Idowuogbo:
Bring d capital and see if cc no open studio.

capital ?, the internet is available, a blog wld be a good start nd from there boom, she gets sponsors and she is good to go ,or hw u sef take see am

Bruh!!!! Use your brain and act like a man

djeezy: Listen to Jude your friend.

u are a dream killer... happy bachelor at 45

omosexy1: I will advise you do a court wedding since you love her and to show you are serious. Court weddings are not expensive. Please don't collect her money, she needs it better than you. Encourage her to get a job, she can get a job. In the Labour market, nobody cares about your degree now, experience sells more. After the court wedding, bring to her notice her promise to get you a better job through her Uncle. However, you have to be certain about the job because people promise and fail. Also continue to monitor her because she seems to be a bossy type and you have to act the man. Before you go into the court marriage, inform her that if she fails on her part to fulfill her obligations, she would leave you with no option than to pull out of the marriage.

When is ur 16th birthday coming up?

She was with u wen she was financially ok(a good job & even rich toasters) coming her way. For d fact dat she stickd to u den mean she lookd beyound ur inferior status in relative to her superior to love & u also do love her i gues. So judge right.
But in all, FOLLOW YOUR HEART

myk2mic:

capital ?, the internet is available, a blog wld be a good start nd from there boom, she gets sponsors and she is good to go ,or hw u sef take see am

I likey!

israel ben-zion:


When is ur 16th birthday coming up?

Loolzzz...

B nice!

If she's the definition of "ur Kind of woman"
Why waste time feastin on jude's advice. Yak!!

Do not compromise,why can't same brother find job for her in dat same company? It doesn't matter which field. Im of d opinion dat d girl is under pressure to hook up since age is not on her side.she should be above 30yrs by now,if u mary her u r only helping her unless u are also under pressure to mary.d fact still remains dat just try to get a good job so dat u can settle down.i don't want two of u to surfer poverty after marriage,LET HER GO.

freeamie: I met this girl last year September at a cousin’s wedding reception and we exchanged contacts.
We had a first date and I discovered that she is a banker and she discovered (to her disappointment) that I am a School teacher. She said she likes my personality but doesn’t like my job.

Honestly, I have been looking for a better job but U know Naija now. E no easy.
Somehow, we pulled along but no much intimacy as we only meet on weekends and maybe like once a month or so.

Anytime she comes around, she tells me stories of her colleagues, suitors etc etc and of course every one of them has a car and is richer than myself. She pings and answers phone calls of pple I suspect to be her toasters or so, she was just in control. I just played cool. She never asked me for anything and I never asked her too.

Last March, she lost her job. So, she became more available at my place. Last month, she started asking me to define our relationship, my plans for her and future, etc. But, somehow I discovered what I believe is the problem: Her elder bros she’s been staying with will be relocating to east by October when his rent expires.

My girl say she CANNOT leave lagos. With the kind of family she’s from, she won’t be allowed to rent an apartment here especially as she’s got no job.

So, she wants me to marry her before then, she says if money is my problem, that she’ll support me with 350K from her savings. She even said her bros (who works in the oil rig) can help me get a better job (since I studied Engineering), but, that’ll be after our marriage.

This came as a surprise to me cos I thought she’s the Madam here. Besides, I’ll want to marry when I’m ready and to Mrs right. I know I like her very much, but, Jude (my guy) says I should use my brain and NOT my heart.

Jude says she’s not employable again as she studied Food Science tech and has been in the bank for 4 years and that she needs marriage to secure her life and future. He says she’s turned to a liability and that she doesn’t love me.

Now, What do I do ?? What do I tell her ? Jude can’t be right, is he ?

the bold letters says it all! she has always bin in control and so it wud remain! she tells u those stories to intimidate u so u wudnt boda ha wen she pick their calls and do the ping tin: INTIMIDATED, U FEEL SHE DESERVES BETA THAN YOU AND SO THEREFORE, DONT BODA QUERYING HA ABT HA NUMEROUS ISH CALLS!

I HAD TWO DAMES LIKE THAT....BUT AT THOSE CALL SEESION, I PLACE THEM WHERE THEY BELONG.....EVEN IF I EARN LITTLE, U DONT INSULT MY PERSONALITY BY TAKING CHAIKERS' CALLS IN MY VERY BEFORE! TIS CALLED RESPECT! PERIOD

U WANT MY ADVISE? LET HA GO.... SHE ISNT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU! WAS NEVA YOURS N WUD NEVA BE !

