₦airaland Forum

This lady wants your advice and here is her story.
Blood is thicker than water, right? This belief was put to the test when Judith met her husband’s elder brother for the first time. She’d been married to Bernard for seven years when Kingsley returned to the country after years of studying and working abroad. “Kingsley is a couple of years older than Ben and it was obvious they were very close when he finally called at the house,” explained Judith. “They spent time together watching football or going to the clubs – making up for lost time.

“The brothers, in spite of their closeness, were very different. Ben, my husband is the aggressive type whilst Kingsley was what you would call a real man – strong and able to handle himself with no aggression whatsoever – no hint of the bully his brother was. It was Ben who helped him clinch a deal on an empty flat in our neighbourhood and as soon as he moved in, he visited more . frequently. It was thanks to him that I started taking more interest in how I looked as he was always liberal with his compliments. He made an effort to look well too, splashing on exotic after-shaves and wearing sexy clothes. The admiring look in his eyes whenever I let him in made my efforts worthwhile. It was obvious that a sexual tension was simmering between us even though I tried to smother the feelings.

Incest-cartoon“One evening, I was relaxing at home when Kingsley called unexpectedly. “Ben is not here,” I told him as I let him in. “He’s at his office’s send-off do for a member of staff.” “I know,” he replied quietly, “he told me when I called him.” I felt this crazy excitement as I looked up at him. ‘It’s you I’ve come to see,’ he continued, ‘I need to know if you’ve realised what you’re doing to me …’ I didn’t know what to say. But he took me in his arms and all the pent-up emotions of the past month erupted. As we made furious love on the sofa, he confessed he was in love with me. I couldn’t help telling him there was no future for us as Ben would kill us both if he found out. My kids would be heartbroken, devastated and confused if we were to end up with their uncle.

“Unfortunately, no amount of sensible thoughts could erase the love (lust more like) that had grown between us. In the months that follows, we contrived any excuse to be together. Ben couldn’t care less that Kingsley and I went shopping together or picked up the takeaway for our weekend treats. And because I worked shifts, it was easy to slip round to Kingsley’s flat, enjoy a couple of blissful hours in his flat.

“Ben was so complacent it would never have occurred to him that his brother and his wife were both betraying him in the worst possible way. The fact that I took more interest in my clothes and make-up didn’t bother him.

“And then the unthinkable happened – I discovered I was pregnant. The problem was that Ben and I hadn’t had sex for months – he was usually far too drunk to stay awake at night. When I broke the news to Kingsley, his first reaction shocked me. Pure joy shone in his eyes. ‘A baby! That’s fantastic!’ he squalled, his imagination running away with him.. His only child is with his British wife and she wouldn’t even consider Kingsley bringing him. ‘At least now we can be a real family,’ he gushed, ‘make a fresh start and take your two boys to live with us’.

I begged him to stop right there. ‘We’d be outcasts,’ I told him. ‘The worst sort of cheats. And the children would wonder why they were living with their uncle and calling him ‘dad’. And do you think Ben would let us live happily together? No way! He’d see us

dead first. On and on we talked and in the end we agreed that our hopes of a new life was ashes before they’d even begun. So I made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy before Ben suspected a thing.

“After the termination, it was an excuse for Kingsley and I to put an end to this mad relationship, but strangely, our shared disappointment brought us even closer.

“It’s been months since that tragic event but we’re still living our double lives. So, here I am playing the role of good mum and wife whilst Kingsley is the kind uncle the kids adore. Only, we remain passionate, cheating lovers whenever opportunity arises. The pregnancy would have been a good reason to pitch my tent with Kingsley, but that kind of taboo doesn’t even bear thinking of – it was too scary. Now there is no hope for us to have a happy-ever- after ending. I’ve urged Kingsley to look for a suitable partner so he could plan a future with a wife and kids. He would make a wonderful husband and father. But my pleas are half-hearted. I genuinely love Kingsley. He is a refreshing break from the brute I’m married to and it will break my heart when the loving feeling eventually ends …

