Sagamite:

So fcking well said.

You are not funky. You are unlikely to end up with a child like this:

https://www.nairaland.com/984548/flogging-children-school-home-good/4#14263537

Let those that want to be funky, be funky!

True talk, a lot of parents want to act like what they see white folks do on TV without realizing the downsides. When their kids start talking back rudely at 11 yrs old, they'll get the picture. I'm not saying you should give the kid a "beat down" but there's a balance to it.

How abt 11yr old stepson who constantly pushes his boundary? ♈̲̣̣̥ō̶̲̥̅ϋ̶̲̣̣̥̲̥̅." Turn a blind eye to his antics, its presumed as being uncaring cuz he's not yours biologically. ♈̲̣̣̥ō̶̲̥̅ϋ̶̲̣̣̥̲̥̅." Care enough to discipline, its also presumed that your being mean. See, love all ♈̲̣̣̥ō̶̲̥̅ϋ̶̲̣̣̥̲̥̅." Can, discipline all ♈̲̣̣̥ō̶̲̥̅ϋ̶̲̣̣̥̲̥̅." Can, no one has the perfect plan on child-rearing, just do your best and hope they'l turn out well.

Krucifax:

Gaddam!!!! I read about the texts in the news but couldn't be bothered to read the actual texts,followed your link and all i can say is OMG!! I don't know what Chris Hunhe could have done to deserve that but it seems the son is a horrible little sh*t!! Point of note don't try to be your child's friend be your child's parent!!!

Ah! Let them go and be their child's BFF (best friend forever) because it is the cool philosophy.

Awon funky funks.

I am a blunt and vocal murrafcker, who would not hesitate to talk back when things are not right. But I dare not and do not have the liver to talk to my parents like that in my life.

I would state my view strongly and assertively, but never in my life would I dare talk down to my parents like that.

And the funky father was pandering to him.

Funkies!

ba7man: True talk, a lot of parents want to act like what they see white folks do on TV without realizing the downsides. When their kids start talking back rudely at 11 yrs old, they'll get the picture. I'm not saying you should give the kid a "beat down" but there's a balance to it.

They think raising a child is like a hollywood script.

Just like Disney has distorted the average Westerners views on animals to the point of delusion, that is how hollywood parent-child relationship is distorting a lot of people's views to the point of delusion.

That is an upper class man that is sending his child to Oxford that is facing that. Think of what lower and middle-class are facing.

Let them raise their child funkily, when he starts slapping them, dem go know.

I know of a family member raised in the US who called his father (based in America) to invite him to wedding in Paris a day before the wedding.

This is a man that is gentle, modern and raised him to adulthood. Gave them the freedom to explore what they want to do in life, this one was in a band that is popular enough to be on Wikipedia and after exploring, the father sent him to an Ivy League. All the kids went to Ivy League and are top in their professions. But they are quick to anger with their dad (bar one) like this MP's child and would punish him by not speaking to him while he panders to them that "I love you".

Complete lack of respect, consideration and appreciation. They only know their rights, not responsibillities. I am sure they would soon put him in a home and leave him there to only visit once a year.

Continue being funky.

"It is cool. It is what the white man does, so it must be modern, advanced and funky!"

I do talk to my sons. It is always better to control on's anger( which believe me is very difficult) and explain to them why they should not do this or that. one of my sons is 2yrs+, when he does something wrong, like spashing water on the floor, before i say something, he will go like this; no no good. fall down!!

When accidents happen, i try as much as possible to explain how best to do somethng in a safe manner.

Children differ in character. My daughter;ist born is stubborn and wud do exactly wat asked not to do unless u threaten her with cane. I think she is my replica in that angle cos I was told I was very stubbon as kid. But the boy is cool and collected. So I think occasional spanking is not bad wen the need arises.

Well, first of all, i think there is no specific way to train a child. Don't beat, them all the time, but do not also talk to them all the time. Don't in to any of the two extremes. My advice, threaten to beat them more dan you beat them, them wen they start to disregard that threat, do beat them. Also, never tell a child to just not do something. Give them the harmful reasons why they should not do it, else you will just make them curious.

...why are many people writing "the white people"?
What, you mean we can`t raise our kids, just because we don`t beat them?
What about the african parents who do not beat their kids?

JallowBah: ...why are many people writing "the white people"?
What, you mean we can`t raise our kids, just because we don`t beat them?
What about the african parents who do not beat their kids?

