it. That I might even believe but when you start off by saying wealthy cop I just SMH at the desperate measures people go to just to believe that something is the way it's not

T

mutter:
This happens not only in Nigeria but everywhere in the world.
In fact in other parts of the world where the case has to go to court many victims do not report the case because they can`t deal with it. Many victims need years on end before they come out with it. They have to be ready to handle it.
You just need to understand that most people in Nigeria do not think the way you do about it.
I am just pointing out that it is not done by reporting to the police and then putting an article in the papers.

we are going to have to agree to disagree on this. There's nothing that you could possibly say to make me believe that it is good idea to let a child rapist walk free. Absolutely nothing.

mutter:
I made my own experiences with it and you are absolutely right about that. But then at the end of the day.
What does it help you if the man is locked up and you are stigmatized and traumatized.
An abused woman or girl does not have any respect in the society. Then in court they try to tear you apart.
So much more needs to be done than just punishing the abuser. The girl/ woman has to be treated mentally and phsically.

An abused woman has no respect in society?? Oh Lawd. Who did this to you? Don't you even see that your mind set further traumatizes the victim and empowers the rapist? Do you even sense that? I used myself as and example and shame is never something I asdociated with it. My friends mother assaulted the lesson teacher who went in her panties and had him arrested. She has no shame with it. Do you see how the way you perceive things is greatly affected by what you were indoctrinated with. You are willing to let a rapist keep raping because of "shame" that you might feel. Not even in Nigeria is this acceptable. You live in a society that protects your children from things like this but you want to just fold your arms as say "such is life in nigeria". It is not right

I don't see one bruise and the bandages are just hilarious. It's like they wrapped the bandage once around his arm and held it by his neck. The picture is a lie.

misreal:
did Paul ever called peter names??

Please feel free to quote were anyone called anyone names. Please.

misreal:
did Paul ever called peter names??

How many people did Paul, Peter or Jesus ever strike. You guys celebrate behaviors that only Boko haram can endorse and them wrap it with what you believe is scripture

koladecity:
Please you don't have right to judge God's servants....touch not my anointed. .your statements can make you do this
Bishop has integrity! ....get to know his side of the story first! !

Please go read your bible. Paul publicly called out Peter. I don't know if you people read the bible anymore or just drink the kooklaid these gods of men are serving.

misreal:
my brother l,you have no right whatsoever to abuse or rain insult on another man,talk less of a pastor.in jude1:9..if angel Michael could not accuse Satan,then who do you think you are to accuse another man.even though oyedepo kills a man,the best you can do is pray for him.accusing him will only damn you..be wise my friend and thread cautiously.

I am not your brother and I am not sure who you are to tell me what right I have or do not have. You can volunteer yourself to Oyedepo to be slaughtered. I'll pray for him then. For now, I have zero respect for a man who will stand on the altar and slap a defenseless person and to this day made no apologies. In fact he tried to justify it. My answer to Oyedepo's question of "do you know who I am" is that he's nothing special. No more special than the poor, defenseless person he assaulted. His righteousness (if any) is about as pure as a filthy rag and he needs to repent. You can now throw yourself at the altar of Oyedepo and worship.

raumdeuter:
My chairman,

How do you think a woman would act if all she worked for was taken, Her child was taken from her, And she has to pay the man who took the child from her for the next 17yrs

I know a man who went through a similar thing, His life savings, His highbrow neighbohood house, his range rover his daughter was taken away and the wife brought her new lover into his house.

