₦airaland Forum

xynerio:
This is reality, I am a living testimony, in a situation when she caught u coming out 4rm a neighbour's room at nite. U can deny havin an affair and she will believe but when u decided 2 open up 2 tell her d truth she will call it a joke. At least guys u know where am heading.

A post is supposed to be exclusive and elaborately explanatory. Yours is devoid of that.

Man, you struck a nerve. If I may ask, why did she ask you to sleep with her? Was she ill or the weather went abruptly cold? I don't understand an effing part of this. You didn't sleep with her and she bounced on you with attitudes? Dude, you need to have a little reality check, if that's what she wants give it to her all day and night if you can. If you drop off like a hat, well, we know who to blame.

[quote author=TOPE2000! link=topic=287315.msg4070936#msg4070936 date=1245693124]When was the last time u saw her?
Cuz there is no way a woman wud be 6mnts pregnant and u wont know, it wud be obvious and also why did she wait until it was six months b4 she told u?[/quote]The last time I saw her was 4 months ago. When I asked why she had to wait that long before she told me she said I told her I needed more time to think so she didn't want to bother me with it. I think that's so lame.

Romeo4real:
You havent updated your relationship status since u posted the last thread. I notice you still use the term"girlfriend" in the present, so this must mean that you are still together. If you still are, then ur a bigger mug than i thought (no offense intended)

I termed her "girlfriend" because I have not officially told her it's over yet. I just told her I need some space to think. Thanks for the hints tho'.

Earlier on June 19, I posted a problem I have on here about my girlfriend. Here is the link to the post
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-286125.0.html#msg4055643. I just received lots of voice messages asking me to talk to her as it's importantly urgent. I took a bet and called her to find out. She told me she is 6-month pregnant. What do you think I should do? I'm at a confused stage here. I am not a big fan of abortion and yes, I did make love to her and that was when I found out she has gone wider that she usually is and that was just once and I was done with her. Now, she's pregnant and just telling me after over 4 months.  Better still do I just tell her to keep and have the baby and later I can go for a DNA test? I do not want to have anything whatsoever to do with her anymore then on a second thought, what if the child is born and he's mine? A lot of "what if's" here, please I need your advice, opinions and comments.

PS : I live in California but she's back in Nigeria now.

Kx:
Are u saying u are so cheap and hungry dat ur love bait is mere food?
What kind of girl would attract u with moi moi and stuff?

He's a cheap twisted fool

Missy B:
If they aren't ready to see a therapist and their women aren't leaving . . . .
How then would change come? Most times, the abused helps the abuser continue the act
and that's why I recommend severe enlightenment for both parties.
On no account must one accept abuse of any kind; sexual, physical, emotional etcetera.

Correctly judged

Missy B:
I'D say . . . .RUN!!!
If You love him so much and don't want to let him go. . . .Make him see a therapist.
Some of these men don't even know these acts are abusive. If he
isn't ready to see a therapist or repeats same act after once . . . .It's a Goodbye!!!

I understand that men can be very stubborn where seeing a therapist comes into play. I totally agree with that idea only if some men can take that route. I have friends who abuse their women and I must say I have been the mediator in most cases and often I do not know how else to make them understand and see things from a better perspective of being normal. I have asked some of these friends of mine to see therapists and counselors, some have been successful about it while some of them have rightly accused me of taking sides with their wives. I do not want to step on anyone's nerves but then being called upon to be the mediator, I think I have to tell it like it really is.

gen2genius:
So, I think the topic should be: IS ABUSE JUSTIFIABLE?

Straight up comment yours was.

Lots of criticism on this guy but I feel his point of view, he totally makes a lot of sense. Even if he doesn't look as great as most of us expected, I think he may have the charisma of swaying women, I believe that.

