E685:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years now, married for 5. I am 33 and she is 30. We now have our first child, a son who is just turning 1. He is everything to both of us. Before our son, our relationship was strong, although to be honest I’ve always been frustrated with my wife’s way of handling issues. I’m the kind of person who is very hard to get angry, I hear people out, and I talk out my issues. I listen to all sides and I think logically before emotionally. I seek therapy when I’m stuck. My wife is the opposite. She reacts with emotions first. She is very quick to be offended by anything. She will shut down and refuse to communicate until she has had time to process. I do all of the work resolving issues we have. I sometimes wonder if I ever stop taking the high road and work through our issues, if anything would ever resolve itself. So that being said, conflict management aside, we are happy. We are passionate, have similar interests, and make each other laugh.

Then there’s my mother. Where to begin. My mother, while seen as incredibly loving and generous to many people, is also a person who has been shut out of so many relationships in her life that I really just feel bad. My father and her are divorced. She has a genuine phobia of being left out - of gatherings, of relationships, of family. She is extremely smart and knows how to manipulate people into doing what she wants. She also widely seen as a “difficult” person. She is difficult in that she finds great offense to issues many people would not notice or care about. If she feels wronged, she will overwhelm the person who wronged her with incessant questions trying to make them feel her side until they cave in. In her closest relationships, her absolute need for the show of love and inclusion and validation cause the very people she is trying to reel closer in to push her away, a self fulfilling prophecy. My Mom, while I love her, is her own worst enemy.

Needless to say, these two, my wife and my mother, clash. At first they liked each other. The very first issue involved our wedding planning. My wife had a very clear plan for the guest list, and my mom asked for a number of her friends to be included on the list. My wife did not want that, got immediately upset and the situation blew out of control. My mom called me nonstop asking why my wife could be so cold, unwilling to see her side, or give in even an inch. My wife felt my Mom was making the wedding all about her, and could not believe she was called cold. She was “done”. My mom wasn’t paying for a cent of the wedding either so this was another offense. In the end I brokered a compromise, much to the dismay of both women. Each held the grudge for a long time.

Occasionally my mother would do something that my wife disliked, and my wife would be pissed at me for not standing up for her. Admittedly I had never stood up to my mother, I always took the time to listen to her side and find reason behind her otherwise inflammatory ways. My wife and mother had a falling out right before the wedding, and forced me to choose sides. I struggled as I found both of them to be at fault. I chose my wife and my mother hated it. Ever since, basically anything that my mother says or does, whether good or not, offends my wife. Even the most genuine attempts by my mother to reach out to my wife are smacked down. My wife has never made any effort to release the past resentment. Over the years my mother has attempted to take the high road, only to be barely acknowledged by my wife. I have always pleaded with my wife to at least pretend to like my mother. She did a bad job of pretending because my mother would always call me and ask why my wife appears to never care or never let go of past feelings. So both saw through each other, my mother would continue to act happy and loving, while my wife never would.

Anyway now our son came into the picture. He is amazing and being the first grandchild on both sides, the grandparents want to be around him every chance they can get. My mother visit every weekend. I told my wife we have to let her do this. My wife dreaded this. I told my mother that one of the weekends, we wanted her to visit on a Sunday (staying over till Monday morning) instead of a Saturday because we had plans that Saturday. In actuality the day was a birthday celebration for my father in law, being held at her parents house. She just didn’t want my mother involved in everything so she put her foot down. My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer and pulled it out of me what we were doing that day. Well she took great offense to the fact that she was not automatically invited, and couldn’t believe how cold, unChristian, and I loving my wife and her family were.

This stuff affects me greatly so of course I share with my wife, and she exclaims she is done with my mother. No longer wants to be nice or pretend, she is tired of how much my mother always wants it all to be her way and then throws out insulting and hurtful words about my wife to get her way. I get messages from my moms friends telling me how I need to see things my moms way, they would never exclude their mother this way, and that my wife is causing all of this.

And so here we are. I saw my mother the next day, and my wife removed herself from the situation by staying out for the day. It was incredibly uncomfortable. I told my mother how mad I was at her for always being so difficult and never just letting it go. I told her my real feelings about how I wished she could stop needing such inclusion and love. Her response was that she is justified in wanting to be included in everything, and that my wife has never shown her any love or effort and it was obvious, so what could she possibly do? I told her my wife is willing to work on this, perhaps in professional therapy. But in reality my wife wants no part of that and has no desire to mend anything anymore. I think she resents me for trying to mend things.

