₦airaland Forum

Stillfire:
I have never dated anyone from my ethnic group sef,

So when you do it it's informed, enlightened choice...

Stillfire:
but I do acknowledge the fact that we do have a skin color problem in the black community and black men should not pretend they are oblivious to this.

...but if others do, it's a problem

My very first post onthis thread mentioned the fact that black men are never given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to their perceived non-pc/off message mate choices, but here you are?

And given the fact that you claim that black men are "the black womans worst enemy", how would you answer a charge of your choice being due to "self-loathing"? Not that most black men would even notice?

I subsequently said the only ones that feel the need to denigrate or justify are those that have the issues.

And we still love y'all - regardless of your mate choices !

Shollypopz, please come and show us how slavery determined this one !


TV

damiso:
Don't worry she is already half way to wrapping you around her fingers

Lol @ Heightavist.

While I don't get the rant on who another person decides to be with, I kinda also think I really don't have the right to tell her not to rant as I have probably not had the experiences she has had. Race issues would always be viewed differently by Africans and AA's.

She can rant now...but it will do as much good as asking for reparations due to slavery, and will always carry the the hint of whining, and the inability to self-actualise. Loserbird!

TV

Shollypopzz:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CAvCdJ8UwAAeJNU.jpg


The below describes you and my post:

https://i.imgur.com/cE8XG4o.gif

So the idiotic utterances of a handful of musically talented but mostly unenlightened rappers dictate black thought and consciousness? Nope, women feel entitled to certain men and want to ideologically dictate their mate choices to suit their own narratives.

Trying to pin it all on slavery/white domination is a cop-out. Rashida should hold that plank !

All that race voodoo has little purchase these days. People get with whoever.

Sisters need to overhaul their product !


TV

^{Kevin Hart - short ass, Lil' Wayne - troglodyte, Neyo - gay, Kanye - beta; and these are the objects of black female desire and arbitors of their consciousness - it's all over for the black race!}

Stillfire:
I'm sorry there is a pattern and tendency to leave black women with black bastards.

I thought all the black males were with white women Ergo, there must be at least an equal tendency to leave white women with mixed race bastards no?

It would also be nice if women could take responsibitity for their sexual choices. You make it sound as if they drop items at black womens homes and simply fail to return to collect them. What happened to the "strong/empowered black woman"?

Stillfire:
The black man is hypersexual. If this is what it takes to not bring a bastard into the world, I will forever frown my face . A black man would want to sleep with you and not take responsibility for the consequences.

And hypersexual = desirable to women of all shades

Stillfire:
If you are light though and you have slutty ways he will make excuses for you. Ask Kim kardashian. Can a black woman have a sex video out there and marry a top black star? Hahaha. Black men demand a saintly semblance from the black woman but will excuse it in lighter females.

I must say words fail me for Kanye - or any man that would wife a woman of that sort. Having said that Hollywood values are somewhat different. And one thing I've noted before, femininity and submissiveness; I understand KK has that in spades. Take a leaf women. But no mojo clips.


TV

damiso:
Hi TV how's lil princess doing? Am sure she is growing so much as the weeks ago by.

I wonder how you would have pulled off the looks engineering

It does not matter to me though I think they are both beautifully and wonderfully made(like all mums think of their children monkey no fine but Im mama like am). I just think its highly insensitive to say things like ' gosh your son is so cute much Finer than his sister' or ' they should have swapped it the other way round as boy and girl' sometimes when my daughter is within hearing. We are doing all we can to build character first and everything else would follow. I never ever felt less 'finer' than lighter skinned people while growing up and bleaching or 'toning' never crossed my mind. My parents my dad especially helped with that.

Funny enough life is funny because I never thought I would be married to a lighter skinned dude the default setting used to be 'tall dark and handsome'

...my girl is dong fine thanks for asking. She's grown on me so much - she's now my official side-chick ! I may have to post pix at some point.

Anyone with a grounded character - even with a colour/tone preference will not make it a deal breaker when push comes to shove. This is about hiding behind ideology and activism to validate your angst. Vicariously copping feelings and them getting all enraged when the object does not conform to your desires.

I posted the link where I recounted how I was royally dissed for not being tall enough - make I dey form "Heightavist" as a result ni !

Short is as short does !


