₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
Lols

One thing I am sure of is that 99% of the people on this thread and previous one will not do what the guest in the story did.

It was all fun

bukatyne:
And who is dragging with you?

Or are we dragging anything?

You were tagged along somewhere and the next morning you enter kitchen and start cooking; good for you

I have the courtesy to wait till I am given the free way or host provides breakfast; good for me

So what is the problem again?

[b]Pla.nk dropped two scenarios which I said does not apply in this case.

[/b]If you dropped your opinions or gave instances you did same as the OP, I would have taken you seriously.

No opinions, no scenarios, just trying to stir the thread.

aisha2:
The man actually said she went to attack a neighbours househelp in their former house severely injuring her which ended in police and court and because of all the wahala they had to relocate. The woman suspected the househelp of sleeping with her husband because the man gave her a ride from the gate of the estate to the house which was a distance and he saw the girl with some luggage.

When I was calling police the man asked me not to that I would just add to his problems

ebamma:
make i hear word abeg, minimum wage in this country is 18k which equals 216k per annum, anybody earning 3million plus per annum with good planning can buy a ride and build a house within 5yrs,
and some of those lecturers make extra income from teaching in private universities and schools

damiso:
My last word on this..

Me am I not bothered about side chic, main chic , left chic, side chic I am not even bothered about if it was the other way round I.e. madam and hubby were the ones who went to mistress' s house or even if two male friends and one tiv, english ,one Chinese or thai person etc etc etc whatever.

There is a reason I alluded to children's manners and that is because one of the main reason why we teach children not to accept things from strangers or even take things without asking is to teach them courtesy and delayed gratification well into adulthood. Of course there are different scenarios that could pan out but my point all along was seeking permission or respecting other boundaries and other people property. If we expect children to respect boundaries I don't get why we can't expect the same from adults.To me it does not even matter if I don't mind if same is done to me. In uni my friends used to borrow all my stuff all the time for parties and for some of my besties sef without permission.But me I will ask o I even rarely used to borrow people's stuff. I would say ' t is it ok if I use ur red purse' and I always used to get why are you asking naa but that's how I am.


Now I am not saying there are no grey areas (esp when relationships and bonds have been built) but I honestly don't actually believe we are actually saying its ok to take something of someone we don't have a rapport without permission. And yes like I said earlier I get 'we' all don't mind but mine and others point has been more etiquette expected on the part of the guest.

And I know we all say I will never go and sleep in a stranger's house that I won't be free but you can't tell in life.My mum was flying to Dubai once on Emirates and they had to have an emergency landing in Abu Dhabi.It was quite late and Emirates was trying their best to get them hotels but most were fully booked.Luckily she was travelling with her friend and that friend had a merchant who she was a very good customer to that had a house in Abu Dhabi.The man took them in for the night and they left for Dubai the next morning. He was a stranger to my mum and you can't be more paranoid than my mother.Her friend assured her and they gave them an ensuite room for the night.She came back to tell us stories of how accommodating arabs could be (me I told her u no know much arab dey make from alh ni ).So one can't always say what life throws at you.

[b]In my service yr, I stayed with people who my dad knew but in the true sense of it were strangers as I had never met them and they were very accommodating but I still took the cue of my hosts and respected myself.[/b]The wife told my dad later that she was so impressd.

Everyone was just hung up on the nitty gritty of what the host did wrong and how they would NEVER do suchand skirted around the issue of if they would the same as the guest.


Its all good sha and we are all different so we can't all see things the same way but on my own part sha I would NEVER go into the kitchen of someone I met the night before (even if we were cordial) and cook without permission. Get water maybe but cook.. lai lai.if I am hungry I will wait or go and buy food.besides I be ever ready I always have 1 or 2 cereal bars in my bag

freecocoa:
People can only say what they feel, which is not always correct, so people pointing out what Nigerian women do, shouldn't be a yardstick for judging this girl,unless you are agreeing all Nigerian women are the same, no?

I, on other hand, am judging madam based on her words which we all agree is covered in bile, In this case, I'd like to say that words should hold more relevance than looks, do you disagree?

Admitting not wanting to be there, doesn't have to have something to do with madam. Like ma'am Chaircover said in one of her posts, the girl probably wanted alone time with her man and was disappointed, it doesn't mean she blames madam for it, one is allowed to feel disappointed, where's the crime in that?

Having a problem with being there in the first place is not about the madam,unless they've had a previous encounter and are beefing each other, which isn't the case here.

crackhaus:
Cococandy come in here...
This woman has been married to him for 20years, so why is it now she wants a divorce?

Wait let me guess, she has met another man and is using this insanity accusation as an excuse to go be with him... yes?


