₦airaland Forum

RuthDaniels:
[b]Societal rules are mostly the reasons why people get married these days, Most people in their last thirties are pressured by thoughts of "when will you get married "? "what will people say"? "All my younger ones are married, when will I?". All these thoughts have led people astray.

Left to me, I believe an individual shouldn't be pressured into marriage. Yes you are getting old, people are asking questions but if you think deep, you will realize that these people won't be in the marriage with you. They will also blame you, call you names if you marriage fails, so why listen to them in the first place?

That said, Not everyone we see is a potential spouse, Never base your relationship or marriage on attractions alone! Compatibility and friendship matters a lot. Because there comes a time in marriage mostly after ten years when the test comes. Then only compatibility ,commitment and friendship holds the marriage. Groom your relationship, build your courtship, know yourselves then walk down the aisle. it is better to be late than be late! [/b]

I have read different paraphrased version of all you wrote before but guess what? if you like be super extremely careful...you can still fall into the wrong hands so is it really worth the stress?

greiboy:
in Nigeria that I grew up in

@Early

20s boy/men

Most can hardly get a girlfriend, most are broke with the exception of those from wealthy family, majority are in university. A huge number opt for the self service option.

Ladies
Most don't want to date their mates, most have high standards and believe they will end up with very rich prince charming. Majority of them have great expectations for their futures

@Mid to late 20s

Men

Most are just getting laid now . Some are getting financial freedom. Majority are just having first relationships and first set of assets to call their own

Women

Most have now suffered countless heart breaks. Some are lucky to be married and won't stop flaunting their marriage status at the faces of the majority unmarried ones. Society and parents will start to apply pressure on most to settle down. Some might start regretting actions they took in the their early 20s

Early 30s

Men

A huge number are now financially stable. Some might have settled down by now. Majority are feeling the pressure to settle down. Some are still reeling from heart breaks and feel they can't trust women again. Some have become playboys because of the relationship opportunities their new found financial status have afforded them.

Women
Some have become desperate to settle down as a result of societal pressures. Some have developed tick skin and have decided not to settle down again. Majority are now married but not all the married ones are happy.

Good narrative.

kia:
Well said.

Indeed.

MhizzAJ:
I'll walk away
I take out time to study any man before going close

That is the issue,walking away probably after wasting some time with him...then the circle begins again with another man...it can be draining emotionally.

MhizzAJ:
For all i care i can't get married to someone that i'm not physically attracted to so everyone isn't a potential spouse to me and marriage isn't a do or die affair

I don't need a man to make me complete

I understand and what if the person you are physically attracted to is a beast in man's flesh?

Cutehector:
marriage certificate please

How will that solve Nigeria's problem?

Cutehector:
Uncle toks just described his life. Wow

Why do you think I'm still single?

In our early 20s we usually have all the time in the world to date and engage in romance with the opposite sex,we care less about their persona,background and intentions...often times we take for granted the very ones who sincerely desire us because at that point,commitment is the least of our worries.

Its also amazing to know that in most cases,we tend to fall in love deeply at that point in our lives when we never planned for it.

But as we grow older and we get into our 30s without any commited affair, we suddenly realize its no longer as easy as it was when we were far younger and we try to be very careful not to make mistakes and by so doing we make things even more difficult and complicated for ourselves....

Unfortunately at this stage,many subliminally develop gamophobia(fear of getting married) because there is no more time for long courtship and you don't want to marry who you don't really know,every person that looks attractive to us is a potential spouse...men see ladies at this stage as desperados. Most guys at this stage get confused and ladies at this stage become impatient and any affair running into a year or more makes them uncomfortable.

The pressure starts building from parents,friends,family members and even the social media dares not know you are single. Then we try to console ourselves with phrases such as.."Marriage is not a do or die thing,marriage is not for everyone" "it's better to remain single than rush into wrong marriage"....

The simple truth is that in most cases from a certain age, the more we advance in years,the more difficult it becomes to get married and the more careful we try to be,the more complicated it gets but only the singles at 30 upwards can understand this.

My advise to anyone in this situation is that once you see someone you feel any form of attraction to,drop your fears,do a quick due diligence on that person and if you are comfortable with your findings just take the risk and dare the consequence because no matter how long you wait and no matter how careful you may be,you can never be too sure of that person until you start living under the same roof as a couple and there is no good or bad choice of spouse but what we have is your choice and what you make out of it.

Don't know if this makes sense.

MissJoy29:
Lol...what dimension, pray tell?

Exactly! I keep saying it. I don't joke with good friends. They are always there through the thick and the thin. Now if you add intelligent and smart to that my good friend, I'm hooked to him or her.

Yeah, i get you. Nowadays, if you chat me up sef & say "good morning" & I respnd & you don't follow up with a "how are you? or "hope you slept well?, I don't stress myself continuing the convo. Especially if you have a habit of doing that. People should learn how to carry conversations along biko.

