Akpos followed his wife
to the hospital to
deliver a bouncing baby
boy.
The nurse there gave
them syrup to give the
baby when they get
home but
she warned them to
shake the drug before
use.
When they got home
Akpos and his wife
forgot to shake the
drug as instructed, they
just took the drug and
admitted on the baby.
But Akpos who was
very brave realized that
they did
not shake the drug
before used, he
therefore
carried the baby from
the bed and started
shaking him seriously.
When his wife asked
him the reason
he said he was acting to
instruction.

Two guys, Akpos &
Ochuko were talking at
a bar.
Akpos: My dad is a
doctor.
Ochuko: Wow, my dad is
a doctor too!
Akpos: I'm 24 years old
and u?
Ochuko: I can't believe
this, l am 24 years old
too
Akpos: I have a sister
called Linda
Ochuko: I can't believe
dis! My sister's name is
Linda too!
Akpos: We lived down d
street
Ochuko: I can't believe
what l'm hearing from
u, we lived down d
street too
Akpos: Don't tell me
we've met b4
Ochuko: Same here, l
wonder too.
They both hugged each
other.
Waiter to barman:
What's wrong with this
2 guys?
Barman: Don't mind
those guys, they are
twins living down the
street, but they are
totally drunk now!

AKPOR AND HIS WIFE
QUARRELING.
The wife went to the
wardrobe and
begun
packing all her clothes
into her traveling bag.
AKPOR: where are you
going to??
WIFE: Am going to my
mother's
house.
Akpor left her,then
went to the wardrobe
and
began packing his
clothes into his
travelling bag.
WIFE.Where are you
going to??
AKPOR: To my mother's
house of
course.
WIFE: So what about
the children??
AKPOR: You are going to
your
mother,Iam
going to my mother,so
let
the children too go to
their mother

AKPOS IN A BIBLE QUIZ
Q: who is judas?
Akpos: a farmer and
vegetarian.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos judas eats
carrot.
Q: where is judas from?
Akpos: Nigeria.
Q: which tribe?
Akpos: igbo.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos he loves
money.
Q: what is Lazarus
surname?
Akpos: Comfort.
Q: why?
Akpos: becos wen Jesus
came to
his grave, He shouted
"Lazarus
Comfort".
Q: who are the brothers
of
Lazarus that climb the
tree to see
Jesus?
Akpos: Aki n Popo.
Q: why?
Akpos: because he is a
short man.
Q: complete this bible
quote,
"many are called but..."
Akpos: many are called
but few
have the credit to call
back.

Teacher: Write a
sentence ending with
HAND.
Little akpors: My penis in
your hand.
Teacher: (slapped him.)
You are Mad
little akpors: Sorry Ma! I
forgot to put space
between PEN and IS.

A man had 2 sons, Muda
and Akpos who sat for
an examination.Whe n
the result came out,
their father called
both of them to ask
them some questions:
Father: Muda, come
here,You did very well in
your exams, you got A's
in chains.
Muda: Yes daddy, I want
to study in America
that's why I got A's.
Father: ... and you
Akpos, can you explain
why you got F's in
chains?
Akpos: Yea Papa its my
Dream to study in
France.

The Queen Elizabeth, Bill
Gates
and Akpors died and
went to hell. The Devil
has only
one phone and he
charges to
make a call.
The queen told Him
she'll like to call England
to know
how her people are
fairing. She
talked for 5 minutes
and asked
for her bill. He charged
her
$5000 , she signed him a
cheque
and went back to her
seat. Bill
Gates also made a call
to the US ,
talked for ten minutes
and the
Devil charged him $10
Million.
When it was time for
Akpors,he
thought he had to utilize
his
money since the devil is
going to
charge him heavily. He
called
Nigeria and talked for
One
hour 30 mins. Then he
asked the
devil for the price. The
devil said,
its only N30, suprised
Akpors
asked why, the Devil
replied;"you
know this is Hell, and a
call to
another Hell is cheap
since its a
local call"

The students of Warri
Grammar School went
on excursion to Egypt.
On thetomb of Pharaoh
was written "1102BC".
The teacher now
asked"who knows
what this means?"
Nobody except Akpos
raised his hand but the
teacher was not
comfortable and
pretended not to take
notice of him. She then
asked again and yet
only Akpos' hand was
still up.
So she allowed him to
answer. Akpos said "Na
Pharaoh BB Pin be that"

