₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
The black woman has issues with the black man, the black woman also has issues with white women, the same black woman still ends up having issues with fellow black women that are of lighter shade... do you not see the problem?

Point. Until they come out from under the cloud of denial all they can do is rage!

Black women prefer black men and have little by way of choice with other men. Black men on the whole prefer black women, but have a wide array of choice from other races of women. It's a global market. What are you selling?

Mary J Blige used Terence Howard in her "...be without you video". She likes dark black men. Who even noticed? Choice is freedom


TV

coogar:
stillfire, i am selling bleaching cream. 60% discount for you.

...broda, you are among those decieving the sisters .

Please add dietary advice, exercise programs, anger management courses, fashion tips, hair insights and etiquette to your product offering.


TV

^{Skoda used ot be the laughing stock of the motoring world. But they turned it around with strategic thought and hard work. Sisters, over to you}

Shollypopzz:
My issue with Kendrick Lamar, which I earlier stated is that he has deliberately used the image of darker black women in his album artwork and videos, to make a political statement , whilst being with a woman who, clearly appears more racially ambiguous than the majority of black women, and certainly is not the kind of woman he raps on in ‘the blacker the berry’.

Simply disingeneous. That's not an issue with Lamar, that's an issue with the women who decided to ideologically co-opt his music to feel good about themselves instead of attending to the fixables.

Shollypopzz:
- Promoting black power and repeatedly using the images of black women with darker skin and fuller features to assert a point, whilst being with a woman whose image contradicts that, just seems calculating and disingenuous. If black was black, and color was irrelevant, Kendrick would have used more women in his videos who resemble his gf, but he wanted to prove a point to seem conscious to sell records i.e having darker women with ‘fros, whilst privately proving himself to be very much a part of a wider trend in black male dating preferences that speaks loudly to internalised feelings of inferiority, in spite of his ‘black is beautiful’ rhetoric.

Lamar - good for him - managed to separate race consciousness from marriage consciousness
I've heard his name but don't know him or his music, but his lifestyle choices do not necessarily have to be dictated to by his music or even the message it conveys if it is not morally prescriptive.

I train hard and could fairly be labelled a gym-rat. But I didn't feel compelled to marry a gym-bunny even though that was a consideration. Come and see downcast looks at the gym 0 !

Shollypopzz:
P.S: The chic isn't white. I wonder why the op and some posters keep saying white. She is not white, at least she doesn't claim to be. She is 3/4 black with European features.

Whatver she is, it's his choice. Every time a high-profile black male marries someone not approved by the sisters, they go into meltdown. Same thing for the guy from "Being Mary Jane". Get some self-respect. Make yourselves desirable and stop fixating/feeling entitled to black men by right - and the feeling you have a say in their mate choices.


TV

pickabeau1:
Just here to read comments..

...enter fray jor...it's fun


TV

Stillfire:
Black men love lighter skinned women and BLACK WOMEN NEED TO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON.
Why black women choose to reduce themselves to rabid dogs to challenge this issue is beyond me. Please have some class. Accept the FACT that black men prefer lighter skinned women and lighter skinned are placed on a pedestal for goodness sake, so that you can have peace of mind.

Stilly, I like your "outcome/action " statement. Spot on. But the tendency towards lighter skin is universal - it's not just a black thing. And "light" skin alone ain't a thing. It has to come wrapped - or should I say wrap up a whole load of other assets - 'oops I did it again !

Stillfire:
We all know where this preference came from. We are not stupid. The black man has been defeated by the White man, these are just examples of the spoils of war . The sooner you realize this my fellow AA sisters the better for you! You are only giving them ammo to ridicule you and call you names like the OP intends on doing when you give them the time of day.
Sir Victor Olaiya as far back as the 80s sang Omo pupa o le mi fe, jo wo mo fe bla bla (dunno the rest), but it means he prefers a light skinned woman. Bleaching cream definitely skyrocketed then in Nigeria.

But as ever your reasoning is somewhat faulty. Prbably driven by an ill-informed ideology/notion of consciousness. Light skin is universaly seen as a mark of beauty, rightly or wrongly. But it is not in itself determinant of mate selection or even preferred. Do you really think brothers are feeling for pancake nyash just because it's yellow .