Cc: Soulglo, Alutacontinua

freecocoa:
No, one one gives someone they just met barely 10 seconds "one kind look". Unless you are saying, the girl had a beef with madam, madam couldn't have noticed "one kind look" if she didn't already see the girl as beneath her, prolly thinking she would have met the girl if she mattered to the dude,if otherwise, she wouldn't have addressed the lady in the manner she did in the recount, it is just too obvious, don't go assuming, you have to be sure, before concluding, I'm assuming here because the madam, assumed first.

What if what madam interpreted as "one kind look" is the girl's 'adjusting look', what if she had "anya half past four"?, I know I've heard people say to me "why you dey eye na" when I wasn't eyeing them, looks can be misread, if she was nice to the lady, the lady wouldn't have replied her rudely.

C

omonnakoda:
This case is a test of the critical thinking [/b]of many posters . Imagine you were on a Jury in a trial and heard this story. Many are already saying the woman's actions are justified because she touched her daughter but this is wht the woman said

“She touches her private parts with her fingers and [b]she has started doing same to my daughters. I was really annoyed. When I asked her where she learnt it, she said she used to do it in the village. The beating I gave her was the highest since she has been living with me. I tied her hands and legs. Besides, she is used to stealing. She steals my money and items from school.


She has started doing same to my daughters. i.e HAS STARTED

My questions Started when? How did you find out ? When? What did you do?

Your Daughters (in the plural) not one but more.


My questions and you continued to keep her in your house. Did you discuss this with any person?
Certainly if thi is true it has happened before that day.
My questions what actually happened on that day and what did you do.

The fact that that she throws so many allegations into one is already suspicious

What is her relationship to this girl?

Overall her story is not convincing but it is disappointing how credulous people can be. If I find somebody touching my daughter she would not get an opportunity to repeat it!!

scholarosisi:
To whom or how do I tell my own story. This virginity is also an issue in my marriage. Though I never discoursed virginity with my husband. But he hunts me every day about my not been a virgin even when I looked like one. I had told him several times to let me be or look for other excuse for his behaviour. Even though I know myself, I don't want to engage in a fight with him on that issue because I know him very well. Is either he does not want to belive his exoerience on our first intercouse or or he just want justify beign a womanizer. I can remember vividly that it was war for him on our first intercourse. though I did not Check for blood didn't even know that blood will come out nobody told me and I was too shy to even look at him or even arround the room and the pains was too much. I was 18yrs old then that was in 1996 just left secondary school. he was 36yrs old then, my father's junior friend and has already ask for his consent to marry me. What am even saying even when I had my first baby it was war every where was tight my virgina was so tight my nipiple was so flat that the baby has nothing to hold to suck breast even the nurses scolded him for not doing a good job on me. Though I undersand that cos we were not living together then he traveled out when I became pregnant and returned as soon as am about to give birth. So we didn't have enough time together. This is our 17th yrs in marriage with 4 children 3 boys and a girl and he is still bringing up virginity in our quarrel I sincerely belive he is cheating on me and is looking for some excuse to justify his lifestly, if not only last 2yrs he told me that my body has relaxed he can now have sex easily with me and I noticed it too. See I vowed in my life that I will never have sex with more than one man in my lifetime christianity aside is just a matter of decision. I sometimes imagin why he bring up virginity issue any time we are quarreling though am not bothered that much cos they say clear conscience fear no accusation, but I just imagine some times. My story is long jare let me stop here.

ileobatojo:
Omo alata means pepper seller (direct translation). But really means an uncouth, badly behaved and razz person (typically female).

ileobatojo:
Exactly. The girl is a stank ghetto hoodrat. A real omo alata. As far as I'm concerned madam should not apologize to her.

If anything they should all be apologizing to madam for cornering her into allowing the man and his random bed mate spend a night in their home.

And I don't give a crap who uses my kitchen either. In fact I tell guests right off the bat to feel free and help themselves.

damiso:
You like me are choosing to ignore the other aspect of OP' post which I agree is petty. .the kind of person that I am (people say I can make excuses for people ehn) I would have just automatically assumed she was shy and na me go bring am out of her shell sef.

But that's me.I am not too hung up on 'she eyed me' 'she looked at me somehow' .Evenmy mum(she is quite hung up on greeting do's and don't s which is normal for her culture and generation) sef knows not to report all those petty stuff to me cos she knows my answer I have said it soo many times on NL 'Salutation is not love'


I still believe its bad manners to up and go into the kitchen of someone I met the night before..if a rapport had been built fine but without it full stop the chic reacting the way she did is in bad taste. Madam should probably not have confronted her but that's me and its presumptuous for me to think everyone is like me.