So what do I do? I’m frustrated with my mom for being difficult, always needing more and never letting things go, and saying inflammatory things when she doesn’t get her way. But I see that all she’s ever wanted was peace and love, and my wife never gave her that. I’m frustrated with my wife for getting so easily offended at everything my mother says or does, and I wish she could make any effort to see the other side and let go of such a grudge. My mother is definitely strong willed and manipulative but I think there is love there if only we could work through it. My wife is extremely assertive and refuses to let anyone wrong her twice. Both think the other has always been dead wrong, the entirety of the blame, and will never change. My wife is ok never seeing my mother again, yet my mother says she wants to let bygones be bygones and attempt to work through it.

What should I do? Forever stuck in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

.This thing that you called a wife will lead to your ruins.

Can she treat her own mother that way?

uninspired07:


You lie. There are no loyal Nigerian women. The fact is you may be doing well financially & they have no reason whatsoever to be disloyal.

But to each his own though.

..By "women" , does that includes your Mum?

uninspired07:


Where do we get these kind of people? Which women are loyal?

I think you suck up to women so you may get laid or something. Women are not loyal, at alllll—especially Nigerian women. I fear them a lot.

..Well,experience and background differs.Your beliefs might have been shaped by the calibre of women in your live, mine are very loyal to a fault.

uninspired07:


Where do we get these kind of people? Which women are loyal?

I think you suck up to women so you may get laid or something. Women are not loyal, at alllll—especially Nigerian women. I fear them a lot.

..Well,experience and background differs.Your believe might have been shaped by the calibre of women in your live, mine are very loyal to a fault.

Plead:


Because the man still except the woman to cook,clean and do all the rest despite the woman bringing in all the money needed!

..That doesn't change anything.If she was doing it when the man was financially capable, I don't see what should stop her from doing it now, worst case scenario, she could employ a maid for that purpose.

It is not when your partner is down that you trash them,you are meant to cover their unclothedness at that point.

Money is an enabler. I don't know how the man treated his family, most especially the wife when he was the breadwinner because this might be part of the reasons why she is behaving that one.Women are generally very loyal.

Biznex:
Traveling to Ghana as a nigerian might be a little tarky if u do not have international passport as te borders to Ghana do not accept Nigerians to pass through with identity cards. so u must have an international passport.
We, at GUO Transport do not charge much but we will give you a top notch road trip with state of the world facilities both in comfortablilty and safety.
With a virgin passport, you can get a relaxing trip to Ghana @18500 (current price) .
Regular passport is 16500. Those with Ghanaian identity cards(Ghana citizens only) pay 20500.
Check.my sig 4 more info .. #iamaguostaff#

.Does your company, GUO , charge children same price with adults? Also, how comfortable are your buses?

Seaworthy:
If you are financially buoyant, try ABC TRANSPORT COMPANY. THE BEST.

Yellow card is not compolsary. Is ₦500 per head.

..Why did you recommend ABC?

I thought their buses are too slow.

babra19:


Hi,

I work with a transport company
and the border is open
we travel everyday to Ghana
With International passport N18,000 per head
With Nigerian ID Card N22,000 per head
chat me for more information.

.The 18k that you quoted is it one-way or to/fro?

Also how comfortable are your buses? I'm asking because I plan to visit Ghana with my children next year.

Thank you

salford:

Pros: Easier for PR if you are an international student, diversified economy, decent average wages for professionals (only Alberta is higher), cuisines is oyinbo food, but there are Nigerian food stores scattered across the province, Good number of Nigerian trained doctors and other professionals, less populated, cheap phone plans and car insurance, decent cost of rent or property etc

Cons: Bitterly cold-comparable to Manitoba and Edmonton & up, Mosquitoes in summer, diversity not as much as Ontario or BC, could be boring, no real international airport like the one in Calgary, Vancouver or Toronto, lowest minimum wage in Canada, Infrastructures not as nice as say BC or Ontario.

Moved here from Calgary, Alberta after the world Oil glut seriously affected Alberta's economy. Had a chance to move elsewhere like BC or return to Alberta, but the family loves it here than Alberta, so this is home now. Love Sask - Land of the living skies.

However, you will get you more response and views on the existing Living in Canada thread.

.@author=salford..Your posts are always educating and straight to point.What is job prospects for persons working in the banks .Do you think there is prospect there?

jennann:
My own story:

Applied online on the 15th of November, interview scheduled for 20th November but I missed the date. Decided to go 2 days ago ie 13th Dec to see if I could be captured or still rescheduled as when I tried to reschedule online, I was given 23rd Dec.

Arrived at the office (Ebonyi state) with all my documents including filled guarantor s form intact in the file I came with. However, forgot to make a copy of 2 documents so I asked a staff outside where I could make the photocopy. He proceeded to take me there, made the 2 photocopies and then he helped me arrange the file.
He then directed me to the PCO s office to meet her while telling me that I 'll have to pay 11k5 in addition to the 17k online payment. I just laughed and told him that that one s not for me o.