Stillfire:
The aim of this thread is to ridicule black women. Black men get a dig out of it, if you do not know, know now. They cannot fight the main oppressors that is why they turn against their women. Do not give them ammo.
She is right on one thing though...Another fake conscious rapper exposed! Black women know thy enemy!

Black womens biggest enemy are black women and feminism - although not necessarily in that order .

We still love y'all.


TV

...ah, Coco, my favourite...holá!

cococandy:
Well don't we see it everyday on NL and all sorts of social media?
The praise for white women over black ones?

Some black men prefer white women - allow. The vast majority of black men prefer black women and marry black women.

cococandy:
A white one throws a tantrum and she's cute but the dark one does the same and she's labeled 'angry bitcch'.

Nope we are always sure to label hysterical entitlement princess for what they are. It's a tone neutral term !

cococandy:
A black guy will serve his white wife but will scream insubordination if his black wife doesn't serve him.

Not true. A man that "serves" his wife in his capacity as husband does so because he knows too. Not because she has a certain skin tone or he feels blessed to have her because she has.

cococandy:
You guys should free the woman.
Her pain is well felt.

I kinda feel you here. Her pain is palpable - he rage however is misdirected. Google her. She needs to do some squats, fix her hair and install an attitude adjustment - she'll be pleasantly surprised at the results .

cococandy:
We know you guys have a weakness for yellow skin and really no one has a right to dictate your preferences for you but Can you just let the lady vent in peace?

That would be a disservice - we should direct her a'right - as above - there is yet hope !


TV

coogar:
and this is why the wife should have waited for her hubby to return before retaliating. i am not holding a brief with the MIL. she acted very wrongly to have slapped the wife......the wife was out of order to have retaliated.

Yes, the wife was totally wrong to retaliate - be that out of animosity or anxiety and I noted that - and I mentioned her fumble should be treated. But what she did, did not undermine the husbands authority or the marriage like what the MIL did - who by the way started it.

coogar:
did the bible not say when one is attacked, he/she should turn the other cheek, pastor TV01? the question is what would Jesus do? i should be the one correcting my mother, that right doesn't belong to my wife.

Totally agree, she should have restrained herself and asked her husband to take action. Her husnband would then decide if she was right or wrong to deny his mothers request and act accordingly. Then still tear a strip of his mother and lay down the law for undermining his authority and his marriage. It's not firstly a DIL/MIL thing; it's a husband/marriage thing.


TV

njokusboy:

njokusboy thank you jor...your life will be sweet and long. Just the kind of thread I needed for a good femnivorous meal - and so many delicacies available !

I'm besides myself with excitement - so giddy I don't even know where to start " Oya let me be a little serious first;

Funny how many of our femisnist/blacktavist wannabees totally omit - or willfully ignore - the fact that many "black men" are able to make a choice of mate without any colour consideration whatsoever?

Be that because they were raised with no real consciousness of the difference, or perhaps have grown past it, or even are wise enough to see that ultimately it's at best an inconsequential consideration in a long term relationship - especially when placed alongside more important things like character attributes and worldview.

They always have to ascribe a pernicious reason, usually falling back on the old "self-loathing" trope. The fact is in a global mating market black women are lowest in the hierarchy - relative to all other women and black men. This is to put it frankly - colossal butt-hurt" masquerading as serious polemic !

Face up to the truth; universally there is a generally correlated scale/hierarchy. Light at the top Charcoal at the bottom. But, and this is a big butt - see what I did there - there are myriad ther things that factor into mate choice (and no one should be denied there preferences - not least because they have to live with them).

His choice is fit, thin, pretty, well accomplished and a long-standing friend. She is focusing on "skin tone" as a proxy because she falls short in all the other measures. Hate, pure and simple.

Any women that presents herself well will attract a suitable mate. I speak as one who has dated white and various shades of black women. Settling on a chocolate skinned beauty - even though I always preferred the "Ghana black" type. Ultimately, race or skin tone were negligible considerations.