TV

Stillfire:
Of course character is what counts, but at the same time let us not ignore the colorism issue plaguing black men. Stop deceiving the sisters, and this entitlement of 'our black men' will stop. Huffington post did not conduct the study. A white affiliated company conducted the study.

In as much as it existed and still exists, it's a fast dying notion.

Black men are high profile and lauded - even if I think it's the wrong fields - Sport and Entertainment. Even in the US white women are just as likely to go for the black jock/thug. Even if it's pandering to a stereotype. Having a white woman aint a thing anymore.

The truth is many black men find white women more forgiving. Less demanding and more willing to cut them slack. It's not the celebs that you should even be worried about. I recounted last year how I went to a party and it was mostly blue collar black (Nigerian) men with white women. The demands of our sisters here are too much for them and they simply opt for the easy option.

At this point in time it's not about superior, it's more about simpler. Sorry!


TV

Shollypopzz:
Feminism has nothing to do with why she attacked Lamar! Read well before you interject your pot belly into other people's conversation.

It's a feminist driven sense of entitlement and it also inspires the use of "shaming" to force people to act according to it's odeological dictates.

...you want to see my 6 pack abi? But obviously as a Blackfemactivist you can't just come out and say it It has been known to turn white women off white men !


TV

Shollypopzz:
There is something called, connecting the dots and I'm not about to teach a grown "man", how to do that. Did you see the picture I posted on the first page, these are things that men in Lamar's position have said about dark-skinned women. Recently, there was a trend on twitter-"#blackcelebsbelike" showing ridiculous comments Black celebs have made on race issues. The issue is that the melanin lacking community look at the opinions of these people to represent how all black people feel. So, I can't blame them if they would like their celebs to represent them better.

For some reason the pic didn't show and doesn't allow me to open it? Anyway...
Firstly - all communities have melanin - just in varing degrees - or do I need to teach a grown "woman" that !
Again, if anyone decides to calibrate their beliefs on "celeb utterances/lifestyles", that's their business. And to think that as a result, their choices must validate your perceptions is sheer lunacy.

Shollypopzz:
(2.)That is exactly what makes him a fake. You must not be a fan of rap, because rap music is about the artist's lifestyle. People are going to make fun of Drake if he comes out tomorrow talking about selling cocaine and living in the hood, because that would make him a fake. Rappers rap about their lives.

I woulldn't call myself a fan - and mostly because I'm not really musical in a critical sense - but rap has gone mainstream and moved beyond that. Ghetto is no tthe only authentic rap voice - and even if it was, only the more reason to question Rashidas beef with it.

Shollypopzz:
Comparing race issues to gym habit is insulting, to say the least. You are probably one of those Africans that ignore the effects of racism in the black community or you just suck at making analogies.

First, you have to believe that at it's heart it's a race issue - this woman is black as you yourself pointed out !
Secondly, it's a clear analogy of lifestyle and choices - in the absence of any moral prescriptives - not necessarily being tied. Why must Lamaar marry a dark skinned woman just because they have appeared in his iconography? Would he have to go gay if he'd used homosexuals !

And no, I acknowledge the effects of racism. I am also unemotional about the self-inflicted pathologies that the black communities suffer from. Afterall - and I know colonialsim had a role - are there not free black nations that self-govern? Do they not have problems?

I acknowledge - I don't wallow. Which is what Rashida is doing on an individual level and forming activist to soothe her angst.

If Jesus as depicted is white/Jewish, must I as a professing Christian marry a white/Jewish woman? Okay, maybe I am crap at analogies !

Shollypopzz:
I don't support the attack but I understand the frustration. These rappers measure their accomplishment by how many white chics they can sleep with.

That is just bollox. After a while they have scored with so many it simply won't be a thing. Any fascination will soon dissapear when they rack up the numbers. How may black rappers that actually care to marry actually marry white women?


TV

Stillfire:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/08/african-american-women-ha_n_1083182.html
A study was done on self esteem among women, BLACK WOMEN WERE RATED HIGH despite all the issues and insults of being heavier. We cannot be intimidated.

As an aside "self-esteem" is at best suspect as a notion. And the fixation with women having it will change nothing. Character is waht counts. Likewise being able to tough out situations or go head-to-head does not compensate for real character, ability and hardwork.

