huni_naija:

Can I beg you to please ignore henceforth.
Please let it slide. Abeg

Sagamite ;

As much as I agreed with your first and second paragraphs and I do not agree with your third paragraph only if you based what the receptors ( kids) received from their environment as ONLY TV source , Nah , you can't be serious are you?

Why not open a thread for this and everybody can discuss ?

All those examples you stated are also not only deviated from just 'western' .....

What'd you say about people that don't even watch TV and don't have a relative abroad and turned out whacked?

The saying 'you're a product of your environment' just doesn't infer technology from the west .... a lot of factors falls into a failed upbringing .

Seen a lot bro ...... talking from experience

huni_naija:

So because the Nigeria of now is different from the Nigeria of yesterday, we should then change our mode of discipline, no?? So when a child copies banana montana and thinks its alright to tell her dad, "i hate you dad, you're a monster" this said dad should just smile, and say " its alright dear, i know i'm a monster".. Because i have witnessed this countless of times with the western style mode of discipline...

We as africans need to stand our ground and raise our children the way we deem fit not because Nigeria is changing or becoming enlightened but because we value our deep rooted culture and want the best for our children. What is that even saying about us as parents to our children if we throw our culture and values aside because Nigeria is changing and accepting the western mode of principles?..

The way some people think sha...

Thanks for admiring the way i think.

I'm sorry but forget that we as African thing. I'm guessing you're not married. How about this; maybe we should have stuck with our "traditional African values" so your parents choose your husband for you. Like that, wouldn't you. I'm so sure if your mum shows up with a man nw and says "this is the man your father and i have chosen as your husband. Don't argue because we know what's best for you." you would flat out refuse to marry him if he is not your choice! Look, even the western parents have adapted their own means of disciplining their own kids. And funny thing is, we Nigerians keep on boasting about how much better we are than our foreign counterparts....does our current society reflect that? How much better are we as a society than they, anyways? Besides, don't delude yourself that those "yankee" kids are all poorly behaved and disrespect their parents. Besides, aren't there poorly behaved and disrespectful kids in naija inspite of our "traditional African values"?

Nobody is asking you to throw away your values and systems but the fact is that for it to work, you have to adapt it to fit the current realities in the present day Nigerian society.

Dolly-Parton:
I have something to say to both of you, there are logical, reasonable,cultured, civilized and errrrm (I forgot other words)

Anyhoo, there are better ways to arguing without both of u coming down to the level of insulting each other or ur parents. Thats really wrong. We are all Nigerians and this is wrong in all cultures.
dont insult at all,but thats gonna be hard I guess

So Insult each other,but leave ur family out of it.

P.S: I dont care if I get insulted at the end of this... I've said my own.

I apologise if i offended anyone on here, i was enjoying this thread and posting like we all do until sagashites started throwing insults... Do you think thats how a reasonable person gets there message across by calling a person a fool or an idiot? I didn't even quote or mention his cursed name in my posts.. Yet there he goes insulting me like iv even spoken to him before... Which i haven't.

I'm quite new on nairaland and didn't even know a moniker such as sagashites existed until today, i will learn to avoid him at all costs and steer clear of his irrational behavior.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

Look, raising your kids the right way nowadays means adapting your methods of discipline to fit with the modern child. I'm even surprised that anyne can condone some of the things on that list. Even as an adult, noone wants to be called usesless. Why call your child useless? It is reflective of the old system we had that parents simply didn't care what or how their kids felt about their (the parents) actions; a period that gave birth to parents that chose their kids'spouses flogged them within an inch of their lives. Besides, fact is that, some of those things didn't work in the first place but maybe because some of our parents did them but we still turned out ok, we feel those were the things that made us succeed. Look, my parents comparing me with someone else never spurred me on to do better. If anything, it made me resent the person that they compared me with and get angry at my parents for thinking someone else's child is better than theirs....and that was when i was little, not in today's Nigeria.

Well said, but I disagree slightly.

Although you have to adapt, you can still use some of the old values by limiting their access to the kind of information you don't want (filtering their environment).

If all this Xtian fundmentals and Mormons can do the extreme form in the US, then you can do a softer one.

For one, I don't plan to have any of this cable/sky TV in my house when I have kids.

I don't plan to buy them a mobile phone at 10 years old.

I will vet the friends the hang with when they are young.

I even plan to move to a country with morals once they reach an age of character formation.

