₦airaland Forum

Omotehanny:
Hi everyone

I'm 28 years of age and I'm female
In the book of ephesiand there's a verse that says children should obey their parents , but there is also another verse that says there that [/b]Parents should not provoke their children[b]

I'm open to criticism but put yourself in my shoes.

My mum is a pastor but at thesame time very very toxic person. My dad (bless his soul) has been seen has a bad person at home, it was not until I started looking at her toxicity apart from me that I knew that my dad wasn't has bad has she painted

She does and says everything she feels is favourable to her, then she puts it as that is what God wants. She literally calls herself God most times. Like when she wants you to do what she wants, she will say you are disobeying God that you will die.

When I was much younger I had depression which I've not recovered from till today both mentally and physically. I had no belief in myself, neither did I have a personality. It didn't make a sociable person, for example when I have a quarrel with other folks or even my younger siblings I end up crying.

She uses words that a mum shouldn't use on her children, she curses her children. She narrates how she has been suffering ti feed you since you were born , how she has clothed you , how she has sent you to you, she will always ask if you can repay her? Like why would she make such statements, did i ask to be born?

The one that will baffle you most is that as old as I am, she still physically abused me, she beats me even at this age. Last week she injured me near my eyes and the blood I lost was much. Several times I've wanted to report her but she will later manipulate me with words because she is manipulative also. She acts like okay at times just for you to listen to her , to things that had gone down in her life. But if I tell her things about my life she will use it against me tomorrow. So I usually keep my happenings to myself and just listen to her. It is still her that will be crying and saying that she takes us as friends but we dont tell her about our lives.

We are not in contact with our dads family, even her own family because of her as she is fighting them. Ever since childhood she has been narrating bad things about them to us, even encouraged us to not greet them whe they were still living with us in thesame compound.c

She fights everybody , even neighbors when she doesnt get what she wants.

And the problem is that she is extra toxic to her girl children. My elder has left the house for long and doesn't talk to her at all, she even got married without my mum attending her wedding(me and my elder sister do not share thesame father). She did not attend her mothers burial because of that quarrel she had with her family and she is the first daughter. My younger sister( thesame father) got intentionally pregnant without wedlock just to leave the house. I'm the only girl child at home now and my own level of tocixtiy is just 100
Na me suffer pass everybody. She never listens to anyone or take advice on anyone on how to discipline her children with love and not with violence.

She doesn't respect a child. Even tho I give her almost half if my salary every month, she doesnt give me a single respect. She abuses me in front of my younger brothers and their friends.


There is nothing I do that pleases her. She will use what has happened for years to still judge you, repition upon repition. She doesnt truly forgive and forget. She expects you to always do everything to her liking, forgetting you are human. She lays false accusers on me when reporting me to people , things I did not even dream of doing. She lies on me. One moments she loved you, the next day she hitting and beating you like a goat. And whether you are wrong or not , after physically and verbally abuse you, she will still expect to kneel down and beg her like God, forgetting she hurt you also.


When my dad was still alive, whenever she starts with me my dad will not make a single speech, If he does she will face him head on.
She brings her family matter to the church and preaches it like a sermon only for the members to be treating you as a bas person. She made me not to believe in God, I'm just gradually recovering from all those.

I've left the house bedorebeause of all these. But she manipulated me into coming back', crying and saying she was not able to wat

But honestly, with the way she injured me this last time, I've lost all fear fro her. At this moment we are not crossing paths. When I greet she doesnt answer me, whenever she is praying, she is abusing me saying all sorts of evil in her mouth while praying. Which Christian does that, not to talk of a pastor.
Shes still looking for ways to make trouble with me but I'm avoiding her. I don't fear her anymore. She stopped us from wearing jewelry when I was 16, but now she has made me stubborn. I'm wearing jewelry in the house and shes saying all sort of evil against me , but I dont really care

I dont think I can continue staying her. The boys dont have much problem with her. She gives them once in a while. But the girls is too frequent. P.s I'm not a bad person, I have never had a fight with anyone before, just misunderstanding here and there which is unevitable.