And please note black womens surfeit of testosterone doesn't help their cause either - another universally correlated scale is femininity. Generally men prefer more feminine women, not headstrong and aggressive types. Sisters work on yourselves - the "fake weaves" would be a good place to start !


TV

^{Feminism = fat, ugly - and sometimes blackie shine - women trying to cockblock !}

...holá gents...hope everyone had a great Easter break.

Posting on the whole DIL/MIL theme that's trending right now. Can't be bothered to catch-up, so I thought I'd expound my thinikng a little more here.

I posted originally here; https://www.nairaland.com/2221772/pls-wife-fought-mother-following/25#32130760

From my post, you can see that I did not focus overly much on the actions of the DIL or MIL - because I don't believe that's primary to determining a husbands stance or response to any issues.

It seems many are viewing from a wife or mother perspective, personally - and aligning with the preceding sentence - I see both those perspectives as flawed. Hence my focus in my earlier post referenced above.

My whole thrust is authority in the marriage, and with whom it rests; The husband, Oga, Daddeee, Commander ! If anyone feels they can come into his home and chastise, discipline or confront his wife, they have first and foremost undermined his position as head of his home. Period.

The correct action should always be to report to the husband - whoever you are who feels slighted, whatever the offense and to whomever the blame is to be appportioned. Hence why I made no mention of what sparked the incident, or overly referenced the underlying tension.

To expoud; if his mum has authority over his wife, what about his dad? His elder brother? Pastor? Any siblings or close relatives he has who are older than his wife or "senior" to him?

To be clear, authority in my home rests with me - any other exercising authority over my wife undermines that, hence my stance. DIL/MIL issues are secondary. The actions/reactions of the two women are not the starting point for me, they will be properly ordered when the correct starting point is established.

Further, for the husband to side with an "outsider" against his wife is also to undermine his own home and authority - even if she is wrong! In his absence, she is "his will and his word" and the outsider accepts that or appeals to Ceasar.

I will willingly apologise or make amends if my wife gets it wrong (or see that she does), but if you attempt to take authority over my wife in my home, that wrong gets righted first .

Outside the home there may be variations, you may even have to compromise or take a hit - but I would always start from that underlying premise.

Bellong - apologies for not coming back on the above thread
Crackhouse - I hope this explains what I chose to leave unsaid earlier.

Off trolling jor I'm bored


Commander TV

crackhaus:
@TV01,

Holá bro', 'sup? Hope all's well.

crackhaus:
I think the retaliation by the wife was unnecessary, there was no need for a shouting match or a physical fight - wifey got slapped, wifey doused the tension by not retaliating... this is the safest more easily salvageable action.

You are right - I don't think I suggested anywhere that the wifeys response was right or good. And I asked him to have a word about her wayward ways and ask his wife to apologise - mainly because she disgraced him! My main thrust is the right hierarchy and tone being set - for everyone

crackhaus:
Like I mentioned before, both mother and wife are perfect for and deserve each other... they both knew they never got along but acted cosy when the husband was present only to bare fangs once he left.
Also, we don't know exactly what words were exchanged before the MIL chose to apply 'reset'.
They both saw the opportunity to let out all previously suppressed animosity, but this could all have been avoided if one person acted more sensibly - which would have been the wife in this case.

True - but again, I'm not particularly concerned about his wife or mothers propensity for drama - it's his ability to eliminate or manage it, and appropriately deal with any outbreaks.

crackhaus:
MIL wanted some photos, DIL doesn't want her to have it - unless y'all are saying there was no other possible way this situation would have played out without a slap being given, words being exchanged, or a fight ensuing... then I guess wifey deserves an Oscar for her sterling performance.

You'll notice I didn't address what supposedly sparked the exchange. It's not really important.

crackhaus:
It now falls to the man to resolve this matter amicably without partiality, which coincidentally is the exact same thing he would have done had wifey not retaliated.
As a matter of fact, I'm almost certain he won't be this confused and will definitely be on the side of his wife had she not retaliated - the mother would have been the one doing the apologizing in this case (this is assuming the wife didn't say something really stvpid that warranted a slap in the first place)…

My whole thrust was his acting, authorititvely, proactively and decisively - whatever the situation.
I don't think MIL has the right to slap her DIL and would be best advised not to even if DIL "deserved" it. There is no saying that OP would have responded correctly - he is in thrall to his mum, which is bad whatever happens.