Akpos is having a
snack of BREAD AND
JAM when an American
man CHUCKLING
CHEWING GUM, sits
down next to him. He
ignores the
American who,
nevertheless, starts a
conversation.
American: “You Afric
an folks eat the whole
bread??”
Akpos (in a bad mood):
“Of course.”
American: “We don’t. In
the States, we only eat
what’s inside. The
crusts we collect in a
container, recycle it,
transform them into
croissants and export
them to Africa.”
The American has a
smirk on his face.
Akpos listens in silence.
The American persists:
“D’ya eat jelly with the
bread??”
Akpos : “Of Course.”
American: “We don’t. In
the States we eat
fresh fruit for
breakfast, then we put
all the peels, seeds, and
leftovers in containers,
recycle them, transform
them into jam and
export them to Africa .”
Akpos ( pissed of)
then asks: “Do you have
sex in America?”
American: “Why of
course we do”, the
American says with a
big smirk.
Akpos : And what do
you
do with the condoms
once you’ve used
them?”
American: “We throw
them away, of course.”
Akpos : “We don’t. In
Africa, we put them in a
container, recycle them,
melt them down into
chewing gum and
export them to
America!!”

Teacher: Go outside,
look atthe sky. Can you
see God?
Akpors: No
Teacher: That mean
there is no God
Akpors: Sir, go and look
in the mirror, can you
see your
brain?
Teacher: No
Akpors: It means you
have no brain.

For a very long time,
Akpors has been
battling with
a leak in his roof.
A faithful night, there
was a heavy downpour
when
he had to move from
one corner of the room
to the
other to avoid drops
through his roof. Hence,
had a sleepless night.
The following morning,
he decided to fix the
roof.
After scouting for a
ladder in his
neighborhood, he
climbed his roof.
Climbing wasn't anyway
easy as he was panting
and sweating. As he
was about setting off
fixing the damage, he
heard a knock on his
door.
"Hello" he screams from
the top of the roof.
A tattered looking
beggar showed up on
the other
side of the roof and
replied,
"Excuse me, can I see
u?" "What is it that u
want to tell me?"
Akpors
requested.
"Just spare me a
minute" the beggar
requested.
Akpors hustled his way
back to the ground,
looking tired and
demanded of the
beggar,
"Ok, what can I do for
u?" "Can I get N20"
requested the beggar.
Akpors retorts for
about 30 secs, then told
the
beggar,
"Follow me"
Both began climbing the
roof, panting and
gasping
for breath. They both
got to the top, now
seriously panting for
about 1 min.
Then Akpors turns to
the beggar and said, "I
don't
have!"

Akpos wanted to use
his ATM card but
the machine
kept on rejecting the
card. A frustrated
Akpos called
his bank help line.
Akpos : (angrily) So
what's wrong
with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have
checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You
should be able
to use your
card, are you sure your
card is not
damaged or
broken?
Akpos : Are you insane?
What are You
insinuating? No
one takes good care of
their ATM card
like I do.
Call girl : Okay Sir, are
you also sure the
surface isn't
wet or stained with
dirt?
Akpos : You dey mad?
ATM card when
I dey pet like
egg. As a matter of
fact, I even
laminated it last week
when I laminated my
Identity card.
Call girl : Did you just
said LAMINATE?
Akpos : Of course Yes!!!

Akpors sent a text to
his wife at
night,
"Hi I will get late, please
try and wash
all my
dirty clothes....
#No reply#
"..and make sure you
prepare my
favorite
dish
before I return..."
#No reply#
He sent another text,
"And I forgot to tell you
that I got an
increase
in my salary at the end
of the month
I'm
getting you a new car"
She text back, "OMG
really"
akpors replied,
"No I just wanted to
make sure you
got my
first message".

AKPORS ON CNN!!
CNN REPORTER: Mr.
Akpors, how do
you feel about the
fact that a white man
was the first man
on the moon?
AKPORS: You whites you
think you are
clever, a black
man will be the first
man on the SUN!..
REPORTER: but, that is
ridiculous, you
will burn to
death.....!
AKPORS: Hai, shut up
you albino
monkey!.... We are not
stupid.....We will go at
night!...

