₦airaland Forum

Ah, Ariblaze. You meant what you said. Okies. Me, I'm not a pathological ranter and if I rant the way I want to sometimes, y'all won't find anything funny in the world no more. That's why I try to make my rants comical. I read something from way back and thus this 'rant';


Comedy of Words


Words desert us

When we most intensely need them

Multiple renderings they doth have

Compounding our consternation

We'd wonder what meanings they hold

Further compounding our consternation

We'd find we always fall prey to their whims

And the grand fool we play

We can never relate a dream dreamt

For we'd employ these treacherous cretins

My friends says we can think without words

Granted

But can we relate ideas and feelings without them?

I think not!

Who said a picture was worth a thousand words?

What injustice to paint on canvass!

You'd think you understood what I write.

But do you really?

You understand nothing but what these two-timing bunch let on.

Tell me what u did today first. That way I'll know what to say to you.

Ok, but you first,

I concur too

I'm very dissapointed that Ariblaze will not return Tgirl's love,

Why don't we all kiss and make up?

I miss Sisi with all this keeping the peace thingie. She just had to up and get outta my life.

Do you really wanna know what I did four days ago?
Why, I've totally forgotten

Ok. Tgirl, I'm prepared for your interview. I can't say I'm ready though. So how does it work?

Sisikill, na wa o. You show up when I'm about to do this stuff.

Ariblaze, men, pele o. I wish I could give you some of the hours of my day. I sleep to less than 10hours.

I'm just breezing in to drop a rant. If you can call it that. Before I forget though, nice one Ariblaze. I've laughed little these past days.


My stupid rant without further ado.


I think of words before the thoughts that secrete them.

I currently breathe through one nostril.

I wish I was sandwiched between two obese market women.

And withstand asphyxia


I have two things in common with spiders.

I've got more eyes than I need.

And I'm often misunderstood.


Do I have a sign reading "Spill your life's story here" on me?

Of course not!

Why then does this bimbo sitting next to me in this cab deem me a priest?

Why does she choose me, eccentric me, to make clean her breast?

I'm feigning a detached look

Lest the sign, that everybody sees but me, changes to "Here's my shoulder, dampen it with your tears"

I have got only my fare in my wallet

But I alight about a mile before my destination

I almost fainted when she alighted too.




@Tgirl, I'll hook up with you later. Don't worry, I'm not gonna give you a hard time.

Aww, you're gonna make me cry. Ok I'm back albeit for 15 mins. I gotta run afterwards. My life really isn't as exotic as you imagine, B.

Touche!

Ok, if it'll make u happy.

7 hours ago I've been surfing the net

8 hours ago I took a shower

9 hours ago I cut myself cutting cake for breakfast

10 hours ago I was asleep

11 hours ago I was asleep

12 hours ago I was asleep

13 hours ago I was asleep

14 hours ago I was asleep

15 hours ago I was asleep

16 hours ago I was asleep

17 hours ago I was asleep

18 hours ago I was having a midnight snack

19 hours ago I was playing Call of Duty

20 hours ago I was reading a book

21 hours ago I was reading a book

22 hours ago I was watching the news

23 hours ago I was laughing at Wale Adenuga's new characters

24 hours ago I was uh, my memory deserts me.

There you go, 24 hrs of Vesc Bauer! U still curious?

I think you meant to type Vesc instead of Ariblaze

Ariblaze You brought this upon me!

@Tgirl, must I answer every question truthfully?

Ariblaze. I swear, I'll give you my salary if u get the person right! U get three tries

I think Sisi went to Siam for a siamese surgery. Your half has got another body. I was hoping you'd tell me. I thought u guys could hook outside of here. he no gree PM me.

As for what I've been up to, nothing naughty

I'm right here angel

And uh, I hope Princesa will not ask you to marry her cuz if you decline you'll be the subject of her next rant, and I'll have to marry her. Gulp!

Ariblaze, you seem to be breaking every girl's heart in sight, eh?

Ok, I'll marry any body whose heart is broken by Ariblaze. And, Ariblaze, my ill-luck far supercedes the ineptitude of your 'marksmen'. I'll be history before long.

My rant;

Nana aks me how I sleep till 10 in the morn
She doesn't know I like to fast-forward that part of day

I got so much tension in me
I don't know which'll come first; get laid or kill somebody

Busta Rhymes' mouth is so humongous
He could french kiss a hippo

I think I have a lil crush on a nl member
This second verse isn't going to reveal the person as you thought

Pharell has got the D' Capprio disease
or D'Capprio has got the Pharell disease

I'm going to commit a terrible crime come Dec 20th
I regret it already but I can't evade it

My landlord's wife knocks on my door too hard and too early
When I snap, I'll put an apple in her mouth and roast her alive

I've never eaten strawberries before
It's on my bucket list

There's a stable close to where I currently live
Believe it or not, I saw some dude slapping his horse accross the face

He probably heard that instead of using 44 odd muscles to frown
You could just use less than 10 muscles to dish out a good whooping

The world is cruel and I'm eager to go home
To the Call of Duty which gives me some temporary outlet

The Call of Duty is a game and not a woman.

Ariblaze, will you marry me too?


This will make CNN

Ariblaze, you flatter me.

Anyways go the darn thread and give the darn interview. Before I put an imaginary pistol to ur head. Answer Tgirl pronto.

Y'all been ranting away, huh?

Been awhile. I'm back on special orders from sir Rantalot. Without much ado I'll write this stuff that's been simmering in my mind awhile.

John Smith thinks he has died and gone to hell.

Stupid.
He wondered why stupid people lived so long.
If you beg to differ, you’ll only prove his point that you’re stupid.
Only stupid people beg to differ.

Only a stupid race would believe it’s darkest just before dawn.
If the sun is overhead by noon, John Smith calculated, it’ll be underneath by midnight.
Thus it’ll be darkest by the witching hour, a good five hours from dawn.
Stupid.

Cream will always rise to the top, they say.
Of course, it will.
It’s less viscous.
Stupid.

How about a journey of a thousand miles beginning in a step?
Stupid twits don’t ever employ a compass.
They merely hope to get to Mars through Venus from Earth.
Stupid.

Stupid people make an icon of Jack, the ripper they know naught of.
Just for ending the lives of a handful of prostitutes a hundred twenty years ago.
Just because he did this with surgical precision, they fear him till this day.
Stupid.

Another stupid thing they call Sarcasm.
I just turned Jane Doe’s eternal smile eternally upside down.
How’s that for sarcasm.
Stupid.

Her blood is icky.
Probably from too much smiling.
This must be hell.
It’s over 40^oC in here.
Damn.