NAMING CEREMONY
Akpors insisted that his
first child
must bear his name.
So on the day of
naming...
Rev: Which name would
u like ur
child to bear?
Akpors (with smile all
over his face)
replied; Akpors.
Rev: NO! He has to bear
an English
name.
Akpors: Oh ok...
Akporsking.
Rev (Obviously tired of
the prank):
LISTEN! Ur son should
be named after
a saint in the Bible.
Akpors: Na wa o...
(He thought for a while
and
obviously with an
inspiration and
great smile)
"Ok pastor; St.
Akporstus"

English class:
Teacher: What is a
Verb?
Akpos: A Verb is a valve
found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you
saying?
Akpos: It is a complete
sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Akpos: It is a question
sir.
Teacher: Don't be
stupid.
Akpos: It is an advice
sir.
Teacher: Stop that
nonsense.
Akpos: It is a command
sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Akpos: It is an insult sir.
Teacher: Get out of my
class.
Akpos: It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness,
What a boy!
Akpos: It is an
exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have
mercy on you.
Akpos: It is a prayer sir.
Teacher: You need to
see a doctor.
Akpos: It is a
suggestion sir.
Teacher: I rest my case.
Akpos: It is ur choice sir.

Akpos joining the Army:
Officer: We need you in
the army.
Akpos: I’ll join but on
three conditions.
Officer: Ok. what are
the conditions?
Akpos: My first
condition is that I’ll not
wear the uniform
because it is hot.
Officer: Ok. What is the
second
condition?
Akpos: I’ll not do the
perade and other
training under the sun
because it is hot.
I’ll only do it under the
shed or some kind
of
shadow cover.
Officer: Ok. What is your
third condition?
Akpos: And my last and
most important
condition is that during
war times, I’ll remain
on leave.

WHO IS THE MUMU?
Akpors was sent to
deliver a live
chicken for xmas
celebration in
lagos, on his way a
careless
okada made him to fall
off
the bike. The chicken
immediately ran off.
When Akpors saw the
chicken
running away, he
started
laughing. And when
asked why
… he is laughing, he said:
“see this mumu chicken,
where
does she know in lagos
when the address is
with
me.

A pastor announced, "If
you
know your wife is
controlling
you, move to the left".
All the men
in the church moved to
left
except Akpos.
The pastor was
amused and
asked, "How come your
wife
can't control you?"
Akpos quietly replied,
"Pastor, it's
my wife who told me
not to
move"

A Teacher trying to
teach good
manners
asked her students this
Question:
Michael if you were on a
date having
dinner with a nice young
lady,
how would you tell her
that you have
to go
to the bathroom??
Michael:"Just a
minute, I have to go
pee.." Teacher: That
would be rude &
impolite..
How about you Sam??
Sam said:"I
really need to go to the
Toilet,
i'm sorry.." Teacher:
That's better but
still not nice to
say the word Toilet..
Oh you Akpos ?? Can
you use your
brain?? Akpos
said:"Darling, May i
please be
excused for a
moment?? I've got to
shake
hands with a very dear
friend of mine,
whom i hope to
introduce to you after
dinner." "TEACHER
FAINTED!!!"~o)~ o)

[b]
Akpos has been
admiring his
neighbor's
wife. The neighbor's
wife always gives
him this seductive smile
whenever they
greet each other.
Akpos didn't know
how to approach the
lady to tell her of his
desires because she's
married. So, one
day the lady herself
approached
Akpors alone in his
apartment.
AKPOS: Hi.
LADY: Hi.
AKPOS: Is everything
alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need
little help from you
(Smiling seductively).
AKPOS: Wow! Anything
for the angel.
LADY: I... I... I just don't
know how to
say this. I'll be so
ashamed of myself if I
ask
and you say no.
AKPOS: Oh my lady. you
don't have to.
I am ready to do
anything for you.
LADY: You know, it's
been over 3 weeks
since my husband
travelled...
AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when
he's around, he
has
some... (pause for a
while) he has some
disabilities...-­
AKPOS: Oh poor you...
You must have
been going through hell!
LADY: I know you'll be
stronger than
him...
AKPOS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me?
AKPOS: Wow! Now?
Sure, I'm ready if
you are ready.
LADY: Oh thanks
goodness! that's why I
came to you. Can you
help me carry our
deep freezer from our
kitchen to the
next street for repairs?
Akpos nearly Cried!!! [/b]

DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
AKPORS: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't
answer such a cheap
sum...Your stupidity will
kill you.
AKPORS: Daddy, if you
saw a 1000 naira note
and a 500 naira note
which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
AKPORS: Idiot! Can't you
pick both? Poverty will
kill you.