Akpos Looking for His
wife
Akpos enters a church
and finds the
priest."How may I help
you son?" asks
the
priest.
"Am looking for my
wife, she said she
would
be here but as I can see
she's not
around.
Now that am here, I
would like to
confess".
They go to the
confession area,"forgive
me
father for I have
sinned."
"What are your sins my
son?" The man
replies,
"The other day, I went
looking for my
wife at her home but
she was not there. I
found her
sister alone, I slept with
the sister."
Oh, that is sin, but at
least you came to
confess".
"Then another day I
went looking for her at
her aunt's place but she
was not there,
I
found her cousin alone, I
slept with the
cousin".
"You know that is
wrong my son". "Then
the other day I went
looking for
her at
her working place. She
was not there, I
found
her colleague alone,.."
The priest interrupts,
"Let me guess, you
slept
with her colleague?"
"Yes father". There was
silence after
that.
Father?" Father?" Still
silent.
Akpos peeps through
and finds out that the
priest is no longer
there . He looks for
him
and finds him
hiding."Why aree you
hiding
father?" The priest
replies, "I've just
realized I'm
the
only one here and you
came looking
for your
wife"

3 drunk guys namely
longmouth,johnny,and
akpos enterd a taxi. The
taxi driver knew
that they were drunk
so he started the
engine &
turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached
your destination".
Longmouth gave him
money & johnny said
"Thank you". Akpos
slapped the driver. The
driver was shocked
thinking the 3rd drunk
knew
what he did. But then he
asked "What was that
for?". Akpos replied,
"Control your speed
next
time, you nearly killed
us!

Mr Akpors ordered for a
voice
automated robot car
that does
anything he tells it to do
correctly without any
error.
He got the car and
started
sending it on errands. He
was so
proud of what the car
can do without
mistakes.
He was not able to go
out on a
day, his wife told him to
tell the
car to go and pick the
children
from school because
she was so tired.
Mr Akpors agreed.
Mr Akpors: Car, go and
bring my
children from school.
The car went and didn't
return in
time as expected, they
knew
something must be
wrong.
Several hours later and
no car, Mr
Akpors became worried,
dressed
up, ready to lodge a
report at the
police station. He and his
wife just
stepped
outside when they saw
the car
coming with an overload
of children.
The car parked right in
front of
them and said, "These
are your
children sir"
In the car was their
Landlady's
two daughters, their
choir mistress
two sons, his wife's
best friend's
daughter, their
pastor's son and their
neighbours two
sons.
Wife: Don't tell me all
these ones
are your children?
Mr Akpors, nonplussed,
calmly
replied...
DEAR,CAN YOU TELL ME
WHY YOUR
OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT
IN THE
CAR??
I NEED SOME
EXPLANATION.

DADDY_AKPOS: ur
mother said u went out
to check & print your
result.
AKPOS: thatz right dad.
DADDY_AKPOS: where is
it den??
AKPOS: Benjamin
borrowed it.
DADDY_AKPOS: what
for??
AKPOS: he has a good
result,so he said he
want's to use mine to
scare his parents.

Akpors took a
prostitute to the hotel.
While in hot s*x in the
dead of the night, the
lady suddenly wentlimp
and lifeless.
While Akpors was still
confused and trying to
understand what's
happening, the girl's
phonerang andhe picked
it up. Here's the
conversation between
him and a male voice
from the other end
ofthe line:
Voice: guy, you're in
trouble! That girl you
just raped to death is
the IG's daughter.
Akpors: but I didn't rape
her. I paid her for
service rendered.
Voice: tell that to the
police.
Akpors: so what do u
want me to do. I can't
afford to go to prison.
Voice: pay me 50k and I
will handle the rest. We
could go to the nearest
ATM machine if u don't
have d cash on u. I'm a
patient businessman.
Akpors: look, I'm a
businessman too.I
know a ritualist who will
pay 1million naira for a
fresh corpse like this
one. We canshare it
50/50. Give me a minute
to call him.
The prostitute suddenly
jumped up from the bed
shouting - "na your
mama dem go take do
ritual, oloshi
oloriburuku", as she ran
out of the hotel stark
naked..

A teacher asked Akpos
if he should
ask him one difficult
question or two
simple question,
"one difficult question
sir", Akpos
answered".
TEACHER: How many
stars did you
see last night?
AKPOS: 5000 stars, sir.
TEACHER: How did you
know they
were 5000?
AKPOS: Sir, you are
already asking
me the second
question!