No I'm not. If every man I ever dated "owned" me, I wonder what would have been left of me now
Love? A lot of people don't understand LOVE. What they experience is just fleeting emotions. That word has been abused so much that everything stupid and hurtful and deceitful and painful is done in the name of love. A husband cheats on his wife, he LOVES her enough to look outside so as not to get bored with her. A jealous man/woman kills her/his lover, it's cos the lover was LOVED so much that he/she shouldn't be happy with no other person than the murderer. I get hurt & lied to by my partner & it's cos he LOVES me so much that he wants to shield me from hurt. Love!!!!!

You can change for someone. It's normal. But it should be gradual. Not forced. Otherwise it becomes abusive and manipulative.

Except the person didn't stay long enough or is narcissistic & arrogant, I'm not the kind of person that comes into people's lives and not leave it better than I met it. I have that gift to influence positively.
That being said, if I'm not gaining anything positive from you, I leave. It's that simple. So, I change people & also get changed by them too.

I have been following up on your convo and as a sapiosexual I am enthused to have you as a friend.

Unfortunately I don't send PMs so of you don't mind you can send your mobile# to olakoredeh@gmail.com and let me add you to my contact.

Even if you are married no worries...it's just friendship and I'm extending same to cassyroy.

If this is true then I'm not surprised.

The moment he released that song for her "Melo Melo" I knew this will happen someday.

But my advise for this lady is to get a home at agboju cos many ladies will flock around her man.

qreem231:
Thunder fire anybody that come on this thread and type vanity upon vanity.

The richest and wisest man who ever walked this earth called it vanity...a chase after the wind.

All these will make sense if he has Christ Jesus as lord and saviour else it is a chase after the wind...quote me in hell.

I prefer to be a multimillionaire on earth and also make heaven rather than enjoy billions for few years here on earth and end up in hell.

Riches without Jesus is poverty in disguise.

Drabeey:
this bull sHhit enter frontage, get somebody papa is dying away her thread neva enter fp.


lalasticlala, if that girl papa die, I swear I will shut down my nairaland account, and I promise you, I will shut down nairaland anytime I have the powers to do so.

you ppl are not making sense walahi

What thread are you talking about? .

Lalasticlala I think ladies love this thread but I did not create it to gain likes from them but just been frank as usual.

If a lady handles a guy very well in bed...he will never forget her as long as he lives...


In like manner,if a guy handles a woman fantastically well in bed,she is hooked...quote me anywhere. ..

lefulefu:
love portion bro

smh!

lefulefu:
so true

Wettin be decimal 10:10?

dingbang:
alright.. Will you give him the lapdance?

Have you been visiting strip clubs lately? cos this your lap dance mentions dey wonder me.

biacan:
Hey Frank don't lie here you're been known for bashing ladies on this forum
I remember the last time I had an issue with you concerning how you're speaking of the lines you almost chop me up on that thread..... so I know what you're capable of

Ladies love lies so I don't expect them to like me cos i stand for the truth.

I would rather tell a lady the truth and let her hate me rather than lie and let her praise me.

roarik:
You are a wonderful husband material

Because you love the contents of my write up today abi?

AntiBrutus:
Toks toks... Don't worry, they will hug you today. Nobody will remind you to go get married as usual.
Sha pray make menists no twist the thread for you.
"Toks, you may sit, you're safe" *in Ebuka's voice*

I really don't like it when ladies love my thread...
Lalasticlala might find this insightful.

biacan:
This is not the Toks2008 I know the toks I know won't hesitate to bash ladies at any given moment...
What happen to you who's the lady behind this recent change

MhissAj come oooo is like toks has finally found love again

See una life! I stand with the truth but because ladies love to hear what they want to hear...they give their own meanings to my threads...

I did not write this to make any lady happy. ..but as usual..I am just frank.

ImaIma1:
Yep thats why i said i am not available.

Happy married life.

dingbang:
A round of applause for toks2008.

One female nairalander should give him a lapdance

You be baad guy

ImaIma1:
I would have asked but me....i am not

Are you married? If NO then you are still available.

ImaIma1:
But on a serious note, you cannot really give marriage advice if you are not married. Because you will be dealing with more of theoretical and an ideal situation rather than practical and real life situations.

No offense intended Toks2008

Why not kuku ask me if I'm available or not...

I'm seriously enjoying this.

tosyne2much:

Suspended number for now?

Vikky014:
Don't tell me u took this to heart. I saw the date of the thread. was just joking please. sorry if u felt offended.

Nope..I hardly get offended...and i can't be offended by you my sweet heart.

Vikky014:
Good news
.Toks has just forgiven her.

Lol! Thread wey I don create since...Radio without battery.

I really get amazed when people are quick to juxtapose my writeups to my personal life...

It's like aligning every movie produced to the life of the producer or scriptwriter. ..smh!

mecussey:
I dont believe it, I prefer tolerance. If the woman no get wahala and the man na easy going...boom

Forgiveness is the bedrock of tolerance

Bamz:
Seconded.

Toks2008 it's about time. I was opportuned to join NL before you and I could somewhat feel your relationship travails from most of your posts.

And who told you guys that I'm single?

I just enjoy the panadol you guys take over another man's headache...make una continue.