And the HP is one of the liberal rags that's leading Sisters on a merry dance.

Just saying.


TV

njokusboy:
Am telling you, just look at Kelly Rowland, amber rose, beyonce and MEAGAN GOOD ... it's never really being about the complexion, it's about the baggage...
Black men love thick women... I don't find miley cyrus, Angelina Jolie or those othher skinny white chicks attractive one bit...
I won't mind some kardarsion though...
The only black endowed women I don't admire are the Whoopi goldbergs of this world and you know why

At it's heart, it's just an entitlement rant.

The men she wants and/or feels she deserves she can't get/don't want her. Butt-hurt, pure and simple- Unattractive black men marry out all the time, no one gets all activist about it.

Likewise, the thought of the two white women you mentioned makes me puke. Same for Keira Knightly. The fuss? I just don't get it. Anne Hathaway was in the papers this morning - doing a Miley" coincidentally - and I just thought "warris dis

And didn't Whoopi get with a white man - if only temporarily?


TV

coogar:
there was a time dogs had more acceptance than black men in several western countries but now, various researches show black men sit atop the totem pole of the most desirable men in the world. they kept faith with their brands & made the rest of the world accept them for what they are.

It shall no more be known as the "Skoda effect", henceforth, it shall be called the "Ballsy Brothers mandate"


TV

Stillfire:
Omg if that is love, I do not want to see what hate would look like.
I do understand that finding a mate is not exclusive to one factor. The thing is find your mate, and leave black women out of why you chose to be with that mate. But black males would not hear word and would not rest until they insult black women and say I chose my foreign wife because black women are ugly etc. You cannot choose your wife because you love her or what?

Tough love - the true kind

There will always be a section of haters. Disgruntled white men use the term "mudsharking" to refer to black male/white female relationships. They always insists that it's the fat, ugly or in someway lesser white females that go with black men. I laugh, as in my own experience that is simply not true.

Just as there are those who denigrate those who do it, there will be some who cross race lines or have such preferences who will seek to "justify" why they do. It's these two minority groups who are mainly suspect as far as I'm concerned. Flip sides of the same coin - for those who are at ease with themselves and their choices, there is no need to denigrate or justify.

Anyone who makes the best fist of it will at least increase their choices. Choice is freedom.


TV

njokusboy:
(1) the underlying ideology is the same....anyway, dat argument would take years nd neither of us would accede.. do some more research though...
(2) now wat are you talking about... when did I say there was no white privilede...

(3) Shollypopz point is also largely redundant as whatever the distinction, feminism is a key driver in the black community - directly and indirectly - whether it's consciously subscribed to or not.


TV

njokusboy:
Lupita no fine sha.... I don't care how una see am

She'd be fine - to me if she were full with it. Many non-black men will not see beyond her complexion regardless. She's a PC meme. Unless she shows outstanding talent as a mummer she'll be gone soon. Real favourites - like Jennifer Lawrence - are given their own vehicles/franchises.


TV

damiso:
Chai see how you people have finished us darkies on this thread. take it easy on us naa.


But stillfire is correct though on how black people see lighter skinned people as ' finer' .God knows how many people I have had to shut up from saying my son is cuter than my daughter ( I don't want all those kain inferiority complex inducing talks around my child ).

Even me ,I get from supposedly educated people o ' I thought you would be lighter now that you live in the UK'

#teamdarkiesarebeautiful

That said one can't choose who another person will have a preference for. That's why it's called choice.

...how far Dami?

One of the minor reasons I kinda wanted a second son was because my boy is so cute, I didn't think we'd be so blessed again and I figured a not so handsome man can always compensate in other ways.

We also "agreed" that if it was per chance a girl, it should look like her mum. Any girl that looks like me go suffer - no matter how light skinned .

Funnily enough, she's a stunner - yes I know, I have to say that - looks similar to her brother, and the real surprise; she's quite light skinned? Let me just call madam to make sure she keeps her out of the sun !


TV

Stillfire:
To be light is a compliment in our community and seen as a beauty yardstick in the universe and in the same breath you say it is not preferred? Hahaha. TV you can do better than this. I am here to tell black women the truth, so that peace can reign in their hearts.
My biggest enemy is the one who insults me o, if not for the law black men will kill black women. I no dey do any pseudo intellectualism. The person that insults me at every given breath is my enemy. And that is the black man.