Bros, I think your story like most of it's kind, is one sided and skimpy in facts. I always believe there are three sides to a story, the centre, left and middle and often times, the truth lies in the middle. It is had to believe that a lady in her thirties that should be thirsty for marriage, will find a ready made man (doctor), goes into a relationship with him willfully, is engaged to him by choice, a wedding date is set mutually, visits him on her own accord, goes back and ends the relationship in a whim. I strongly suspect one or two reasons for her attitude. First, and no insult intended, you have a tiny prick or extremely and unredeemably lousy in bed. Or you may unbeknown to you, be a bully, chauvinistic and egotistic to a fault throwing your doctor weight around inadvertently and she felt choked and sapped of oxygen. It also could be a third reason - incurably argumentative. The third reason is often more of a defense mechanism intended as a cover for the two supra. The fact that she did not want discussion, mediation etc clearly shows grave concern and she decided to severe the cancerous element. Therefore, look inwards to avoid a repeat when the next babe comes around. Some of the things that drive women bunkers in a relationship are sexual ineptitude, bombastic, chauvinistic, unrepentant and unfathomable thin skin egos, money, cheaters, lies, mama's boy and incommunicado partners who know one thing only, bark orders.

Twisted priority, the sustainable development program office is closed because of unpaid salaries and students studying abroad under that scholarship program are sent back and their education disrupted because wike says the govt is broke and his spending millions to buy cars for people who can afford them from their own pockets. Sad.

When exactly are the phones off time wise? Any idea when she goes to bed? I personally turn off my phone few mins before bedtime because I hate been disturbed with phone calls at ungodly hours with frivolous questions like are you sleeping (no am dancing shekina alone midnite), what are you doing (tapping palm wine), very annoying. It takes another half an hour to douse off and I have to be up early in the morning. And that brings me to another question, what excuse does she give? Unless she lives with a man which may not be the case, it cannot be she is constantly cheating on you every nite, nobody does that. Yes, there is reason for you to be concerned, however, good communication will demystify all that provided you communicate in a friendly manner not as a feudal lord. Why are your phones always off every nite, what is the matter with you won't cut it. Communicate not hala or demand. Good luck.

native helmet

You sound extremely jealous and I venture to say that you will probably do the same if not worst if you are privileged to travel out of Nigeria. You make these accusations without actually realizing or factoring lots of health and societal changes the body goes through once you live in a certain environment. A good example, a friend of mine came back, was down to earth, eating, drinking and socializing like he never traveled out before, a simplistic guy. One day, he fell sick with none stop running stomach and almost had heat stroke and had to be rushed back to Canada. The Dr. in Canada after running series of tastes told him he was lucky to be alive because he had malaria, other impurities and serious food poisoning. I also know someone who came and was kidnapped. Experience of most Nigerians who come back on visit is identical, everyone wants to take advantage of you as "Johnny Just Come", the act like Nigerian police, you visit them, wetin you bring come, they visit you, wetin you get. The demand is relentless. So, before you judge, there are genuine security and health reasons for some of the attitudes of the JJCs. When you live in certain area, your body adjusts to it whether heat, cold, pollution etc. Most Nigerians have by default, developed tolerance/immunization for mosquito borne diseases or even dirty water consumption, those abroad do not have such tolerance because of changes in their body. I have a friend who comes home yearly, everytime he showers, the sweat is like one who ran a marathon, once we step outside, his cloths are drenched in mins from sweat. It takes a lot of courage to live abroad and decide to come on a visit not to talk of the cost. I know some Nigerians that live in metropolitan cities within Nig for years without visiting their home towns, some speak with foreign accents eventhoguh they never left the shores of Nig and some rarely visit friends, etc, so, your enumerated offensive characteristics are not peculiar to the "been tos" and next time, don't be quick to judge yeye boy. Come to think about it, if you have ever lived abroad, you will know that social norms there are quite different and visiting is very rarely done. Everybody is busy all day to the point you may not see your next door neighbor day in day out, talk less of visiting. So, watch your mouth bros.

What is the meaning of this? Are we suppose to clap for you? Is that how you are raised? Supposing he raped you and blame it on the devil? You egged someone on this long, invite him to come to your place to sleep over just like that? Are you ok?. Well, obviously you were interested in him but got turned off by his dependency character. Hope you will not try this with someone else because there is no second chance in hell. Retarded.

