₦airaland Forum

k2039: I dont understand what the OP is saying.

Me neither.

I don't know about Nigeria, but in the US if you and your prospective partner are make a combined total of $100,000 or more that should be enough to get you started with life, depending on the cost of living in your state. And it's always good to have some other source of income beside your salary because if one of you should lose your job, you lose your salary; but if you have some kind of investments or savings or something at least you know you have a cushion to fall back on until you find out what to do next.

Why not? It's healthy for kids to see their parents showing affection. It gives them a sense of security. All other sexual acts should be done in private, but a little kiss here and there is harmless.

MRbrownJAY: as much as you may be right, a teacher is responsible for children IN NORMAL SETTINGS, when a catastrophe like this happens, i am sorry but you have to save yourself before anything else. all this heroic mambo jambo is just for play, even if you dont want to protect yourself, common sense will set in and without knowing, you would probably run for cover.

as for not being to live with yourself, think about the possible orphans that you would leave behind, before doing such action. my duty is to come back home and caring for my kids. if a child dies in a school shootout (whether mine or anyones), the shooter will/should be blamed, NOT the teacher, unless he was superman and bulletproof.

as for the ones who died trying, go tell that their wives and children...... oh well, at least they are dead heroes.

Once again it's not a matter of being "heroes." When the shots were fired I don't think these teachers were thinking, "oh let me save these kids so CNN can call me a hero." I think they were thinking "I have to keep these kids safe." You're entitled to you're opinions, but I'm speaking from the point of view of a teacher who knows what's its like to have kids depending on you in the midst of chaos. I'm twenty-two and I don't have children yet, my students are my kids for now. But anyway, I can keep speaking in what-ifs but I won't know until I'm in the situation. All the same the lesson learned is dont take life for granted.

MRbrownJAY: @Poster
there is only one thing to do in such event, run for cover and save yourself........because as much as you may try to be "heroic" in such instance, you can never cure/understand CRAZY. that person who did that is CRAZY, and unless you have a magic potion to cure CRAZY, you should simply do what is right to stay alive and go back home to your family, and hug them a little stronger that night.

too many people get killed because they think they can change the world doing crazy action and dying in the same process! it is human nature to protect yourself, and there is nothing shameful/wrong about it.

That's easy to say until you're in the situation. And I don't think its about being heroic but if you're a teacher you're responsible for 20 something kids. Like I can't imagine what to do if I'm on the playground with all my students and someone starts shooting. I would never be able to live with myself if I ran inside and left them. But like I said you won't know unless you're in that situation. I know God will bless every teacher who helped save a life in that school and to those who died trying, at least they tried.

Today I heard some very sad news that I have not heard since the Virginia Tech shooting. In Connecticut, A young man walked into an elementary school at 9am Friday, and shot twenty children from the ages of 5-10, and six teachers. As a teacher my worst fear is to be with my students and to have something like this happen. What do you do? How do you shield them from harm? And my heart goes out to every parent who was called and told that their child was murdered for no reason at all. For all you parents out there, never take anything for granted. I'm sure these parents dropped off their children with the intent of picking them up after school, but unfortunately they will be picking up what remains of their child. Yes, Kids can be annoying sometimes and they can be a handfull, but never forget to tell them you love them, for you may never get another chance. May their souls rest in peace

Read more for the full story
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/15/nyregion/shooting-reported-at-connecticut-elementary-school.html

I can't believe this thread has this many posts.

I love my relationship, no complaints.

Sagamite: And under what account do you want him to put all the money he spent on date night outs and valentine presents?

You are a little too passionate for this topic. Why do you feel the need to speak for all men? You're entitled to your opinions but speak for yourself. Btw are you even in a relationship, because you keep speaking in hypotheticals. You seem like one of those guys who feels intimidated by certain women so you have to put them down to make yourself feel better. What a waste of energy.

Sagamite: First of all, tell me what you would do if you boyfriend refuses to celebrate Xmas, Valentine and your birthday. On those days he is not the type to even buy you a single present but he is a nice guy that is faithful and considerate.

Please tell me.

Then I think a lot of you women would do better in being good partners if you realise men don't give a shyt about the rubbish you think they give a shyt about.

