fieryy:
OP, that is definitely not a healthy dose of self esteem. You actually have a low self esteem. You define your worth based on opinions and materialistic things. What made you think that could ever be addressed as a healthy dose of self esteem?

is there a living creature who's esteem is completely pure and free from other attachments?

uninspired07:


Yes, I am speaking with Nigerian women in mind.

Of course my approach will differ if dealing with non Nigerian girls.

Thanks.

Too many generalisations...life is not just white and black, there are many shades of grey. You cannot keep on generalising to suit your narrative and justify your actions.

For example, a lady with virtues and a
healthy self esteem would never settle for a man who is only polite to his mother.

In trying to be a tough man, you also need to be a GOOD person to attract good people into your life for love and relationships.

You attract who you are....

fieryy:
OP, that is definitely not a healthy dose of self esteem. You actually have a low self esteem. You define your worth based on opinions and materialistic things. What made you think that could ever be addressed as a healthy dose of self esteem?

So what would you rather have me do? Open myself up to hurt when I might not be ready?

Is it not better I bide my time & get better?

Why do you all talk like we have model women out there? Don’t we all stay in Nigeria?

Some people have a low threshold of patience you know?

uninspired07:


Bro, I just ignored her.

I know she’s a warrior here & me I can’t expend energy arguing with her back & forth.

I appreciate everyone that contributed to the thread.

Avoid people with combative psyche. Its only to prove a " forced " narrative, albeit forcefully, and not to share ideas/interact. You don't have low self esteem because someone assumes you do. It's not their call that makes you whatever you choose to be.

eniolorunfe:


Too many generalisations...life is not just white and black, there are many shades of grey. You cannot keep on generalising, to suit your narrative and justify your actions.

For example, a lady with virtues and a
healthy self esteem would never settle for a man who is only polite to his mother.

In trying to be a tough man, you also need to be a GOOD person to attract good people into your life for love and relationships.

You attract who you are....

I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

healthserve:



Haha. Crack my ribs. The modern women has gotten mad from too much knowledge and cant separate reality from illusion

Illusion has become an opium for 'modern' women.

No, scratch that.

Too much "uninformed" knowledge is the opium, illusions are the consequence.

healthserve:


is there a living creature who's esteem is completely pure and free from other attachments?

I like this guy.

Some women who can't even go out without some makeup or a good hairdo because it contributes to their worth and esteem, suddenly have an opinion on low self-esteem in a man who ties his own to his finances.

Amazing...

healthserve:



Avoid people with combative psyche. Its only to prove a " forced " narrative, albeit forcefully, and not to share ideas/interact. You don't have low self esteem because someone assumes you do. It's not their call that makes you whatever you choose to be.

Abi ooo. I know her from this place so I am not taken unawares.

I don’t know why they feel a man who stays on his life & bides his time has low self esteem. Do they want men to keep disturbing them when there’s nothing to offer yet?

If so, it’s a rapid departure of the views usually by Nigerian women oo. But we are all learning sha.

crackhaus:

Illusion has become an opium for 'modern' women.

No, scratch that.

Too much "uninformed" knowledge is the opium, illusions are the consequence.

Too bad, menopause deems fit as the only/adequate panacea to wake them up, but in the meantime, men need to watch-out for the bitterness they'll be exuding from their self-inflicted conditions

uninspired07:


Hmmmm. I find partial pleasure in my work and reading but I can’t lie, I get lonely sometimes & need the feminine touch. I am not gay. I am just not ready to beg for one. The feeling has to be mutual.

My problem now is that I will feel more confident entering into a relationship with power of my own(money) due to my experience being a Nigerian. I am not ready or willing to enter into a relationship without money because my ego will now allow me face the consequence of that.

If you think having a woman is the cure for loneliness, then you're in for a big shock.

If you think having money is the guarantee for a stable relationship then you're in for a bigger shock.

Morals: focus on what gives you joy.
That others are in relationships does not mean you must engage in one.
Beware of peer pressure.

uninspired07:


So what would you rather have me do? Open myself up to hurt when I might not be ready?

Is it not better I bide my time & get better?

Why do you all talk like we have model women out there? Don’t we all stay in Nigeria?

Some people have a low threshold of patience you know?

I'm quite impatient as well and get irritated easily, but not because an individual hurts my ego or I'm scared he/she will. There's a difference.

And as typical for people with low self esteem, you are bashing others, in this case - women because you're insecure. You're bashing them to make yourself feel better.

If you were indeed unbothered, you wouldn't create a thread

uninspired07:


Abi ooo. I know her from this place so I am not take unawares.

I don’t know why they feel a man who stays on his life & bides his time has low self esteem. Do they want men to keep disturbing them when there’s nothing to offer yet?

If so, it’s a rapid departure of the views usually by Nigerian women oo. But we are all learning sha.

Don't listen to jokers. Always take counsel with wisdom/care. If love was completely pure and free from selfishness as purported by these lots, mechanics will be getting married to lawyers every other weekend. Esteem,worth, social standing, wits wouldn't matter. But, we know what the reality is.

I find it hard exercising patience with,indulging and begging a woman

While I do not support begging for love,your first few words imply that the 'begging' here is not begging for love.It means more like deferring to someone.

What you actually mean to me is that you find it hard exercising patience with,indulging and deferring to a woman.
Something is definitely wrong with your perception of women and your position in a relationship.

Like someone already mentioned,money is good but the values and character of a man also matter and there are still Nigerian women who look out for such.

Abcruz:


If you think having a woman is the cure for loneliness, then you're in for a big shock.

If you think having money is the guarantee for a stable relationship then you're in for a bigger shock.

