Here is my question:  Is it wrong to want to marry a successful man?  When I say, "successful," I mean a man who is well-off, established--in essence, rich?  Does that make a woman materialistic or does it simply mean that she has a certain standard that she wants in her husband. 

I understand that this issue may have been debated before, but if you all would please enlighten me I would truly like to hear your views on this topic.

i thk it's only wrong when ya marrying him for da sake of his money but otherwise it's fine, that is if ya marrying him for da sake of love n not his money

Rhodalyn:

i thk it's only wrong when ya marrying him for da sake of his money but otherwise it's fine, that is if ya marrying him for da sake of love n not his money

word!!!!

Okay, interesting. Now let's say that one of the requirements is that he must be rich, very similar to desiring that he must be tall, kind, religious, etc. Does that then in turn make such a condition bad?

mokwuosa:

he must be rich, 

This is material 

mokwuosa:

desiring that he must be kind, religious,

These are virtues

mokwuosa:

desiring that he must be tall

This is a physical quality

They are all different. It is good to desire virtues but desire for material things in your partner is not too good.

Skidoc:


They are all different. It is good to desire virtues but desire for material things in your partner is not too good.

Okay Skidoc, I hear you; however, is there anything wrong with desiring that your life partner have some materiality to them?  If I require that the man I marry be financially well-off, would I be considered as desiring something bad?  What is wrong with wanting a spouse that can take care of you--very well if I may add?  I am not stating that the person having money is the sole factor, instead it is one of many. 

I believe that having such a condition is similar to desiring certain attributes in the person.  Is it not?

It is materialistic. What if d bulging pockets go flat, the love won't be there 4 sustainance. Wel, that's ma opinion.

Its not wrong but you shdn't make it a MUST. When a man comes to marry you, you shouldn't consider just his pocket but your feelings for him. _{And mind you all that glitters aint gold.}

I think if women want to be treated fairly, and equally, like so many wants, they need to stop being materialistc and start being more independent. Women like to complain that the world is biased and things are not fair, there's no equality, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, when given the choice between marrying someone who makes the same amount of money as they do or someone who's rich, many women will choose the rich man. If a man is working hard to bring in money and pay most of the bill, then the woman must make sacrifices to compensate his hard work, i.e. staying at home and taking care of the kids, letting him make majority of the decisions in the household, etc,
However, if you're working hard to take care of your share of the finances--more or less-- I believe you'll be in a better position to demand fairness and equality.
Personally speaking, i see nothing wrong in marrying a man who makes the same amount of money or even less than I do.

this is one topic i love.

Okay, it's not materialistic to want to marry a RICH MAN. it's just like saying u want to marry a TALL/Short man. You want a tall man because well maybe because you're short, and u don't want dwarfs as kids. You want a rich man, because well, u want money and want all your needs to be at least met.

Now here's the deal, Marrying a RICH man, shouldnt be a must on your list. Lets use the words "A comfortable man that can meet my needs". That way, people won't say you are a gold digger. At least the guy should be succesful with what he does, and what he does should be clean, plus, u'd know it's not the kind of money that can dissapear in two days.

Anyways, in my case, i want a successful ambitious man, whoever says im a gold digging LovePeddler, can go back to wherever they came from. There's no harm in wanting to be with a man who is succesful, in essence RICH, but people don't want to use the "RICH", because they think if u want to marry a rich man, u are not marrying him for LOVE.

Now listen to me, where did they hear that Rich men don't come with love? When you love your spouse, u love him for the things that come with him, like how he sings at night, how he cooks for you, how he smiles. Well, yeah, part of the reasons why i love my man is because he is rich (otherwise known as, successful and can meet my needs).

Then again, here's the deal, i won't depend on my husbands "wealth", or succesfulness, i would also be doing my own thing, cos Only god can see tomoro. '

Finaly to the topic, wanting ur man to be succesful does not mean u are materialistic, it just means u want something in ur man, something that most people consider "wrong". As long as u dont want a "rich" man, for just his "rich-ness", me thinks u r fine.

hot-angel, you speak the truth. Kuddos!!!

