$tunna:


your post dont make any sense...so there is nothing to reconsider! when u decide to respond to the issue, then i will hear what u have to say!

why does this lady insist i must come and marry her next year next year and then she must get to america b4 she gets pregnant? why is it too dangeous to get pregnant in nigeria since i have the money to care for her there too, what if i moved to nigeria...does that mean no woman will agree to have a baby for me there because it is too risky to be pregnant there?? respond to those issues...should i trust she has no ulterior motive and still marry her or just forget the whole thing and pick another girl who likes me and dont wanna fight about where to get pregnant??

i said in the post if anyone need to ask me a question b4 responding...pls do so, i will answer ur question...so, dont jump into this with silly conclusions and baseless accusations and opinions just to make up for ur sunday morning fun, k! this is not a joke, my happiness and her happiness is at stake here

ok bros......lets get serious
...Sir u have tread carefully with such ladies...normally with her seeing u are america based..its normal for her anxiety...but please WHAT IS HER REASON FOR NOT WANTING TO GET PREGNANT...am not saying she should...but why? did she say NO

is is that

1.She thinks its wrong, maybe against her conscience
2.She tinks u have ulterior motive of hit and run?
3.Or she tinks she cant put to bed
....if u probably can reach her inner-wards.......it will go a long way in helping u know what to do next.....

i know u are also anxious...u dont wanna marry and discover that d lady cant put to bed......thats why in relationships communcation is keyyy ...if u discover that she is decent and have good family value and not a runs girl and u love her truly then just take the step of faith and respect her values....THE "THE JUST SHALL LIVE BY FAITH"...BUT if she not opposed to SEX before marriage but opposed pregnancy before marriage...kaiiiiii something then is wrong

As you explained that getting pregnant after marriage, I think the lady is afraid of being dump in nigeria after getting pregnant and have the baby.

You need to re-assure her and let her and her family understand the visa process and way to make it easy to get instead of putting yourselves in to situation of appealing of visa.

She and her family must be able to trust you very well before she will agree with you to get pregnant.

$tunna:


thanks but you still dont understand the issue.
she wants me to come and we will have a wedding...that is okay and will be done. i want her to then get pregnant for me while i process the papers for her and that will take about 3 to 6 months...this is where she said no way! having a baby in nigeria is too dangerous so she would like to get to america 1st before she get pregnant!!

ths issue is; what is her motive for that since i obviously have the money to send her to the best hospital in Nigeria for care and she will be getting to america b4 she deliver anyways? so if i moved to nigeria does that mean we will not have any kids because it is dangerous to do so there?

abeg people shine ur eyes and talk about the real issue here...

It's obvious that both of you don't trust eachother. You are not sure of her motive while she is not sure of yours too. If I were to consider her stand, the following may be her reasons for not wanting to get pregnant in Nigeria;
1) Maybe she is a good Christian who frowns at pregnancy out of wedlock. If this is the case, marry her first, wait for her to get pregnant in Nigeria before she travels.
2)It may be that she's feels you have no genuine plan about her coming over to join you. There are several cases where men have misled ladies to get pregnant for them only to be left alone in Nigeria to face the challenges of single mother. If this is the case, it's up to you to convince her of your intentions.
3)May be she actually see you as a visa to America and plans to scram later on.

Whatever the case maybe, both of you will have to reach a compromise. You both cant stand at the two extreme and expect the other to totally buy your idea. How far are you both willing to take the risk together? We've heard your own side of the story, I mean your fears. You need to listen to her fears too in order to understand her position.

If both of you cant reach a 50-50 compromise, you better part ways and stop waiting each other's time.