Beync: poster U'v answered ur self. u said u can't see her heart, u can't see future with her.

i think he meant he can't see d future(i.e to say no one knows tomorrow)... He can't see her heart(he can't tell of her true heartfelt for him)...

chaircover:

Ok for those that want me to spell it out, these are my thoughts on the issue. . . .

First alarm bell - She told the poster straight up that she like the posters personality but not his job. He is a teacher for goodness sakes not a smuggler or armed robber. Seems that his job was more important to her than his personality

Second alram bell - She didn't make an effort to see the poster more often. If you are into someone, you dont see them only once a month which shows that he is not that important to her.

Third alarm bell - When she did see him, rather than hype him up and make him feel special, she made him feel inadequate by openly speaking to her toasters and her better earning colleagues and friends. Now there is nothing wrong with having toasters, cos you cant avoid that, however if you respect the person you are with, you include them/keep them in the loop of what is happening, you both laugh over it or you dont even pick their calls in front of him etc

Fourth Alarm bell - She doesn't have time to see him, and the only means of communication is a blackberry. Surely if she has N350k to spend on emergency wedding, surely she can give/lend her boyfriend N15k to buy a cheap BB so that they can keep in touch.

Fifth alarm bell - She had a brother that could help, but never offered from the onset and now he can only help if they get married?

Sixth alarm bell - she suddenly has time, now that she has lost her job and wants to get married? BTW what happened to all the other suitors?

Seventh alarm bell - should I go on?

Bottom line is that the poster is NOT her first choice of a husband and had her circumstances not changed, she would still be the once a month visit one leg in one leg out girlfriend.

Oh and by the way, she has 350K to spend on wedding, but she didn't/couldn't/suggest lending the dude any of that even if its 10K to start something on the side to supplement his teaching wages.

Seems that this woman is driven by money rather than the guys potential/personality and It wont surprise me if she ups and leaves when a better offer is put before her.

. . . of course the poster isnt Mr perfect too so maybe they can meet in the middle somewhere, but I personally wouldnt want her as my sister-in-law

You see... where did you leave all of this one before? Not that I agree with you totally though.

OP, you know what? Print out these points, answer them yourself and ask the lady for her own reaction to them.

The counter-argument to CC's points is that she could as well dump you and look for rich sugar daddies to meet her needs. She was a banker and will know some men.

Remember, she didn't have to tell you that her family won't tolerate her living alone in Lagos.

Na wa oh!pple shdnt decide for you when it comes to important issues in life like getting married.first u shd inquire of God abt ur suppose fiancee.2ndly you shd be able to know by now if u truly love her and if so u better marry the person u love,not d person who is in ur head.This one decision u shd make urself.

Now my humble advice... First, if u can bear the hissing of a snake don't complain wen ur being bitten...
Secondly, you don't have to rush into marriage based on pressure... You need to set ur mind ready.
Thirdly, lyk u said "SHE IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL"... I think inferiority complex got u there, and am thinking, "if she eventually gives u these assistants,do u think u can ever be in control"... Now if u can answer this question, i bet u know what to do.
If i might ask, for how long have you guys been courting?..
However, she loves you, but doesn't lyk ur job... And she answers to calls as she wishes(always in control as u said)... Could it be that you couldn't put things where they re meant to be because u feel inferior...now lemme ask you... Assuming you were earning more than her, wud u have tolerated all those stuffs... If ur answer is no, then i sense complex.
After all said and done, always be a man at all times. Marry only wen ur ready, both financially, psychologically, emotionally, etc. You call the shots... (i don't make choices for people, the choice is all urs to make)

She is not unemployable. Experience trumps degree.
A degree is just a paper that says you have enough discipline to learn stuff and complete tasks.
When it comes down to useful knowledge, that can only be acquired from actual experience.

Nigerians just have a funny way of thinking when it comes to these things.

--

That being said, please don't let any woman pressure you into something like marriage.
"You MUST marry me before this given timeframe" na serious wow statement....but at least she knows what she wants.

The woman makes perfect sense.