I would be horrified if my kids went on a playdate and decided to help themselves to ice cream without asking the parents of their host.

Like you soulglo one 'eye' from mummy at certain places means 'you eat that food if you dare' Even at home you ask before you take stuff..

Today one of my colleague left yoghurt in the communal fridge and wanted to have it for lunch alas it was nowhere to be found In my mind am thinking which kind of bad manners is that how can you just take something that you obviously did not put there. boundaries boundaries boundaries

donpeey22:
my editor in chief. Ur job is to monitor all my posts on Nairaland and make corrections where necessary. Send me ur credentials and bank account number for documentation and payments. . Ur job begins with immediate effect. Congratulations!
I know you were joking nau. Seems you know much about business? Maybe we can relate, you know?

donpeey22:
Thank you for the correction and may I officially appoint you my Editor in chief on Nairaland even though you made many obvious errors in your own post.
Back to the topic. Op's wife knew that her hubby never had a business of his own but depended on family wealth yet she went ahead to marry him only to turn around and mock him for that after marriage.A good wife would lovingly help her hubby start up a business but no! op's wife in her selfishnesas was only able to collect a whooping 10mil from him to start up her own business, yet she still can't help her hubby in family financing but would rather continue to talk him down and make him feel less a man. She must have caused op too much emotional pains hence he opened this thread.That's why I said she is devilish.

bukatyne:


I am guilty of helping people clean sha.

crisycent:
How's he an illiterate? Maybe his reason for marrying the OP is the promise of blood on the first day of sex. He's disappointed and feels cheated. Same thing one smallie did to me, she said she was a virgin but as I dig the well reach I no jam blood.

OP please don't tell your husband, you can lie that when you were young and was washing your "apute republic", you pushed your finger in too deep and you noticed a little blood then but didn't think it would affect your being a virgin. Just wash him sha! Please don't forget to thank me later if my wash pays off.

raumdeuter:
The OP is 100% at fault.

She was already on the defensive before the guest even said a word, She looked at me somehow, she felt she was older than me etc

You mean you decoded all these from her eyes and unspoken word? Some people are witches for real. And I hope you and your children never need help in life.

So your guest needs to eat at 5am and you wont wake up till 9am, the guest has to wait because this kitchen is Holy of holies that someone cant enter? I am sure, If the guest had come to your door at 5am to knock to ask for permission to use kitchen it would have been another fight

Na wa o. I now see why God doesnt elevate or bless some people beyond a certain limit. If youre a company owner or governor then some people wont even be allowed to breathe

freeboy604:
Only if you are not a toddler, you would have understand that I have the right to make my submission and not to be insulted, and I wish my second young brother could see you in person, you would have learn to make your contributions and not insult others.

FynBabe:
:DI can't stop laughing @ this comment. The guy must be high on something very strong to have suggested such a thing. I'm trying really hard to imagine how the dIscussion would start.

edwife:
Yes,when i as a grown up woman ate in your house i always offer to clean up or wash the dishes-especially if you have a baby and no help.

If i wake up in the morning and find your kitchen a mess and the plate we used to eat from the previous night,YES i will clean.

Ohwhy:
I just got married recently, not up to two months and its not anything like I imagined. We dated for almost 6yrs before we decided to tie the knot.The man I met and fell in love with was everything I ever wanted in a man. He was caring, selfless, a good listener, very understanding. The man i am now married to is nothing close to the man I dated. This one thinks of himself mostly, he calls me names, hurtful names, names that I find hard to forget even till today. I seem to be talking to myself whenever am talking to him. He raises his voice like he's talking to a kid. It shocks me because he knew my character and my personality before he asked me to marry him yet he did. And now he says these things like they just erupted suddenly. You can imagine your own husband keep mentioning divorce when we are barely 2mnths married. I am not a fan of divorce even if we haven't done our church wedding yet. I am pregnant which makes divorce out of the question for me. But this doesn't seem to bother my husband one bit, he seems to have thought everything out perfectly to his own benefit. Am not happy at all. I don't know how much of this I can take. I wanna do what is best for my baby. This sucks bigtime. What to do? Nairalanders pls help!

freeboy604:
The husband has every right to have felt disappointed, even though the husband did not married her because she was a virgin he was very proud that his wife was a Virgin based on what his wife told him which would have strengthen their bond/trust, now that it turn out to be the opposite he is looking and thinking of is this how we are going to continue with a relationship that is supposed to be everlasting? He is a human being and as it is now, I will advice you allow your mother do the explanation to him, that you were not told on till this issue came up, with time he will overcome this challenge. Good bless.