@OP: What you could do is to have an introduction ceremony with her parents. When you have done the introduction, you can now fire away and get her pregnant . Let her remain in Nigeria and have the child there. If I were you, I will patiently wait until the child is born before sponsoring both of them to meet me overseas. Some home-based ladies can be desperadoes!

mission08:


It's obvious that both of you don't trust eachother. You are not sure of her motive while she is not sure of yours too. If I were to consider her stand, the following may be her reasons for not wanting to get pregnant in Nigeria;
1) Maybe she is a good Christian who frowns at pregnancy out of wedlock. If this is the case, marry her first, wait for her to get pregnant in Nigeria before she travels.
2)It may be that she's feels you have no genuine plan about her coming over to join you. There are several cases where men have misled ladies to get pregnant for them only to be left alone in Nigeria to face the challenges of single mother. If this is the case, it's up to you to convince her of your intentions.
3)May be she actually see you as a visa to America and plans to scram later on.

Whatever the case maybe, both of you will have to reach a compromise. You both cant stand at the two extreme and expect the other to totally buy your idea. How far are you both willing to take the risk together? We've heard your own side of the story, I mean your fears. You need to listen to her fears too in order to understand her position.

If both of you cant reach a 50-50 compromise, you better part ways and stop waiting each other's time.

thanks for the thoughtful response!
your number one observation above is not the case...she refused intimacy when she came to see me a few weeks ago while i was in africa for other reasons!

if it's number two..she had not mentioned it...she said she does not think it is safe to have a baby in nigeria dues to lack of good hospitals or substandard care! but i think there might be more to it

once i know the answer to number 3...i will have solved the problem...i just have to be sure, i will not be played for a fool!

she will be properly cared for weather or not she gets pregnant in naija or comes here...herself and all her brothers and sisters where all born over there and they are all fine so i dont accept the too risky to get pregnant there explanation! she wants a big wedding or small wedding is all her decision and i will pay for it but getting to america b4 getting pregnant is not a good proposal as far as im concened...since i have no plans to abandon her there in naija!
if i want to marry a girl and leave her in naija...i would look for a girl who does not have a problem with that but that is not what i want

Caracta: @OP, i think you should just settle this issue with her and her parents. Let her parents get involved and explain your reason and fears to them. I'm sure she has fears too and doesn't want to be dumped in a 'strange' land. Work it out. You are a man and you are an adult, nobody should make decisions for you. All the best

i might try that, thanks! i was hopping i would not have to use her parents to overide her...that we two could settle this

Gabriel_sylar:

ok bros......lets get serious
...Sir u have tread carefully with such ladies...normally with her seeing u are america based..its normal for her anxiety...but please WHAT IS HER REASON FOR NOT WANTING TO GET PREGNANT...[/b]am not saying she should...but why? did she say NO

is is that

1.She thinks its wrong, maybe against her conscience
2.She tinks u have ulterior motive of hit and run?
3.Or she tinks she cant put to bed
....if u probably can reach her inner-wards.......it will go a long way in helping u know what to do next.....

i know u are also anxious...u dont wanna marry and discover that d lady cant put to bed......thats why in relationships communcation is keyyy ...if u discover that she is decent and have good family value and not a runs girl and u love her truly then just take the step of faith and respect her values....THE "THE JUST SHALL LIVE BY FAITH"...[b]BUT if she not opposed to SEX before marriage but opposed pregnancy before marriage...kaiiiiii something then is wrong

SHE SAID NIGERIA DOES NOT HAVE GOOD HEALTHCARE SO SHE AFRAID SOMETHING WILL GO WRONG AND SHE WILL NOT GET A GOOD CARE!

she is not opposed to sex before marriage, she is not only opposed to pregnancy before but also after marriage...until she gets to be with me period!

$tunna:



SHE SAID NIGERIA DOES NOT HAVE GOOD HEALTHCARE SO SHE AFRAID SOMETHING WILL GO WRONG AND SHE WILL NOT GET A GOOD CARE!

she is not opposed to sex before marriage, she is not only opposed to pregnancy before but also after marriage...until she gets to be with me period!