I want to move out, I'm not buoyant enough but as long as I have peace and mental sanity I dont mind. Because even though we resolve It today( which she will make me beg for days as if she is God) . A worse scenario will come up again

What do you think?

onlyboyson:
Why will you Avoid your second God who give birth to you

Samantha124:
Your peace of mind is much more important than your mother, cut her off if you have to... Love her from a distance.

A lot of kids nowadays are suffering from depression and some have taken their lives all because of toxic parents.

But at the end of the day, the choice is yours.

whyteteeth:
It's draining dealing with my mom everytime she comes to the city to stay in the same house with me. I live in my elder sister's house but she (my sister) stays abroad with her family. I am the last child and I am not married. I work from home though. My mum visits here once in a while. Anytime she comes around she does a lot of things that spoils my mood. For instance, she doesn't like taking her children's advice no matter how important it is to them. She likes having her way all the time. And when we try to stop her, she guilt trips us and emotionally blackmails us.

I have other siblings who do not live with me but they used to come around with their children anytime mom is around. My father is back home and hardly visits. She doesn't listen to my dad if he advices her.

Mom will first and foremost get someone upset, and when the person complains, she will watch out for one negative word that will slip out from your mouth and use it to emotionally blackmail you. She will cry because of what you said to her until you feel guilty and beg her to forgive you. She also likes reporting her child to another of her child without minding if it would damage their relationship.

She likes making her child feel bad so long as she has her way and she is happy. She pays no attention to the feelings of her children anytime she wants anything. For instance, My mom can make you spend money on something that she already has. Sometimes she will drag for something that she doesn't even need. She feels as a mother all her children must make her happy else they don't like her.

Also, She is terrible with conversations both on phone and physically. If you try to have a one on one talk with her, she will make the conversation very unpleasant because she will keep interrupting, next thing she will cry or she will get up and leave you.

She never sees her fault. Even if she apologies, she would do the same thing again and blame you for making her do it.

If she comes around and everywhere is peaceful, after a short while argument will begin which may lead to a fight.

This is because she likes jamming one person with another person and eventually make them quarel. She enjoys adding words that was never in the conversation when she is reporting somebody to another perosn. Most times those words are very hurting and will lead to a fight. And when the fight begins, she will start crying. Sometimes she would intentionally fall on the ground while trying to separate a fight, just to make sure everybody runs helter-skelter trying to get her up on her feet.

She has blood pressure issues, hence she uses that as a weapon to guilt-trip her children so they can succumb to her demands. For instance, if she says things that are not true about her child to another of her child and the person finds out, once you confront her, she would say " don't query me oh, shey you know my blood pressure would soon go up. I didn't kill my mother, don't kill me oh." Or she will just start crying and say the person hates her and what was said isn't true, and that she never said anything like that. She denies the things she says that are bad soon after she says them.

Gosh, I am just tired of my mom. I feel like packing out of this house, blocking her and not letting her come close to me because of how emotionally draining it is everytime she comes around.

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

iLegendd:
I always read about depression and I wonder why people are so weak nowadays. Any little thing, they're depressed.

You people compare yourself with others too much. You guys need to work on your mindsets first. It's one of the most powerful tools to success.

Everyone is going through something, so don't overthink yours. Life is never rosy or easy, but it's on you to take it easy and make it rosy.

The rate at which both men and women are becoming weak is shocking.

This LGBTQ struggle has really weakened some men and made them act effeminate and uninspired with life's purposes.

Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

DaddyCK:
Am doom,my reputation is shattered.. my life is over.am going to jump from a bridge. my fine halfcast neibor saw me drinking cornflakes & boil egg this morning &now..she going to tink am poor.