Two guys raped a
princess. When they
were
caught and taken to
the king for punishment.
The king ordered
them to go and get as
many fruits as they can
to bail themselves.
The first one went and
returned with 15
Mangoes, the king
ordered
the guards to insert the
Mango into his ass so
that he will feel the
same pain as the raped
Princess. Theguy
screamed and shouted
throughout the
insertion.
Suddenly, he began to
laugh out loud, the
guard asked him why he
was laughing in pain.
He pointed ahead and
said
.
.
.
“Look at my friend
(Akpos), he is bringing
WATER MELONs.” lolz

AKPOS THE RADIO
PRESENTER
AKPOS; Whats your
contribution?
CALLER; There is this
lady i wanted in my life
shortly after my NYSC,
but all my effort proved
abortive. She wouldn't
pick my calls, she would
laugh at me while
passing by, for reasons
best known to her! FIVE
Months later, i was able
to get my apartment,a
new car,courtesy of a
contract job i secured
with a major oil
company.Now most of
the missed calls i have
is hers,dozens of SMS
from her and all that.... i
am confused on what
to do. PLS help me out!!!
AKPOS; listen up guy!
Pick up your phone now,
give her a call,letting her
know you'll be at her
house in 2hrs. You take
a good shower, wear a
nice outfit, and an
attention-catching
perfume.When it is
exactly 2hr, call her&tell
her you'll be there in
another 2hrs.When the
2hrs is over, you now
drive down to her
house, get down from
the car, walk to her
door. Once she opens
the door,welcome her
with the sexiest smile
you've got,stylishly look
into her eyes,draw her
slowly to yourself,take
your mouth to her ear&
whisper "THUNDER FIRE
YOUR HEAD"!

While watching a music
video of Micheal
Jackson, the following
conversation ensued
between two friends.
Joy: Hmmm....even with
the death of
Michael Jackson, his
music still lives.
Akpors: is Michael
Jackson dead?
Joy: Yes, have you been
in a hole or something?
Even Whitney Houston.
Akpors: [shocked]
Really!!?
Joy: Even Neil
Armstrong.
Akpors: Oh no...
Joy: Even Julius Caeser,
Cleopatra...
Akpors: eeeey! What a
pity, what is
happening? All this
NOLLYWOOD actors are
just dying!!!

Lol

lil jboy: BUSTED!!!

Akpors - after his first time of leaving the village to the city went searching for a job and finally, he came to a big company to make inquires in respect of the advertisement which was being placed outside.

Akpors being so eager didn’t read the advertisement properly.
He just dashed into the company and began to ask for the MD.
Little did he know that a job of such magnitude requires someone who has been to different parts of the world.

On getting there, the MD decided to have a little interview with him.

MD: Hello young man, what can I do for you?
AKPORS: Good morning sir, I am Akpors Apororo and I came concerning the advertisement placed outside your company.

MD: I see. I hope you know that this job requires someone who’s been to various parts of the world?
AKPORS (of course desperate): Yes sir, I know that.

MD: Good. So tell me, have you been to Germany?
AKPORS: Yes sir, I lived there for 7 years.

MD: Wow... that’s good. How about the UK, have you been there before?
AKPORS: Yes Sir, I also lived there for 5 years.

MD: Interesting, how about the United States?
AKPORS: I’ve been there also Sir, and I lived there for 6 years.

MD: Hmmm. Then you must know much about geography.
AKPORS: Yes sir I’ve also been to geography before, and I lived there for 6 years

Akpos traveled to Lagos
after his WAEC result
was out so that his
Uncle will help him get
admission into the
University of Lagos to
study medicine and
become a medical
doctor....
The following
conversation happened
between them:
Akpos: Uncle, I learnt its
difficult to get
admission into the
university these days
except you are well
connected...
Uncle: That's true...
Akpors: Since you are
connected, I came to
ask you if you can help
me get admission into
the university after my
JAMB....
Uncle: That's true... am
connected and I will help
u....
Akpors: Thank you
Uncle....
Uncle: You welcome...so
how is your result, is it
WAEC or NECO and how
many credits did you
get?
Akpors: Uncle, it's
WAEC, I had only two
credits in agric and
Yoruba language but I
failed the rest...
Uncle: Well, that's not
bad... you can still be a
doctor, not a medical
doctor really but native
doctor (babalawo)...
You will use your credit
in agric in collecting
herbs from the forest,
and Yoruba language for
incantations...