The puzzle is not as complicated as it seems. The first question you have to ask yourself is, if Sammy and your ex are placed side by side, whom will you choose. If it is Sammy who has shown you love and respect, no physical/mental abuse so far, express your concern and let him know that you cannot wait ad in finitum, that you want to get married and don't want to be left in limbo with no definitive plan and purpose in sight. Don't show desperation in your voice, just make a statement. Make him aware that suitors are coming but don't be specific and never mention that it is your ex to avoid the male egocentric propensity. The moment you say it is your ex, he will become territorial, apprehensive and insecure and bombard you with a million questions like when you saw him last, where, how, why, what happened and all the "mombo jumbo" sex related insecure questions. It appears though from his responses to your curious question of his return target, that he may be slowly waning out of the relationship eventhough he claims to still love you. The development may not be apparent to you because you are still relishing him and the memories of times spent together. Listen carefully for the spark or otherwise in his voice when next you speak to him, those sparks or otherwise speak volumes and can tell if he is still the same old Sammy you knew. Also, begin to appraise the frequency of the calls from him; if it has diminished, it is a good barometer that something is amiss. On the part of your ex, be careful because if he is already abusing you physically now, it can only get worst. It is interesting that at this time and age, he is still a father's boy and unable to make his own decisions as a man particularly on issues of heart that transcend culture, nurture and principle. I will be very wary of him. Most important, it may well be that neither of these men is for you. So, don't be or show desperation and hastily marry the wrong person. Remember what the legendary Greek Philosopher, Socrates said, "don't claim to be luck until you are married" because it can make you if it is the right person or break you perpetually if it is the wrong person. Goodluck.

The Importance Of Knowing Your Genotype And Your Blood Group Before Marriage

Genotype is the genetic makeup of an individual with reference to a trait or multiple traits. They are the collection of genes passed from parents to the children. Alleles or Allelomorphs are also referred to as the genes. Children born of a parent will have different genotype. Exceptions are seen in cases of twins or multiple births that are fertilized from the same egg. Human beings have two alleles with each pair inherited from each parent. An allele represents a gene.

Before the advent of modern medicine (read about how modern medicine came to Nigeria here), there was high mortality and infant death rates. All these children lost to the cold hands of death were referred to as "abikus". All these happened because there was no knowledge on blood group or genotype. People that get married irrespective of their genetic makeup should not be blamed for their ignorance. But with the advent of modern medicine( read about modern medicine and its advantages in Nigeria ), biological explanations are now being made on the causes of infant death rate, this led to the discovery of sickle cells in Africa, especially in Nigeria. Before marriage, partners should be aware of their genotypes and blood group as the society no long provides excuse for this ignorance (read an interesting article named no excuse for ignorance here). Parents should check the genotype of their children during pregnancy or immediately after birth. This will help to know the health status of the child and what they have to do to sustain and maintain the child's health.

There are four genotypes in humans - AA, AS, SS and AC. AC genotype is not so common and popular unlike the other three. SS and AC are the abnormal genotypes or the sickle cells. The knowledge of genotype is important when choosing life partners. Intending couples should know both their own genotype as well as their partner's genotype at the early stage of their relationship before they are well rooted in love and emotions. Emotions and time spent in the relationship can cloud people’s judgment or decision to break up if they are not compatible, thus, giving birth to sickle cell children and subjecting themselves and their children to pain, torture and agony.

Possible Outcomes of Different Genetic Combination

AA + AA = AA, AA, AA, AA
AA + AS = AA, AS, AA, AS
AA + SS = AS, AS, AS, AS
AA + AC = AA, AA, AA, AC
AS + AS = AA, AS, AS, SS
AS + SS = AS, SS, SS, SS
AS + AC = AA, AC, AS,SS
SS + SS = SS, SS, SS, SS
AC + SS = AS, AS, SS, SS
AC + AC = AA, AC, AC, SS
People with the genotype AA are prone to malaria sickness at their early ages. Sickle cell arises when there is any blockage in the blood vessels which inhibits the flow of oxygen. When the red blood cell do not have the required oxygen, there will be changes in its original shape (disc shape) to a "Sickle-like" or "crescent-like shape", Thus, the name "sickle cell". Sickle cell patients experience severe pains in body parts that lack oxygen flow. Their bone marrows will fail to produce red blood cells and this result to anemia. To save this crisis, blood is usually transfused to them.

In terms of compatibility, someone with AA genotype can marry anybody. It is safe for someone with AS to marry someone with AA genotype. The combinations of AS and AS, AS and AC should not be risked. There is probability of having a SS. Although. Two sickle cells should not even have a relationship or get married. Individuals with the AA genotype should help you prevent genetic abnormalities by marrying the AS, AC and SS. By this, we are hopeful to eradicate sickle cells in the world.