Please dont marry that girl.......REASON....COS SHE IS NOT COHERENT....A THIRD PARTY IS SOMEWHERE DICTATING TO HER AND DIS MIGHT HAVE OTHER UNSEEN REPERCUSSIONS

juman: As you explained that getting pregnant after marriage, I think the lady is afraid of being dump in nigeria after getting pregnant and have the baby.

You need to re-assure her and let her and her family understand the visa process and way to make it easy to get instead of putting yourselves in to situation of appealing of visa.

She and her family must be able to trust you very well before she will agree with you to get pregnant.

thanks!
i have to reveal something here! a relative of hers moved to america i believe to further his education but as soon as he got here, he wanted to stay and started applying to bring his son and wife from back home and the Visa was denied and he had no choice but to move back home...could this be the reason she is afraid she might not be able to join me!

but i am not a Visa student and have never married b4 and sponsored any woman...so there is no need to be afraid at all...i should be able to bring her over fairly easily

claremont: @OP: What you could do is to have an introduction ceremony with her parents. When you have done the introduction, you can now fire away and get her pregnant . Let her remain in Nigeria and have the child there. If I were you, I will patiently wait until the child is born before sponsoring both of them to meet me overseas. Some home-based ladies can be desperadoes!

i do not want or wish to trick her!

but i would like her to get pregnant there in naija and then start processing the paper...my cousin did that and it worked fine as the wife was already in america by the time the baby was due...!

i personally do not fancy a woman that argues about everything big and small and loves to say no to her man...in my experinec if a woman loves a man, she makes everything easy for him or is that not right?

$tunna:


this is where you are very wrong my dear...you got it all twisted! women who do not want children should look for men who do not want any children...there is really no big deal or any issue there, k!

if as a man, children are important to my life...i should be allowed to seek for a woman who also feel that way and it will be wrong for a woman who do not want any kids to try and insert herself into my life just bcause this is the 21st century and she needs love without children! pls you are not making any sense at all...

anyways, having children is not the issue here, getting pregnant in Naija - is it safe to do so, will they give her papers if she is not and what will happen if i spend all my time and resources to marry and then bring her here and she decides, she does not love me or did not know me well enough and or i make the decision she is not for me...those are the issues my dear!

soory! But please what happened to LOVE

Gabriel_sylar:

Please dont marry that girl.......REASON....COS SHE IS NOT COHERENT....A THIRD PARTY IS SOMEWHERE DICTATING TO HER AND DIS MIGHT HAVE OTHER UNSEEN REPERCUSSIONS

yup, that is what im worried about...she does not make a huge sense at all...

what happened if she marry a local naija man...insist they move to america b4 any pregnancy?

Becacia_Barbie:
soory! But please what happened to LOVE

im not sure my dear! im not sure at all...!lol

ask my friend who's wife he went to naija to marry, she got pregnant there. had the baby there then came over here and moved out of the man's house a year after she came!!
what happened to love there?

$tunna:


im not sure my dear! im not sure at all...!lol

ask my friend who's wife he went to naija to marry, she got pregnant there. had the baby there then came over here and moved out of the man's house a year after she came!!
what happened to love there?

I understand u, but the fact that it happened to ur frd doesnt mean its gna happen to you. I know u dnt wnto make d same mistake like ur frd bt u shud also know dat destinies are diffrt! Not everyone that wento school made it in life. Well I just wana ask u 1 question: how long have u known her?

$tunna:
..should i keep negoatiating or just forget the whole thing now? i like her but not sure what to do.

if anyone needs more info to give any advice...just ask

How u wan do dis , u wan fuxc her over the seas ni? Abu u go give am belle via puzzydial

This 21st century loff sef!! E pass me o

Becacia_Barbie:
I understand u, but the fact that it happened to ur frd doesnt mean its gna happen to you. I know u dnt wnto make d same mistake like ur frd bt u shud also know dat destinies are diffrt! Not everyone that wento school made it in life. Well I just wana ask u 1 question: how long have u known her?

i have been speaking to her now for going to 2 years! but we stoped speaking for a while and reconnected when i went home last month!