1) She has money. 350k in savings
2) You're broke
3) She can get you a better job
4) She kept dating you even when you had rags on.
5) Seems like you get more out of this marriage o.
6) She could have asked any of her other rich colleages

Ayam just saying. Love is overrated, think with your head.

Marriage as we all know is like "Salvation" which is personal. As a man, you have some major qualities that you would like your wife to possess. Does she have those qualities after going thru your checklist? If yes, then forget about what Jude and others are telling you. Pls remember, nobody is perfect

sadeiyare: She started dating u when she had a job abi ? She didn't see you as an opportunist. She liked you even when you have a not too good job. She is not unemployable, she is a graduate and can even get a job in any food company. Her experience is an asset. She is matured enough for marriage. Guy make you marry the girl, I wonder which girl dem born out there with Mrs right boldly written on her fore head. Is your jude married ? Don't mind jude, follow your heart. Marriage is sacrifice; we all get to marry because of one thing or the other,you have been a bachelor since birth, don't be an unrepentant bachelor lol. Godspeed

Word!

From your write up, I found out here that during the time she was with the bank, she expected much from you in terms of a good job as she never loved the job you were doing. Then, she was also answering calls from her toasters whom she trusted better than you and hoping that they will make a better husband with their cash. As a teacher, she ONLY expresses her likeness on your person but not love.
Later, she lost her job and wants you to open up as to settle down with you and also, to help you secure a job with an oil company through her brother ONLY if you marry her.

Listen, she is only after money and not love. Why didn't your lover girl propose to you so to say when she had job until she lost her job? Why didn't the so called lover girl help you secure a job through her brother when she had her bank job?
And now also, why does she want to help you ONLY when you marry her.
Listen to me my brother, I don't think that she is real as true love will not hate your job, rather help you stand when in need.

Do not be surprised that if she helps you secure the job and you annoy her tomorrow, she might end up going through same process to see that you loose same job.

The taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. A true lover will stand by you no matter your job, so far you don't steal, since you are already a graduate but managing a teaching job and hoping that things might change for good at any time in the future.

Never marry out of sympathy.

Bros I dnt knw if u believe all dis seers u can go see one about it

She i̶̲̥̅̊s an opportunist, marry her if you are convinced she i̶̲̥̅̊s the one for you, but if you ask ♍ε̲̣̣̣̥, I don't she i̶̲̥̅̊s right for you. After you marry her, she will reveal her whole color to U

dude o gotta be vrey careful in taking da damn decision cos when yo married there aint no way yo gonna break da convennant made to her even if u are divorced the convenant still remais. yo gotta pray to Jesus about, and also yo gotta watch her move. It could be a set up for her to boss u around later and start saying if not for her you wouldn't be where u are

She proposed to you and will provide money for the wedding!? Dude is she getting married to you or are you marrying her? Forget wha jude says..what do you have to say??

OP, i dont believe dis lady loves u enough. Any lady dat loves a man wd never give such idiotic conditions. One thing i believe strongly is dat u are 'manupulatable' so she wants to add ur name to hers 'mrs'
i laughed at her family not allowing her rent a house in lagos. White lie. If she had been transfered to Kogi nko? She wants to put fire on u. Was she living wit them during uni days? Whats dis BB thing? Ok to remind u she belongs to a class. I dont promote poverty and i dont write off any man. As a teacher cdn't she hv encouraged u to go for masters take a stake at lecturing job. Cdn't she hv asked u to invest d 350k and take d profit to enlarge ur income? Cdn't hv asked d uncle to help witout making it a condition. Am sure if she has, u wd hv been d one doing dat proposal. No she is lookn for 'Mrs' witout potfolio. Wait, look, think and reason. Whatever ur heart says. B of Luck

My own humble opinion:

Her wrongest move was to give you the condition that she'll help you get a job after marriage. As in bribing you into marriage. (I would personally dump the person after such statement)

Do not rush into marriage with this lady, you need to invest more time into this relationship and then decide if she is truly for you. And like others mentioned when it comes to marriage use you head and not entirely your heart.

freeamie: I met this girl last year September at a cousin’s wedding reception and we exchanged contacts.
We had a first date and I discovered that she is a banker and she discovered (to her disappointment) that I am a School teacher. She said she likes my personality but doesn’t like my job.

Honestly, I have been looking for a better job but U know Naija now. E no easy.
Somehow, we pulled along but no much intimacy as we only meet on weekends and maybe like once a month or so.