Blood Groups / Blood Types
The red blood cells that transport oxygen in the body carry two antigens, which are the A and B antigens. These antigens determine the blood group. Blood groups are represented with A, AB, O, and B. When the red blood cell carries only the A antigen, the blood group is 'A', it is 'B' when the blood cell has only the B antigen. When both A and B antigens are present, the blood group is 'AB'. Finally, when there is neither A nor B antigen, the blood group is referred to as ’O’.
Below is the cross breed of different blood groups and the products (offsprings)

A + A = A or O
B + B = B or O
A + B = A, B, AB or O
A + O = A or O
B + O = B or O
A + AB = A, B or AB
O + O = O only
The genotype of blood type A is AA or AO. The antigens on the blood cell are A and antibodies on the blood plasma are B.
For blood type B, the genotype is BB or BO with A as the antigens and B as antibodies.
The blood type AB has the genotype to be AB. The antigens are both A & B, and no antibodies on the blood plasma.
The blood type O has the genotype to be OO. There are no antigens but has antibodies to be A or B.
Rhesus factor or the 'D' antigen is also found on the surface of the red blood cell. Those with it are seen to be "rhesus positive or Rh+" and those without are "rhesus negative or Rh-". There is a possibility of having both Rh + and Rh -. A person who is Rh + will produce antibodies against Rh - blood cells. A patient with Rh +can receive blood from someone who is Rh + or Rh -. But an Rh - can only receive blood from Rh -.
Knowing your blood type helps during pregnancy. If the mother is Rh- and the father is Rh +, the fetus can either inherit the Rhesus gene from either the father or mother. Complications (Rh incompatibility) occur when the Rhesus factor of the fetus contradicts that of the mother. This is common when a pregnant woman has Rh - and the fetus has Rh+. If the blood of the Rh + baby mixes with the mother’s, it can lead to the production of antibodies against the baby’s blood known as Rh-sensitization. To curb this disease, pregnant women should always meet regularly with obstetricians and human anti-D immune globulin or immunoglobulin should be administered to those with the complications.

General Note
*O are universal donors (donate blood to all blood types).
*AB+ are universal recipients (receive from all blood types).
*A+ can receive blood from A+, A-, O+ & O-
* A- from A- & O-
*B+ from B+, B-, O+ & O-
*B- from B- & O-
*AB- from A-, B-, AB- & O-
* O+ from O+ & O-
*O- from O-
In Conclusion
Knowing one's blood group helps a lot. It determines the donor and recipient of blood transfusion, and also helps in determining paternity. A person with one blood type or group can produce antibodies against the other. For instance, a person with blood type A makes antibodies against blood type B. If this person is given blood of type B, his or her type antibodies will bind to the antigens on the type B blood cells cause the blood to clump together. Compatibility of blood type is necessary before transfusing blood in times of accidents and emergencies.

You don't know what to do, really, like reeel--ly? Why don't you empty your bank account and hand it over to your church while your brother stays home and turn kidnapper in few months and come after you, after all, the church will come to your rescue with some ransom. Why some so called church people are unchristian, unrealistic, lack pragmatism, zombish in their twisted thinking can't stop amazing me. So you have no common sense right? Here then is the answer for you: pay the tithe so that your pastor can purchase new suites, shoes and a penthouse to bleep his numerous choir girls. RETARDED. Pay tithe and tell bros to wait, manna will come from heaven and please tell him that you are a church goer and going with the fees to church for tithe so you can leave him behind on your way to heaven. Ehwu penticostal church contributor.

Etche is the den of kidnappers and cultists, particularly Okomoko, Ulakwo, Okehi, Mba and Umuaturu; even the middle class indigenes don't go home, not even for burial of their relatives, that's how bad it is. That being said, how and why would you go to meet some Shenanigan with some cockamamie bull of business even if you were hypnotized by the voice particularly when he asked you to meet him secretively? The alarm bell should have gone off at that moment. You were extremely lucky frankly and bold too. Thank your stars.

walahi, tulahi, banchawao, hausa love dead body pass nyamri

As a legal practitioner, we thrive in confidentiality and my advice will be strictly in confidence if that is ok by you. Email me at ceziefule@gmail.com or call +(519) 562-4127. Cheers.

where are the snakes, come and feast

Maybe you should go and complete high school first before relationship to give yourself some dignity of purpose. U can't read, can't write, can't spell and don't know the difference between past and present tenses or prefix and suffix. Why won't a girl date u out of pity when there is zero future in u other than weed.