@topic

is not wrong , but like someone already said you shouldnt make it a must,
who wouldnt like to marry a rich man!!!! _{I DO,}

@hot-angel
Wow, I hear you this time!

hot angel, you go girl!!
you've said it all my sis

yeah, no wonder most of the girls i went to school with were not too bothered with their grades as we were. All they needed to do was "ask God" to give them a Rich (er sorry, successful and ambitious) man!
Poor guys can't ask for "ambitious" girls or rich ones either, they have to work their asses off for some chick to come in and reap where she did not sow. So she can divorce you at the drop of a hat and still be entitled to half of the things you slaved for yrs to achieve!
No wonder when i asked the girl i first got serious with what her future plans where after school all she could tell me was "go to my father's house and wait to get married!

hot-angel, you speak the truth. Kuddos!!!

No ma'am, she does not speak the truth only what YOU want to hear!

Little wonder most guys are marrying well into their 30s, no wonder many girls are finding it "difficult" to find a "good" man to marry. The word "good" now comes with being "rich" (sorry successful). May i ask the girls who want "rich" husbands what they are bringing to the marriage?
Themselves, two aged parents, 5 brothers and sisters and countless cousins, uncles and aunts? For one guy to take care of?

Marriage is all about genuine love (agape type that seeks what you can do for the other and not what they can do for u) and compromise! It is less about what he has in his pockets.

I won't advise my cousin to marry an unambitious pauper, i won't be advising her to include "must be rich" as a criteria either!

I think it is only natural that a woman would want to marry a rich man. Being rich is seen as being successful and if you look back in history, you would realised that women have always been attracted to successful men. Be it the strongest man in the village, the most skillful hunter etc.

Having said that, there are some lazy girls around who are just waiting for Mr Rich to come and marry them and look after their entire clan. This is very wrong. As far as I know, there are lots of opportunities for women to go out to work these days. Even if it is a little part time job.

Personally, I work hard and I do expect any man that I have a relationship with to be able to pay their own bills at least. I like to wear the trousers some times but not when it comes to paying bills .

davidylan:

yeah, no wonder most of the girls i went to school with were not too bothered with their grades as we were. All they needed to do was "ask God" to give them a Rich (er sorry, successful and ambitious) man!
Poor guys can't ask for "ambitious" girls or rich ones either, they have to work their asses off for some chick to come in and reap where she did not sow. So she can divorce you at the drop of a hat and still be entitled to half of the things you slaved for years to achieve!
No wonder when i asked the girl i first got serious with what her future plans where after school all she could tell me was "go to my father's house and wait to get married!
No ma'am, she does not speak the truth only what YOU want to hear!

Little wonder most guys are marrying well into their 30s, no wonder many girls are finding it "difficult" to find a "good" man to marry. The word "good" now comes with being "rich" (sorry successful). May i ask the girls who want "rich" husbands what they are bringing to the marriage?
Themselves, two aged parents, 5 brothers and sisters and countless cousins, uncles and aunts? For one guy to take care of?

Marriage is all about genuine love (agape type that seeks what you can do for the other and not what they can do for u) and compromise! It is less about what he has in his pockets.

I won't advise my cousin to marry an unambitious pauper, i won't be advising her to include "must be rich" as a criteria either!

Now, david, has answered the question the right way.

But, is any of you guys here married? It would be nice to hear from the experienced folks, don't you all think so? It's easy sitting down there and typing away what you think is right or wrong. But real life experience , especially from those married to[b] rich? [/b] folks will hit the nail on the head.

No ma'am, she does not speak the truth only what YOU want to hear!

Little wonder most guys are marrying well into their 30s, no wonder many girls are finding it "difficult" to find a "good" man to marry. The word "good" now comes with being "rich" (sorry successful). May i ask the girls who want "rich" husbands what they are bringing to the marriage?
Themselves, two aged parents, 5 brothers and sisters and countless cousins, uncles and aunts? For one guy to take care of?

Marriage is all about genuine love (agape type that seeks what you can do for the other and not what they can do for u) and compromise! It is less about what he has in his pockets.

I won't advise my cousin to marry an unambitious pauper, i won't be advising her to include "must be rich" as a criteria either!

[quote][/quote]

Good talk

Now, david, has answered the question the right way.