Don't let that bother you dear, ALL blacks don't hit our kids, if dem like, throw them in the well for all I care, like chaircover said in one thread; They are MY kids and I deem fit do what I want with them

I've seen product of abuse all in the name if discipline that never have a good relationship with their parents , everybody should do what please them, but I sure wont allow my kids mix up with such kids from homes like that.

JallowBah: ...why are many people writing "the white people"?
What, you mean we can`t raise our kids, just because we don`t beat them?
What about the african parents who do not beat their kids?

The social pioneers, promoters and norm practiioners of not smacking kids are Westerners.

By and large, the philosophy is an alternate way of raising kids but it has a higher odd of having rude and disrepectful kids who have limited regards for the parents and other adults.

Secondly, it is a more expensive philosophy it terms of time and money which does not necessarily bring any superior returns.

You can raise a well-rounded, respectful and disciplined child with that philosophy but the the odds are inferior. To me, it is generally inferior.

Even though there is room for improvement in the way Africans and third world people raise their kids and actually smack them, it still gets a far better parent-child relationship and dynamics.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#13207371

Unlike funky people that have an insatiable appetite to copy anything done by whites to show they are "modern and progressive". I will take the best of the Western philosophy and mix it with the best of my traditional philosophy (which will be dominant based on observe existential outcomes) in raising kids. That means I WILL NEVER rule out smacking. I am not funky!

"Spare the rod and spoil the child".

jidegirl12:
Don't let that bother you dear, ALL blacks don't hit our kids, if dem like, throw them in the well for all I care, like chaircover said in one thread; They are MY kids and I deem fit do what I want with them

I've seen product of abuse all in the name if discipline that never have a good relationship with their parents , everybody should do what please them, but I sure wont allow my kids mix up with such kids from homes like that.

For me, it is like saying "only immigrants in my country r*pe", when the fact is that the ones who jump women in the streets are all immigrants, but the r*pe there are most of, where someone you know does it, are NOT immigrants.

I do agree that many white people are TOO KIND on their kids, and want to be their best friends instead of their parents. I can see a big difference even just from up north where I am from, compared to the capital. They give in to their kids crying in the shop instead of carrying the kid out. They say "if you do that again, I will take your toys", and then they don`t follow up..
People up north are more..up-front, I guess. We are raised to respect elders, people around, and our parents, but also to speak our minds if we do not agree, even with our parents, but still; WITH RESPECT.

Sagamite:

The social pioneers, promoters and norm practiioners of not smacking kids are Westerners.

By and large, the philosophy is an alternate way of raising kids but it has a higher odd of having rude and disrepectful kids who have limited regards for the parents and other adults.

Secondly, it is a more expensive philosophy it terms of time and money which does not necessarily bring any superior returns.

You can raise a well-rounded, respectful and disciplined child with that philosophy but the the odds are inferior. To me, it is generally inferior.

Even though there is room for improvement in the way Africans and third world people raise their kids and actually smack them, it still gets a far better parent-child relationship and dynamics.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#13207371

Unlike funky people that have an insatiable appetite to copy anything done by whites to show they are "modern and progressive". I will take the best of the Western philosophy and mix it with the best of my traditional philosophy (which will be dominant based on observe existential outcomes) in raising kids. That means I WILL NEVER rule out smacking. I am not funky!

Smacking your kids does not mean you will have good behaving kids. Nigerian boys in Oslo are known for beating their women, beating women who say no to go home with them from a pub, trash-talking women who turn them down, and selling heroine in the streets. ( No, not all, you get the point here. )
What did their parents do wrong...? A child who grow up with being beaten, will think it is ok to beat others when they do as they want them to do.
I do NOT want a daughter, or son, who walk around beating other kids because they did not get their way.

JallowBah:
Smacking your kids does not mean you will have good behaving kids. Nigerian boys in Oslo are known for beating their women, beating women who say no to go home with them from a pub, trash-talking women who turn them down, and selling heroine in the streets. ( No, not all, you get the point here. )
What did their parents do wrong...? A child who grow up with being beaten, will think it is ok to beat others when they do as they want them to do.
I do NOT want a daughter, or son, who walk around beating other kids because they did not get their way.

No 1, I never said smacking your kids will unfailingly give you weeell-behaved kids. I said odds.

