₦airaland Forum

Seadbari:
Your girl friend went to a party without informing you! And not just alone but with someone else, Man what she did was stupid and i mean a big one!!! And she broke up cos of the fact that she was stupid and you called her what she is? Then she is stupid! And amma say it to her that she is stupid 4 real! But if u wanna get her back cos of the obsession, just do as Tudoy said, tell her this "baby i called you stupid outa love" and she will be stupid enough to take u back! In short she is Stupid, Sigh

You have said everything right but I don't agree with the last part of your statement. He shouldn't call her. Some of these girls are arrogantly stupid when it comes to their hanging out with another man. I don't think he should go back to her otherwise he will receive worse treatments from her very soon. He should tighten up his game and move on with his life. There are lots of girls to go round than any girl to start making a mess around.

Everyone have got a point. Albeit, understanding that we don't know what may have transpired between the both has called for some diplomacy right there. He said he called her a month before the birthday to remind her, that seemed like it's his first birthday since they started dating, which means the relationship might be pretty new or he wouldn't have been the one to call and remind her of his birthday. I may suspect that they aren't taking each other seriously but even at that she should have called or at the very least, send him a text message.

@Poster
I will advise that you go talk to her instead of hurriedly shipping your feelings to the wrong girl. You know, our girls can seem cocky a few times and always want to be treated like a piece of glassware. Find out from her what's going on and when she tells you her story you will take it from here and decide if it makes sense. If it doesn't demonstrate any kind of sense, I'd say you should bounce, but talk to her first.

ibkaye:
What are their reasons for not liking the idea?

His family aren't entitled to dislike her for any reason because they don't know a thing about her unless her friend tells them. But then from what the poster has said, I think they don't have a cogent reason they dislike the idea, it's just one of our wild beliefs here that older siblings shouldn't have a relationship with their younger siblings' friends. Their assertion is pathetic.


@Poster

Do whatever you want man. If you love her so much and she loves you too, go ahead and marry her. Anyways, who consult families before they marry these days. Don't make no sense. Get on with your life and marry her if you so damn wish. If they don't want to come to your wedding, you both take a friend with each of you and go to a court of law and have a legal wedding, that will shut everyone up.

axeman85:
I wonder why nairalanders cannot stick to the topic instead of derailing and fighting with one another. besides why are people pointing accusing fingers at one another saying one tribe is into 419 and into fraudulent deals and shaddy deals ? There is no point pointing accusing fingers at one another as all tribes are into fraud, 419 so its not just singling one tribe out. I am a financial advisor and an account manager in the uk here and i deals with such issues and casses of frauds on a daily basis. so pls dont point accusing fingers at any tribe here.

In relation to the topic. it is the beliefs that parents have to decide or accept the man/woman theire children are going to get married to and in some circumstances, parents are biased on the issue of tribe because there see it as a barrier. eg, yoruba parents will say their children shouldnt marry igbo because they dont understand culture, and language, and that they dont have respect. same goes for the igbo people they will say their children shouldnt marry from yoruba, as the family are always troublesome. e.t.c. these are mostly factors and excuses parents give.

personally i will say parents are there to give advise and give their own opinions and views but are not there to make decisions as far as the issue of marriage is concerned because they wont live with you in your matrimonial home.

i currently have 2 friends. 1: he is muslim, the girl is catholic, and he is yoruba and the girl is igbo. they have been dating for more than 5years now but the guys parents are not too ok with the idea but the girls parents are yet to know about the guy so we are awaiting what willl happen.

2: the guy is yoruba, the girls is igbo from anambra from a place called nise to be precise, the guy has told his family about the girl already but they are cool with the idea. reason is most of the family have travelled to abroad and they have embraced other cultures. the father on the other hand is cool with the idea and basically supports the relationship but the mother of the guy is just refusing and saying that she doesnt support the union and even said she cannot travel to anambra for the traditional wedding when the time comes. but the guy basically blasted the mother for refusing becuase she claimed to have studied in the usa and westernized and ashamed at her for claiming cultural differences as a barrier and told her point blank that she better agree to the union after he has tried to convince her that the girl is from a good home. but if she still refuses when the marriage comes she is welcomed and if she doesnt show up, somebody else will take her place.

but on the girls part the girl is afraid to tell her parents about the guy to the extent that she and the guy are fasting for a whole 1month just for her to be able to tell her parents and they are engaged already for 2months.

what i am trying to say by quoting these above examples (2) is that both couples love each other very much and are willing to do everything to stay together to the extent that the guy is fighting with his mother because in this current time cultural differences shouldnt be a barrier to happiness.

sorry for the essay guys just had to contribute my own quota.