TV

5minsmadness:
I don't understand ladies at all.
It's like they have an irresistible urge to go around naked.
I saw a woman wearing this to the office the other day...and this lady is married. Her Vajina was very well outlined for all to see. I was like wtf? She laughed and said it is fashion. IT IS STUPIDITY in my opinion. Why diminish yourself by looking like a prostitute? Has decent clothing finished in the market? What's with all this showcasing ass and vajina in the name of freedom of choice? People are just being stup1d.

The urge to channel the "inner slut" is extremely powerful !
Once we had social morés, decorum and character. Now we have autonomy and liberalisation. Game over.


TV

maimota:
I still can not answer this question,because i see men as liers
I don't know if other ladies share the same view.
Do men really love?
Does TRUE LOVE exit?

Yes they do actually - and in a far more sincere and deeper way than women are capable of.

Other "ladies" may well share your view - they'd be equally wrong/deceived/dishonest/immature/lacking understanding...check as applicable!


TV

bellong:
Your wife does not respect you. She knows your affection for her will always affect your sense of good judgement in being firm with decision.

If your MIL has not been abusive to her in the past, I see no reason why this simple issue should cause a world war. It only means your wife lacks respect for an elder. Even if your mum slap her without offending her, it is left for your wife to wait for you and not engage in physical combat with an old woman. What if something bad happened to any of them in the process?

You need to get to the root of the animosity between your mum and wife.

Above all, your wife acted like an untrained woman. Apologies to use the word.

Happy Sunday Bellong, hope all's well.

Actually I mostly disagree with your position - even if the wife if somewhat uncouth.

When a man marries a woman he is meant to cover and protect her. The first person he has to protect her from is herself, the second is himself and the third is everyone else. Her supposed uncouthness is his to deal with as part of his service to her.

A wife must never feel that she is anything but 1st in her husbands life, and if she does, her husband should ensure he finds out why and remedies that as required or reassures as necessary.

No one - and I mean no one, mother, father, egbon, cousin, godfather, patron, guardian angel, gym-buddy, etc. - can come into my house and fight my wife, no matter what she has done & even if she is 100% in the wrong.

OP - I've come to this thread late and couldn't read all 25 odd pages. MadCow was the first comprehensive and insightful post I read. Please take heed.

Now to you;

1. It should always be clear to all and sundry that you command your homestead. Do not let anyone be in doubt about that - feel free to drive that point home harshly if required. Command your household. Stop dithering and pandering to other peoples feelings - especially the women who are proximate in your life as that is where most of the unnecessary drama will emanate from.

In this case you had multiple breaches; first you left them alone without the implicit understanding that peace must reign - or certainty that it would. Then when your wife called you did not do enough to diffuse the situation. And now you have not acted swiftly to resolve the issue. You have also take your mothers demands on board instead of rejecting them out of hand and laying down the law.

2. Your wife could have responded differently. perhaps the underlying animosity and anxiety got the better of her. Tell her her behaviour was not acceptable and should not be repeated. Explain that she will apologise to your mum to draw a line under this issue - let her know she comes first and if there are any other odd behaviours she is exhibiting that must also cease. Understand the cause of the animosity and deal with it at some point. If your wife is secure in her position, that may well do the trick

3. Tell your mother you love her dearly, but your wife comes first and she should never forget that. If she refuses to make peace, excommunicate her until she repents - likewise for any family,friends or NL's that take your mothers side .

4. Grab those two loose hanging protuberances between your legs and squeeze them hard - yes, you da man !


TV<sup>MIC


cc Perfectionist</sup>

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033]Hmmm....well noted!!!!


Oya am all ears.... I could do with some Gbenga and his Ijesha inducing "weapon"

[/color]

Cool, appreciate you giving ear. But I will have my say - at some point!