Akpos was being
discharged from Yaba
Mental
Hospital after the
doctors thought he was
finally
back to normal.
They put him in an
Ambulance to be taken
back
home.
They took him to
Omole, as he claimed
that's where
he lived.
Just as they approached
a certain house, 2 kids
dressed in school
uniforms came out of
the house.
Akpos screamed;
"Those are my children,
they are
going to school".
A minute later a woman
came out of the same
house
and Akpos screamed;
"That's my wife, she is
late for work."
This time the doctors
were
convinced Akpos was
okay and took him out
of the
ambulance but was still
in chains.
As they were about
unlocking the chains, a
man
came out of the house
and Akpos screamed;
"Yes,
that's me, i am going to
my office."

Akpors And rukewe
were
throwing stones to
bring a
mango down from a
tree.
Rukewe suggested,
"Maybe it is not
ripe,why don't we
confirm first?"
Akpors climbed the tree
& went to
touch it to make sureit
was ripe..,
"Yep,it is ripe alright!"
So he climbed down &
they
continued throwing
stones
at it with much more
effort this
time...
Are they Clever or
dumb?

Akpos the lecturer in
Gwagalada, University
of Abuja decided to give
his students a test.
He asked them to write
the answers as he read
out the questions.
Instructions says:
Canceling answers not
allowed)
Akpors the Lecturer:
Question 1: What's your
favorite food? [10
mrks]
Female students were
writing, Pizza, fried rice,
Hamburger, ice cream,
sharwama and all sorts
of Chinese cuisine.....
Lecturer Akpors:
Question 2: How do you
prepare the food? [50
marks]
Huh!! immediately, the
female students
started cancelling and
changing the foods to,
beans, cocoyam, &
abacha, bolee and
porridge yam, indomine,
white rice with no
soup!!!

AKPOS prayed so hard
and one
day God finally talked to
Him.
GOD: My Son, what do
you really
want?
AKPOS: I want a job, a
big car
and lots of girls to be all
around me..
GOD: Is that all?
AKPOS: Yes...
GOD: Your prayer has
been
answered.
AKPOS: Thank you God.
***Now AKPOS is now
A BUS
DRIVER in a FEMALE
SCHOOL.
Was Akpos prayer
Answered or not

lil jboy: A TEACHER asked a
student in a warri
school "what
is '2'
raised to power
'5'", the student
stood up and replied
"Wetin '2' dey raise
power for '5'...dem
be mate?...'2' leave
'3', '4' come dey
raise power for
'5'...him wan
die?..him no knw
say '5' use three
years senior am..."
The teacher fainted
guess who d student
is??

akpors of course

lil jboy:
Akpors walks into a city
bus and sits right behind
the driver and starts
yelling, "If my dad was
a bull and my mom a
cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts
getting mad at noisy
Akpors, who continues
with,
"If my dad was an
elephant and my mom a
girl elephant, I would be
a little elephant."
Akpors goes on with
several animals until the
bus driver gets angry
and yells at him,
"What if your dad was
gay and your mom was
a prostitute?!"
Akpors smiles and says,
"I would be a bus
driver!"
Please drop your
prayers for akpors
cause he is in a coma
right now

.



Get wel soon Akporz n watch ur lousy mouth.lolzzz

lil jboy: Akpos sits next to a girl
on a table in the hotel
Akpos: hello madam?
Lady : what is it?
Akpos : sorry madam ,
just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?
Lady: ehee ...now you
think my watch is used as a public clock
huh?
Go away and stop
wasting my time
Akpos : but madam
Lady :shut up!!! *
Akpos takes out his
Apple glassy phone and makes a call.
Akpos :hello John, I just settled from Washington D.C.
Please can you please tell me what time it is right now so that i set
my clock to the local
time since it still reads American time?
*she listens*
ok thank you and today
don't forget to come for
the galaxy tablet that you
requested.
* she listens*
since my girl is still in America bring me
a beautiful girl to spend
my money with tonight?
Ok bye.
Lady : sir the time is ..
Akpos : shut up, we talking money here u talking, nonsense

HOW MANY LIKES and SHARE FOR AKPOS ?

Twaz getin intrestin n u spoilt t mtscheeeeeeew........