It will not be a perfect or water-tight approach in the world of instant and sparse information that we live in but I would attempt to be limiting. I can't control what they are exposed to when they go to school that might be bad for them but which they might like.

It is one of those unfortunate things in life that I have to bring up a kid that would mix with kids of people that have poor or funky parenting styles. But I will never throw my hands in the air and abnegate my parental responsibility of trying to shape them as best as possible.

Knowing about psychology and applying advanced techniques (I hope) will also help.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:
TV is now part of the issue. Unlike before when parents actually spent time with their kids and could discipline them and monitor what they do, most parents in tday's Nigeria simply do not have that kind of time. So what d their kids do when their parents are not around? Most of them watch TV! If you examine your own life, you will realize that, without even knowing it, you have picked up one or two things from tv. How much more your kids who are still in the process of growing up?

I even see majority of mothers now, anytime the child is crying and too playful, put them in front of TV and put a programme for them to keep quiet.

The TV does the parenting and control.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

Look, raising your kids the right way nowadays means adapting your methods of discipline to fit with the modern child. I'm even surprised that anyne can condone some of the things on that list. Even as an adult, noone wants to be called usesless. Why call your child useless? It is reflective of the old system we had that parents simply didn't care what or how their kids felt about their (the parents) actions; a period that gave birth to parents that chose their kids'spouses flogged them within an inch of their lives. Besides, fact is that, some of those things didn't work in the first place but maybe because some of our parents did them but we still turned out ok, we feel those were the things that made us succeed. Look, my parents comparing me with someone else never spurred me on to do better. If anything, it made me resent the person that they compared me with and get angry at my parents for thinking someone else's child is better than theirs....and that was when i was little, not in today's Nigeria.

TV is now part of the issue. Unlike before when parents actually spent time with their kids and could discipline them and monitor what they do, most parents in tday's Nigeria simply do not have that kind of time. So what d their kids do when their parents are not around? Most of them watch TV! If you examine your own life, you will realize that, without even knowing it, you have picked up one or two things from tv. How much more your kids who are still in the process of growing up?

Oga whatever do I know you? I was just talking about the TV that raised a heated argument and you just focused on my life you know absolutely nothing about!

I don't want to start what YOU won't finish..... I'm a troublemaker myself just so you know.... na old age they wilt am small small.

Chill will ya ? And face your nugget front !

Dolly-Parton:


Can I beg you to please ignore henceforth.
Please let it slide. Abeg

Yep, sorry for derailing the thread guys.. I'm quite new here and just started commenting on this forum a few days ago, i didn't even know a moniker like sagashites existed.. Well now iv learned my lesson... I'll be ignoring him from now on henceforth....

jidegirl12: Sagamite ;

As much as I agreed with your first and second paragraphs and I do not agree with your third paragraph only if you based what the receptors ( kids) received from their environment as ONLY TV source , Nah , you can't be serious are you?

Why not open a thread for this and everybody can discuss ?

All those examples you stated are also not only deviated from just 'western' .....

What'd you say about people that don't even watch TV and don't have a relative abroad and turned out whacked?

The saying 'you're a product of your environment' just doesn't infer technology from the west .... a lot of factors falls into a failed upbringing .

Seen a lot bro ...... talking from experience

No 1, I said it earlier "it is a game of odds".

No 2, I never said that the African approach is water-tight in making kids well-behaved or has no negative receptors. Nor did I say its application would not generate different results on average across different social class.

The human being is a very complex being and anything that has to do with these human beings and their behaviours is complex. What I put forth is odds, some approaches have better odds than the other.

If you raise your kids as the backward, bush, monkey blacks (as our funky people would think), you have a better odd of raising a well-behaved kid.

If you raise your kid like the advance, beautiful, progressive, funky whites (as our funky people would think), you have a better odd of raising an innovative kid.

Both have odds giving you a certain outcome.

jidegirl12:

Oga whatever do I know you? I was just talking about the TV that raised a heated argument and you just focused on my life you know absolutely nothing about!

I don't want to start what YOU won't finish..... I'm a troublemaker myself just so you know.... na old age they wilt am small small.

Chill will ya ? And face your nugget front !

I would love you to point out where exactly in my post i even sligthly made mention of your life.

NOTED!!!!!

Sagamite:

No 1, I said it earlier "it is a game of odds".

No 2, I never said that the African approach is water-tight in making kids well-behaved or has no negative receptors. Nor did I say its application would not generate different results on average across different social class.

The human being is a very complex being and anything that has to do with these human beings and their behaviours is complex. What I put forth is odds, some approaches have better odds than the other.