Missy B:
Even in this case. . . .He has no right to abuse her.
How much of a man is he, if he can't master his temper?
There are better ways of dealing with people without being an animal.
Abuse, like every other peccant act of Man cannot totally be wiped out from the world
but it can be reduced if the abused takes proper steps against the abuser. . . . .
I still recommend austere edification. . . .It will go a long way.
Alotta factors are responsible for this . . . . .
Example: A child who watched the father abuse the Mother is likely to grow up becoming an abuser, thinking it's normal because Mama never took any step against it.
Anatha factor could be ones enviroment:In African for example where alotta women are subject to abuse in the name of submission (Not that I'm against it tho it has its limit).
Only if he wants to show how much of a lowlife animal he is.

You are right on point. What kind of actions can be taken against an abusive man?

@ Poster

Depends on what plan you are on and where you both are. If you live in Australia, chances her that when it's day time there it will be midnight in Nigeria and if you choose to call your girlfriend/boyfriend then, what's the harm in that? Californian, Washington and Utah time is 8 hours behind Nigeria right now, so if you choose to call your girl/boyfriend at 6pm PST, then your partner is like to answer that call at midnight. Unless you are referring the popular XTRACOOL call in Nigeria.

It has been a common phenomenon all over the world that most men abuse their women one way or the other. I have been witnesses where a man brutally hits his woman and rendered her hospitalized several times. Some men can be very verbally abusive and talk down their women anywhere, private or public. This has been an ongoing incident everywhere in the world. Sometimes I say to myself, is it a good idea to argue a lot with a woman when we all know it must lead to something else? I can't fathom that. Women have been subjects of abuse than men and it's worrisome that when women want to enter into a relationship with any man, that is the first thing they look out for - not to be hurt. At the same time, I have further understood that some women can be provocative, they push the man to the most unbearable limit and he reacts often very tense and terrifying. Who do we blame in that situation? Not forgetting the fact that women are very fragile in nature and should be treated with utmost care I do believe there are a few occurrences we have to step down for and act matured but some of us haven't. I need your opinions on how abuse can be controlled? Can it be stopped, if yes, how? What are the causes? Is it right for a man to abuse a woman in the most extremely unfavorable conditions? Sorry if I may have sounded incoherent, grammar deserts me as of now.

@Poster

It happens and I know a few people it's happened to. Some girls use money but that can mean different things. Maybe you're appealing to her and she wants to bank on that to get to you. Maybe she doesn't know what other way to let you know. But I will advise that whatever she gives you to eat, ensure that you eat it together so you will not be poisoned or caught up in some metaphysical influences. But then, do you have a girlfriend? If you do, stay away.

If I may chip in my bit. No matter what a man looks like, if you truly love your husband you will never, I repeat, you will never have a crush on another man to an extent of flaunting your sexual gestures at the man. Let us be realistic here, you want him to ride on top of you probably because you think he's hotter than your husband and you think you can't be caught.
Your marriage is only a year old and I suppose should be fresh within your memory unfortunately the case isn't like that. I saw you mentioned in the latter part of your post that you were wondering if he's having the same problem too in Nigeria, are you trying to justify your sexual exploits? My pities for you are high and I wish you can see where you're riding to. You're on your way to ruining your marriage but that utterly depends on if your husband finds out. You have been married for 1 year and have only spent 6 months at your work place and you already have a fantasy you want to lick in bed? Wow! Your husband is so unlucky. Asking for advice here shows your deliberate weakness and you can't get help here. Think about what you wanna do and go ahead to explore it to the maximum - Cash that one in.

Let's say you had the fun and somehow you get pregnant, what'd you do? Have abortion? What's your conscience going to tell you? Heartlessly stupid and a pitiful sob is what you are, I don't want to use the "W" word on you but you act like one.

Even all these supposed good girls are worse than prostitutes. For her to admit she is/was one makes her a little honest. If she promises to change, you can't count on her words because there ain't no DIK she's never had before, name the size.