An addendum to No.4 is that in ancient times, men fought wars with shields and swords riding horses. The surviving soldiers will ride back on their horses to narrate the truth without embellishment of what happened at the war front like, who fought, died or survived. Hence, it became a figure of speech to say, it came from the horses mouth and it is the truth, the horse been an eye witness of the sequence of events sic (war).

YOU ARE RETARDED

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I told you to eat

My first question is: why are you angry with the lady who introduced both of you? Macbeth once said, "there is no act to read a man's construction in the face, he was a gentleman on whom I built absolute trust". What did this lady do wrong and how was she supposed to know the relationship will go wrong? When did introducing people become a crime? What if the relationship turned out to be every woman's dream? So, we are supposed to believe your side of the story when he has his own tales to tell. Did this woman force his prick inside you? Did she ask you to continue the relationship even when according to your side of the story, it seems to have started off rocky and you patched it up and kept fucking. You said the guy insisted which is not the same as forcing you, so, what stopped you from saying affirmatively no sex even if it means calling taxi and going home or sleeping on the floor. You willingly had sex and now playing the victim and blaming good intentioned woman for you stupidity. So, by stop talking to her instead of approaching her in a friendly way and expressing your displeasure with the man, maybe she may confront him or refuse to introduce somebody else to avoid a repeat, your there playing the victim. Sorry to say, you are not a victim here, you already said your 23 and independent. Maybe you are a problem girl but don't seem to release that because you seem to pick fight if things don't go your way which maybe what the man saw initially and didn't want to commit and introduce you as his girlfriend until he was sure your are a girlfriend material. It appears you may a bit arrogant from your write up, talking of been a banker, independent and 23. Am not judging just reading in between the lines of your writeup. The answer to your question is not forgetting but learning from this which includes looking inwardly and asking yourself what role you played to not make it work and how to learn and move on. You can put it behind you which is not the same as forgetting and we don't permanently forget past relationships particularly when abortion is involved. YOUR ANSWER IS SIMPLE, MOVE ON.

Since you said abuse is allowed, I will go straight to it. You claim that you are not materialistic yet you shout aloud how "loaded" this man is, that makes you a materialistic girl my dear. You also said he was willing to settle you in another state and it seems you are also thinking about that option. He is able to settle you because he can afford to, again, a materialistic mind. He took you out of the shores of the country and you jumped for it. How is it that you have a good job, can afford these things and yet, extremely excited at the opportunities and doing all these things with a man you barely knew, someone you met online. You were blinded by the material things he is giving and so, failed to ask the basic questions good girls ask. It took you a while to know he is married because you never asked and you never asked because you were materialistic. How difficult is this for you to comprehend. Most girls ask right off the bat, are you married, do you have kids etc. Am sure there were times when you called and he didn't pick your calls because he was with his family. If you asked and he lied, how does that make him your dream man. He is your dream man becos he has money period. The only reason you're considering the idea of becoming his second wife is he is loaded according to you. You even belief he was forced to marry, lol, you are extremely naive and gullible young woman. Go and marry him and be prepared for a life of chaos, battle, name calling, headaches, regrets, a useless life. If you want to know whether he was forced to marry this woman, give her a call, chat her up. He is decent according to you, yet he wants to get you pregnant and jet out of the country. He took you out of the country and sampled you day in day out and hid such fundamental information of his background from you, yet you call him decent. Decent my foot. Arent you ashamed to call a con man decent. Some nigerian girls and money; you will never cease to amuse and amaze me. I say some because there are a lot of decent, good, God fearing Nigerian girls out there who will never compromise their principles and sociatla norms and values. Ask your mr. right to go and see your parents and ask for your hand in marriage and watch his reaction. Are you demented? By the way, if this man was poor, not loaded, will you be considering this marriage. If he really loves and wants to marry you, why the thought of sending you to a different state instead of keeping you in his family home so that you can bond with his other wife and children and your children bond with their siblings. Do you actually have such a low self esteem that you are willing to go on "exile" for a decent man. I wish I was near you, boil 360 degrees hot water, pour it and wake up your retarded brian from stupor, useless girl. Don't you feel bad that this man actually is using you for sexual satisfaction? Why do you believe his mumbo jumbo and cheap talks. You should be angry with him for hiding issues of his background from you just to get in between your legs instead of talking of been loaded.