Met the PCO s sec who queried me as to what I was there for. Told him I applied online and missed my appointment but decided to come to see if I could get it done that day. After rolling eye small (which I no send) he sent me to meet the lady. The PCO s a very nice lady. When I told her my purpose, including that I had paid online, she said yes, that s what it should be. Thereafter, she minuted on my form for me to be captured. Meanwhile, she called the sec to know if they had extra booklets as some govt ppl were coming the next day for theirs. I left them while the discussion was on going. Waited for my turn to get captured which didn't take long as we were just abt 5 ppl waiting. After capturing, I waited a bit then the PCO s sec came to meet me to ask me what his madam said abt the booklet, I just said she asked me to wait. He then advised that I shld go back to see her which I did.
She was surprised to see me again asking why I was still around that she thought I had gotten it and left. So, I sat in her office while she called her sec to ask him to get the passport ready. Meanwhile, I proceeded to have some small talk with her till he came back after they had gotten it ready. She never raised the issue of my having to make another payment. She then asked him to take me for thumbprinting which he did. Gave them N100 for the thumbprinting, got my passport went back to the madam s office to thank her and left.
I arrived at immigration around 2 pm and left around some mins to 5 pm. So spent roughly 3hrs and still left with my passport.
Naija will be great again.

.May God bless the PCO, she is a rare breed.

GBSS:
So today, my wife and I decided to do it ourselves. After receiving outrageous prices from different immigration officers, who were suppose to help us get a new passport for my wife reflecting her marital name, we developed righteous anger and decided to do it ourselves.
First we contacted an immigration officer at FESTAC who was to do the passport for 40k. On getting there, my wife was left to herself to do everything even with a young child. She got feed up and left there without processing it. But before leaving, she her silently got everything needed for her to apply for change of name.
Tuesday we made payment and selected Alausa office as against FESTAC, because the immigration officer kept saying the approval will come from Alausa. Why go through hell, when you can land in heaven with a direct flight?
I placed a call through to servicom and had the buy in to go before our date for interview. So, today we left for Alausa, went straight to servicom as was often said here. Was directed to the appropriate section.
On meeting with the officer, a slight drama wanted to play out, but my disposition to everyone told them I was not in for playing hide and seek. The officer wanting to send us back because of the interview date, but with a gentleness, I referred to my previous call to servicom and he obliged.
Then the full drama started.
He called a guy to help arrange our documents. I was very apprehensive but after several questions to the boy, it was clear he was just to help arrange the document with the file and gum the passport photographs to the forms, we sha gave him 1k. Then on reaching to the officer, we were told our photocopy of the newspaper publication of change of name was not clear. At this point, my disposition has fully changed but I was feasible calm. The office said he will not proceed without a clear copy, this is after I had printed a coloured copy. At this point, with was obvious beside the photocopy, he wanted something and was using this as a guise. I then asked him to give me back my file and I will comeback when I am ready. The guy no gree. I told my wife to talk to him, because at this point, I was already angry. She came back with no success. I then asked to see the PCO. Nice guy, spoke to him, he calmed me down and told me what to do.
Fortunely, I was now ready to wear my thinking cap. Had to go to the Gani Fawehinmi library, paid 2.1k to get the newspaper publication and made clear copies, as we could not find our original copy and only came with a printed scanned copy.
Returned and submitted the new document. Then the guy starting preaching about, sending it and not sending it for approval to Abuja. The cost, the “administrative fee” etc. I just told him I don’t have any money for all of that. I asked him when we are to come for data capture, with an obvious irritation, he said I have to be coming to know when we are ready for data capture.
I just told my wife to go talk to him, as he claims to come from my wife’s town. She came back and told me he had done some signing on it and informed her that a message will be sent to her to notify her for data capture.
So my people, this was how today went. We are hopeful that our system can get better and we all, collectively can fight this fight.
I hope to update you with more information as we progress.
To be continued

.Sorry to write that you were too weak and those miscreants took advantage of that.

How can he asked you to come back for interview/capturing on a future date when you were EXPLICITLY given the date after payment??

I'd advise you go back to the office and tell him to process your documents or you would take it up with him

Kenon1:
Is the cost of online renewal of international passport(32 booklet with 5 years validity) for a minor(about 6 years of age) same for an adult?

....

Please,I'm in the same shoe with this person.