If you raise your kids as the backward, bush, monkey blacks (as our funky people would think), you have a better odd of raising a well-behaved kid.

If you raise your kid like the advance, beautiful, progressive, funky whites (as our funky people would think), you have a better odd of raising an innovative kid.

Both have odds giving you a certain outcome.

Fair enough

Sagamite:

Some of the terms I am against, but for most of them, it really depends on:

- The personality of the child.
- The environmental influences.
- The circumstance and instance.

I don't see how you can scar a child if you praise him virtually all the time and one day he does something egregriously wrong and you say "you are such a terrible boy".

What nonsense!!! Scar kor, Scholes ni!

Bleeding heart, funky ediots!

Lol @Scholes ni

Sagamite:

Well said, but I disagree slightly.

Although you have to adapt, you can still use some of the old values by limiting their access to the kind of information you don't want (filtering their environment).

If all this Xtian fundmentals and Mormons can do the extreme form in the US, then you can do a softer one.

For one, I don't plan to have any of this cable/sky TV in my house when I have kids.

I don't plan to buy them a mobile phone at 10 years old.

I will vet the friends the hang with when they are young.

I even plan to move to a country with morals once they reach an age of chracter formation.

It will not be a perfect or water-tight approach in the world of instant and sparse information that we live in but I would attempt to be limiting. I can't control what they are exposed to when they go to school that might be bad for them but they like.

It is one of those unfortunate things in life that I have to bring up a kid that would mix with kids of people that have poor or funky parenting styles. But I will never throw my hands in the air and abnegate my parental responsibility of trying to shape them as best as possible.

Knowing about psychology and applying advanced techniques (I hope) will also help.



I even say majority of mothers now, anytime the child is crying and too playful, put them in front of TV and put a programme for them to keep quiet.

The TV does the parenting and control.

well, you would note that i said adapt, not throw away and adopt another. Adaptation involves keeping what can still work, chucking out what doesn't anymore and adopting some new ones that work in the current age and time. I have never said that all our traditional values don't work anymore. I'm just saying that some don't work anymore and need to be chucked out. Some of the ways we were brought did not take into cognizance the possibiliy of us picking up different values, systems and ideas from elsewhere and so can't deal with them. those need to be adapted to fit the current society.

Dolly-Parton:




My parents never used any of those words on us, and we all grew up to be responsible adults they are both proud of.

You dont need those words to train a child.
Mind u, my siblings and I are born and bred in naija, so it not about oyinbo anything.

thank u V much o, der r lots of parents who dont use negative words and der children r doin well...... nigerians always fail 2 LEARN #SMH#

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

Thanks for admiring the way i think.

I'm sorry but forget that we as African thing. I'm guessing you're not married. How about this; maybe we should have stuck with our "traditional African values" so your parents choose your husband for you. Like that, wouldn't you. I'm so sure if your mum shows up with a man nw and says "this is the man your father and i have chosen as your husband. Don't argue because we know what's best for you." you would flat out refuse to marry him if he is not your choice! Look, even the western parents have adapted their own means of disciplining their own kids. And funny thing is, we Nigerians keep on boasting about how much better we are than our foreign counterparts....does our current society reflect that? How much better are we as a society than they, anyways? Besides, don't delude yourself that those "yankee" kids are all poorly behaved and disrespect their parents. Besides, aren't there poorly behaved and disrespectful kids in naija inspite of our "traditional African values"?

Nobody is asking you to throw away your values and systems but the fact is that for it to work, you have to adapt it to fit the current realities in the present day Nigerian society.

Hey, i do agree with the realities on ground that Nigeria has changed, and TV whether we like it or not will shape our children's view of the world especially with this deep surge of easy access to technology and TV.. The point i was trying to raise was, yes!! it is a known fact that things are no longer the same anymore, even in the west things are changing day by day but as a people that know our roots, why do we need to change in the way we discipline our children just because they have an easier access to TV? As long as the watching of TV is curtailed and there are set principles and guidelines in place, this child will know that what his/her parents states are final and should be adhered to...

No home is perfect by the way and kids will be kids..

The reason why i adore the indians and pakistani's is that no matter where they find themselves in the world, they stay true to their culture and values and you dare not tell them to " adapt" and change part of their disciplinary methods because the world is changing... We as africans must learn how to keep the good part of our culture and discard the bad.. Too much abuse is bad and should be frowned at yet too much freedom isn't good either..