5 secrets you must NOT tell your best friend – No matter what!
As kids, you might have pledged a sorority to share your darkest secrets with each other, and that must have been stamped as a lifelong bond back then. But at times, it’s okay to not tell your best friend everything under the sun Keeping mum about some of the details doesn’t really hurt or mean that you’re making an effort to disrespect the sacred bond of ‘friendship’. Sometimes ‘not TMI’ is fine, especially in front of your bestie. Here’s our list of what’s ‘alright’ to avoid telling your best friend.


1. Oops, I Know that already::: “Guess what, my little brother is dating a girl, and arrghh, how I hate that woman!,” exclaimed your enraged favourite pal over a plate of pasta while at a Sunday brunch with you. And you’ve almost choked on that spaghetti while deciding on ‘should she know, shouldn’t she know’, because well, you did see her little brother coochie-cooing with this girl your best friend disapproves, and you also knew where it was heading. Such exclusive yet unwanted trivia, especially about her little brother or someone really close to her, trust us it’s better left unsaid.


2. That’s what your parents told me:::: When you’ve known a friend for the longest time, chances are their parents trust you more than them (unless they think you’re the one responsible for shaping up the brat their kid is). So when your bosom friend’s ‘not-so-happy’ parents are confiding in you about this certain something they can’t discuss with their child, you can skip that from your friend. Whether it’s about them or not, it’s quite possible that your friend might feel a little threatened by your closeness to their parents



3. Emm, yeah I did that::: So you went for this office conference to Goa, guzzled drinks like it was nobody’s business, and before you knew it, you’d made the stupidest mistake of your life, made out with your married boss. And yes, you’re embarrassed and not very proud of the deed. It’s okay if you keep this ‘little secret from your BFF. It’s best not to disclose fractions of info you think you’re capable to erase in a jiffy, unless you want to make it a recurrent joke at get-togethers.


4. I’m involved, or maybe not::: You might have walked into this situation a couple of times. Sometimes you think you’re in a relationship but are not quite sure; or maybe there’s that something special brewing up between new guy and you but, well, it’s still at that raw stage. It’s perfectly alright not to voice out your feelings, even if it is to your bestie, until you’re certain about it. Take your time in announcing or introducing a date to your ‘friend-forever’, but once you’re sure of Mr Perfect, maybe you can give your friend her much-deserved chance to sign and seal your decision.


5. I liked him too::: Being the key organiser of your best friend’s hen night, you’ve listed a game of truth or dare in the party agenda. We beg you; if the bottle points at you and a couple of friends scream out ‘Give us the truth’, at no level of intoxication should you utter ‘Bestie, I had a huge crush on your fiance’. You don’t want Miss BFF to feel insecure about you seducing her soul-mate, or guarding her husband from you. Avoid the drama and leave the crush bit unsaid, unless you’ve a bestie as cool as the tip of the iceberg.


Source: Date360

5 secrets you must NOT tell your best friend – No matter what!
As kids, you might have pledged a sorority to share your darkest secrets with each other, and that must have been stamped as a lifelong bond back then. But at times, it’s okay to not tell your best friend everything under the sun Keeping mum about some of the details doesn’t really hurt or mean that you’re making an effort to disrespect the sacred bond of ‘friendship’. Sometimes ‘not TMI’ is fine, especially in front of your bestie. Here’s our list of what’s ‘alright’ to avoid telling your best friend.


1. Oops, I Know that already::: “Guess what, my little brother is dating a girl, and arrghh, how I hate that woman!,” exclaimed your enraged favourite pal over a plate of pasta while at a Sunday brunch with you. And you’ve almost choked on that spaghetti while deciding on ‘should she know, shouldn’t she know’, because well, you did see her little brother coochie-cooing with this girl your best friend disapproves, and you also knew where it was heading. Such exclusive yet unwanted trivia, especially about her little brother or someone really close to her, trust us it’s better left unsaid.