Morals: focus on what gives you joy.
That others are in relationships does not mean you must engage in one.
Beware of peer pressure.

This is true jareeee. Thanks.

uninspired07:


I am waiting for bukatyne’s response to this.

Me too

thorpido:
I find it exercising patience with,indulging and begging a woman

While I do not support begging for love,your first few words imply that the 'begging' here is not begging for love.It means more like deferring to someone.

What you actually mean to me is that you find it hard exercising patience with,indulging and deferring to a woman.
Something is definitely wrong with your perception of women and your position in a relationship.

Like someone already mentioned,money is good but the values and character of a man also matter and there are still Nigerian women who look out for such.

Where are the women who look out for such?

uninspired07:


I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

Speaking of combative nature. The spirit of confusion.

healthserve:



is there a living creature who's esteem is completely pure and free from other attachments?

No, there's not but you do have a problem, if your self esteem can be affected by what complete strangers think about you.

fieryy:


No, there's not but you do have a problem, if your self esteem can be affected by what complete strangers think about you.

Everyone swings between phases. there's never a completely consistent healthy-esteemed human being on the earth, except some other factors like wealth, laurels are present in the mix along the entire ride of the journey

healthserve:




Don't listen to jokers. Always take counsel with wisdom/care. If love was completely pure and free from selfishness as purported by these lots, mechanics will be getting married to lawyers every other weekend. Esteem,worth, social standing, wits wouldn't matter. But, we know what the reality is.

I know the reality out there. They can only mislead those who want to be misled.

I hold no grudge against women cos I have them in my family & I know their thought process.

Guess my modus operandi is what is rankling to some women on the thread. To each his own sha.

Mindfulness:


Speaking of combative nature. The spirit of confusion.

OMG, you’ve completely got it mixed up but its alright.

healthserve:



Everyone swings between phases. there's never a completely healthy-esteemed human being on the earth.

And I'm telling him he needs to swing.

uninspired07:


I know the reality out there. They can only mislead those who want to be misled.

I hold no grudge against women cos I have them in my family & I know their thought process.

Guess my modus operandi is what is rankling to some women on the thread. To each his own sha.

The highest form of mental freedom is the ability to not care, to not give a fvck who stays, and who leaves. I call it the perfect law of liberty. My brotherly counsel to you is to learn to personally create the feelings you hope to derive from a lover personally, and this way you won't be dependent upon external factors to i.e be happy/whom you want to be/what you want to be/loving/happy. What you place value upon externally yo derive a form of joy from, should be " carefully studied critically ", so they can be replaced internally and independently, so you can be happy,unlonely in the presence or absence of anyone.


I went through hell to learn this

uninspired07:


I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

Then you might need to edit that post talking about 'politeness' to women, it will be misunderstood and you will be assumed to be a misogynist.

Not indulging women is definitely not the same as being rude or impolite...but believe me, the latter is the common interpretation.

fieryy:


And I'm telling him he needs to swing.

Perhaps you need to read his posts again.

fieryy:


And I'm telling him he needs to swing.

Swing for what? So it’s better to beg?

I am not averse to a relationship with mutual attraction ooo but the begging & calling & stalking is what I am against.

crackhaus:

Then you might need to edit that post talking about 'politeness' to women, it will be misunderstood and you will be assumed to be a misogynist.

Not indulging women is definitely not the same as being rude or impolite...but believe me, the latter is the common interpretation.

I will change it to attention....that’s the word.

uninspired07:


I will change it to attention.... that’s the word.

Much better.

uninspired07:


I don’t mean I will go out to be specifically rude to women but I won’t give them undue indulgence also.

I just maintain my lane & appreciate those who truly care like good friends & family.

It’s a battle out there.

Except all your friends and family are men, then you should know that there are good women out there, who seek out character in men and place that on a higher pedestal than money.

It's a battle out there...fine...but, BALANCE and WISDOM is Key. Know where to draw the line...Do not approach love relationships as a battle between men and women.

uninspired07:


Where are the women who look out for such?

They are there if you really look for them and ALLOW yourself to be found of them.Start by exercising patience with women,you need it and will need it else you will not be able to live peaceably with a woman.

Let me tell you my story,when i met my wife,she was dating a guy who worked in an oil company....good job,nice car etc.
I didn't have a car then but I got a good sense of humour,good character,'i let her be without trying to control her','i'm a peaceful person'.
She didn't think twice.........she said,'the money will come later'.

Make I no lie o,I don dey give up for Nigerian girls then too o so tey my mama no wan make I travel out say she no say I go marry oyinbo.

healthserve:



The highest form of mental freedom is the ability to not care, to not give a fvck who stays, and who leaves. I call it the perfect law of liberty. My brotherly counsel to you is to learn to personally create the feelings you hope to derive from a lover personally, and this way you won't be dependent upon external factors to i.e be happy/whom you want to be/what you want to be/loving/happy. What you place value upon externally yo derive a form of joy from, should be " carefully studied critically ", so they can be replaced internally and independently, so you can be happy,unlonely in the presence or absence of anyone.


I went through hell to learn this

Wow, so enlightening. Thanks a lot bro. Appreciate.

thorpido:
They are there if you really look for them and ALLOW yourself to be found of them.Start by exercising patience with women,you need it and will need it else you will not be able to live peaceably with a woman.

Let me tell you my story,when i met my wife,she was dating a guy who worked in an oil company....good job,nice car etc.
I didn't have a car then but I got a good sense of humour,good character,'i let her be without trying to control her','i'm a peaceful person'.
She didn't think twice.........she said,'the money will come later'.

That one no be woman, dumped an oil worker. These kind of ladies are extremely rare. Very admireable