I don't give a fck about you bubble baths. I don't think I would ever need you to help me with my CV. I don't give fck about your having dinner by the beach. I don't give a fck about your strolling in the park when there is football on the TV.

That is not for me and not to my benefit. When such is done it is for your benefit (YOU are the one that likes it) and don't ever think it is something I value and your "fantastic" contribution to my life.

Women should start learning what they should bring to the table that would actually be valued.

Alright I'm starting to get bored of this topic. Date who you please and be at peace. Deuces

A good morning text on my way to work, and a goodnight call before I go to bed.

Sagamite: This is rubbish.

At no point did he blame the woman. He asked "what would you do".

Some of us men too are capable of cleaning and cooking but not alot of us like doing it.

And very few of you women like men that don't spend money on you. Cut the crap!

And, for any sharp guy, you can't be wife material without domesticated/housemaid qualities. If not, what would you bring to his life?

Oh okay I get it...your house stays dirty not because you're not capable of doing it, but because you just don't feel like cleaning and cooking. Makes sense I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a woman cleaning and cooking for her fiancé, I do it for my fiance when I visit him during the weekends. But for him to judge if I'm wife material solely on whether or not I clean up after him is ridiculous. A woman should bring more to a man's life than just a tidy house. What about true character? What about intimacy? A relationship is more than just "does she cook for me?" and "does he pay my bills?" When you look back at the good times it should be more than just when she cooked and cleaned up your house or when he paid your last phone bill. What about the day you were both stressed out from work and you took a bubble bath together, or when you were looking for a new job and she helped you write a cover letter and a resume? There's so much more to what we think is "wife material" and "husband material." What will you do if, God forbid and something happens to your wife and she can do house chores for some time? And what will you expect your wife to do, if God forbid, you lose your job and you can't pay next month's rent? Sometimes men and women have to go back and forth with playing each other's roles to a certain extent. And don't tell me to cut the crap, a lot of women, especially here in the US, can take care ourselves financially, so there's no need to date a guy mainly for financial reasons. If my boyfriend wants to treat me on Christmas, Valentine's Day, my birthday, or whenever he feels like it GREAT! Yes I like it when he spends on me occasionally, but it isn't his duty to pay my phone bills, or my rent. He already has enough on his shoulders.

Waiting to Exhale

pleep: Ever since i started talking to women the instant they start that hard to get crap i ignore them. permanently. no more texts, nothing

If all of u niggas did this, the ladies would stop playin games

But then you'd probably be the first to call her cheap if she gave it up so easily.

ypzilanti: r

Poster is looking for validation for her lazy nature. A fiance is someone you love and want to marry. He loves you and wants to marry you too. If you get to his house and see the place in a mess, what would you do? If there is no food in the kitchen nko? You want to sit around? Sit around. Just know he is probably going to kick you to the curb soon enough.

Just as most women would leave a man they think is not capable of taking care of them financially, most men would leave a woman they think is not capable of taking care of their home. When he is paying for your money needs, you do not say 'don't do that until we get married'.

Hmm....I get to his house and see the place is a mess. I look in the kitchen and there is no food, what should I do? Just sit around? Nope. I would wonder what in the hell he's been doing just sitting around all day and leaving his house in such a mess with no food in the kitchen! If you can't clean up after yourself, move back home with mommy and daddy. What makes you think that most women would stay with a little boy who expects his girlfriend to play the role of his mother? Do you hear what you're saying? So YOUR house is a hot mess and there's no food in YOUR kitchen, yet you blame the woman if it stays that way and not the lazy bottom guy himself? Lord have mercy on women. And I'm tired of hearing the money thing. Some of us women are very capable of paying for own needs. It's called getting a J-O-B. Being wife material is much more than whether or not she cleans up after you. Marrying a housemaid doesn't equal a fireproof marriage.

Emotionally mature, financially secure, good looking, compatible

[quote author=Mynd_44]It is all jokes. If you wanna study people, you will need to meet them in person[/quote]I really hope it is then.

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richarts: So what is a real relationship like?

Not like the one she's describing

Your marriage will be what you make it.