2. That’s what your parents told me:::: When you’ve known a friend for the longest time, chances are their parents trust you more than them (unless they think you’re the one responsible for shaping up the brat their kid is). So when your bosom friend’s ‘not-so-happy’ parents are confiding in you about this certain something they can’t discuss with their child, you can skip that from your friend. Whether it’s about them or not, it’s quite possible that your friend might feel a little threatened by your closeness to their parents



3. Emm, yeah I did that::: So you went for this office conference to Goa, guzzled drinks like it was nobody’s business, and before you knew it, you’d made the stupidest mistake of your life, made out with your married boss. And yes, you’re embarrassed and not very proud of the deed. It’s okay if you keep this ‘little secret from your BFF. It’s best not to disclose fractions of info you think you’re capable to erase in a jiffy, unless you want to make it a recurrent joke at get-togethers.


4. I’m involved, or maybe not::: You might have walked into this situation a couple of times. Sometimes you think you’re in a relationship but are not quite sure; or maybe there’s that something special brewing up between new guy and you but, well, it’s still at that raw stage. It’s perfectly alright not to voice out your feelings, even if it is to your bestie, until you’re certain about it. Take your time in announcing or introducing a date to your ‘friend-forever’, but once you’re sure of Mr Perfect, maybe you can give your friend her much-deserved chance to sign and seal your decision.


5. I liked him too::: Being the key organiser of your best friend’s hen night, you’ve listed a game of truth or dare in the party agenda. We beg you; if the bottle points at you and a couple of friends scream out ‘Give us the truth’, at no level of intoxication should you utter ‘Bestie, I had a huge crush on your fiance’. You don’t want Miss BFF to feel insecure about you seducing her soul-mate, or guarding her husband from you. Avoid the drama and leave the crush bit unsaid, unless you’ve a bestie as cool as the tip of the iceberg.


Source: Date360

Seriously, are you demented? How did you "make it" with this your coconut brian? A girl that preferred to be a second wife to a rich man than stay with a poor man, comes back and begs and u are confused. Really? And how long was the prodigal daughter married before coming back? At any rate, I think they should examine your head for traces of dementia. And why not, stretch your rich arms for her, ewue (goat) nmgbe.

You wrote very intelligently and I applaud you for seeking help. I will give you my practical assistance, I say practical because I am not a qualified counselor, it is suggestion predicated on mundane and every day things we see/hear. Before I do that, an important question to ask is whether you sought help from a professional counselor? Also, if you are a religious person, have you tried counseling from your pastor, priest, iman, etc. If not, speak with your husband and find out if he ia amiable to that idea. I will also ask you what triggers the arguments and fights. Does he drink/smoke hard drugs; who starts the arguments, under what circumstances, who escalates them. Do any of you try to deescalte the arguments? Can you think of any instance when you initiated the fights and why. Does any one of you humble himself/herself to aopologize for causing the fight or are you both doggedly entrenched in your view points. How long did you date before you married and was he like this during the courtship. Did you ever discuss your parents problems with him particularly how your dad abused your mother. Is this marriage a partnership or you practically dependent on him for everything from transport money to your toiletries etc. Do you have any child for him? Is he educated? All these and much more are important to know before anyone can give you a meaningful advise. Having said that, I strongly suggest you have serious talks with him - find out what makes him thick and firmly let him know you will not be a punching bag for him anymore. I suspect he knows about your parents problems, and how your mom was mistreated and is visiting same on you. I will not be surprised if one day he says to you, "like mother like daughter, useless people". If he ever says that to you, my suggestion is that you end the marriage because he will never respect you. I also suspect he believes (based on your attitude towards him, maybe showing you can't do without him, a bit of fear and too much love if you call that love), that he can get away with the abuse. He also knows you don't want to repeat the breakup of your parents and practically thinks he can get away with murder (literally). Until you begin to exert youself as a human being, am sorry, it will only get worst. Spousal abuse unfortunately, is a vicious circle, sometimes victims are made to believe they are the problems. Subsequently, they stay with the hope of making it work, blame themselves for causing all the problems and in the process, get abused more and more. It doesn't end until you brave it and walk away. If you have no child or not pregnant, anytime he attempts to lay his hands on you, stop him if you can, look him straight in the eyes (eye ball to eye ball), tell him, "don't even think of it from now on", and watch the sudden surge of fear in him. You will be surprised how quickly he will begin to respect you. If you don't exert yourself and make him stop hitting you, trust me, you will relieve your worst nightmare, which is what your mom went through, the dysfunctional family you experience as a child. Also, get someone he respects/listens to, tell the person to go and let him know that you said, "if he ever lays his hands on me again, this marriage is over". I believe the combination of the message and messenger may give him a rethink. Let him know you love him but not to the point of missery. Good luck.

