TV01's Posts
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jennybright:Sorry to hear this, there is really no pleasant aspect to your discovery. The fact that you have to sit on this until he returns, aren't sure how he will react, can't be sure of what this truly means, or be certain about the eventual outcome must all be very worrying. You are doing the right thing with your intention to confront him and you have been duly advised to adopt the right tone and timing. One good thing about having some time before this discussion, is that you can think long and hard about what you will say, what you will demand and how you will deal with the possible outcomes. It would be glib of me to proffer advice without knowing more about you & your situation, your husband, or the dynamics of your union, but I note you mentioned children - you sound like you will have their well-being at the forefront of your mind in dealing with this matter. I have been hypothetical today and will continue in that vein. I'll suppose you are in a marriage properly entered into, too which you are both committed. First if you have faith, pray. Then think about what outcome you want and what exactly you are prepared both to do and to accept. Then when you have this sit down, ask for him hear you out. Tell him exactly what you found, how shocked you were, how it made you feel and your concern for the impact on your union. Then ask for an explanation. Depending on his explanation - and I'm not assuming he is guilty, that he will admit it if he is, he may even go on the offensive - you need to make him aware that it is unacceptable if he did, and what you found implicates him in something wrong, even if he didn't I'm here if you'd like to share more detail and discuss more - otherwise all the very best and whatever the case, may you find long-term happiness in your marriage and joy in your family. Be resolute, be strong. TV |
Moana: DARK SKIN is the essence of true blackness and if these fakers were really and truly conscious they would MARRY DARK SKINNED WOMEN!!! TV01: njokusboy:TV |
Moana: FAKE CONSCIOUS COON ASS RAPPER KENDRICK LAMAR PART 2.TV |
Moana:...and if the issue is not light skinned women - "lightness" - why was anything directed at anyone in the first place? TV |
...I'll pretend you're my little sister for a moment; Me - he said what? Lil' Sis - recounts story! Me - thank him for his honesty and tell him it's over. Next time as soon as you feel a relationship may be getting serious or a guy is looking likely, appropriately express your heartfelt desires and commence due dilligence. Don't wait 3 bloody years. Me - and another thing, it's always best - and could save you a lot of potential heartache - if you conduct any relationships with Daddy' oversight - or in lieu, an appropriate family elder. Me - and finally if you do choose to go ahead and marry this guy, it's almost certain that you'll not have fully grasped all it entails and you may find the burden heavy - and there is very little we your family can do once you are actually in it. Over to you sis... TV |
Moana:Check again. Moana:Nope the title is fine. The comments were directed at Ken due to his choice of a light skinned black woman. She is clealry implying that light skin is in some way not as authentic or representative of black. If anything Ken should hold his peace and right thinking sisters - of all hues - should administer a good paddling to rash Rashida. TV |
cococandy:It's actually something I heard way back - even before her 72 day "marriage". It was about how she really "took care" of her men, and that really struck me. I think it's something a lot of women could learn from as I think many don't really get it - or do it very well. We all know that women love to be pampered and they typically put it out there and expect it. I feel they get it more as it hinges onto the "provider" expectation of men. I don't think men demand it in quite the same way, but they love it just as much. And you did well to spot that, as while it's not "submissiveness" in a strict sense, I see it as very much an adjunct quality. It would be difficult to do one without the other. cococandy:Maybe we are guilty of not clearly defining our terms of reference. I always kind of figured many women feel submission = slavery/unquestioning obedience, but I never heard any man state that here on NL in a discussion I've participated in. cococandy:For me it's never been more than a wife recognising her husband as head and being willing to defer to his authority if instances they can't mutually agree a way forward. If anything it demands more of the men as it burdens him with resposibility and forces him to demonstrate leadership. And the actual "wielding of authority" will rarely be in view and cannot characterise every aspect of their relationship or colour all their interactions. It's mostly to regulate DIL/MIL interactions !cococandy:Yes I said that. Please name these brothers and I'll have a quiet word !cococandy:Sounds like it just got better. TV |