It was Gboyega, not Gbenga and a full exposé at this point will only lead to more mewling "delete post" requests !


Good evening

TV

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] TV....i know it won't stop the war but at least we can reduce it to the minimum.

There is too much tension "in the land".


But I assure you, a deleted thread will not have a positive mention to worry about.

Want to make sure no one opens some hate thread and spamming peoples mention while spewing their fury.

Peace will reign, it will be tough but achievable.


Cheers [/color]

I won't question your aims or challenge your remit as moderator. We are at your mercy !

However what blanking posts/locking threads achieves is in some cases questionable. It's always good if there's a record for posterity - if we can see for ourselves what was and was not said.

And like Coogar noted above, use of blanking/deleting/locking is somewhat inconsistent. My first - and only - post on the current abuse thread (in response to a mention by coogar) was blanked. There was no violation - that I was warned about or banned for - and I did not tell any untruths.

It was done at the behest of someone that was butt-hurt/running scared. In an open forum the correct recourse is a rebuttal - put up or shut up. Pandering in that manner allows people to say what they like and run whinging to the mods when they get served. More worringly it allows them to deceitfully change the historical narrative. I never complain. I accept, rebut or ignore - as pe okunrin now !


TV

RoyalRoy how far?

I have 8 mentions all suppressed and I see that Coco' thread has been deleted. I've also seen your "call for calm" thread, and am putting 2+2 together. What happened? Was it that bad?

There will always be beefs and wars - be they on the basis of personality or world-view differences. Not only can you not change that, to many of us it would be a poorer (read duller ) forum without it.

They always settle and if it gets too bad people typically ignore each other - with of course the occasional flare-up . I really don't think this suppression of speech/censorship is for the best.

This board is largely self-regulting - we try not to stress our moderators . And in any event you can't expect hypocrisy (not to mention, tribalism, bigotry, posturing, demagogic behaviour, attention whoring and the like) not to be called out. Just saying.

How do I know who needs advice, or who is in need of a good rinsing if mentions are blanked !

To be honest it won't settle differences, they'll just get parked.


TV

Congratulations and happy anniversary to you and your wife timbros.

I absolutely love and I'm really blessed by the way you wholeheartedly celebrate your wife, marriage and family. You are an example of the kind of man and husband we need around here. I pray the Lord grants you many more fulfilling and joyous years together.


All the very best

TV^MIC

timbros:
Exactly 1095 days ago, this wonderful journey began...

The feeling is always sweet when you wake up each morning to find the one who loves you by your side.

Honeym, I'm sending this bouquet of love to say that I love you so much. I hope I say it often enough. I want you to know it's true. On this special occasion, I want to remind you that you are my everything. And my love is true.

#HappyAnniversaryToUs

coogar:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3007905/Jehovah-s-Witness-sex-15-year-old-schoolboy-visited-sleepover-play-X-box-children-avoids-jail-sentence.html

so this 36 year old woman räped an underaged boy and he was spared jail by another idïotic judge. this is the 14th woman this year that would commit räpe and not go to prison.

i cannot imagine what would happen if the genders were reversed in this matter. what has gone wrong with this useless judges? it's like they have lost their brains. little wonder 3 of them were caught watching pörn & sacked only last week.

fûcking hell, this is depressing....

The double standard is glaring.

The tone when it's a man is always of a raging over-libidinous monster. When it's a woman "she's always vulnerable and was in a bad place" - usually due to the actions of some man, so it's actually all his fault. There is actually a drive to remove the possibility of jail time for women for any crime.

I'm still of the mind it's not as bad for boys, but I don't scream "equality". I also know that some supposedly under-age girls are forward and promiscuous.

I'm all for the husband forgiving her. Hopefully he asserts himself and doesn't become a serial cuckold. Can't fathoom what kind of damage this will have done to their son/children sha.

Although it talked about "her crying", nothing about the underlying reasons of why she did it, or if she has "form". Hmmm....



TV

coogar:
you have two?
can you reveal their bio-stats?

...2 questions!