No Stilly, not a yardstick - just one measure And it does not necessarily dictate overall preference for many men - even amongst those that may have it as one indicator.

A darker skinned women who presents well will not be unduly hindered by her skin tone - if Rashida was woo'ed by a white man - I know, fat chance (and again ) - would she be duty /ideologically bound to reject him?

We don't abuse "our women" - we correct them in love


TV

pickabeau1:
lol... there are issues

The black man nd woman need change.. that's the truth

Some men have abdicated their responsibility as authorities in the family which has led to the ascendance of 'strong black women' - filled with anger and hate

Some idolize the white woman look and make themselves bleached, burn their curly hair or use attachments all to hide their God given beauty

Some equate strength to being mouthed and rude all over the place

One can go on... The matter no go end today

True
Although colour is not a "prime directive" for me, there are undoubtedly serious pathologies in some black communities and nations. And as such co-opting "alien" notions does not necessarily help if not done smartly and with - dare I say it - proper "consciousness.

My main thrust - as ever - is always to exhort men to stand.


TV

cococandy:
@bold it is the same thing. Especially for short men. That's why I don't say anything when I hear them complain.
They didn't create themselves, and you can't really force anyone to like a short man if she doesn't but it is unfair to try and shut a short man up for ranting against the 'injustice'

I agree we should all work to improve ourselves no matter what the physical shortcoming may be

Short men must surely overcome - read from paragraph 2

https://www.nairaland.com/1490399/think-need-some-genuine-please#19067631


TV

cococandy:
The vast majority of black men prefer black women? .

Statistical fact - even in the good ole' US of A. When I moved back to the UK it took a while for me to "feel" white girls. I actually thought it would be mixed race women all the way. Long-term my preference was for really dark and creamy and I married someone pretty much average black?

cococandy:
Well..... Maybe. But in the pool of black women,they prefer the lighter skins from what I have seen..

I tend to agree with you here, but I don't think it's a default setting. Lots of men love darker and many have no real preference. I was pleasantly surprised when I had my first fair g/f and used to regularly srprise myself by "wowing" at lighter black women when I thought I prefered really dark ones? Plus most men are driven more by other physical attributes over and above skin tone.

cococandy:
And it has really nothing much to do with behavior or attitudes like some would like to imply. They just plain ol' prefer creamy shades. That's why I understand where that lady is coming from. .

To a degree maybe - but it's not a real excuse. But what of short men? Or poor blokes? Or, or, or...we all have to work to rise above our percieved disadvantages and make the best of our situations.

cococandy:
People like njokuboy should leave her alone. You can't beat a child and ask it not to cry .

Shes crying "not fair" because she can't be bothered to work for it, not because she is being cheated or discriminated out of it - she deserves to be paddled !


TV

Vivalavida99:
"In short, we're capable of loving more than one person at a time," Fisher said.

And that's why, Fisher says, some people may cheat on their partner.

More disingeneous slight of hand to justify immorality.

No matter how many people you love or lust after, the decision to be intimate with more than one is a simple choice. Whatever "evolutionary adaptations" humans have made - if you subscribe to such notions - they have a higher consciousness that can override that instinct.

You have to be really "intelligent and learned" to reduce human actions to the animalistic.


TV

coogar:
the MIL started the physical assault according to the OP. i do not believe the MIL just started distributing slaps like a rabid wolf. something horrible must have been said by wifey to provoke MIL to use her hands. are we excusing verbal abuse & demonising physical abuse?

I won't let MIL off the hook either. The elder thing comes with it's own rights and responsibilites and does not in itself answer all things. And her eldership does not superced my husbandship.


TV

^{oya back to footie !}

crackhaus:
The black woman has issues with the black man, the black woman also has issues with white women, the same black woman still ends up having issues with fellow black women that are of lighter shade... do you not see the problem?

Point. Until they come out from under the cloud of denial all they can do is rage!

Black women prefer black men and have little by way of choice with other men. Black men on the whole prefer black women, but have a wide array of choice from other races of women. It's a global market. What are you selling?