Stillfire:Maybe, maybe not...but I'm happy to close...njokusboy, on to the next one please !...uno momento cococandy:My original post; TV01:As clearly stated, I would never consider KK a role model or indeed wife material, but I have heard that she really caters to her man, properly indulges them - that's akin to submissiveness, which in any event no one has ever likened to unquestioning obedience. As for femininity, apart from being well endowed, she presents to appeal to men. I only gave her credit for two things I heard she gets right, it wasn't an endorsement. I haven't watched the show and doubt that her relationship dynamics with Kanye are honestly portrayed there. I don't endorse Beyonce or Amber either - not that they are scouring NL eagerly waiting for me to give them my stamp of approval !Close TV |
Stillfire:I am also pro-female and love my white sisters and white sister-in law ![]() Stillfire:But white men have a deep seated and enduring thing for Indian women. Lightness preference is not primarily interracial, it's intraracial. TV |
Stillfire:...if black women had a better product and hence choice they wouldn't give a rats arse about what black men said or did. Fact. It's not black men that have an issue with interracial dating or get all fixated on pixelation is it? TV |
Stillfire:...and Sonia Ghandi - who was the rulers spouse and then the ruler in India - was not Italian? Black men have higher desirability and wider choice. Simples. It means that even lower class black men have more options - so yes, it does cut across class ![]() My bro' was dating a Brazilian and I went round to his with 3 Naija sisters for a party. Brazil babe later complained about the seething hate she felt. Main sister who was my friend admitted that the girls were pissed that even as they struggle to find quality brothers, foreign chicks were encroaching - "it's so unfair" - it's not just Rashida !TV |
Stillfire:So when you do it it's informed, enlightened choice... Stillfire:...but if others do, it's a problem ![]() My very first post onthis thread mentioned the fact that black men are never given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their perceived non-pc/off message mate choices, but here you are? And given the fact that you claim that black men are "the black womans worst enemy", how would you answer a charge of your choice being due to "self-loathing"? Not that most black men would even notice? I subsequently said the only ones that feel the need to denigrate or justify are those that have the issues. And we still love y'all - regardless of your mate choices !Shollypopz, please come and show us how slavery determined this one !TV |
damiso:She can rant now...but it will do as much good as asking for reparations due to slavery, and will always carry the the hint of whining, and the inability to self-actualise. Loserbird! TV |
Shollypopzz:So the idiotic utterances of a handful of musically talented but mostly unenlightened rappers dictate black thought and consciousness? Nope, women feel entitled to certain men and want to ideologically dictate their mate choices to suit their own narratives. Trying to pin it all on slavery/white domination is a cop-out. Rashida should hold that plank !All that race voodoo has little purchase these days. People get with whoever. Sisters need to overhaul their product !TV Kevin Hart - short ass, Lil' Wayne - troglodyte, Neyo - gay, Kanye - beta; and these are the objects of black female desire and arbitors of their consciousness - it's all over for the black race! |
Stillfire:I thought all the black males were with white women Ergo, there must be at least an equal tendency to leave white women with mixed race bastards no?It would also be nice if women could take responsibitity for their sexual choices. You make it sound as if they drop items at black womens homes and simply fail to return to collect them. What happened to the "strong/empowered black woman"? Stillfire:And hypersexual = desirable to women of all shades ![]() Stillfire:I must say words fail me for Kanye - or any man that would wife a woman of that sort. Having said that Hollywood values are somewhat different. And one thing I've noted before, femininity and submissiveness; I understand KK has that in spades. Take a leaf women. But no mojo clips. TV |