My concern with this article is that am not so sure you have a contrite heart yet. You initiated this situation, in fact, you called for it, worked on it and assiduously made it happen, it was not a one night stand, you 'stood' for a very long time. Which brings me to the question, how long has this been going on? Sure long distance relationship has a lot of challenges but he comes home reguarly. You praised the beauty of this man to high heavens which is troubling for a married lady. Did circumstance beyond your control force you into marriage like been cajooled by relatives, parents etc. You sounded like two years of marriage was decades and in fact, you seemed to justify your action with the claim of long distance and 2 yrs of marriage been stale. Two years is still honey moon in a marriage. So, am not too sure if you were ready and matured for marriage at the time you did. My advice is this: ask yourself how much you really want this marriage not for the public persona of been married. Look yourslef in the mirror and find out whom you actually are. There are three persons in each one of us: the public person, the household person and the real us. You can massage the first two but the third, the real you can't be fooled. To be truly remorseful, the real you must not be decieved with the mumbo jumbo of some cute and irresistable guy defence and excuse. Maybe you are not whom people including yourself think you are, the decent girly wife. I say this becuase if you truly believe in the sanctity of marriage, no defense is probatively weighty enough to justfiy what you are doing/did. Some here posited that who knows if your husband is doing the same, that is not only myopic justification, it is absured and irrelevant. To suggest with no basis that he may be doing the same miss the point because even if he is, two wrongs don't make a right. So, you have to search your conscience diligently and ask yourself if this marriage means much to you because the marriage is in very deep trouble. Sex is only a physiological need not a "sine qua non" and your excuses make absolutely no pragmatic sense. Having said all these, my advise is to confess to your husband, ask for his forgiveness for your willful blindness and hope he forgives. Then also, cease and desist forthwith from further contacts with the playboy from the model magazines. The problem is even if your husband forgives you, it may be inestricablly difficult for him to trust you again. If anything, he may become suspecious of you even when there is no reasonable grounds. In fact, he may throw it to your face during arguments. If you hid it, for how long can you live with the guilt assuming you feel terribly awfull as you should. It is one of those circumstances (catch two-two) whereby you are doomed if you and doomed if you don't. Whatever happens, don't under no circumstance let him find out through a third party because he will not only distrust you, he will hate you for life and regret the day he said, "I DO". Good luck.

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Like seriously, Mother Theresa, why did you marry? Have you ever heard of Convent where women of virture are kept, you should go there with immediate effect. Mtcheew, holier than thou. Spear us the sanctimony; pornography, how did you know what pornography is sister Theresa. So, this is a big issue for you in marriage that heavens have to fall. So you were a virgin before marriage abi? I suggest you Bleep your husband through some tinted class, no touching, kissing, sucking, just stright dick/pussy contact and add condoms to it as well, head to the shower thereafter, and please don't look at him because it is sinful, kneel down in the shower and say, "father forgive me for I have bleeped". Mumu. That is why I can't stand some "born agains", stupendously ignoramous, sheepishly religious and very temperamental, quick to anger and judge, unforgiving and truly unrepentent, hypocrits to the core. Don't come on Nairaland with this foolishness again otherwise I will send amadioha to descend on you, ewu born again. We are talking of you husband, not boyfriend for crying out aloud. Sucking his dick will send you to hell abi?

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Am very speechless to say the least, hopefully this response will change your circumstances for good. I suspect your boyfriend is doing all these for two reasons, one, his own insecurity/apprehension that you will leave him once you finish school and so, is doing everything possible (physical/psychological) to subjugate you in pepertuity to himself. Secondly, he is your "god" as he said. What he means by that is, knowing your family background and the poverty in the family, he believes you are helpless and will never live, at least for now. In essence, he thinks you are his property and he is at liberty to treat/mistreat you at his whims eventhough most people treasure their property. Having said this, I also will suggest you try leaving his house (trust me he will come begging just to bring you back and continue the abuse). Empirical studies have shown that people who are abused, particularly women, tend to go through a vicious circle of abuses because they feel helpless and sometimes, blame themselves and think they are the problem because they have been conditioned by the abuser to feel that way. It takes lots of courage and sometimes external intervention and bravery for them to cut off the cancer and leave. Yours is a classic case; don't wait until you die, leave him asap, a stich in time saves nine as the maxim goes. Good luck.

Hmmmm