Mary J Blige used Terence Howard in her "...be without you video". She likes dark black men. Who even noticed? Choice is freedom


TV

coogar:
stillfire, i am selling bleaching cream. 60% discount for you.

...broda, you are among those decieving the sisters .

Please add dietary advice, exercise programs, anger management courses, fashion tips, hair insights and etiquette to your product offering.


TV

^{Skoda used ot be the laughing stock of the motoring world. But they turned it around with strategic thought and hard work. Sisters, over to you}

Shollypopzz:
My issue with Kendrick Lamar, which I earlier stated is that he has deliberately used the image of darker black women in his album artwork and videos, to make a political statement , whilst being with a woman who, clearly appears more racially ambiguous than the majority of black women, and certainly is not the kind of woman he raps on in ‘the blacker the berry’.

Simply disingeneous. That's not an issue with Lamar, that's an issue with the women who decided to ideologically co-opt his music to feel good about themselves instead of attending to the fixables.

Shollypopzz:
- Promoting black power and repeatedly using the images of black women with darker skin and fuller features to assert a point, whilst being with a woman whose image contradicts that, just seems calculating and disingenuous. If black was black, and color was irrelevant, Kendrick would have used more women in his videos who resemble his gf, but he wanted to prove a point to seem conscious to sell records i.e having darker women with ‘fros, whilst privately proving himself to be very much a part of a wider trend in black male dating preferences that speaks loudly to internalised feelings of inferiority, in spite of his ‘black is beautiful’ rhetoric.

Lamar - good for him - managed to separate race consciousness from marriage consciousness
I've heard his name but don't know him or his music, but his lifestyle choices do not necessarily have to be dictated to by his music or even the message it conveys if it is not morally prescriptive.

I train hard and could fairly be labelled a gym-rat. But I didn't feel compelled to marry a gym-bunny even though that was a consideration. Come and see downcast looks at the gym 0 !

Shollypopzz:
P.S: The chic isn't white. I wonder why the op and some posters keep saying white. She is not white, at least she doesn't claim to be. She is 3/4 black with European features.

Whatver she is, it's his choice. Every time a high-profile black male marries someone not approved by the sisters, they go into meltdown. Same thing for the guy from "Being Mary Jane". Get some self-respect. Make yourselves desirable and stop fixating/feeling entitled to black men by right - and the feeling you have a say in their mate choices.


TV

pickabeau1:
Just here to read comments..

...enter fray jor...it's fun


TV

Stillfire:
Black men love lighter skinned women and BLACK WOMEN NEED TO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
Why black women choose to reduce themselves to rabid dogs to challenge this issue is beyond me. Please have some class. Accept the FACT that black men prefer lighter skinned women and lighter skinned are placed on a pedestal for goodness sake, so that you can have peace of mind.

Stilly, I like your "outcome/action " statement. Spot on. But the tendency towards lighter skin is universal - it's not just a black thing. And "light" skin alone ain't a thing. It has to come wrapped - or should I say wrap up a whole load of other assets - 'oops I did it again !

Stillfire:
We all know where this preference came from. We are not stupid. The black man has been defeated by the White man, these are just examples of the spoils of war . The sooner you realize this my fellow AA sisters the better for you! You are only giving them ammo to ridicule you and call you names like the OP intends on doing when you give them the time of day.
Sir Victor Olaiya as far back as the 80s sang Omo pupa o le mi fe, jo wo mo fe bla bla (dunno the rest), but it means he prefers a light skinned woman. Bleaching cream definitely skyrocketed then in Nigeria.

But as ever your reasoning is somewhat faulty. Prbably driven by an ill-informed ideology/notion of consciousness. Light skin is universaly seen as a mark of beauty, rightly or wrongly. But it is not in itself determinant of mate selection or even preferred. Do you really think brothers are feeling for pancake nyash just because it's yellow .

Stillfire:
The aim of this thread is to ridicule black women. Black men get a dig out of it, if you do not know, know now. They cannot fight the main oppressors that is why they turn against their women. Do not give them ammo.
She is right on one thing though...Another fake conscious rapper exposed! Black women know thy enemy!

Black womens biggest enemy are black women and feminism - although not necessarily in that order .

We still love y'all.


TV

...ah, Coco, my favourite...holá!

cococandy:
Well don't we see it everyday on NL and all sorts of social media?
The praise for white women over black ones?