damiso:...my girl is dong fine thanks for asking. She's grown on me so much - she's now my official side-chick ! I may have to post pix at some point.Anyone with a grounded character - even with a colour/tone preference will not make it a deal breaker when push comes to shove. This is about hiding behind ideology and activism to validate your angst. Vicariously copping feelings and them getting all enraged when the object does not conform to your desires. I posted the link where I recounted how I was royally dissed for not being tall enough - make I dey form "Heightavist" as a result ni !Short is as short does ! TV |
Stillfire:In as much as it existed and still exists, it's a fast dying notion. Black men are high profile and lauded - even if I think it's the wrong fields - Sport and Entertainment. Even in the US white women are just as likely to go for the black jock/thug. Even if it's pandering to a stereotype. Having a white woman aint a thing anymore. The truth is many black men find white women more forgiving. Less demanding and more willing to cut them slack. It's not the celebs that you should even be worried about. I recounted last year how I went to a party and it was mostly blue collar black (Nigerian) men with white women. The demands of our sisters here are too much for them and they simply opt for the easy option. At this point in time it's not about superior, it's more about simpler. Sorry! TV |
Shollypopzz:It's a feminist driven sense of entitlement and it also inspires the use of "shaming" to force people to act according to it's odeological dictates. ...you want to see my 6 pack abi? But obviously as a Blackfemactivist you can't just come out and say it It has been known to turn white women off white men !TV |
Shollypopzz:For some reason the pic didn't show and doesn't allow me to open it? Anyway... Firstly - all communities have melanin - just in varing degrees - or do I need to teach a grown "woman" that !Again, if anyone decides to calibrate their beliefs on "celeb utterances/lifestyles", that's their business. And to think that as a result, their choices must validate your perceptions is sheer lunacy. Shollypopzz:I woulldn't call myself a fan - and mostly because I'm not really musical in a critical sense - but rap has gone mainstream and moved beyond that. Ghetto is no tthe only authentic rap voice - and even if it was, only the more reason to question Rashidas beef with it. Shollypopzz:First, you have to believe that at it's heart it's a race issue - this woman is black as you yourself pointed out !Secondly, it's a clear analogy of lifestyle and choices - in the absence of any moral prescriptives - not necessarily being tied. Why must Lamaar marry a dark skinned woman just because they have appeared in his iconography? Would he have to go gay if he'd used homosexuals !And no, I acknowledge the effects of racism. I am also unemotional about the self-inflicted pathologies that the black communities suffer from. Afterall - and I know colonialsim had a role - are there not free black nations that self-govern? Do they not have problems? I acknowledge - I don't wallow. Which is what Rashida is doing on an individual level and forming activist to soothe her angst. If Jesus as depicted is white/Jewish, must I as a professing Christian marry a white/Jewish woman? Okay, maybe I am crap at analogies !Shollypopzz:That is just bollox. After a while they have scored with so many it simply won't be a thing. Any fascination will soon dissapear when they rack up the numbers. How may black rappers that actually care to marry actually marry white women? TV |
Stillfire:As an aside "self-esteem" is at best suspect as a notion. And the fixation with women having it will change nothing. Character is waht counts. Likewise being able to tough out situations or go head-to-head does not compensate for real character, ability and hardwork. And the HP is one of the liberal rags that's leading Sisters on a merry dance. Just saying. TV |
njokusboy:At it's heart, it's just an entitlement rant. The men she wants and/or feels she deserves she can't get/don't want her. Butt-hurt, pure and simple- Unattractive black men marry out all the time, no one gets all activist about it. Likewise, the thought of the two white women you mentioned makes me puke. Same for Keira Knightly. The fuss? I just don't get it. Anne Hathaway was in the papers this morning - doing a Miley" coincidentally - and I just thought "warris dis ![]() And didn't Whoopi get with a white man - if only temporarily? TV |
coogar:It shall no more be known as the "Skoda effect", henceforth, it shall be called the "Ballsy Brothers mandate" ![]() TV |