Anytime she comes around, she tells me stories of her colleagues, suitors etc etc and of course every one of them has a car and is richer than myself. She pings and answers phone calls of pple I suspect to be her toasters or so, she was just in control. I just played cool. She never asked me for anything and I never asked her too.

Last March, she lost her job. So, she became more available at my place. Last month, she started asking me to define our relationship, my plans for her and future, etc. But, somehow I discovered what I believe is the problem: Her elder bros she’s been staying with will be relocating to east by October when his rent expires.

My girl say she CANNOT leave lagos. With the kind of family she’s from, she won’t be allowed to rent an apartment here especially as she’s got no job.

So, she wants me to marry her before then, she says if money is my problem, that she’ll support me with 350K from her savings. She even said her bros (who works in the oil rig) can help me get a better job (since I studied Engineering), but, that’ll be after our marriage.

This came as a surprise to me cos I thought she’s the Madam here. Besides, I’ll want to marry when I’m ready and to Mrs right. I know I like her very much, but, Jude (my guy) says I should use my brain and NOT my heart.

Jude says she’s not employable again as she studied Food Science tech and has been in the bank for 4 years and that she needs marriage to secure her life and future. He says she’s turned to a liability and that she doesn’t love me.

Now, What do I do ?? What do I tell her ? Jude can’t be right, is he ?

Jude wants you to dump her so he could marry her afterwards.Sincerely, the only assesment you need to make is to know if you actually/truly love her.Dont let her money/job offer or anythin else be ur guide.Goodluck without Jonathan to you.

acidtalk: Rarely respond to threads if I can't relate to the message 100%. As for this, I can relate to it 101%.

I have found out most people than render advice here are not mature enough and only do it for the sake of 'make me sef talk'.

@Poster, your message is a very serious and deep thinking one.

From what I can see (based on your explanation);

* the ex banker friend of yours likes you but never liked your job. That's very understandable. Which woman wouldn't want her man to earn 6 digit figures? It is only normal.

* she lost her job during the downsizing period as as such the fear that she might not get another job for the fear of her kind of course is what is bothering you.

* you assume she wants to marry you to save herself the shame of returning to the East with her family.

Questions I will ask you are;

* while this girl had her banking job was she rude, bossy, and being in control all the time? Because you mentioned something like being 'oga'. If the answer is yes. Then I will let you know she can never change as if she gets a better job or flowing business tomorrow, she will certainly do worse. But if the answer is No! Then I will let you know you just had a complex and felt inferior to her.

* prior to when she discovered her uncle was relocating, has she ever mentioned marriage plans between you both? If the answer is No! Then I suggest you need to tell her to give you more time to prepare yourself first psychologically and financially as the news just came too sudden. And if the answer is Yes! You still need more time though.

* do you love her enough to live with her flaws? oIf it is yes! Then you can consider her for marriage, if the answer is No! Let he go as partners only get worse in most cases after marriage.


As for her putting you under a condition of her getting you a job after marriage, don't fall for the bait. Let her know you will ONLY marry her when you get a better job. If she can really help get a job, she will put pressure on that her under to get you the Oil and Gas Job as she won't be able to wait.

I see both of you getting to understand yourself better rathan that just rushing to tie the knot due to circumstances.

well said brow

freeamie:

I was not and am not interested in her money. Never collected a dime from her and never plans to. She just offered to assist with her money cos she thinks I may not have enough. I AM NOT FOR SALE. It's just that I can't see the future and can't see her heart!!!!!!! So, I need advice.

Thank God ur not for sale.

u need a long talk with her

Man,marriage is nt joke,b careful

NLDers, u guys r darlings. From Acidtalk 2 Dof1 an all others I couldn't read deir replies.am seriously impressed by these responses. Learnt something. Thanx Guys n thanx OP 4 such a topic.

(In MI's voice calling out Audu) Seun, Seun, I'll kiss ur bald head(if u av any) 4 dis forum. Muah!

Ileke-IdI:
The woman makes perfect sense.

1) She has money. 350k in savings
2) You're broke
3) She can get you a better job
4) She kept dating you even when you had rags on.
5) Seems like you get more out of this marriage o.
6) She could have asked any of her other rich colleages

Ayam just saying. Love is overrated, think with your head.

I only came on here to agree with this.