WHen he goes for his once a month visit, she wont even allow him into their gated community rather he would wait at the gate for up to 2hrs before she rides with her new boyfriend in the husbands range to drop the daughter. The man contemplated ending it all and going to jail until his mom prevailed on hm and told him to leave town for them

You know this is all lies right. If he had a right to get into the gated community and she refused him entry then he could even use that as leverage to get custody of that child. Breaking the terms of visitation would hold her in contempt of court. Furthermore no court would give the woman everything and leave the man homeless. It's this sort of posts that mislead people to think that a man always gets the short end of the stick. What does her boyfriend have to do with anything by the way. The marriage is over. Is she not allowed to have a relationship? People pick up their kids at designated locations all the time. The law will not change because of your friend. The only thing I would advice him to do is to document all those "hours" he has to wait. If it is found to be true she could get a warning from the court. There's a reason he probably does not have access to the house. Someone who contemplates killing another is unstable. I would bring a male friend too if I knew the person I'm going to meet has violent tendencies.

misreal:
now you are talking responsibly...can you tell me what differentiated moses from every other Israelite??no cursing please..

The children of Israel had no leader. They followed whomever was willing to lead them. They would have lived in Egypt another thousand years. They would have followed satan through the wilderness. They did not even trust God. Moses trusted God and believed. The moment Moses struck that rock and said "do I have to make water" was the end for him. That's exactly where Oyedepo is right now. Slapping people on the alter and saying "do you know who I am". That is not God. That is what will ruin him. I do not in anyway see myself as the children if Israel. I don't follow anyone blindly. In fact I follow no one. You should not , not under this dispensation of grace compare yourself to the children of Israel who did not have the direct relationship we have with Christ. If that's the case, forget grace. Make animal sacrifices and hope God will accept it. You can compare Oyedepo to Moses but because of Grace you should not be searching for a Moses. It belittles the very idea of God's sacrifice of his son. Oyedepo has no more access to God than any other believer.

voltron:
heard this sooo many times from France, Italy, Australia, Germany, USA, Canada and London. Nigerian Women leverage the recognition of the female gender in developed countries to harass their Nigerian husbands anyhow.. this frustration have led many impatient men to murder. Many Nigerians living abroad avoid Nigerian women in relationships..

This has to be the funniest and saddest post of all. It is a tragic comedy. "Nigerian women leverage the recognition of the female gender in developed countries to harass their husbands...." . The idea that the recognition of the female gender is a dangerous thing is sad. Jesus. I actually believe Nigerian women are better suited to foreign men or even if they end up with a Nigerian, let it he one who had dated foreigners and already been trained Lawd have mercy. Nigerian women just get no respect from Nigerian men. I should start a dating website specifically for Nigerian women who want to marry "anything that's not Nigerian".

SirShymexx:
Lol. Like I always told you - stop discussing things out of ya depth when it comes to issues with technicalities, especially the law in the west. Stick to issues about babies and STIs - I like you when you do that. At least, you do sound like you can be a good mother sometimes.

Go take a nap Shymexx

misreal:
I can't remember quoting you.if you can't air your views without abusing me,please stop quoting me.the next time you abuse me,I will simply .................................,













Ignore you

It's a simple question. You are a man right? And you serve God? The same God Oyedepo says he serves. It's either you do not believe you're a man or you do not serve God. That's what you implied in your post by referring to Oyedepo as "a man of God". As though he owns the patent. Please act like you read your Bible. Oyedepo has no more access to God than any other God fearing person. In fact I think Oyedepo has lost his way. He needs to find his way back home.

SirShymexx:
Lol. Apart from being logical being a myth in ya world - it also seems you've added acute glaucoma to it. That's double whammy of being incapacitated. Italics and emotional rants? - hysterical. When did I start posting in italics - apart from the few time I referenced articles (which I seldom do btw)? Emotional rants? - you must be confusing yaself with me - you need to go find ya tampons, it seems it's that time of the month again.

On spousal support: I know you have reading and comprehension problems, but go back to my previous post on where I cited a ratio of over 1000:1. That's inconsequential since the overwhelming majority of men earn more than women. When the ratio is that big, it becomes negligible.

YAWN. You have actually said nothing

Nonso23:
That is not manipulation at all. It is self preservation.
The problem with these men is their lack of education. If they knew just a little bit more maybe they will be free and their wives brooding over their failed mission.
But I disagree. They are not weak, they only handled the situation the best way they could. Prison life, wife gone, no kids responsibility, free food and shelter in prison. Possibility of parole even. Very extreme but rational too.
It takes balls to carry out this agenda. Weakness is the last word to describe it.