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

Look, raising your kids the right way nowadays means adapting your methods of discipline to fit with the modern child. I'm even surprised that anyne can condone some of the things on that list. Even as an adult, noone wants to be called usesless. Why call your child useless? It is reflective of the old system we had that parents simply didn't care what or how their kids felt about their (the parents) actions; a period that gave birth to parents that chose their kids'spouses flogged them within an inch of their lives. Besides, fact is that, some of those things didn't work in the first place but maybe because some of our parents did them but we still turned out ok, we feel those were the things that made us succeed. Look, my parents comparing me with someone else never spurred me on to do better. If anything, it made me resent the person that they compared me with and get angry at my parents for thinking someone else's child is better than theirs....and that was when i was little, not in today's Nigeria.

TV is now part of the issue. Unlike before when parents actually spent time with their kids and could discipline them and monitor what they do, most parents in tday's Nigeria simply do not have that kind of time. So what d their kids do when their parents are not around? Most of them watch TV! If you examine your own life, you will realize that, without even knowing it, you have picked up one or two things from tv. How much more your kids who are still in the process of growing up?

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:


I would love you to point out where exactly in my post i even sligthly made mention of your life.

Just incase you're not aware; Nobody talks about my kids but I'll let this slide cos we're trying to make things right here, Kay ?

I think a lot of people do not realise how scarred their children are, because of the things they say.

ruteeb: thank u V much o, der r lots of parents who dont use negative words and der children r doin well...... nigerians always fail 2 LEARN #SMH#

Thank u jare.
The extent at which people think these words made them who they are baffles me.
I dont know what positive impact does calling a child "useless" have on them
Or telling them they are failures
or comparing with other kids...I believe its a failure on a parents part, when they have to compare their kids with other kids to drive home their points to that kid.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

well, you would note that i said adapt, not throw away and adopt another. Adaptation involves keeping what can still work, chucking out what doesn't anymore and adopting some new ones that work in the current age and time. I have never said that all our traditional values don't work anymore. I'm just saying that some don't work anymore and need to be chucked out. Some of the ways we were brought did not take into cognizance the possibiliy of us picking up different values, systems and ideas from elsewhere and so can't deal with them. those need to be adapted to fit the current society.

Well said.

That is the genesis of the development of an "evolutionary child-rearing framework" right there.

Advanced developmental psychology formulation on NL.

Dolly-Parton:


Thank u jare.
The extent at which people think these words made them who they are baffles me.
I dont know what positive impact does calling a child "useless" have on them
Or telling them they are failures
or comparing with other kids...I believe its a failure on a parents part, when they have to compare their kids with other kids to drive home their points to that kid.

Comparing kids is dependent on context. It might actually spur some kids.

The UK education system suffered a slight decline after they decided to stop giving kids class positions.

Comparisons can be a useful tool in life.

The Ghanaian murrafcker that was always topping in all subjects in my college at A-level, hence not allowing me be top of the school, was a challenge that spurred me to work harder.

I tried but never caught up with the murrafcker, he flogged me in every subject no matter how high my score was (he would get one mark better), he was just too good and disciplined. I spent a significant proportion of my time chepsing girls and recieving slaps.

https://www.nairaland.com/816612/o-ye-people/16#msg9863581

Comparisons can help, dependent on the personality.

jidegirl12:


Just incase you're not aware; Nobody talks about my kids but I'll let this slide cos we're trying to make things right here, Kay ?

I'll go ahead and presume that this is what you take exception to:

I'm even surprised that anyone can condone some of the things on that list. Even as an adult, noone wants to be called usesless. Why call your child useless?

FYI, i wasn't asking YOU why you call YOUR child or children useless. It was a general rhetorical question. Fine, let me rephrase it to fit what i was trying to say:
"why would anyone call their child useless?"

Happy?

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

I'll go ahead and presume that this is what you take exception to:



FYI, i wasn't asking YOU why you call YOUR child or children useless. It was a general rhetorical question. Fine, let me rephrase it to fit what i was trying to say:
"why would anyone call their child useless?"

Happy?

Nope ! I wasn't referring to that point and hey I can comprehend so don't be feigning on me and rephrasing shiet ( I'm warning you to just back off and face front now before you annoy me more with your fake maturity way of talking cos you're starting to piss me the eff off now! Like seriously!!)

I was talking about the point I initially quoted ..... and that's it! Tats!

Happy now? Me? Does this face look like it give a FVCK who you are?