But, is any of you guys here married? It would be nice to hear from the experienced folks, don't you all think so? It's easy sitting down there and typing away what you think is right or wrong. But real life experience , especially from those married to rich? folks will hit the nail on the head.

for real, thats needed atleast, to shed light on some certain points raised

Cheers

If you marry someone who is Rich (or successful), what guarantee do you have that the money or the success will be with you after the marriage? Change is the only thing that is Permanent. A pauper can become Rich tomorrow so also a rich man can become poor in a second. Everyone desires the good thing of life but seek yee first the love of your man and everyother thing will be added unto you by the Grace of the Almighty.

Is it wrong?
What kind of question is that?

My dear, it's absolutely essential.
It's the only real imperative in marriage.
In fact, it I'm personally surprised it's not on the statute books.

I think it's plain rude of blokes to consider marrying a girl without having made a couple of mill' at the least (and to have gained a measure of celebrity)!

Why should a girl have too waste her precious time with some middle income earner with a good heart, or even worse, a "decent guy" who doesn't have two pennies to rub together? Timewasters!

And the source of the riches needn't be a worry. Criminal background dodgy past, shady political dealing, those should not bother a serious minded girl with her heart set on marriage.

Physical considerations are for the immature. Halitosis, wasting disease, terminal illness whatever (in fact in certain cases this may actually be advantageous!  ). As long as his "signing"hand is in perfect working order.

I'm sure if we look hard enough we can find scriptural backing for this!

ABOUT ME![color=#000099][/color]
I'm as rich as Croesus, and extremely generous with my money. I also have extremely low expectations of any potential wife!

Which of my customised private jets/stretch limo's would you like me to send for you?

Hurry, before the other gold-diggers, I mean properly raised, well cultured, highly educated and accomplished young ladies on this forum make a beeline for me!


Can't wait babe!

Richie "LoverBoy" Rich


ps ~ if when we meet, you don't like me, I won't let you go to the trouble of manipulating me down the aisle, enduring a short unhappy marriage and a painful drawn out divorce. Just let me know and I'll hand over half my stupendous wealth after the first date! Hopefully we can "close" before the easter break is over.


Admin - Please get a shakin' head smiley up in here, save me writing - Thank you!

@mokwosa

There is nothing wrong as long as you dont overlook other critical factors. financial freedom while it helps doesnt equate to marital bliss.

Huh! Majority who participated in this topic did not tell the truth.
They just spoke what people like to hear except some few.
Why do you all belong to "PDP" party?

PDP means: People deceive people!

I love how skidoc answered the question.

As long as your consideration in the marraige isn't just your anatomy.

davidylan:

yeah, no wonder most of the girls i went to school with were not too bothered with their grades as we were. All they needed to do was "ask God" to give them a Rich (er sorry, successful and ambitious) man!
Poor guys can't ask for "ambitious" girls or rich ones either, they have to work their asses off for some chick to come in and reap where she did not sow. So she can divorce you at the drop of a hat and still be entitled to half of the things you slaved for years to achieve!
No wonder when i asked the girl i first got serious with what her future plans where after school all she could tell me was "go to my father's house and wait to get married!
No ma'am, she does not speak the truth only what YOU want to hear!

Little wonder most guys are marrying well into their 30s, no wonder many girls are finding it "difficult" to find a "good" man to marry. The word "good" now comes with being "rich" (sorry successful). May i ask the girls who want "rich" husbands what they are bringing to the marriage?
Themselves, two aged parents, 5 brothers and sisters and countless cousins, uncles and aunts? For one guy to take care of?

Marriage is all about genuine love (agape type that seeks what you can do for the other and not what they can do for u) and compromise! It is less about what he has in his pockets.

I won't advise my cousin to marry an unambitious pauper, i won't be advising her to include "must be rich" as a criteria either!

I don't think you get it, just because the "ONE" girl u met, made a rich man a MUST, and doesn't want to study because she's depending on her future rich husband, does not mean that EVERY girl does the same.
I pointed it out that i'd do my thing, so i can be successful, not just depend on my husbands wealth.

I also pointed it clearly that, marrying a rich man shouldn't be a MUST, but daing, there's no harm in wanting to marrying one.

Genuine love doesn't just come like WHOA! SOmethings have to be in place before you love someone. It's just like people who say they don't love FAT GIRLS, people who don't love SHORT GUYS, now, here's the deal, A Girl does not want a man who can't meet her NEEDS!!! In essence she wants a guy who is "rich". Rich as in successful, rich as in he knows what he's doing. IF the guy has all what she wants, just like a girl has the right shape for you guys, Trust me, she'll love him, because yeah, that's her ideal man, And when she loves him, Divorce won't come in place.