we stopped speaking because i thought she was not serious when she insisted i have to lodge in her city when i came to visit as her mom would not allow her to travel to my city...and i asked her if she was a baby and how come her mom will not allow her to travel from one naija city to another niaja city to visit me while i was there but will allow her to move to america to be with me!

she wanted me to come home and and gave me a deadline but i insisted i will only come home to see a serious girl and we stopped talking

i was in naija for another reason last month...and she was told that was i was there and she came down to visit me! we liked each other...but i dont know her real well...and its heard to do so as i live so far away. some people told me not to worry because of the way she ran down to see me after she said her mom will not allow her to come to that city to visit me...that she will listen to me...that she is just forming, but im not sure!

i hate forcing people to do what they dont wanna do..so i prefer to look for someone who like me and know i want what is best for them in my decisions for our family

Gudintent:

How u wan do dis , u wan fuxc her over the seas ni? Abu u go give am belle via puzzydial

This 21st century loff sef!! E pass me o

hahahahahahahaha!!! haba, my thngy long but its not that long ooo!!!


the idea is to go back next year for a wedding and hopefully get her pregnant after...while i start processing her papers and she can come have the baby here, but she wants the wedding and then wait until she gets over here

Suposing if she fail to get pregnant after 3 to 6months after the marrage? Wil u continue to be in Nigeria until she get pregnant? You re not God that give children and dont take issue of pregnancy into ur hands because ur not God.

i feel u,but she sounds stubborn(is dis what u really want)
i suggest u take ur time 2 know her more. . study her wella!
can she stand d test of time/is she a fair weather woman?
It's not all about gettin her pregnant but gettin d right woman. . .gettin it right!

CHIMCO: Suposing if she fail to get pregnant after 3 to 6months after the marrage? Wil u continue to be in Nigeria until she get pregnant? You re not God that give children and dont take issue of pregnancy into ur hands because ur not God.

pls move it along with your negativity...you are not God either n dont try to say you know the mind of god and his plan for me, K

as humble humans, we try and God blesses what we do...so when you r planing ur family you take into consideration that god will not approve what u want, that is ur life and ur concern!

in my world, i take god's love as a given and so far i have no reason to believe god in his love and kindness has any wicked plans to not grant my desires!

its up to me to try...if me and my woman speak with one mind and have the same desire, i dont see why i should be concerned about god refusing us what we want...but, if u have a problem with that, then that is not my concern

$tunna:


i have been speaking to her now for going to 2 years! but we stoped speaking for a while and reconnected when i went home last month!

we stopped speaking because i thought she was not serious when she insisted i have to lodge in her city when i came to visit as her mom would not allow her to travel to my city...and i asked her if she was a baby and how come her mom will not allow her to travel from one naija city to another niaja city to visit me while i was there but will allow her to move to america to be with me!

she wanted me to come home and and gave me a deadline but i insisted i will only come home to see a serious girl and we stopped talking

i was in naija for another reason last month...and she was told that was i was there and she came down to visit me! we liked each other...but i dont know her real well...and its heard to do so as i live so far away. some people told me not to worry because of the way she ran down to see me after she said her mom will not allow her to come to that city to visit me...that she will listen to me...that she is just forming, but im not sure!

i hate forcing people to do what they dont wanna do..so i prefer to look for someone who like me and know i want what is best for them in my decisions for our family

I ccc!thought as much!

no1madman: i feel u,but she sounds stubborn(is dis what u really want)
i suggest u take ur time 2 know her more. . study her wella!
can she stand d test of time/is she a fair weather woman?
It's not all about gettin her pregnant but gettin d right woman. . .gettin it right!

thank you my guy...a stubborn woman (even when she is wrong) can bring ruin and unhappiness to a man's life!

do u know how many woman men send to the embassy to get Visa tell them what to say and these woman believing that they know better...getting there and saying what they feel is right and then having application denied?? ...and the man has to then sort things out with lots of hardship later?