Sagamite:

Comparing kids is dependent on context. It might actually spur some kids.

The UK education system suffered a slight decline after they decided to stop giving kids class positions.

Comparisons can be a useful tool in life.

The Ghanaian murrafcker that was always topping in all subjects in my college at A-level, hence not allowing me be top of the school, was a challenge that spurred me to work harder.

I tried but never caught up with the murrafcker, he flogged me in every subject no matter how high my score was (he would get one mark better), he was just too good and disciplined. I spent a significant proportion of my time chepsing girls and recieving slaps.

https://www.nairaland.com/816612/o-ye-people/16#msg9863581

Comparisons can help, dependent on the personality.

^^^^ I guess he's smarter!! I actually prefer the hierarchy system too..... Makes kids sit tight and aim high .... none here too .... just passed or not but the course scores are provided tho.

Sagamite:

Well said.

That is the genesis of the development of an "evolutionary child-rearing framework" right there.

Advanced developmental psychology formulation on NL.

jidegirl12:

^^^^ I guess he's smarter!! I actually prefer the hierarchy system too..... Makes kids sit tight and aim high .... none here too .... just passed or not but the course scores are provided tho.

He wasn't smarter, I just had women on my libidocious mind.

When bleeding hearts become more vocal and their philosophies sound more funky and is labelled "civilised", it is the norm to change things in the West.

What d poser wrote was true the verbal & physical abuse ma papa rain on me is still fresh in ma mind & has alter d personality.parents shld be careful what they say 2 their children curse ,verbal abuses can stick 2 d soul of a developing child like scar 4 life.

jidegirl12:

Nope ! I wasn't referring to that point and hey I can comprehend so don't be feigning on me and rephrasing shiet ( I'm warning you to just back off and face front now before you annoy me more with your fake maturity way of talking cos you're starting to piss me the eff off now! Like seriously!!)

I was talking about the point I initially quoted ..... and that's it! Tats!

Happy now? Me? Does this face look like it give a FVCK who you are?

point you quoted? hell, you quoted my whole post! (which, I hope you noticed, includes the part I quoted in my previous reply)

Apparently, you gats issues and I'm not up for joining em with you. suit yourself with getting pissed or not 'coz quite frankly, I don't care!

BodyKiss:

If only you could ask God to show you what a better person you could've been if those words weren't used on you by your parents.

shut the fok up as if you are better than me

senbonzakura_kageyoshi:

point you quoted? hell, you quoted my whole post! (which, I hope you noticed, includes the part I quoted in my previous reply)

Apparently, you gats issues and I'm not up for joining em with you. suit yourself with getting pissed or not 'coz quite frankly, I don't care!

Hell no you didn't just reply me again

Go back and see your post I quoted 'the bolded' ...... that's how it's rolled here if you have NO clue dammit!

You're the one with issues that chose to quote me initially with your vindictive and personalized plan to take a shot at me thinking am a coco that'll just open my mouth and watch you insult me and my family.

You ain't wat my time boo ...., just vaaamooozzzeeee!!!! Abracadabraaaaa!!

From people's comments, I've really learnt a lot.

Whatever your name is ..... Just don't piss me off cos I just read your post again( yep I've gat time. ... I don't resume back to work until Jan2nd)...

and it started with look.... so when you did English language 'O levels comprehension you don't know that's a directive word?

Abi bobo/ baby yi craze ni? See the chaircoverish sly he's using on me !!

ASHI!!!

jidegirl12: Whatever your name is ..... Just don't piss me off cos I just read your post again( yep I've gat time. ... I don't resume back to work until Jan2nd)...

and it started with look.... so when you did English language 'O levels comprehension you don't know that's a directive word?

Abi bobo/ baby yi craze ni? See the chaircoverish sly he's using on me !!

ASHI!!!

Meaning, whatever comes after it applies to you alone, right? The "look" there was only to get your attention. Wonder why you consider it to be anything else.

If you examine your own life, you will realize that, without even knowing it, you have picked up one or two things from tv. How much more your kids who are still in the process of growing up?

THIS is what you consider to be an insult to your kids? Really, like seriously? Like tell me your kids have picked up NOTHING from TV?

You're the one with issues that chose to quote me initially with your vindictive and personalized plan to take a shot at me thinking am a coco that'll just open my mouth and watch you insult me and my family.

Hahahahahaha! This is actually funny! Like, what do I know about your family and why would i want to insult your family? Aww, c'mon! Personalized plan? Thanks for calling me creative!