If na "unmarried women", I have a truckload. Unfortunately they tend to approach me for help when things are turning k-legged and expect miralces. I have repeatedly told them, I'm Jnr Jesus not Jesus

But if you are looking let me know your spec . Wait 0, what happened to Sisi' Sarah?


TV

..yes. London can be one of the loneliest cities in the world if you are not connected or embedded in a wide social circle

Dalai:
I am a 27 year old male living and working in London. Many of my friends back home in Nigeria are now married. I desire something as such as well,

Think about the outcome you want - and what comes with it, the benefits and the burdens. You talk marriage, which is good, but a miss-marriage is the loneliest place. Are you mature enough to marry? Can you cope with the responsibilities and pressure. You are working but can your salary - even if only in part - sustain a family. Children can happen very soon and very suddenly. Is this in response to the situation of "your mates/friends in Nigeria"? And be sure of what you want in a spouse.

Dalai:
but the issue is that, it is pretty difficult - if not near impossible - to meet the type of person I will love to date and probably go on to settle down with, here in London. The type of person - career focused, family aware, strong Nigerian roots- but not stereotyped, religious- but not crazy about it, desires the basic fun things in life like travelling, salsa, adventure - is almost non-existing here in London.

Not true. They are here. You problem is locating and meeting them.

Dalai:
I do socialize a lot, and it drives me nuts that you only ever meet a Nigerian lady once in every 20 or 30 social outings.

If you socialise "a lot" and you are meeting 1 Nigerian lady every 20 or 30 outings, you are obviously looking in all the wrong places.. There is a critical mass of Nigerians in the UK now. Finding a spouse here should not present too much problems for a considered and focused person.

Dalai:
I know in the UK, there is a tendency for people to withdraw and live a convenient but antisocial 9-5 lifestyle. Which brings me to the crux of my entire rant, two questions for UK folks:

The dynamics of life in the UK mean once you start a family it tends to becomes the focal point of your life. The 9-5 is pain, but it gets most everyone here. But Nigerians still socialise and congregate - a lot in fact.

Dalai:
1) What is your experience with meeting and dating other Nigerians in the UK

No problem at all - why should there be?

Dalai:
2)How best does one improve his chances of meeting and dating other Nigerians in the UK

Go where they congregate; make friends at many levels, grow your acquaintances and network. The more people you meet and get to know the more you are likely to come across someone suitable. It's not rocket science.

I have two for you if you please;
1. Where do you live - and have you considered moving?
2. How long have you resided in the UK and are you planning to stay here or relocate to Nigeria?


TV

coogar:
i can guarantee you that is the best marital decision any mother can make. the whole argument that stay at home moms are prone to abuse is a retardēd & redundant argument.

no woman is immune to abuse - whether she's earning minimum wage or a member of aristocracy is irrelevant. the key is making the right choice of a marital partner from the outset.

women who earn more than their partners are even the ones more prone to domestic abuse according to some various studies. high income or education works as protection against acts of violence only as far as the income and education does not highly exceed that of the partner

Guy you get time and patience - "R&R" argument is exactly right. Regardless of the "asides" on here, the real point is to have and enjoy cogent discourse. Saying being a SAHM gives rise to DV is an exact parallel of saying skimpy dressing leads to rhape.

Tribalsim, religious hypocrisy, demagogic behaviour historical revisionism, posturing and even attention whoring, can all be overlooked to a degree - it's the obvious lack of smarts and ability to put together a coherent position that really bugs me - and they do it so forcefully too .


TV

mabeni:
not mandatory but very important

Nope - not important and not required.

You've also including #9 & 10 which talk about seed sowing. All giving, is just that for Christians and requires no classification or taxonomy. That is pure religion introduced by men.

Christians give - out of the goodness of their hearts and out of what they have - simple.



TV

mabeni:
***Seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness in all do. Therefore, all things shall be added to you.

2**Obey God, and serve Him with His gifts in your life. Therefore, you shall spend your days in prosperity and pleasure.

3**win souls for Christ

4**Pay Your Tithes Always :for the windows of heaven shall open and pour out blessing for you.
5**Give thanks to God for Everything, Everyday
in everything, give thanks for it is God's will.