Some black men prefer white women - allow. The vast majority of black men prefer black women and marry black women.

cococandy:
A white one throws a tantrum and she's cute but the dark one does the same and she's labeled 'angry bitcch'.

Nope we are always sure to label hysterical entitlement princess for what they are. It's a tone neutral term !

cococandy:
A black guy will serve his white wife but will scream insubordination if his black wife doesn't serve him.

Not true. A man that "serves" his wife in his capacity as husband does so because he knows too. Not because she has a certain skin tone or he feels blessed to have her because she has.

cococandy:
You guys should free the woman.
Her pain is well felt.

I kinda feel you here. Her pain is palpable - he rage however is misdirected. Google her. She needs to do some squats, fix her hair and install an attitude adjustment - she'll be pleasantly surprised at the results .

cococandy:
We know you guys have a weakness for yellow skin and really no one has a right to dictate your preferences for you but Can you just let the lady vent in peace?

That would be a disservice - we should direct her a'right - as above - there is yet hope !


TV

coogar:
and this is why the wife should have waited for her hubby to return before retaliating. i am not holding a brief with the MIL. she acted very wrongly to have slapped the wife......the wife was out of order to have retaliated.

Yes, the wife was totally wrong to retaliate - be that out of animosity or anxiety and I noted that - and I mentioned her fumble should be treated. But what she did, did not undermine the husbands authority or the marriage like what the MIL did - who by the way started it.

coogar:
did the bible not say when one is attacked, he/she should turn the other cheek, pastor TV01? the question is what would Jesus do? i should be the one correcting my mother, that right doesn't belong to my wife.

Totally agree, she should have restrained herself and asked her husband to take action. Her husnband would then decide if she was right or wrong to deny his mothers request and act accordingly. Then still tear a strip of his mother and lay down the law for undermining his authority and his marriage. It's not firstly a DIL/MIL thing; it's a husband/marriage thing.


TV

njokusboy:

njokusboy thank you jor...your life will be sweet and long. Just the kind of thread I needed for a good femnivorous meal - and so many delicacies available !

I'm besides myself with excitement - so giddy I don't even know where to start " Oya let me be a little serious first;

Funny how many of our femisnist/blacktavist wannabees totally omit - or willfully ignore - the fact that many "black men" are able to make a choice of mate without any colour consideration whatsoever?

Be that because they were raised with no real consciousness of the difference, or perhaps have grown past it, or even are wise enough to see that ultimately it's at best an inconsequential consideration in a long term relationship - especially when placed alongside more important things like character attributes and worldview.

They always have to ascribe a pernicious reason, usually falling back on the old "self-loathing" trope. The fact is in a global mating market black women are lowest in the hierarchy - relative to all other women and black men. This is to put it frankly - colossal butt-hurt" masquerading as serious polemic !

Face up to the truth; universally there is a generally correlated scale/hierarchy. Light at the top Charcoal at the bottom. But, and this is a big butt - see what I did there - there are myriad ther things that factor into mate choice (and no one should be denied there preferences - not least because they have to live with them).

His choice is fit, thin, pretty, well accomplished and a long-standing friend. She is focusing on "skin tone" as a proxy because she falls short in all the other measures. Hate, pure and simple.

Any women that presents herself well will attract a suitable mate. I speak as one who has dated white and various shades of black women. Settling on a chocolate skinned beauty - even though I always preferred the "Ghana black" type. Ultimately, race or skin tone were negligible considerations.

And please note black womens surfeit of testosterone doesn't help their cause either - another universally correlated scale is femininity. Generally men prefer more feminine women, not headstrong and aggressive types. Sisters work on yourselves - the "fake weaves" would be a good place to start !


TV

^{Feminism = fat, ugly - and sometimes blackie shine - women trying to cockblock !}

...holá gents...hope everyone had a great Easter break.

Posting on the whole DIL/MIL theme that's trending right now. Can't be bothered to catch-up, so I thought I'd expound my thinikng a little more here.

I posted originally here; https://www.nairaland.com/2221772/pls-wife-fought-mother-following/25#32130760

From my post, you can see that I did not focus overly much on the actions of the DIL or MIL - because I don't believe that's primary to determining a husbands stance or response to any issues.