Please help!!!

princeemmma:
Me na s^x i need

Even giving him space na wahala, he will use it against you

Whenever your man is angry at you, just go naked in front of him, the anger will go down

We men cannot resist that two red pawpaw on woman chest

Redomi:
Please help, how can I win back my stake Everytime I stake on virtual football to increase my sales so that I can get reasonable commission. Please help if there I a way to stake andcwin back my stake.

Demigod22:
I believe I am a strong man and breakfast can't penetrate my heart. Right from secondary School if girls break up with me, they will start accusing me of not loving them enough because I won't show any sign of heartbreak.

But as I grew up a little, between Cynthia and Kadija, I don't know which one of them really terrorize my heart because while Cynthia was a bandit, Kadija was unknown gunmen. But it's all in the past now.

geelite:
money wey you for invest for bet9ja. you come use am train toto till you relocate to Lagos coz of toto and also rented shop for toto ... now, toto don waka buhari sabi something pass this one

newbornmacho:
Please how can a 44 year old be coming to marry a 17 year old girl?

And my sister is excited, and my mom is saying if shes happy she has no problem?

What is money?

And I'm looking like I'm a mad man for telling my sister I'm not in support.

I wish I could nail this guy on something...like if he's ever been married ( which he denies) or some sort of scandal....
How will my only sister get married to someone 27 years her senior?

For God sake

Please help me, what should I do

If I talk now they will say I hate women

We've had a very angry family meeting this night and this girl is bent on going...
Abi na jazz?

Animegirl:
I've been friends with this guy for couple of months now. This morning, he wished me, happy new month and told me to ask for a gift. I was so happy and thanking my stars that finally God is about to use someone to bless me with a laptop. Immediately, I told him, I needed a laptop.

Guess his response!!! He bluntly stated until I accept to be his "girlfriend" that I won't get that from him. I asked if he was serious and he said yes. With annoyance, I cut the phone call, blacklist and blocked him from my WhatsApp.

Why ask me what I want if he wants something from me? Why are some men like this? Why can't some men help a pretty lady without asking for a relationship or sxx?

What he said was it right?

I actually need a laptop though.

olufunmi01:
I and my babe had issue for the past 5 months, each time I try beg her, she would just tell me free me..... this is the lady I have been faithful to for the past four years. I left Lagos for her, left my church for her, I cancelled my international graduate admission in University of Michigan USA. I have been begging her. She doesn't want to have anything to do with me no more. Now, people think I'm going crazy. Please help me. I think of her and time spent together

Icouldhave:
I just can't help myself, right since I was a little kid. I get jealous easily.

I want everything to be just me alone, I want to be the one to have money then give it out to people.

I hate it when people gives me money, it anolds me, makes me feel less.


Please how do I contain this attitude of mine.


Ps

I don't do bad.

Neither do I do evil.

I just want to be the one running everything in my family or any place I find myself.

I want to be the number one guy


I want to be the giver always

ESANMEA:
It's simply to avoid distractions.. I see nothing wrong in that o

TheLordofHost:
I knew this girl for just a month then she got pregnant. Begged the fool to abort but she refused. She kept on asking me to marry her but I explained to her I wasn’t financially capable.

I cut her off for some months thinking that would make her get an abortion but for where?? The goat kept it. She guilt tripped me with tears and constant calls. I finally went to meet her family (she was about 7 months gone by then) to take responsibility of the pregnancy.

I was employed then but the job was shittty and the pay was shitttier. I sent her the little I could. She had the baby at her mum’s place .

She, her mum and her elder sister kept on calling me to curse me that I wasn’t sending enough money for the baby’s upkeep. I was earning 11k a month and sending 4k monthly to this ungrateful bitch.

I couldn’t keep u with the insults, I changed my line, changed my address and began anonymously sending the little I could to her bank account monthly because my conscience couldn’t let me ghost my child.

We live in different states, about 8 hours apart. The child is a year old and some months now.