6**Praise and worship God for His mercies , graces, Goodness and for the works of His Hands

7**Forgive every offender and give your substance generously to others, particularly the poor.

...eeerr, there are only 7 here and number 4 is not mandatory for Christians.

A mark of 6/12 - please go and do your correction !


TV

Timbuktou:
TV01:


Experiment Shows The Superiority Of The Patriarchy


www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1xaupa/what_happens_when_you_drop_a_bunch_of_women_on_an/

Below is a link to the original show in Dutch for anyone who's interested.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uc2EtMhoKU

Well done bro'; just watched it - and read the write-up, just as I remembered.

I certainly appreciate the "men working like slaves" - it's pretty much thus for most men who have families.

And I laughed at "drenched by tropical storms" - just like they come up in here and get "rinsed" by the Femnivores

Bottom line - Patriarchy is the default, anything is is an abberation and unlikely to work large-scale or long-term. And the killer is "because women want it that way".

Looking to give someone a good hosedown today - or I might just take a chunk out of them


TV

DSB:
Why is it that people always blame the the lady for being choosy? What if she is a victim of one of those long time relationship where the guy bailed out at the last hour.

I'm afraid she takes responsibility for that too. A mature, clear thinking woman in an adult relationship, should be able to articualte her expectations and desires. If she ends up in a "long time" relationship that's heading nowhere, she is to blame. Either that, or she is not capable - and therefore shouldn't be - in a grown-up relationship.


TV

Timbuktou:
Found it: Expidite Robinson. Don't speak Dutch unfortunately. Got a mini transcript somewhere, though. Confirming the truth is all.

Abeg share...perhaps in the Boys night out thread if it's more convenient.

Cheers
TV

Onegai:
It is oh so easy to say "must she get married, let her take her time, marriage is not for everyone, don't be desperate, let her have kids outside wedlock" from the comfort and security of your home/marriage/relationship. The complaisance stinks.

I know what is like to stop attending weddings because everyone is hooked up (even those small girls), to avoid your fb page before you go crazy seeing all those updates of happy families whilst you're still in your parents' home, the random times people will just start passing comment on your life or discussing your life publicly (well-meaning but you still wanna die).

OP, it is crazy out there and whatever decision she takes is going to be tough. As someone who said "I will find a man and have my kids without marriage" when that situation stared me in the face, I ran like a person being chased by BH. The reality was different from my calculations. Being a single mum is not something you discuss on NL.

It is one thing to half-heartedly want to get married, it is another to want it with every fibre (for the companionship) and be told "marriage is not for everyone, don't be desperate".

A lot of men in your 30s are going to be unserious about you and once you reach 35, all the married ones will show up to attempt to grace your bed. The beauty of age is that you are now bold enough to ask a man "please what are your intentions" immediately he kisses you. The unserious ones will tell you you're rushing them, the serious ones know your age and will straight up say their mind "I want a casual fling, are you interested? " or "I want more than a casual something, I'm genuinely here". Don't get mad, say thanks and move on (I used to tell them "thanks for being honest with me, I'm looking for more than a fling right now but If I change my mind I will inform you" and no hard feelings).

Let her go out. Let her find a hobby. Do things that take her to continually meet people. I was advised that by a single woman in her 40s. Let her not take men seriously, A MAN IS NOT REAL UNTIL HE DECLARES PUBLICLY YOU TWO ARE DATING. That means she should bone all those midnight chatting and phone calls, they mean nothing until the man declares his mind (I see ladies who dump everything and everyone else in favour of those calls, meanwhile he can wake up and decide to stop calling one day and disappear. Then you waste more time in tears and emotion). Grit your teeth and go out (even when you're not in the mood).

Be cautious of that joining some society in church. I have a lot of male friends and they always made it clear that they used church workers and church attendees as their hunting grounds, since they knew most of those women joined church to meet eligible men. So be friendly but remember, he ain't real till he publicly declares your relationship to all of mankind.