Thanks a bunch man. I don't like to go tribal but the fact is some people need to be taught a few things they don't know. That being said, I love the second instance more. I particularly throw my support behind your friend, the guy, for his commendable attitude towards his mom. I'd do the same. I have always told my parents years back that they had better not expect me to marry an igbo woman, I never had them as girlfriends anyway. Every girl I have dated are yoruba girls and I must say they have been good so far, I don't care what their family is centered on long as she's good that's all I care about. It ain't like I'm going to be living with their family or something, it's me and her forever and whoever doesn't settle down with that had better get used to it and will be hurt each time they see us. I don't have a thing against marrying from my tribe but I wield my support for inter-tribal marriage. I love it.

viperman:
LOL, you sound like you've just been fresh-out of a similar situation either as the untrusting boyfy or the returnee.
Either way, you made a great point. Many ladies on here won't admit it so don't expect them to.
It's funny though but thats life for you.

They all have it twisted bro. I have been in the position of the returnee not as the boyfriend. I've got to tell you though that when women say things in appraisal of who they are, you'd need some reality check into their assertions or you'll be swayed just right into the wrong camp. They like to make you think you have to put up more fight or effort to deserve them or you'll lose them to potential lovers, which exists negligibly if all it exists at that moment

C2H5OH:
ooo LAX

I am OAK/SFO

Iiiite! Hit the bed. Imma just settle for some Iranian news mehn, lotsa stuff going on n'ere. shit!

C2H5OH:
Yes sir. A fine decision at that. Thanks and enjoy your weekend as well.

FTR it is only 2am here, but I am sleepy nevertheless.

Where is that s'pozed to be? UT, WA, CA? I'm in LAX

C2H5OH:
Okkk that's too much . I apologize for being an unruly asswipe. It was unnecessary, crude, classless, stupid, you name it. I blame it on late-night boredom. E get as he dey do me.
It won't happen again.


Will go back to edit and modify those inexcusable posts of mine now. mY bad.

It's your decision man. I hope you have a good night after a long week.

C2H5OH:
Sounds like a comment to me.  How much plainer does a comment need to be   . Direct, focused, and to the point.  Perhaps you are offended by it because it struck a nerve.  Err I get it, my bad.  You would have been happier if I jumped on your idiotic and thoughtless bandwagon.
One second I'm a brainless something, the next a psychologically challenged something, ah ahn wetin.  He no dey tire you   .  I have heard these dry attempts at insult times without numbers.  They get old and lame after a while   .  Shoe a bit of creativity.  Something to entertain me before I head 4 bed.  

As you may have heard, silence they say is the best response to a fool. That is what I'm applying after this comment. You say more for all I care. Quick correction, your first comment may have been precise if the insult wasn't included. Secondly, I don't hold any kind of contempt against Yoruba, all my friends are Yoruba. So your comment wasn't in any way "direct, focused and to the point" as you claimed but a verbal misconduct. I need not say more, like I said, I'm too grown up to banter insults on a blog. If your in NY like I assumed it's past your bed time, for me, it's just 1.40AM. Have a goodnight man.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064645#msg4064645 date=1245572509]the emotional derailment that comes with divorce in my opinion is not best overcome with b older. even the older older ones do experience traumas that sometimes requires serious therapy before it gets better esp. when the marriage has survived for a long time. it's not an easy process and yes, i do share your concerns regarding the children of divorce parents, the kids are usually the ones mostly affected deeply by it. as regards to the african marriage i really wished  i could i have shared in your belief/excitement about "forever being married" but sadly i cant.[/quote]Once again, you've judged correctly. If Susan Boyle could have broken down because she lost to some kids on British Got Talent show, then I question how she could have handled a divorce. However, it takes a lot of counseling for the kids to get back on track and divine intervention too (if anyone believes in that).