Y'all just confusing urselves, seriously, there's no harm in wanting your man to be rich, it just put u a step higher than most couples that'll have to start from the scratch, Those couples that'll have to be yelling at each other everyday because his wife didn't bring back home the ammount she's spose to bring, when your man is rich and you are doing what you do right, there won't be "FINANCIAL NEEDS", rather, you'll spend most of your time showing him how much u love him, U won't need to go out there and FRY AKARA, come back home, get tired, and he'll still say where's my food.

Instead, you'll go to your office, work, come back at the time u spose to, cook special food for the man you love (NOT just because of his money), he'll come back home with a smile, u eat and spend time loving each other and your kids if you have some!

wiseguy:

If you marry someone who is Rich (or successful), what guarantee do you have that the money or the success will be with you after the marriage? Change is the only thing that is Permanent. A pauper can become Rich tomorrow so also a rich man can become poor in a second. Everyone desires the good thing of life but seek yee first the love of your man and everyother thing will be added unto you by the Grace of the Almighty.

Here's the deal, Number one, i absolutely understand what you mean by money will just GO AWAY, but i still think u don't get it, it's not like seeing an ALHAJI, and whoaaa, he's alhaji dangote, i must marry him! NO, that's not it.

It's like seeing an handsome young man, who is sweet, who opens the door for you, who does basically does what most girls want for you, but uhmm, he came with extra packages. That being said.

The guarantee a smart girl would have is that, she's also working and not depending on her husband for EVERTHING, of course she'll get some of her husbands money (they say two becomes one in marriage, NO?). She also has her own job, helping the family, not just sitting her ass at home and not doing a thing. Only a stupid girl, would depend on her husband/spouse for everything. Infact how many ladies aren't independent nowadays (any lady to testify that?)

To seek the love of your man, I mean[b] u can't love something that you can't love[/b]! U have a computer, but it does nothing than sit on your table, how the hell u gon love it? You have a man, he doesn't have what you need in him, why should u love him? Yes yes, i can love a "poor man"/"pauper", but there's no harm in wanting to love a rich man.

There goes the whole, don't make a MUST! If it's a must, then that's wrong, let's be realistic here people, PLEASE.

Most guys are there in the sexuality section, i want a slim beautiful lady, now tell me, what guarantee do they have that the slim beautiful lady won't become FAt and in turn ugly lady? Same thing here my dear, same thing.

Now don't go all, physical needs, and material needs on me. THEY ARE ALL NEEDS!!

Hot-Angel dear, just as someone noted in a previous post, the reason why girls will never be treated equally to men is because they have made themselves to be dependent. You said a girl might desire a rich man to meet her needs Shuu, must it be a guy that will meet your needs? Then you said she wants a rich man because she wants money, if you want money, WORK HARD! Don't be looking for some rich guy. How can a girl set out and make it one of her goals to marry a rich man? That is plain stupid. If you yourself work hard and bring yourself up to a level, then you will not have to fry akara. That's why I will never toast a church-rat broke ass parasite of a chic who is looking for a nigga to latch onto, my girlfriend is financially independent, she doesn't kill me with demands.

Skidoc:

Hot-Angel dear, just as someone noted in a previous post, the reason why girls will never be treated equally to men is because they have made themselves to be dependent. You said a girl might desire a rich man to meet her needs Shuu, must it be a guy that will meet your needs? Then you said she wants a rich money because she wants money, if you want money, WORK HARD! Don't be looking for some rich guy. How can a girl set out and make it one of her goals to marry a rich man? That is plain stupid. If you yourself work hard and bring yourself up to a level, then you will not have to fry akara. That's why I will never toast a church-rat broke ass parasite of a chic who is looking for a nigga to latch onto, my girlfriend is financially independent, she doesn't kill me with demands.

U take some part of my post, then u break em down. Well thank you. But did you miss the part where i said, "a Girl shouldn't be dependent on her husband?" Most girls/ladies of now don't depend on their men, but in marriage, THE TWO BECOMES ONE! I think y'all think we r talking about DATING, this is marriage, For better for worse!
Most ladies of today (the smart ones), aren't dependent on their man, everyone is working their asses off, because only God sees tomoro.