Whatever fun you want to have, go and have it starting from now. Every time you say "I'm too tired to go out to this birthday party/office dinner/whatever function", you are reducing your chances of meeting people (we are no longer in the days of Tobit, husbands don't see you praying in your window and knock your father's door down demanding your hand in marriage ). GO OUT THERE AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

If things don't work out, at least you won't have spent your life sitting in one spot, waiting for a bus to arrive that wasn't coming.

I speak from experience and that of my sisters and friends. All the best OP.

I do apologise for quoting the post in its entirety, but this is simply the best post on this thread. It simply smacks of authenticity. Applause - and thank you for articulating something that demonstrates you know exactly what the OPs friend is going through.

I sincerely hope that you got your fairytale ending.

Best


TV^MIC

lolaxavier:
So maybe you should answer the question I have been asking and no one has answered.
If she doesn't agree with her husband's persuasion and decides to vote her choice, is it an act of insubordination? Is it justified that he fights /quarrels with her or chases her out?

Not only has your question been answered, but the way you couched it demonstrates what I consider an odd approach to or understanding of marriage.

TV01:
Perhaps voters consider the issue backward. We are wedded to each other, not a politician or political party. Why are we "convinced" to vote for anyone or anything other than our family' best interest? And even if we do not agree is it in our best interest to separate because of it

If ones worldview is so markedly different from a potential spouses then it's probably a good thing they don't marry. Be it individual votes, or a single household one, I fail to see why a family will not discuss and decide to vote based on the best interests of their family first and foremost.
I previously mentioned how divergent worldviews could be a potential source of conflict/disunity in a marriage regardless of political persuasion;

TV01:
Does one vote per household as I outlined it suggest disunity? However,I would reckon that a large difference in worldview could give rise to marital disunity - however the spouses vote.

And you never answered my questions; what is so sacrosanct about an individual right to vote?

TV01:
The "equal right to vote" is as society has decided, we could also decide on "household right to vote". I have seen nothing to suggest individual right to vote is any better in that it leads to better elected officials or improved governance. You harp on about the right, think about the outcome.

TV^MIC

Timbuktou:
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1168182/Catfights-handbags-tears-toilets-When-producer-launched-women-TV-company-thought-shed-kissed-goodbye-conflict-.html

Bickering - check
Factions - check
Greed & materialism - check
Gossip & Back-biting - check
Extreme bitchiness - check
Unsubmissiveness - check
Pull Her Down Syndrome - check
No work done - check
Little accomplished - check
Shoulda hired a man to straighten things out - double check

Absolutely nothing unexpected here !


TV

crackhaus:
What do you think should be done regarding the situation where black American men are now looking to other races and nationalities of women just so they can maintain their sanity?

Nothing. It's a market, if black women desire black men and can't get them, they will adjust accordingly. If the black men aren't worth adjusting for, the women are free to look elsewhere - just like the men are.

It's happens a lot in the UK. Over 50/% of black men are with non-black - mostly white - women. The women either go non-black, remain single or share. Dare I say not that many go non-black ! Not least because 1. they are not as coveted by other races as their men are 2. most don't really want to.


TV

Timbuktou:
This paragraph is so damn true. Read a story on dailymail about a feminist who wanted to prove that women could do just as good as men and so she resigned from her workplace in the Us and established her own outfit(all women btw) in London and it was a disaster. Let me try scour for it.

Dude, ther's a classic out there on the net - if you can find it and speak Dutch.

There was a "survivor" type program. So they though of a twist two sets of 8 males and 8 females dropped on different islands. The idea was initially to prove a feminist point. In summary here's what happened;

Men landed on island, quickly identified requirements individual skillsets and got to work. Differences were quickly ironed out and focus was always maintained. Within a week they had shelter, water sourced and fishing/hunting parties on rote.

Women landed on island...bickered...a week later they are still bickering - and have formed factions . Nothing "civilising" has happened. Food supplies have run low...more bickering.

Producers plan to make a 2 for 2 swap or else this production is doomed ! Women literally fight for the righ to join the men. The 2 men join the women. Can't believe the utter shambles. They make like men...the women respond accordingly !

It's worth searching for and reading the English commentary


TV