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064645#msg4064645 date=1245572509]i dont think it does anyone any good dwelling tribalism. i believe all the tribal equally contributes to the downfall and improvement of nigeria as a whole. so siding one side does nothing but to prolong the unnecessary argument [/quote]I hate to uphold tribalism bcuz I believe we are getting exposed beyond that palaver, but some people still have their comments tinted with this societal ailment. You really need to drive some factual nuts into their brain bolts before they learn to shut up and that's exactly what I'm doing or did to that fagot.

C2H5OH:
I thought I just did air my comment  
you must have missed it with all that iota of brilliance oozing out of your so-called intelligent brain.
turd .  

Running head first into a brick wall doesn't seem like a comment to me. However, your trademark is already launched by yourself and no one is contesting the dealership with you. I may be a brainy and intelligent turd, but you're a brainless pervert! See the difference, stupid Bleep?

C2H5OH:
A Seeker indeed.
If you are that bitter about what the "Yoruba Yoruba" have done to your beloved Nigeria, why don't you go run head first into a brick wall. Maybe the invisible nation of Biafra will suddenly open up its door for you to come flooding in. There you will finally have your escape. A state of peace.

We are making a comment here. If you have a different opinion, air it so we can hear. I still don't believe that there are socially derailed and psychologically challenged people like you in existence. You are truly a hapless pig with no iota of intelligence cleanliness in your brain-lonely head.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064612#msg4064612 date=1245570569]yea, i get ur point. i mean if they have been enduring the pain/joy/sorrow for more than 20yrs why seek divorce now? however, i am made to believe that more often than more they tend to believe that it will always get better today or tomorrow and some people are still a prisoner of their traditions that seeking divorcing isn't always the first/best option for them, until they break it. while others just prefer to die in pain or so other reasons albeit, whatever be their reasons i dont think seeking a divorce and going through the whole process is an easy decision for any couple. at least the reasonable ones. it's more than seeking an annulment, it's also derails/wounds the person mentally, physically and psychologically.

and not  to worry, you arent the only one fearful of marriage, i have seen many people with similar complains. i once had a someone tell me that he's really afraid of marriage, i mean he cant seem to understand the idea of being with one woman for the rest of his life and go through all the emotions involved with it. he's just afraid of commitment. and quite honestly, i do think you have a reasonable fear, at least you know what a marriage constitutes unlike some folks who goes in thinking that marriage is a bed of roses  until it hits them.[/quote]Yes, some of them think they are too stuck with it than to break up mostly because when they put paid to that, a starting fulcrum is always a problem, mathematically bearing of which I don't think they may ever find. The derailment or emotional cracker it inflicts isn't what I bother about at least they both are old enough to handle that at some point or the other, what does make my head spin is what position the kids will find themselves. I can't imagine my parents have a divorce after all I have witnessed them go through and knowing how much they have shared their feelings between each other. It will tell a lot on such kids that it will on the parents and that is why I love African values on marriage in that once you're married to one man, you ain't going back. Even if the marriage is rough, I believe the psychological trauma will be a lot lesser than it would be if they had to divorce. Mel Gibson's wife filed for a divorce a few weeks ago because he(Mel) impregnated another woman while they were still separated. I think our local superstars are beginning to emulate this dreadful western practice.

justwise:
I'm not in anyway supporting Igbo men/women in what they do, 419 and all sorts, but no tribe in Nigeria should apoint accussing finger at all, all tribes are at it, wheather its arm robberying, Area boys activetis, yahoo yahoo, etc.
It does my head in when i hear pple accussing Igbos of bringing shame to Nigeria. No matter how small the crime is, no tribe should be leftt out.