The topic says is it wrong to want to marry a rich man, my answer: NO it's not, as long as you're not marrying him just for his money. Don't make it a MUST.

your girlfriend is financialy dependent (just like most women are), it's just that no matter how independent a woman is, she'll need her man's help sometimes. You can't go in a marriage wanting to meet all your needs yourself. Come on now, the old traditional "hunnie, we need to buy rice", "hunnie, we need to pay the kids school fees", "hunnie we need to but new curtains", will at least come in place sometime. If you think doing all these is part of not being "independent", then you might as well remain a SINGLE INDEPENDENT LADY. Seriously, Indepence isn't Ignoring your man's wealth. If he has it, Yay, hunnie, let's spend it!

I think im going to rest my case on this, because most people don't want to say it as it is. This is the real world, not the world we wish we were in, if everyone could build their world, well, God knows, infact GOD KNOWS. Everyone has something they require in a spouse, They have things that they want in their spouse that others consider "WRONG". My wrong could be your right.

Kinda amazes me, why all the people that are saying it's WRONG to want to marrying a rich man are guys. [s]Are y'all scared or summin? are you scared that, since u not working hard, no girl would wanna marry you? [/s]

@ ama, thank YOU! Please tell them!

No, I didn't take some parts of your post. I responded to only your very first post in this topic. I couldn't be bothered to read your next posts because I thought you would still be saying the same thing but now I've gone to read your subsequent posts and I see that you've diluted it a bit and have now shifted a little to the side of the truth. If you read your first post, it was parasitic but the latter ones are now symbiotic

This is a really interesting topic but oh so important!
Now from my point of view, yes, I would like a successful man, but I am not gonna stress over it. I went to a high school with rich kids and now my college is FULL of rich kids and celebrity kids (Pepperdine University). When you come from a certain background I think you kind of come to expect somethin of your life. All my friends KNOW they will marry rich men, because their family is so rich! No woman wants to support her family or think her husband is with her simply because of her family's wealth. Finding a successful man is a really good thing, but don't make it a priority!
Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and bank accounts!

@Greatpeter has just given us a reality check. I agree with him that many of the replies to this exciting thread are too idealistic.

Check out the employment trend in Nigeria today for graduates. What is the average graduate's pay? Not the Shell worker, not the Globacom 'big boy'. Maybe 40,000 naira monthly? How many of our ladies can accept the average graduate as a 'successful' guy? It is only when issues like these are addressed that we can be said to be realistic.

Someone said it is natural for women to go after men with money as if it is justification for that behavior. Yet when men say things like "It is natural for men to cheat" we scold and say things like "abeg, make we hear word!" Or "Nonsense and ingeredients"
And justifiably so.
We are all thinking human beings and this is what separates us from animals. We have the capabilty to think before we make decisions and to weigh out the consequences of our actions. We know wrong from right, and so there's no reason to mask it with "it's natural".  As much as many women and even self-proclaimed feminists will roar that they want equal treatments, at the end of the day, when they have the choice between marrying someone who makes the same amount as them or someone who makes more, many people will choose to go after the man that makes more. This is not fairness. This problem in itself has been used to justify why men cheat. This was one of the reasons polygamy continued for as long as it did--because women were married to rich men who took care of them financially, they gave up their dignity. If you truly want fairness, then demand that your husband let you pay at least half of the bills or demand to be able to flex your financial muscle in your household.

Many women go to schools, some go for Ivy League education and start a career once they get their degree. But when they are about to get married, they give up their job--or start working part-time--to marry a rich husband and become stay at home moms, because that is usually what you have to do if your husband's working hard to pay the bills. Unfortunately, this is prolly one of the reasons that there's still no female president in the U.S., one of the most liberal countries in the world. Enough women are not willing to dedicate to the job field like men are. Although many women are changing things, more women must learn to make sacrifices if they truly desire equality. 

On the other hand, there are women who don't mind marrying rich men and becoming housewives. If this is their choice, then there's nothing wrong with it. However, for those who are demanding equal treatment, it is important to consider this decision a little further.

I don't think there is anything wrong in marrying a rich man as long as you are on your own two feet and care take care of yourself without the man.  The richer the better.  Sometimes marrying for love alone doesn't cut it.