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African Nerd - Literature (16) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / African Nerd (23471 Views)

Mosquito Palaver (legend Of The Nerd) (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: African Nerd by larride(m): 10:40pm On Dec 28, 2012
Red-Moss na next century u go update next abi
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 12:04am On Dec 29, 2012
My close pal is sick.........near death. I need to be at her side.
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 12:06am On Dec 29, 2012
My close pal is sick.........near death. I need to be at her side, I shall update tomorrow.
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 12:06am On Dec 29, 2012
My close pal is sick.........near death. I need to be at her side, I shall update tomorrow. I'm sorry.
Re: African Nerd by larride(m): 12:17am On Dec 29, 2012
Okay, I wish her speedy recovery.
Re: African Nerd by caesaraba(m): 3:10am On Dec 29, 2012
Hardluck Redmoss. Wish her speedy recovery.
Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 7:43am On Dec 29, 2012
Sorry bro... I pray she recovers, and I hope you used an euphemism to describe her condition because it gave me the shivers... You know what ah mean...

Wish to start a new thread sha but I pray I recover soonest to do that because I'm not finding my own body funny....
Re: African Nerd by olenyi(m): 9:33am On Dec 29, 2012
Dis is sad mehn. Red, i pray she recovers fast. MayGod be with her.
Re: African Nerd by Udee1(f): 11:27am On Dec 29, 2012
So sorry Redmoss, hope she recovers fully.
Re: African Nerd by Emperortj93(m): 11:46am On Dec 29, 2012
**Silently waitin 4 ur next post**
Re: African Nerd by Emperortj93(m): 11:49am On Dec 29, 2012
Way 2 go redmossWay 2 go redmossWay 2 go redmoss
Re: African Nerd by ARES(m): 12:04pm On Dec 29, 2012
Sorry bro. Family and friends first. Take care of her. We will always wait.
Re: African Nerd by ijebabe: 12:25pm On Dec 29, 2012
Is this story going to be worth my time? 17 pages!
One way to find out. The first 2 paragraphs...
Re: African Nerd by Feraz(m): 1:36pm On Dec 29, 2012
ijebabe: Is this story going to be worth my time? 17 pages!
One way to find out. The first 2 paragraphs...
just try.....you'll really enjoy it coupled with his great sense of humour......
RM, she's going to be ok.....
Re: African Nerd by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 2:25pm On Dec 29, 2012
Redmosquito: My close pal is sick.........near death. I need to be at her side, I shall update tomorrow. I'm sorry.
No probs...
Wish her a very speedy recovery...
Re: African Nerd by jslimz: 2:42pm On Dec 29, 2012
Redmosquito: My close pal is sick.........near death. I need to be at her side, I shall update tomorrow. I'm sorry.

We'll wait.
Ur friend will get strong. I wish her speedy recovery.
Re: African Nerd by micki83(m): 8:38pm On Dec 29, 2012
Redmoss,my main man!no vex o; I didn't abandon u.I've bin sooooooooo busy these past few days,so I only hav time to view d story silently.I've bin following though and u havnt disappointed me.if only I had half ur talent/wit/humour...*sigh*.I hope u frnd gets well soon sha.d story is so cool,u deserve an upgrade from a blackberry struggle to a blackberry hustle...hehehe!
Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 7:17am On Dec 30, 2012
Doctor... Please do your best on your friend and try to update us on the progress of her total recovery... We'll send in our love...
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 2:35pm On Dec 30, 2012
I just bought new data bundle. I will update probably this night! grin
And thank yall for for the well wishes, my girl is back at least she's coming back small small, thank you all oooo grin grin grin. Meanwhile let me sama una another small story! Just to clear my brain! grin grin grin
More boredom things to clear the neural pathways, just manage this one while I update African Nerd
Kith and Kin
Re: African Nerd by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 7:47pm On Dec 30, 2012
Guy, why d dulling naw? angry


Best wishes to your girl shaa..
Re: African Nerd by olenyi(m): 7:48pm On Dec 30, 2012
Redmosquito: My girl has been sick. Going to three days now. It is sad and painful, for death looms over her.
Parvo virus, discovered in the 1970s, aggressive killer, mortality rate of 91%, resilient to all household agents but bleach.



What is Parvo?
Parvo is a common and potentially serious viral disease in dogs. The virus is officially known Parvovirus. The disease caused by this virus is commonly referred to as Parvo . The virus first appeared clinically in 1978, and there was a widespread epidemic in dogs of all ages. Since nodogs had been exposed or vaccinated (the vaccine didn't exist at the time), dogs of all ages died from the infection. The virus can "adapt" over time, and other strains of the virus have appeared since then, but properly administered vaccinations are the best protection. Canine Parvovirus is thought to be a mutation from the feline Parvovirus, also known as Feline Distemper virus.


Guy, u got us all thinking it was a human. Hmmmm....what a relief. Anyway, hope she gets well soon. Regards.
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 7:56pm On Dec 30, 2012
Oluwafunmilayo95: Guy, why d dulling naw? angry


Best wishes to your girl shaa..