It seems many are viewing from a wife or mother perspective, personally - and aligning with the preceding sentence - I see both those perspectives as flawed. Hence my focus in my earlier post referenced above.

My whole thrust is authority in the marriage, and with whom it rests; The husband, Oga, Daddeee, Commander ! If anyone feels they can come into his home and chastise, discipline or confront his wife, they have first and foremost undermined his position as head of his home. Period.

The correct action should always be to report to the husband - whoever you are who feels slighted, whatever the offense and to whomever the blame is to be appportioned. Hence why I made no mention of what sparked the incident, or overly referenced the underlying tension.

To expoud; if his mum has authority over his wife, what about his dad? His elder brother? Pastor? Any siblings or close relatives he has who are older than his wife or "senior" to him?

To be clear, authority in my home rests with me - any other exercising authority over my wife undermines that, hence my stance. DIL/MIL issues are secondary. The actions/reactions of the two women are not the starting point for me, they will be properly ordered when the correct starting point is established.

Further, for the husband to side with an "outsider" against his wife is also to undermine his own home and authority - even if she is wrong! In his absence, she is "his will and his word" and the outsider accepts that or appeals to Ceasar.

I will willingly apologise or make amends if my wife gets it wrong (or see that she does), but if you attempt to take authority over my wife in my home, that wrong gets righted first .

Outside the home there may be variations, you may even have to compromise or take a hit - but I would always start from that underlying premise.

Bellong - apologies for not coming back on the above thread
Crackhouse - I hope this explains what I chose to leave unsaid earlier.

Off trolling jor I'm bored


Commander TV

crackhaus:
@TV01,

Holá bro', 'sup? Hope all's well.

crackhaus:
I think the retaliation by the wife was unnecessary, there was no need for a shouting match or a physical fight - wifey got slapped, wifey doused the tension by not retaliating... this is the safest more easily salvageable action.

You are right - I don't think I suggested anywhere that the wifeys response was right or good. And I asked him to have a word about her wayward ways and ask his wife to apologise - mainly because she disgraced him! My main thrust is the right hierarchy and tone being set - for everyone

crackhaus:
Like I mentioned before, both mother and wife are perfect for and deserve each other... they both knew they never got along but acted cosy when the husband was present only to bare fangs once he left.
Also, we don't know exactly what words were exchanged before the MIL chose to apply 'reset'.
They both saw the opportunity to let out all previously suppressed animosity, but this could all have been avoided if one person acted more sensibly - which would have been the wife in this case.

True - but again, I'm not particularly concerned about his wife or mothers propensity for drama - it's his ability to eliminate or manage it, and appropriately deal with any outbreaks.

crackhaus:
MIL wanted some photos, DIL doesn't want her to have it - unless y'all are saying there was no other possible way this situation would have played out without a slap being given, words being exchanged, or a fight ensuing... then I guess wifey deserves an Oscar for her sterling performance.

You'll notice I didn't address what supposedly sparked the exchange. It's not really important.

crackhaus:
It now falls to the man to resolve this matter amicably without partiality, which coincidentally is the exact same thing he would have done had wifey not retaliated.
As a matter of fact, I'm almost certain he won't be this confused and will definitely be on the side of his wife had she not retaliated - the mother would have been the one doing the apologizing in this case (this is assuming the wife didn't say something really stvpid that warranted a slap in the first place)…

My whole thrust was his acting, authorititvely, proactively and decisively - whatever the situation.
I don't think MIL has the right to slap her DIL and would be best advised not to even if DIL "deserved" it. There is no saying that OP would have responded correctly - he is in thrall to his mum, which is bad whatever happens.


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5minsmadness:
I don't understand ladies at all.
It's like they have an irresistible urge to go around naked.
I saw a woman wearing this to the office the other day...and this lady is married. Her Vajina was very well outlined for all to see. I was like wtf? She laughed and said it is fashion. IT IS STUPIDITY in my opinion. Why diminish yourself by looking like a prostitute? Has decent clothing finished in the market? What's with all this showcasing ass and vajina in the name of freedom of choice? People are just being stup1d.

The urge to channel the "inner slut" is extremely powerful !
Once we had social morés, decorum and character. Now we have autonomy and liberalisation. Game over.


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