There were this two
little boys, 8
years Akpos and
Ochuko 10 years
old, very mischievous
and
naughty. They were
always
getting into trouble and
their
parents knew that, if
any mischief
occurred in their town,
their sons
were probably involved.
They boy's mother
heard that a
clergyman in town had
been
successful in disciplining
children,
so she asked if he
would speak
with her boys. The
clergyman
agreed, but asked to
see them
individually. So the
mother sent
her 8-year-old Akpos
first, in the
morning to see the
clergyman.
The clergyman, sat the
younger
boy down and asked
him sternly,
"Where is God?". Akpos
mouth
dropped open, but he
made no
response, sitting there
with his
mouth hanging open,
wide-eyed.
So the clergyman
repeated the
question in an even
sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?" Again
Akpos
made no attempt to
answer. So
the clergyman raised his
voice
even more and shook
his finger in
the boy's face and
bellowed,
"WHERE IS GOD!?"
Akpos screamed and
bolted from
the room, ran directly
home and
dove into his closet,
slamming the
door behind him. When
his older
brother Ochuko found
him in the
closet, he asked, "What
happened?
Akpos gasping for
breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble
this time,
dude. God is missing -
and they
think WE did it!".

Little akpors attended a
horse auction with his
father,watching as his
father moved from
horse to horse,running
his hands up and down
the horse's legs,rump
and chest.after a few
minutes,akpors
asked,dad,why are u
doing that?his father
replied,because when
i'm buying horses,i av to
make sure that they
are healthy and in good
shape before i
buy.looking noticeably
worried,after few secs
akpors said,i think our
gateman wants to buy
mom

Akpors was on his way
back home
early one
morning when he came
across
robbers. They
got hold of him. He
struggled and
struggled
but they over powered
him.
When they searched
him and found
only
#200 on him, the
following dialouge
ensured.
ROBBERS: Is this the #
200 you were
struggling to keep
AKPORS: No, I thought
you were going
2 take
the #5,000 in my shoe.
The robbers beat him
up and quickly
made
away with the #5,000...

.One day Akpos called his
home. The servant
picked up the phone.
Akpos: where is my
wife?
Servant: she is with her
husband.
Akpos: fool, I'm her
husband!
Servant: sorry sir, i
didn't recognize you,
then
who is the other man in
bedroom with her?
Akpos: how will i know?
Listen,do me a favor.
Kill the man and my
traitor wife....
The faithful servant
followed his orders and
called back.
Servant: sir, i killed
them. What shall i do
with
their bodies?
Akpos: drown them in
the river behind our
building.
Servant: but we don't
have any river behind
our house.....
Akpos replied: Is this
house No 6725
Servant: No sir, its 6752.
Akpos: Sorry, wrong
Number *hangs phone*

Papa: Papa Emeka is
coming to
collect d money i owed
him. When
he comes, tell him i have
traveled. U
hear??
Akpos: yes Papa.
Papa Emeka entered:
Akpos where is ur
father??
Akpos: he has travelled.
Papa Emeka: when is he
coming
bak?
Akpors: wait, let me go
and ask
him? (Akpos went
inside, open d bak of
d door and said): Papa,
papa
Emeka said when are u
coming
bak??
Papa: tell him next
week.
Akpos ran bak and said:
Papa Emeka, my dady
said i should tell u
dat he wil be bak next
week.
Papa Emeka: ok, go and
tell him dat
if he comes bak next
week, he
should let me know.
The Question is:
WHO IS MORE
FOOLISH?

On a very cool evening,
Mr. Akpos was
with his family, all
watching TV
when his youngest son,
'Joshua'
interrupts with a
question.
Joshua: Dad(Akpos),
whats the
difference between
'potential' and '
reality'?
Akpos (turns to wife):
would u sleep
with George.W. Bush for
$1 million?
Wife: Of course, I will
never waste
that opportunity.
Akpos (turns to
daughter): Would u
sleep with Brad Pitt for
$1 million?
Daughter: Yes! He is my
fantasy.
Akpos (turns to eldest
son): Would u
sleep with Tom Cruise
for $1 million?
Eldest son: Why not?
Imagine what I
would do with that
money.
Akpos turns to his
youngest son Joshua:
U see son, 'potentially'
we are sitting
with multimillionaires
BUT in 'reality'
we are sitting with two
prostitutes and
one Gay, idiot!!