Yes, as rational as Boko haram. Who does not have reasons for doing what they do. Armed robbers have their reasons too. The man who breaks into a home and rapes the madam of the house at gun point had his reasons too. Get real Abeg. It takes strength to overcome issues you are dealing with. A weakling picks up a weapon and kills others. In fact I have more respect for the ones who kill themselves. These idiots cannoy but they will get patted on the back inspite of the fact they have taken lives. Exactly the way they got patted on the back simply because they existed. Keep patting them on the back. All the way to the electric chair.

SirShymexx:
Lol. Why did you cite isolated cases involving Guy Ritchie and Ludacris to buttress ya point when the cases of men who got the short end of the stick outnumber women's by a ratio of over 1000:1? How about talk about the cases involving Nas and Kelis? Kevin McCall and Eva Pigford? Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills? You know darn right that the system isn't fair. However, just to make everything align with ya narrative, you had to pull something out of thin air, with a deceitful smile. A lot of women are evil!

How can a system which gives undue advantage to women be a just system? There's no fairness in the system - and women have mastered the game of exploiting it especially they deal with emotions. And it's always easier to manipulate things dependent on vulnerability, by using faux-emotional-deceit and the belief that women are more vulnerable than men.

Not here to support murder, however, anything can happen when you're in a space where you've got nothing to lose. It's like a subconscious emotions that takes over the mind, body, and soul - when provoked and pushed to the limit. Especially, when you expect loyalty from a partner you gave up everything for. Most times it has nothing to do with being mentally unstable - just a split second decision-making in a space where being rational/logical is the last thing on ya mind. Here you have got cases of folks lifting these women out of extreme poverty and giving them a new lease of life, with a lot of sacrificies involved. Yet most of these women always turn out to be diabolical opportunists basically cos they think they've the world on their feet in their new abode - despite their lack of achievement. Typical poverty and village mentality. What happened to loyalty and being good wives? Too many utter sickening stories out here - hence I despise a lot of Nigerian women.

Please be my guest and make a table then post here. Please feel free to post examples of women who earned more than their spouses and still collected spousal support. I'm waiting. I don't have time for sentiments. I'm going with facts. Please for my sake when you are going on one of your legendary emotional rants use italics. Then when you switch back use regular font. That way I can bypass the bullshit and get to the one sentence that really has any bearing on what you quoted

cococandy:
The sensationalism I read on nairaland makes me wonder if there's a different set of laws these guys are aware of that we don't know about.

The law is anti-gender and in family issues will always consider the kids first before the two disgruntled Adults.

I notice it is our African brothers that scream blue murder the most. They just can't wrap their head around the fact that women are fairly treated here compared what they would normally be able to do back home. As in instructing the gate man to lock madam out of the house she's been contributing to for the past 10yrs.
All because she dared ask him what he was doing with condoms in his pocket (or something of that nature)

You wonder if they have daughters. SMH. It gives me chills that anybody could read that post and somehow want to justify the actions of these low life animals

raumdeuter:
How about everyone takes what they brought into the marriage and what they contributed financially into the marriage

I think this is fair but what she contributed to the marriage by not working outside of the home will also be taken into consideration. how much value did that add to his life

Nonso23:
Every law has loopholes. Get a good lawyer, peruse your entire assets before you marry, rewrite the deeds where necessary,transfer others if necessary.
If you divorce then wify's property will be split instead.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.