I was surprised when this Devil came to my place last week with the baby. I was expecting shouts and quarrel but she was calm. She and the baby sat on my bed. We didn’t say much to one another. A few minutes later, her phone rang, she went outside to receive the call and didn’t return.

I searched for this bitch like a mad man till night fell. I don’t even have her phone number. A female neighbor offered to care for the baby that night.

The Devil called me and told me not to bother looking for her. She said her mum is late and they have relocated.

I have dropped the baby at my aunt’s place and promised to pick her soon. I gave my aunt the last 3k on me. My aunt has been buzzing me with calls to come and take the baby as she is very busy.

My babymama’s number is not going through. I have tried repeatedly. My mum is late, I am thinking of taking the child to an orphanage.

I don’t know what to do. I am really sick right now from overthinking and stress. Please I need good advice.

Onahi95:
For over a year now I've found out that I'm no longer interested in ladies, more like I don't have time for them again. Growing up I was more of a play boy, I once had dated over 8 girls at a go, I loved the constant ringing of my phone, the tons of messages I get and the endless list of missed calls if I step away from my phone for five minutes.

During the era of 2go I bedded countless ladies, I even dashed girls to my friends, I was a master of the game. A friend of mine abroad would forward his chat with a white lady to me while I reply the chats and he would forward my replies to the lady, he later married the lady.

Fast forward a few years down the line and I now suck at the game, I can't even keep a conversation with a lady, if I chat a lady up and she delays in replying me message, I would take at least five times the time she took before I reply, most time the chat dies a natural death unlike before that I drop catchy pick up lines here and there.

Most times I approach a lady and get her number but I never get to call, sometimes I scroll through my contact list and see countless numbers that I can't recall their owners.

I've somehow turned to an introvert, I love staying indoors and alone thinking of how to survive in this buhari economy. I would make arrangements with a lady to pay me a visit but on the said day I would grow cold feet and blank her.

Is this normal?? I'm not gay and can never be one but nothing interests me about ladies anymore, I'm more concerned on how to make money. I get to meet osho frees but I'm not still interested . If I call a lady for a day and she does not pick or return the calls I delete the number .

Recently I met a girl and asked her out, she agreed but complained that I rarely call her, she managed to visit and it was a very boring visit because I didn't feel like talking, I didn't event make an attempt to touch her. After ignoring her calls for some days I called her back only to realize that I have forgotten her name, like I can't recall my supposed gf's name.

Has anyone been in this situation before??

WuraSerano:
No words of endearments.
No long phone calls.
No flowers.
No nice scents or lingeries.
No treats.
No gifts.

Nothing but demand for sex.
Guys, why are you so unromantic?

Rozcol:
Yes I had to end my friendship with my once very good friend because she saw nothing wrong in dating someone who used to be so interested in me,that I turned him down isn't enough reason for her to date him,there are so many other guys she can date and it shows the guy does not genuinely love her else he wouldn't have come for me in the first place. I don't think it's cool for a close friend to go ahead and date someone who was once interested in her friend, its betrayal and also a sign that she doesn't know and respect boundaries and that's dangerous to me,such friends are not to be trusted she can stab you at the back when you least expect. Now she's telling people that I'm selfish and petty for having issues with her decision to date the so called guy. What do you think?

Oliviajones:
He broke up with me over a month ago. We still talk because I keep trying to convince him why we should get back together but he'd rather we remain friends. I've begged, I've cried, I promised changed attitude.
I get panic attacks at night, I can't cope properly during the day. I had built my life around him.

I can't do the no contact thing because I fear he'd forget about me and move on. Please talk to me. This is the worst I've felt.

medropoly:
This question is for the honest and sincere minded people.
Can you marry a woman like your mother?

Let me start with myself.
"My mother is really a nice and caring woman, (mostly to us her children) but to her husband (my dad) the relationship there is really not cool. To some extent, I can't because she dose allot of things that really annoys me as her child not to talk of her husband".

So what about you?