Please assist us with the answers

Timih:
Thank you all for all your inputs,i truly appreciate.
I've talked to him this evening, I asked him questions. He was trying to lie and do some sorts but I found my way in.. He said its not his first time of touching the girl's breast and she too do touch his pen.is sometimes. I was seriously down when he said this. He said more than thrice. I asked him why he didn't tell me or his mum, he said did day he wanted to tell me I was on call and mom was busy also then later mom called for night prayer. I was like, you could have told me still but I guess he's was afraid or ashamed to talk because I always give him attention when he calls me.
Well, I have talked to him like a son and brother, I've told him the implications of what he did and how bad it is,I've told him that he should report anybody that touches his manhood to me. He was close to tears though but I didn't threaten him throughout our conversation.

I've changed his plans, limited TV, [b]more time with me, siezed his ball (still have some toys [/b]with him) and I'll have to make him spend more time with his books.. Hopefully he will change.. He was kind of relaxed I didn't beat him though

I haven't informed my wife about anything cos she's also faced a lot .. I seriously don't know how she will react and I don't want her to bounce on the maid, I just looked for something to make sure the maid goes and I've called the person that brought her that she's done here. I didn't even talk to the maid. I don't want to let anger take a high toll on me.. I just left her.

When they pick her up tomorrow, I'll tell her ward about what she did. I'll also take him to school tomorrow and tell his teacher talk to him and watch him too.

I pray he change...thank you all.. May God keep us and our children safe

.

>Would you have sent that girl away If she was to have to be your daughter?

>How can a 14-year-old child be bathing a "smart" 7 going to 8 years old Nigga??

>When did your son become your Nigga?

>What kind of a parent are you?

>How long would you continue to spoil your child by bathing him?

>What exactly is your role in this boy's life when you still need a teacher to talk to him

Thank God for his life...I remembered years ago when he was still a struggling student...God is indeed great.

Please I don't understand what you mean by"upgrade" Is it that anyone with lower grade of some brands of cars that meet you with his/her car, add some money, and pick up a newer model? Thank you

k

amdman:
Special gift for all the Sienna Lovers!!!

2005 Toyota Sienna LE

186k miles

No reported faults

N1.6m

..Still available?

Omarzx:
@chicyclass ... Please I sent you a pm for the idp materials. Thanks

.Can you read at all or any issue with comprehension?

Vancouver4:
People don't like following instructions. These posters above... She said send PM!!!!

That might be the major reason why a lot of persons fail ielts writing, and listening.

Export1:
2006 Toyota SIENNA CE/LE $ 1,999


https://www.auctionexport.com/en/Inventory/Info/2006-toyota-sienna-ce-le-pass-van-4-doors-149935757#.XO1IrIhKhPY

.Really? Want to know more about how you work and delivery

thompson1510:
Hello Guys, I have a registered transport business here in Ibadan, we have 3 personal cars we are using right now but it's still not enough.

I need those two cars, any of them for hire purchase. I will deposit between 80k>100k monthly. I can give you my car documents and I always try my best not to disappoint.
Or if you can swap, I have a registered 2005 Sienna at hand right now...just bought it December. Let's swap

...How far?

Great job you are doing.Do you also sell cars such as sienna 2004-2006 just discharged? If yes, how much?

Hello, between a toyota Sienna and Honda Odyssey 2006 models,Which would you advice for family use and long distance travels.

Trac:


People believe that behind the mask of a keyboard they can be anything and talk anyhow. No insults came from me; I just "straightened-him-out." His posts had insults in them. He had no reason in the first place to single me out and tell me what I have said was mute when he lacked the understanding roundabout. Thus rendering the content written as void of reasoning. I was serious when I put it together; I wasn't asleep. I am still wondering who he thought he was impressing.

I can call anybody on earth by their first name. When it comes to Nigerians (or neighbours with like-culture), it is conditionally true. Hierarchy is fundamental in Nigerian culture. Those within your peer and below, are addressed by name or pseudonyms. Those older are addressed via salutation (at least general salutation as a form of honour). I am not expecting salutations (I don't like them). There is no room to address any Nairalander as "negro." The word in that context has a lot of history behind it. Furthermore, he is trying to educate me on that slur as though I was born yesterday. It might be okay in def-comedy-jam, it is not in the real world. That is besides the fact that he violated rule#1, 2 & 3 of NL's posting rules. For every action, there will always be a negative reaction. There is only so much people will take.

.Big grammars for nothing.

Oma307:

the PDP will be smart enough to fill in an Igala person as their candidate

.An igala man can't defeat Bello.The best candidate that can frustrate him out is Dino Maleye.

garfield1:
Guys,we need non partisan and objective persons resident in kogi to verify all these projects one by one before we make hasty comments.but if he has achieved half of these,he's among Nigeria's best governors.i await the project verification.

..The following are true.#4,6,7,8,10,11,14,20,21,25,37,39,52,53,54,57,61,62,64,65,71,77,79,92,94,95,102 and #110.