i want to know if im dealing with a stubborn woman who love to say no to everythng and argues about everything...i find it exhausting frankly as im not used to it...this is why i am worried and i have caught her saying NO to lots of thing both big and small

thanks again

@ poster As far as am concerned u r d lousy talkative.shebi uve made up ur mind on wot u want to do,y r u stil askin 4 approval.good luck to u while u shine ur bimbos congo.as 4 african values gettin destroyed in america,dats good news,am happy to hear dat.@ least women getting devalued will reduce,secondly as 4 u insisting dat someone broke my heart,well like i said earlier ure too myopic and assumptious so dat story is a figment of ur imagination.d sad news i av 4 u is dat women are getin empowered and informed against paranoid animals like u,as 4 my man,lol he is d best thing dat can eva happen to me and he is a man in every ramification of d word.he a decent man dat knows dat things are done are d right tym nt getin me pregy bfor marriage,o dats because he came from a good family with virtous people.if its my gettin married dat is annoyin u,u can jump into d lake,am signing my life with my best friend and confidant nt some paranoid human being,yorubas say d truth is bitter,but it has to be said.once again arguementator good luck.am so out of here,u suck seriously,nt only do u suck,u have issues with inferiority complex.wanabe americana oshi ,mshewwww.spits on poster and thread

$tunna:
..should i keep negoatiating or just forget the whole thing now? i like her but not sure what to do.

if anyone needs more info to give any advice...just ask

shes obviously trying to use u as a passport to get overseas then she finds her way when shes there.. wise up and shine ur eyes naija girls blood dey hot oh!

$tunna:


thank you my guy...a stubborn woman (even when she is wrong) can bring ruin and unhappiness to a man's life!

do u know how many woman men send to the embassy to get Visa tell them what to say and these woman believing that they know better...getting there and saying what they feel is right and then having application denied?? ...and the man has to then sort things out with lots of hardship later?

i want to know if im dealing with a stubborn woman who love to say no to everythng and argues about everything...i find it exhausting frankly as im not used to it...this is why i am worried and i have caught her saying NO to lots of thing both big and small

thanks again

Just learn 2 see/read people's heart. .Most women hide their real self and portray a different personalities in front of potential suitors. .Next time no show any woman ur blue kpali or benjamins. .always maintain a low profile. .goodluck!

kulyie: @ poster As far as am concerned u r d lousy talkative.shebi uve made up ur mind on wot u want to do,y r u stil askin 4 approval.good luck to u while u shine ur bimbos congo.as 4 african values gettin destroyed in america,dats good news,am happy to hear dat.@ least women getting devalued will reduce,secondly as 4 u insisting dat someone broke my heart,well like i said earlier ure too myopic and assumptious so dat story is a figment of ur imagination.d sad news i av 4 u is dat women are getin empowered and informed against paranoid animals like u,as 4 my man,lol he is d best thing dat can eva happen to me and he is a man in every ramification of d word.he a decent man dat knows dat things are done are d right tym nt getin me pregy bfor marriage,o dats because he came from a good family with virtous people.if its my gettin married dat is annoyin u,u can jump into d lake,am signing my life with my best friend and confidant nt some paranoid human being,yorubas say d truth is bitter,but it has to be said.once again arguementator good luck.am so out of here,u suck seriously,nt only do u suck,u have issues with inferiority complex.wanabe americana oshi ,mshewwww.spits on poster and thread

I'm sure by now u know that I respond to ur post so that people can see ur problem?!

U said on ur 1set response that someone broke ur heart...saying u dumped him or he dumps ya is irrevant...he broke ur heart and that person is not me!
I'm not sure y u r in Lagos and preaching women empowerment to me who lives in America! Lol
I have no problem with fembots but u don't even qualify for that because they are usually very articulate n u r not! I'm sad for the man about to marry u and make the worst mistake of his life...because how do u reason with a woman when something goes wrong and something will go wrong in any perfect marriage - a woman who can not comprehend a very simple issue!!