Stillfire:Tough love - the true kind ![]() There will always be a section of haters. Disgruntled white men use the term "mudsharking" to refer to black male/white female relationships. They always insists that it's the fat, ugly or in someway lesser white females that go with black men. I laugh, as in my own experience that is simply not true. Just as there are those who denigrate those who do it, there will be some who cross race lines or have such preferences who will seek to "justify" why they do. It's these two minority groups who are mainly suspect as far as I'm concerned. Flip sides of the same coin - for those who are at ease with themselves and their choices, there is no need to denigrate or justify. Anyone who makes the best fist of it will at least increase their choices. Choice is freedom. TV |
njokusboy:(3) Shollypopz point is also largely redundant as whatever the distinction, feminism is a key driver in the black community - directly and indirectly - whether it's consciously subscribed to or not. TV |
njokusboy:She'd be fine - to me if she were full with it. Many non-black men will not see beyond her complexion regardless. She's a PC meme. Unless she shows outstanding talent as a mummer she'll be gone soon. Real favourites - like Jennifer Lawrence - are given their own vehicles/franchises. TV |
damiso:...how far Dami? One of the minor reasons I kinda wanted a second son was because my boy is so cute, I didn't think we'd be so blessed again and I figured a not so handsome man can always compensate in other ways. We also "agreed" that if it was per chance a girl, it should look like her mum. Any girl that looks like me go suffer - no matter how light skinned .Funnily enough, she's a stunner - yes I know, I have to say that - looks similar to her brother, and the real surprise; she's quite light skinned? Let me just call madam to make sure she keeps her out of the sun !TV |
Stillfire:No Stilly, not a yardstick - just one measure And it does not necessarily dictate overall preference for many men - even amongst those that may have it as one indicator.A darker skinned women who presents well will not be unduly hindered by her skin tone - if Rashida was woo'ed by a white man - I know, fat chance (and again ) - would she be duty /ideologically bound to reject him?We don't abuse "our women" - we correct them in love ![]() TV |
pickabeau1:True Although colour is not a "prime directive" for me, there are undoubtedly serious pathologies in some black communities and nations. And as such co-opting "alien" notions does not necessarily help if not done smartly and with - dare I say it - proper "consciousness. My main thrust - as ever - is always to exhort men to stand. TV |
cococandy:Short men must surely overcome - read from paragraph 2 ![]() https://www.nairaland.com/1490399/think-need-some-genuine-please#19067631 TV |
cococandy:Statistical fact - even in the good ole' US of A. When I moved back to the UK it took a while for me to "feel" white girls. I actually thought it would be mixed race women all the way. Long-term my preference was for really dark and creamy and I married someone pretty much average black? cococandy:I tend to agree with you here, but I don't think it's a default setting. Lots of men love darker and many have no real preference. I was pleasantly surprised when I had my first fair g/f and used to regularly srprise myself by "wowing" at lighter black women when I thought I prefered really dark ones? Plus most men are driven more by other physical attributes over and above skin tone. cococandy:To a degree maybe - but it's not a real excuse. But what of short men? Or poor blokes? Or, or, or...we all have to work to rise above our percieved disadvantages and make the best of our situations. cococandy:Shes crying "not fair" because she can't be bothered to work for it, not because she is being cheated or discriminated out of it - she deserves to be paddled !TV |
Vivalavida99:More disingeneous slight of hand to justify immorality. No matter how many people you love or lust after, the decision to be intimate with more than one is a simple choice. Whatever "evolutionary adaptations" humans have made - if you subscribe to such notions - they have a higher consciousness that can override that instinct. You have to be really "intelligent and learned" to reduce human actions to the animalistic. TV |
coogar:I won't let MIL off the hook either. The elder thing comes with it's own rights and responsibilites and does not in itself answer all things. And her eldership does not superced my husbandship. TV oya back to footie ! |
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sometimes when my daughter is within hearing. We are doing all we can to build character first and everything else would follow. I never ever felt less 'finer' than lighter skinned people while growing up and bleaching or 'toning' never crossed my mind. My parents my dad especially helped with that.