In my opinion and yes, I want to sound tribal, Igbos despite how they have been marginalized have brought more development to the country than shame. Yoruba and Hausa are the one who have brought shame upon our country. If they want to say anything they'd say Awolowo is great, Abiola is great and those are heroes to their own tribe, Awolowo especially. I challenge the fact that MKO would have made a good President. He would have been a Sharia President. Somehow, people who think they can ruin Nigeria, God knows how to silence them Abacha as an example, then MKO and a host of others. There are two more left, guess who?

vikiviko:
A Nigerian student recently told me getting a Job is illegal for Students, i don't know how true it is.

Check this www.victorikol

I think you have to seek the school's consent before you do that. There has to be some kind of recommendation. Besides, I've never heard of where they say part time work is illegal for students unless the tuition is free, but who knows with these Asian countries.

tpiah:
this girl seems like an unrepentant flirt, imo.

What exactly is your relationship based on? Do you enjoy the everyday jists of how many guys hit on her per day? And do the two of you ever talk about other things besides her "desirability" to others?

Maybe you consider it a good thing sha, but the scenario as you described it here, doesnt look very realistic because you've had this latest incident coming for a long time now.

A serious relationship should come with some sense of responsibility. I just dont see the point of daily stories about who's hitting on someone.

Nice comment there. I want to believe they talked about her desirability to other men but in my opinion most of them must have been lies. You know why? Because the girl,if you take a critical look into her action since this guy's arrival, is a kind of girl who wants attention and there is 90% possibility that the guys she claimed hit on her didn't actually do that, she's the one with the crush on them. This is what I believe mostly. Sometimes women make up those who hit on them so as to be narcissistic. It's all in her imaginations. Narcissism at the highest order.

justwise:
[/b]

u know i had the same problem, she told me that the problem is that her parents will kill her if she marrys Igbo guy, she went on how most Igbo guys are into 419 and bla bla bla.
I showed her the EXIST door immediately cos i couldn't put up with pple like her and her blinded parents

No offense to Yoruba tribe but I believe we all share the menace. In Asian I can't deny that Igbo are pulling their fraudulent deals, in London, it's a Yoruba Fraudulent Haven. So no one should accuse any tribe of being fraudulent. What about their leaders? They should name of their people who have ruled us and are still ruling and aren't fraudulent, OBJ? Bankole? Go figure the rest. I just hate it when people show me all these sanctimonious attitudes.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064577#msg4064577 date=1245569263]yea, i think every couple goes into marriage thinking of happily ever after, unfortunately not everything is always predictable.[/quote]Absolutely right you are. You know what I think all the time? I think why do people who have been patiently married for as long 20 years go through a divorce. The pain will be excruciating I suppose. Sometimes I hate to think that one day I will have to ply into the rigors of marriage, a solemn union it is but comes with its complexities.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064566#msg4064566 date=1245568678]at last it's still my decision 'cause am the one going to possibly spend the rest of my life with the person not them.[/quote]Not possibly because when the decision is made there is no going back unless we want to bring divorce into the picture which is not a sign of a healthy decision. I want to believe your decisions will be right on point so I will expect nothing short of a long term marriage. I wish most of our women can think like you have portrayed, unfortunately they don't.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064523#msg4064523 date=1245566482]i don't see it like that. this is not about who you going to "date" but "marry". big difference. and seeking opinions/advise about marriage or relationship for that matter, is what i don't see as b "tutored". anyways to each his own. like i said, i will seek my parents opinions/advice if the need arises and i dont see that being naive or anything else. i see it as b what i prefer.[/quote]I wasn't talking about dating either. But first of all, you have to be in love with the person first and the next phase comes in. Seeking parents' opinion is good but then you can take some of their advice and merge it into some of your jurisdiction to ensure they all align with your facts. The ones that are out of place, find their true meanings and get draw conclusions from personal observations. It is complicated really, so I understand where you're coming from and hey, I never said or meant you are naive.

viperman:
Thank you for this post.



Also, SAURON [/b]has said most of it. Dude, been watching you on this board and i must say i enjoy your opinions, crazt as they seem 


@poster


In Every relationship, you have to be the MAN, as in man in capital letters or else the woman will take you for a ride and mess you up. They are naturally made to act that way. They love a man who is tough and at the same-time romantic.
Love her, show jealousy, be romantic as much as you can, but always have a Firm grip on the relationship.