I have 2 sets of married friends who proudly announce to anyone who cares to listen that they do not want children ever...they wanna travel n travel n live the good life and save up for retirement and 1 couple been married for well over 10 years now n happy no children! , great for them, right?

I want kids n the lady I'm talking to want kids. She want a wedding and I want a wedding. She does not want to get pregnant after the wedding until I bring her over to where I am. I want us to try to get pregnant after the wedding.

Not sure wut ur issue is...not sure where devaluing women comes in here! I know who I am n u can not redefine me here!

Good luck to ur weakling husband...since if I brought a woman like u to America, u will not even get the chance to leave me later...ur ass will be out my door so fast, u will not realize what happened until its too late!

Would call u a bi tch but you r not qualified for that tittle...! Hehe

no1madman:
Just learn 2 see/read people's heart. .Most women hide their real self and portray a different personalities in front of potential suitors. .Next time no show any woman ur blue kpali or benjamins. .always maintain a low profile. .goodluck!

Noted!

fittty:


shes obviously trying to use u as a passport to get overseas then she finds her way when shes there.. wise up and shine ur eyes naija girls blood dey hot oh!

Yes, this is entirely possible...so umma be very careful my guy. Thanks

$tunna:


i have been speaking to her now for going to 2 years! but we stoped speaking for a while and reconnected when i went home last month!

we stopped speaking because i thought she was not serious when she insisted i have to lodge in her city when i came to visit as her mom would not allow her to travel to my city...and i asked her if she was a baby and how come her mom will not allow her to travel from one naija city to another niaja city to visit me while i was there but will allow her to move to america to be with me!

she wanted me to come home and and gave me a deadline but i insisted i will only come home to see a serious girl and we stopped talking

i was in naija for another reason last month...and she was told that was i was there and she came down to visit me! we liked each other...but i dont know her real well...and its heard to do so as i live so far away. some people told me not to worry because of the way she ran down to see me after she said her mom will not allow her to come to that city to visit me...that she will listen to me...that she is just forming, but im not sure!

i hate forcing people to do what they dont wanna do..so i prefer to look for someone who like me and know i want what is best for them in my decisions for our family

You know what stunna? Honestly? can you please take ur time before u proceed with this?
You have so many unanswered questions which make u doubt so much. Reading through ur replies I feel as though ur about to make a move too fast.
When you are confused, do not act! Wait and see how things work out cz some things are too sensitive to quickly jump into.
Get ur attention off the visa,marriage first and think about the girl you plan to marry.Is she worth the headache ur putting yourself through?
If yes then always do the right thing.

I have my own reservations but I will not discourage you if you are head over heels,

$tunna:


i have been speaking to her now for going to 2 years! but we stoped speaking for a while and reconnected when i went home last month!

we stopped speaking because i thought she was not serious when she insisted i have to lodge in her city when i came to visit as her mom would not allow her to travel to my city...and i asked her if she was a baby and how come her mom will not allow her to travel from one naija city to another niaja city to visit me while i was there but will allow her to move to america to be with me!

she wanted me to come home and and gave me a deadline but i insisted i will only come home to see a serious girl and we stopped talking

i was in naija for another reason last month...and she was told that was i was there and she came down to visit me! we liked each other...but i dont know her real well...and its heard to do so as i live so far away. some people told me not to worry because of the way she ran down to see me after she said her mom will not allow her to come to that city to visit me...that she will listen to me...that she is just forming, but im not sure!

i hate forcing people to do what they dont wanna do..so i prefer to look for someone who like me and know i want what is best for them in my decisions for our family

its obvious u dont really know her at all nd u wnto marry her? Dnt b foooled oo, she mite just be a gold digger who is just lookin for an opportunity to leave d country! I advise u get to know her well...b4 u evn think of having a baby wid her...Most gals r desperate o...nd dey wil do anythn to leave the country! And bsds wts wrong in gettn som1 in U.S?