I dey come. No vex. Iyawo mi grin grin. I go soon post am. In like 30 mins to an hour grin grin grin
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 12:47am On Dec 31, 2012
*********************************************
As I scrub myself in the bathroom, I catch sight of two pairs of eyes. I look outside my small bathroom window to see two owls, both of them fixated on me like superglue, like fly on poo, their gaze unchanging.
Damn birds! I pull close the sliding window and resume my cleansing ritual. I actually did good, they could have gone blind if they saw too much. I walk out of the bathroom, water dripping from me, towel slung over my shoulder and gear shaft shifting between my legs, it feels good to be free from shame, free from the covers of fabric, it feels good.
As I rest my bony yansh on the bed, I look to the phone. 7:42, she said 9'o clock abi. Hehn! Let me just take five minutes. I fling away the towel, the cool breeze soothes my Unclad body, and then my eyelids fall, they fall into the little death.
Haaa!
I jump awake, out of the dream world, my hands clutching my gear shaft protectively.
I can still hear the echo, the reverberations of a dangerous encounter in the dream world of Hypnos.
"Come father! Let us destroy you once more!"
I pant for some time and then I turn my phone to my face to see the time. As I lift the blackberry, a key falls off the keypad, now there are only seven keypads left, all the rest are empty slots with white light in them.
9:15
Jesus Christ Of Maiduguri! I am late!
I rush to wear my boxers, and jeans, and the put on a shirt. I spray the fifty naira perfume I bought once, in my mouth and armpit and Bam! I am ready for church. Now it remains my bible. Where did I drop that bible? I search far and wide, in the drawers, under the bed, in my bag. I rush to search my brothers’ wardrobe and find a little blue book, the new testament bible. Well, it’s not my big bible but it’ll do.
I walk to the veranda, look around for my shoe, my eyes scanning the area like those of a typical Nigerian thief. Now where is the damn palm sandals. I see one poking out of Jill’s cage, one side of it torn and ragged.
Chai! This girl will not kee me!
As I walk to church under the cool morning sun, the left foot palm rather badly disfigured by Jill, my little dog. That girl does not know what is a toy, I had to look for the second leg of the palm in the neighbour’s compound, only Jill knows how it got there. I have no time for her wahala yet.
As I walk on I discover something rather bizarre about the birds up in the sky. Vultures, big black ones, with necks and heads, long and bald, they’ve been following me since I left the house. In the bathroom too, two owls seemed to be keeping an eye on me, they probably wanted to watch blues film, maybe them miss road, the pretty girl's bathroom is in the next compound. Dont ask me how I know? I just know these things.
Anytime I stop, the vultures too stop and keep circling me, high in the air, as if they are waiting for me to fall dead, as if they are waiting to pick my bones from their teeth. Someone is watching, and he doesn’t want to hide that fact, probably Hades, but Hades isn't the god of the sky. I dismiss the thought as I walk on to the church.
Thirteen beams. Thirteen thin beams of wood. That is all that holds the roof of my church, no walls, just thirteen beams supporting sheets of aluminium roofing. As I approach, I can see the seating arrangement already, adults section on one side, teenager section on another, the children have a separate section under a seperate shed, some distance away from the main shed.
I walk to the teenager section, making sure to conceal the bible enough for them to know that I have a bible, but not enough to really see its miniature size.
I listen attentively to the sermon from my back seat, not because I want to learn but because I want to cause trouble. Trouble is fun. These pastors like to bamboozle the word, I like to make them look bad.
“It is wrong for young people like you to be carry boyfriend and girlfriend!”, the Sunday school teacher laments
“No talk dat wan ooo! Pawpaw is sweetest when young!”, I murmur, causing all the my noise-making hyenas around me to burst out in laughter.
The woman didn’t hear my comments, she shoots them a warning glance, the laughter quickly dies down.
“Can you even imagine?”, she says on, “ A father sleeping with his daughter!”, she says this with her eyes open in disbelief as if we were the ones that perpetrated the act.
“But madam, how can you cook soup and not eat from it?”, I say quietly, causing more uproar around me.
But this time I am unlucky, for the woman heard me, every single word I uttered.
“What?! Ayomide!”, she shouts, “You said what? Pastor's Child?! Oya stand up and repeat yourself there! Let everybody hear you!”
I do not fear her. I am a man of balls, nobody fit terrorize me into submission. I dust my shirt first, check my fly and then I stand up to speak.
“Haa! I said that can someone cook ……”, as I speak I immediately catch my mother staring and smiling from the adult’s section, she probably wants to hear the beautiful words her normally quiet son wants to say, she wants to see how well I will contribute to the house of God. I quickly look for how to change the words, See ehn! I can face Cerberus, destroy Thanatos, torture Minion, but mehn! I no fit stand my mama wahala ooo!!
“Excuse me ma...............
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 1:28am On Dec 31, 2012
I will do one more update on the church . The end is already in sight! grin
Thanks yall for the well wishes, my baby sends her regards grin grin
Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 7:13am On Dec 31, 2012
Redmosquito: I will do one more update on the church . The end is already in sight! grin
Thanks yall for the well wishes, my baby sends her regards grin grin

na him you allow me dey do words of wisdom for your dog... Kai... Anyway how the biatchh health...?
Re: African Nerd by caesaraba(m): 7:18am On Dec 31, 2012
hahahahahahahaha....niiiiiiice!
Re: African Nerd by ARES(m): 9:42am On Dec 31, 2012
Nice one Mr mosquitoe, I love the way u combine all the funny senarios and still don't deviate from the story line. Really nice. Bros u for open mouth talk nah, na E honda 100 hand slap u for receive.
Dude hold on oooo did u just make me pray for ur dog? angry, that is just plain nasty, I thot some hot chic was receiving the kiss of life from u
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 9:57am On Dec 31, 2012
Thank you guys for the encouragements grin grin grin
No be my dog ooo! Na my baby geh grin grin grin
Re: African Nerd by Feraz(m): 10:08am On Dec 31, 2012
Lol at cooking soup and not eating from it.......you badt gan.......
Re: African Nerd by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 9:09pm On Dec 31, 2012
No yarns today? undecided
Re: African Nerd by Feraz(m): 1:23am On Jan 01, 2013
Merry new year people
Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 1:32am On Jan 01, 2013
Oluwafunmilayo95: No yarns today? undecided
No vex! I still dey type am! E never complete wella grin grin
Happy new year baby geh and all my e-siblings and e-wives
grin grin grin

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