As manipulative as this sounds, this is really what people should do. The other alternative is never marry or maintain the same household. The thing is most of these men have no significant assets to start with. They're are just angry people who cannot cope in a society that actually places value on things you earn. This is totally different from the society they come ftim where value is placed in them simply because they are male. This is why many times Nigeroan women come overseas and excel. They are raised from childhood to work and expect no reward. When they get here and work for a month and get even a measley paycheck but still have a male boss see th in the morning and say "good morning ma'am", put in all the overtime they reasonably can and get "employee of the month" but get home and get called useless wife, they start to see how there's such an imbalance in their life situation. They realize that they feel worthy with a career and that becomes a focus. My dads driver in Nigetia came up see us in the US. He is a successful business man in Spain now. I don't expect that the relationship they had them is the same one they have now. I remember looking at him and even the expression on his face and the way he carried himself was different. You cannot tell s man like that to show up at your house at 6am in the morning because your child has to get to school early for drama practice. He had tasted a different side of life. You either grow with him or remove yourself from his life. No one should kill someone unless in self defense. These men are weak. Taking s gun or a knife to attack someone is a weak ass move. Grow some balls, get a divorce and move on.

Pansies. The system is fair. My man is a lawyer and he says this over and over again. The system is fair. I know women who pay child support. They try just as much as men to get away from paying. An african women called from Florida to get legal advice from my man about keeping the children so she does not pay child support. She's a nurse working ungodly hours. The husband chose to quit his job because he felt the children were paying the price of their moms selfishness. Fast forward to last year and they are done with the marriage. She does not want to pay spousal support or even child support. Well in most states she would have to pay. Nobody cares that she's a woman. She cannot escape it. I don't even think she cares if the kids are with her but in sure she'll want them with her if she can get away from paying child support. My ex friend who pays child support tried to use me to reduce her child support by claiming her daughter came to my daycare and she spent so and so. Heifer, I don't care if the court is asking you to pay 3000.00 a month. Sell your freaking Cadillac and drive a corolla then maybe you can pay the child support. The system is fair. Justifying killing in anyway over spousal rights or the rights of innocent children shows just how depraved these people are. Madonna should have killed Guy Ritchie when she had to pay him 80 million for a marriage that did not even last a decade or maybe Ludacris' baby mama should just go kill him now because he has primary custody of their child. I wish sperm was giving out based on people's character.

mutter:
When you have nothing to live for, then you have everything to die for!

The fact that it keeps happening shows that the men are not all suddenly going mad.

A man that had worked so hard brought his much younger wife here to Germany, when they come to church the wife was so rude to the man, perhaps because she was better educated. I quickly grabbed hold of her and drew her aside. I warned her that her husband was respected in this community and if she ever tried it again where I was I would shred her to bits. Foolish girl!

These greedy bitches accept a man they do not love and are ashamed of just to get out of Nigeria and then they want to ruin the man.
Do you know that these men have worked so hard for so many years! Received all kinds of insults from society and then you bring this young girl and she gives you the final insult to let you know you are = 0.
How many of them come here with nothing and soon the man is out of his own home on the streets and having to pay maintenance.
When the study in America, they are able to do so because the man brought them there.
Nursing is not even a good paying job, like any menial job you can gather money if you work enough hours. While they are at work they cannot perform as wife`s so of what use is the work if it does not benefit the family?

No matter how educated or how much money they have a woman must humble herself and treat her husband with the utmost respect in all situations. That is not just good for the man but also for the children. The children are raised in an environment where the learn respect and manners.
That is what you get when a man that has struggled for years gets dragged into the mud in his own home. A man that has struggled and faced discrimination and abuse outside. Treat him like a king at home so that he can feel like the man he is, that will give him the strength to keep struggling.
Instead these women get rude, function like they don`t have a family, neglect the welfare of their husbands and homes and go running after the dollars.

You are a lucky woman. I would have slapped the madness out of your head for daring to interfere in what has absolutely nothing to do with you. Tear her to shreds lol. You must have sized her up and thought she would put up with your crap. If she's as crazy as you want to paint her she would have been the one to tear your nosey ass to shreds for interfering in her marriage. If anyone needs yo check her, it should be her husband. Concentrate on your own husband and stay out of people's marriages. I'm seriously not kidding. I would have kicked you in the head for even pulling me aside and trying to talk to me about my husband. You have lost your mind

misreal:
I pity you.keep abusing men of God.how did you know what they do in the hidden.Mr god.

And what are you? A shrimp of God? SMH. You're living in bondage