That's not a relationship hun, he's just using you to get off You can do better. Cut it off and focus on your school. Maybe when the time's right you'll find a good guy who will show you what a real relationship is like.

mumumugu: Weneva she proposes. Apart frm that, i aint tinkin of mariage

You'd rather have the woman propose to you before you start thinking about marriage

badjack: Thanks. I really feel that the children will be seriously hurt.

You will cause them more harm by staying in an unhappy marriage. Kids can tell when things aren't going well between their parents no matter how hard you try to hide it. Weigh the pros and cons of staying and leaving. And maybe you should think of marriage counseling instead of posting your issues on NL.

Don't let a few losers mess up the idea of marriage for you. You just haven't found the right guy yet who can change your mind.

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Tokotaya: I think most women got life backwards. They have been westernised to place emphasis on things that, in the true sense, add no value to their lives. Who truly adds value to the life of a woman; a husband who buys her tons of flowers and calls her a dozen times in 24 hours while keeping a string of women he does the same thing for all over town, or a faithful man who is not romantic but diligently provides for his home and helps with house chores including changing his kids diapers?
To the ladies in the house, which would you prefer?

What so you can't be responsible and romantic at the same time? Says who?

Sweetlemon: Thanks but someone dug up this thread. I'm no longer with the guy. Besides I wasn't exactly giving him crap. He had SERIOUS ego issues. NobodY could talk to him or advice him. He was so stuck up that only his family (and me) could talk to him.
That's what he meant when he told me "you are the only one I can take bullshit from"
I couldn't stand his issues anymore. Iv since met another guy who is 10000000000000 times better than him.

Good for you, all the best.

He's cute, forgiving, patient, cool, calm, and collective. It took awhile for him to woo me off my feet in the beginning, but I couldn't deny the fact that ever since he walked in my life I've been a happier person.

It'll be a year in February since my boyfriend and I have been together. I love him and he loves me so...yay?! Anyway, my mom keeps making a big deal out of nothing. You see all she keeps talking about is marriage, but for different reasons. She keeps telling me not to commit to him and to "just have fun now" because a Nigerian and Ghanaian marriage may be difficult because of our cultural differences. (Btw I'm Ghanaian). I get her point, but first of all, her request for me to not commit to him may have worked months ago when we were casually dating, but now we're pretty much long term and monogamous so.... And as for having fun, we are , but getting married eventually, when the time is right, is in our minds. Until then, I'm looking for a better job and thinking about pursuing my Master's degree and he's working on his Master's degree right now and is trying to put his career together. But anywho, is my mom right?? When my boyfriend and I are ready, and if we're still together and we decide to get married, are things going to be as difficult as my mother's describing it? How different are Nigerians and Ghanaians? And by Nigerian and Ghanaian, I mean Americanized ones. I lived in Ghana for three years, but was raised in the U.S., and he was raised in Nigeria but has been living abroad for most of his adult life. So we're both pretty liberal and pick and choose the aspects of our culture that we admire, like speaking our native tongues, and we throw away the parts that don't work for us, like the lack of father/daughter relationships in some Ghanaian homes. And mind you, my mother was the same person who called me at work and asked me to look for a YouTube video on how to make a design for her aso oke so she can wear it to an upcoming wedding . So, I don't want to sound naive because I believe my mom has a point, but to what extent is she right? How different are we? And what are some potential problems that may occur in a Nigerian/Ghanaian marriage (beside language barriers) that my boyfriend and I may not be aware of.

Can't always trust birth control. What about the day you forget to take a pill? And plus condoms are cheaper.

I'd say continue to use the condom. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and lately we've been tempted not to use it out of laziness, but we always use it anyway because from the beginning of our relationship preventing pregnancy was an issue we both agreed was important to us, when we talked about how we wanted sex to be like in our relationship. We're both young adults trying to build our lives and we love each other enough to not jeopardize each other's futures. I just think it's really sweet when he offers to go out to the gas station to pick up some condoms when we run out or to do "other" things besides intercourse no matter how much in the mood we're in if we don't have condoms. I love him but a baby right now would really change our relationship compared to a baby in a few years from now. And as for STD prevention, no matter how long you've known someone you can never really be sure whether or not they'll cheat. Humans are flawed creatures. So at least until marriage, wrap it up.