Now, i know it ain't easy, been through this kind of situation in time past so i'm not advising you now out of mere talk.
NOW,
If she hasn't picked your call yet, Just send her an sms/text message saying:
[b]I wish you the best.
this kind of message will get her thinking in random directions, she will either send you a message requesting what u mean by that, DONT!!!, I repeat DONT!!! respond to the sms/text till she calls. If she doesn't,
THEN HOLD YOURSELF!!! STOP CALLING HER, CALL OLD FRIENDS, especially EX GIRLFRIENDS or potential NEW GIRLFRIENDS.
ARRANGE HANGOUTS WITH THEM TO TAKE YOUR MIND OF HER, not saying u should cheat on her just yet, but act like a man and go on about your business.
I would advise though that if she doesn't call you in 2 weeks. Forget her and the relationship and look for a rebound(that will heal you from the hurt, if you any) or a new relationship.

G-LUCK.

Do you know the annoying part? She will be talking to that returnee and their next topic of discussion will be how her relationship with her boyfriend has been. The next phase of answer will be explanations of how insensitive the guy is, how jealous he is, how he accused her of cheating(when the guy never did) and may I quote her possible response? She'll say "Can you believe he asked me not to talk to you anymore?" She knows the guy will start saying stuffs like "he's not right for you or he would have trusted and know you enough to understand your do's and don'ts". Just so the guy can approach her for a relationship, she's pulling the African woman pride stunt by not falling first, then she'll start telling him she doesn't trust he won't hurt her and she needs lots of proofs which the guy will show and the next thing is "I love you". End of Story. Most women are so crooked. Anyone has a better explanation against my opinion? I am up for a challenge.

SeanT21:
I love keepers!!

I wonder what else you'd have loved

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286772.msg4064498#msg4064498 date=1245565258]i think there are at least two topics on PDA [/quote]Which are?

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064489#msg4064489 date=1245564851]sometimes we always tend to believe we know better while in actuality we know little esp when it comes to "love". some ppl when their are/claim to be "in love" they are too blinded to see the real person they are dating and only an outsider can see certain things in that relationship the individuals are too blinded to see. i value my parents opinions and i will seek it when the need arise.[/quote]I suppose anyone who expects to be tutored about love hasn't really experienced what it is all about. I do understand it takes more than love to make a marriage work and that is where I stand. Some other qualities have to be factored in and how these qualities relate with the relationship and how they will with the marriage have to be thought through. In as much as I believe my parents will know a lot more about relationships and marriages more than I do, I believe I have to make mistakes just to learn who I am and I have to take responsibility for all my actions. My parents could be wrong too. Sometimes they make wrong assessments too and are prone to erroneous views and beliefs.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064468#msg4064468 date=1245563604]by them advising me doesn't mean that i have to take it. i want their opinions, eventually, i have to decide what i want.[/quote]In my opinion, if you can't take their advice then there opinionated ideas isn't called for and can your decision be predicated on their advice? I believe you know your intending spouse better than they do.

[quote author=~Sissy~ link=topic=286544.msg4064462#msg4064462 date=1245562799]they can only advise me[/quote]And if they advise you against the guy?

SeanT21:
I dont call that LOVE.

Exactly what I'm saying

SeanT21:
They can always tell me what they think of him but I am pretty sure it wont change my mind!!

But then you don't care. It's best if they shelve their negative opinion about him because girls that I know are always wild when they are in love, some can be foolish though and consent to their parents' opinions and mess up. I knew a girl who once told me she loved me so much but if her mom tells her not to marry me because of my tribe(Igbo, she's a Yoruba), she had no choice but to stop the relationship. I must say, right then at that spot she said it, I put an end to the relationship because it wasn't worth the stress with that statement.

Yes it is still valid provided that when they ring the bank that the funds is still in the account or somewhat close to what is on the statement of 2 months ago. Also, if it's a company account you might have a slight problem because they will tag it as a public fund and they really don't go down well with that. But file in your application and see what's in stock for you but being it 2 month old, I don't see any problem unless the rules just changed 2 days ago.

Malaysia works so so much in favor of Nigerian Students.

Very ridiculous.