Little Akpors returns
from school and says he
got an "F" in
mathematics.
Why? asks the father.
Akpors: The teacher
asked 'How much is
2x3?' and I said '6'
Father: But that's right!
Akpors: Then she asked
me 'How much is 3x2?'
Father: What's the
fucking difference?
Akpors: That's exactly
what I said!

Akpos came first in his
class and his
class teacher gave him
a gift sayin
"well done akpos, i hope
u will do d
same next
time. Akpos smiled and
said" tank u
sir, i hope u will come
again to print d
question papers at my
uncles printing
press next time.

During a Biology class,
the teacher asked the
class,
"Why is it that during
childhood girls tend to
grow
taller than guys?"
Akpors raised his hand
and replied, "That's
because guys have balls
and that weighs them
down."
The teacher, a bit
annoyed, responded,
"Then why is
it that at maturity guys
tend to grow taller than
girls?"
Akpors countered by
saying, "That's because
girls get breasts and
they are heavier than
the guy's
balls."

Akpos came back from
Church and lifted up his
wife, his wife was
surprised and she
said,"Baby, you have not
done this to me before,"
and akpos said, "Our
pastor said when we
get home, we should lift
our problem's to God."

Akpors to Ekaitte : I can
make u say 'I
LOVE U'.
Ekaitte : No wayyy!!
Akpors : Bet ?
Ekaitte : Yes.
Akpors : Ok start.... Say
blue ?
Ekaitte : Blue.
Akpors : Say pink ?
Ekaitte : Pink.
Akpors : Say love ?
Ekaitte : Love.
Akpors : What's 1 1 ?
Ekaitte : 2
Akpors : Ur age ?
Ekaitte : 22
Akpors : Hahahaha.... I
told u I could
make u say 22!!
Ekaitte : No, u said u
could make me
say 'I LOVE U'
Akpors : Yes yes.. I just
did.

Akpors was having sex with his mistress at her house,when suddenly thieves broke in and he went out of the house running as fast as he could to his house. When he arrived, his wife asked, "why are you naked?" ..He replied,"well, i was attacked by thieves on my way home, they took everything from me". Wife: So why is a condom on your penis?... Akpors...well, as a grown up man, i couldn't run home completely naked. Lmao lwkmdhO

mumu get levels o lwkmd
..
Ekaitte went to
an electronic shop with
anger and
threw her new laptop
on the desk of
Mr Akpors from
whom she bought it.
She told
Akpors, "You have...
cheated me. I cannot
transfer file from
my previous laptop.."
Akpors:
Madam, can you please
calm down
and try it
in my presence. This is
what Ekaitte
did,
.
1) Right clicked the
mouse on the file
which she
wanted to transfer and
selected
CUT option.
.
2)
Disconnected the
mouse from that
system.
.
3) Took
that mouse carefully
and connected
it to another system
where she wanted
to copy that file.
.
4)
Right clicked the
mouse and selected the
PASTE
option. Akpors
FAINTED!!

Teacher Wants to Test
Akpors IQ ....
Teacher: Akpors, what
is a Period?
Akpors: I don't know
the meaning Sir.
But I am very sure it is
very
dangerous.
Teacher: Why Akpors?
Akpors: because when
my sister said
that she didn’t see her
period for
5months,
my mum fainted, my
dad got a heart
attack and our driver
ran away….
So I don’t think Period is
a good thing.

A man gave a FAKE N20
to akpos a blind man by
the road side
who was begging for
arms.
akpors the blind man
said, excuse
me sir, but i have to tell
u that ur money is fake
and i
dont like it.
The man was suprised
and said, how did u
know its fake.
The blind man(akpos)
replied. Well am not
blind, am standing in for
my blind
friend who always
stands here.
The man asked, and
where is ur friend
The blind man(akpos)
said, he has gone to
the cinema to watch a
movie.

AKPOS is the Boss in
Office. Lets see
how he is interviewing
people.
AKPOS: There are 500
bricks on a plane. You
drop one
outside. How many are
left?
Applicant: That's easy,
499
AKPOS: What are the
three steps to put
an elephant into a
fridge?
Applicant: Open the
fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.
AKPOS: What are the
four steps to put a
deer into the fridge?
Applicant: Open the
fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.
AKPOS: It's lion's
birthday, all the
animals are there
except one, why?
Applicant: Because the
deer is in the
fridge.
AKPOS: How does an old
woman cross
a swamp filled with
crocodiles?
Applicant: She just
crosses it because
the crocodiles are at the
lion's
birthday.
AKPOS: Last question. In
the end the
old lady still died. Why?
Applicant: Er....I guess
she drowned?
AKPOS: No! She was hit
by the brick.
You may leave now.
IS HE A GOOD BOSS?
Yes or No?

