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and na d same place dem dey sleep. . .

reaaaaaaaaaaaalll shit

and more and more


The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

- Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

- Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.

- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

- I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

- Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Banged Up

"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"

A man was looking around a small gift shop when he came across an amazingly ugly statue of a rat. As he was staring at this statue, the shopkeeper came up to him and began to speak.

"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your interest in the statue. It's only five dollars, sir, but the story behind it will cost you fifty." The man turned back around and looked in shock.

"Let me get this straight. If I buy the statue and the story behind it, I'll be paying fifty-five dollars. But if I can bear to live without the story, I'll only pay five?" The Shopkeeper grinned and nodded. Not believing what a bargain he'd got, the man quickly paid and walked out of the store.

A few moments later, he noticed that a lone rat was following him. He shrugged, and ignored the rodent, hoping it would leave. When he looked back again, some five minutes later, he saw that the number of rodents had grown to maybe fifty rats. A little nervous, he turned back to his path and continued walking.

When he looked around the third time, he saw thousands of rats following him. Horribly frightened, the man rushed to a dock overlooking the ocean and threw the statue as far out to sea as he possibly could. The rats followed the statue, sinking into the waves like stones.

The man then rushed back to the shop, elated, panicked, and still in shock. When he burst through the door, the shopkeeper gave a little chuckle. He had a smug grin on his face as he said, "I expect you've come back to buy the story." The shopkeeper held out his hand for the fifty dollars.

The customer looked confused for a second, then said. "Heck no! I wanna know if you've got a statue of a politician!"

says who

More excuses

The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.

- Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend a funeral.

- My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the weekend with the Marine's.

- Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

- Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

- Please excuse Burma, she had been sick and under the doctor.

- Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be the flu going around school, her father even got hot last night.

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer
friend and asked him what he was doing there.
the lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate i bought?
well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
what are u doing here?" the doctor replied,
"Remember that lousy estate i had in Mississippi?
well, the river overflowed, and I am with the flood insurance proceeds.
" the lawyer looked puzzeled. "Gee", he asked, " how did u start the flood?"

foreign

y u go laugh? oya begin cry

hmmmmmm delib, ur dundun don dey get pepper ooo,
anyway i go employ u, u go dey wash my pants everyday,
remuneration very attractive,
just submit ur cv and a handwritten application to gilgee.

ituen, r u sure

yes nw, shoe get size, so Delib be warned

Human Cannonball

After a long career of being blasted into a net,
the human cannonball was tired. He told the
circus owner he was going to retire.

"But you can't!" protested the boss.
"Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"

who tell u?

The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

- Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

- Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

- Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

- Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

- Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.

clem, ituen is right o, i tink he's talkin from experience

reform

lmao,

nice one ituen

ituen i kno say u no nice at all

d joke no wan funny but d replies don funny pass d joke

me o mo

The Saddest Story

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I just realized that I left the room key in the car!"

Cross Examination

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

hmm ituen, wen was dat , n mind u, lollabey still dey, she just go on a course,
very soon she will be here

everybodyinho isinho goinginho cracyinho oninho thisinho threadinho

i tot as much, hun

clem y r u laffing like dis