He is a not yet a man and needs to grow. It's a simple thing you can't be stripped off of your skin

ibkaye:
Hmm ok, well, I won't generalise, but it is the case in Nigeria where many girls care more about material things than the more important things needed to base a relationship on, same for goes for all other places in the world, that's why sometimes you gotta search real hard for the special person who loves you for you and not the weight of your wallet.

Wow! This is ridiculously stunning.

ibkaye:
Did you just say that you don't believe that there are girls that are more about the material effects than the actual passion couples are supposed to share with each other in a relationship in Nigeria?  

Yes, that is what I just said. I have met some real good girls from Naija and gurl, they were wonderful. I still don't understand why some girls stoop down to this crap.

walestar:
Sorry maybe she forgot,Let me help her to say it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU but I am sure she will not forget if you promise her money and tell her to remind you a date you promise to give her money. I guess she will call you 6 00 am in the da morning to remind you or being reminding you 2 days before the day

This much I know to be true now. I used to know Nigerian girls are all up for your pocket then again I snitched that they have changed now, I am seeing a different thing. I had a girl I was dating back in Nigeria, she used to call me to send her money for her spa sessions. That was ridiculous.

ibkaye:
Too right.

I still don't believe there are girls like that in Nigeria. I thought those days were gone when girls were materialistic and money mongers. Do you by chance have suggestions on why this is so?

ibkaye:
It's up to you, wouldn't say break it off necessarily because of the whole failure to call, sms etc, is the relationship shaky?

Your right about not breaking off the relationship based on her lackadaisical acts towards his birthday, however, with the assertion she made I am having the feeling that she cares more about the material effects than the actual passion they are supposed to share with each other. So, if I may answer, I think the relationship is not quite healthy.

@Koncept

I don't think she's the right girl for you. First of all, how old is she? If she's over 19, then she's just in the relationship because she thinks you are fly and can buy her gifts. What gifts should she have been expecting from you? A classy gold watch? A 32GB iPhone? A 81K gold necklace? She's in it for what she can get not for the love you have for her. Run a test on her, tell her you're sorry and she should sms her account number so you will send her money to buy her gift since you couldn't make it and see what she has to say? Mind you, she might pretend first but in the end, she will laugh and tell you she loves you. Lots of stupid b****tchz are out there ripping men off. DROP HER LIKE A BAD HABIT

@Poster

Wow! I may have wanted to blast you off but we are all prone to mistakes, when unintended, silly or deliberate. I don't know which category yours is because you have it all twisted. In the first place, what are you doing with a girl who has such number of guys? Doesn't she strike you as a player who's out there to mess with a man's heart? She has a guy in Nigeria who's fending for her education and she's staying with another in ATL, put yourself in the shoes of the guy in Nigeria, what would you have done? What would have your thoughts be? Now, that is the position you will find yourself if you ship your matrimonial rights to the wrong woman. There's no telling that she's trying to scheme her way through the Bobo1 to so as to get all she wants from him and at the same time not make him feel any suspicion about her behavior.

Why she doesn't want to let go of you to date her roommate is because she is still coming back to domicile in your home and thank your stars you aren't living in California, or you would have taken the risk of parting with some of your properties and hard earned money when she throws a divorce in your face. Have you taken time to know from her what kind of family she is from? You never know.

It's a simple thing to understand.

Lust is a thing of the mind, Love comes from the deepest part of the heart and can't be brain-controlled.

Keisha and she boyfriend look so good. I wish I can have her all to myself but who knows, maybe I can when she's 70. It don't matter y'all.

As for Christina, I almost didn't recognize her, what has she been up to lately?

olaleye101:
@ the seeker

REAL TALK!!!!!!

Thanks buddy. You know with the statistics around, I rationed 4 women to one 1 man and there were still left overs? Believe me, try one, two and three and you'll find out they are all the same, you might just be lucky with the fourth. There's no denial that there are still good girls out there.

Since when did Mariah Carey become a hip hoper who sings diss songs?