Akpos had a bad
attendance record
for being particularly
late for work in
the morning. He was
called to a
disciplinary hearing
where he was
given a chance to
explain his reasons.
His argument - "I get up
in the
morning...I shower...I
look in the
mirror...try to straighten
my hair, then I
miss the taxi, then I'm
late."
His boss has a bright
idea. He gets one
of Akpos' colleague to
sneak into his
room & steal the Mirror
off the wall
without Akpos'
knowledge. The
following day, Akpos did
not turn up
for work. The same
happened the day
after that. Akpos was
summoned to
another hearing to
explain his
reasons for not
attending work.
His argument - "I get up
in the
morning...I shower...I
look in the
Mirror...See no Akpos...I
think Akpos
already left for work.

Teacher: akpos,what is
Division of labour?.
*Akpos remains silent*
Teacher: Division of
labour is define as the
specialization of
cooperating individuals
who perform specific
tasks and roles.akpos
you dont know
anything.
*At the end of the
period,students were
told to ask
questions.akpos lifted
up his hand:
Teacher: yes akpos.
Akpos: ma,what is
Division of marriage?.
*Teacher remains
silent*
Akpos: Division of
marriage is define as
the process inwhich
joy,grace and glory are
taking to divide you
from your
husband..ma,you see
there.you dont know
anything too.

Akpors a mad man at a
Mental Hospital climbed
a tree and spent half d
day on that tree, all of a
sudden he let go of the
branch and fell straight
to the ground full
force. A doctor rushed to
the scene and ask
sir, what’s the matter
with u? Akpors
replied: “I DON RIPE!!

Voice on the phone: Is this Mr.akpors?
.
Akpors: yes
.
Voice on the phone: ok, My name is Frank
Edoho from
who wants to be a
millionaire, a
friend of urs is on
the hot seat
and he needs ur
help 2 answer d
next question which
goes for
N20M. D voice u will
hear nxt is dat of
ur friend.
*U hv
30secs, ur time
starts
now*
…………..
Rukewe: Hello
akpors, “If an open
HAND
receives GIFT, and an
open MOUTH
receives KISS and
an open HEART
receives LOVE, what
will open
LEGS receive? what do you think the answer will be?

Akpors wife went on holiday
leaving the akpors
behind.
The husband got so
Hot one day that he
decided to try ekaite the maid
who had just come
from calabar village and
who seemed clever....
He called the maid to his
bedroom where he had
taken off his pants, he
pointed to his manhood
when the maid arrived.
Husband: Do you know
what this is?
Ekaite: (actin Shy) Yes
akpors: Do you know
what it s for?
Ekaite:Yes
akpors: show me.
Ekaite immediately
dropped to her knees
held the item with both
hands drew closer and
opened her mouth.
Akpors was
shivering with
anticipation.
Ekaite then
began,"My name is
ekaite, I'm 23 years old
and I'm from calabar . I would like to
make a shout-out to
my parents, my uncle in Owerri and aunt.
I would also like to tell
my boyfriend rukewe
that I miss him. Can u
play me Ashawo by
Flavour N'abania?"
Then she finally says to akpors, "Oga, take your
microphone I'm
through...

Husband & wife were
arguing on
who is d most Coward
& Scared
between dem.
After a long argument,
they
decided to ask their 2
kids who
they think was d most
Coward &
Scared between them.
The first Kid says: Dad
is d most
Coward cos,
“He’s scared of women:
Whenever he sees a
Beautiful
lady in town; He closes
his one
eye (i.e- WINKs @ d
LADY)……
Wife realizing d meaning
was
very angry with her
husband”
The Second kid (Akpos)
says: “dat
is nothing My Daddy is
not
coward as our mummy
becos,
Mummy is so Scared
(coward) to
Sleep alone When DAD
works
Night shift,
MUMMY Sleeps with d
Man next
door; Sometimes She
invites d
GARDENER or Uncle
KINGSLEY to
Sleep wit Her.
Sometimes Uncle
Mayowa d
Youth Corper, after
leaving ur
room even escort her to
the
bathroom & bath with
her just
because she’s scared.
HUSBAND FAINTED...
who is coward and
scared?