No 2, I can't for the life of me see any link between beating women and corporal discipline of kids. This is as ridiculous as the link I put in my last post when someone was linking violent societies to corporal punishment. Lets apply better root-cause analysis. It is more likely cultural (perception of women), not the corporal punishment.

No 3, there are many non-Africans that engage in domestic violence despite not smacking their kids.

No 4, as I said in the link I provided in my last post. They apply corporal punishment in Singapore, South Korea, Botswana and Japan, and the kids don't go about beating others. But the kids in London do; they beat both other kids and adults impunitely. So that is another silly, unproven and conjectural deduction.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#14263278

Sagamite:

No 1, I never said smacking your kids will unfailingly give you weeell-behaved kids. I said odds.

No 2, I can't for the life of me see any link between beating women and corporal discipline of kids. This is as ridiculous as the link I put in my last post when someone was linking violent societies to corporal punishment. Lets apply better root-cause analysis. It is more likely cultural (perception of women), not the corporal punishment.

No 3, there are many non-Africans that engage in domestic violence despite not smacking their kids.

No 4, as I said in the link I provided in my last post. They apply corporal punishment in Singapore, South Korea, Botswana and Japan, and the kids don't go about beating others. But the kids in London do; they beat both other kids and adults impunitely. So that is another silly, unproven and conjectural deduction.

https://www.nairaland.com/1118061/buharis-first-daughter-zulai-dead/9#14263278

MY linking between domestic violence and africance came because of the "this is white peoples way".
The most violent people I know, the most aggressive ones, have all been beaten by one or both of their parents. That is how they know to handle disputes and confrontations.

And science show the same: if you were beaten much as a kid, there is a much bigger chance that you will beat when issues come up later in life, be it your friends, spouse, kids..and how would you do if your kid got in big problems at school for beating other kids? "You do not beat, only I beat!" ?

Its almost impossible not to shout o.there ws a day I ws cooking beans n y'al knw beans takes time to cook.I added enuf water so dt I wont hv to get up til afta like 40mins.wen I decided to chek d beans it wasn't boiling.my 20mths old son had turned off d burner.I ddnt evn knw wen he entad d kitchen because he ws wit me in d sittn room though playn n running arnd.I had to shout o.my son looks at facial xpressions,if u r advicn him calmly he wil start laughn as if u r teln him a story but if u kip a straight face n warn him authoritativly,he will adjust sharply!

lindiwey: Its almost impossible not to shout o.there ws a day I ws cooking beans n y'al knw beans takes time to cook.I added enuf water so dt I wont hv to get up til afta like 40mins.wen I decided to chek d beans it wasn't boiling.my 20mths old son had turned off d burner.I ddnt evn knw wen he entad d kitchen because he ws wit me in d sittn room though playn n running arnd.I had to shout o.my son looks at facial xpressions,if u r advicn him calmly he wil start laughn as if u r teln him a story but if u kip a straight face n warn him authoritativly,he will adjust sharply!

I would not have shouted, I have would have talked with a firmer voice than normally, and louder, but not screamed.

blank: It depends on the child. My first son does not respond to beating at all. In fact, he will turn it into a game. Isolation was just a waste of time cos he wont stay at all. But i realised that he responded well to deprivation/prizes as in carrot and stick method.

If i want him to finish his food, i will tell him that he can play with Barney when he is done and he will just start rushing the food. If he is playing roughly wilth his toys, i tell him that i will take them away if he continues like that. If he does continue, i take them away for the rest of the day. No amount of crying will make me change my mind. And he is just turning 2.

That has been my experience so far.

So on course with u. Dat's what i do to my 2yr old plus son too. Exactly!

kcjazz: I will tell your daddy when he comes back. That stuff can scare kids especially when the dad is a mighty koboko warrior

Do not teach your children that method. Tell them what is right or wrong, do not spoil them by saying "I WILL TELL YOUR DAD WHEN HE COMES"

Legit1: Flog am silly!

flogging silly hardens a child, yelling/shouting breeds fear and make ur child very timid among his equals. beat gently 2 avoid inflicting injury wen needed,dont beat wen u very angry wit their actions; u could inflict injury or kill d child. talk at times, ignore them some other time; just stare hardly at them and they "ll get d message. warn and specify punishment that will follow when he/she repeats same action. it works. above all show some love, play with them at leisure, then pray always 4 them,they become better wen u least expected.

I am learning(hard though toddlers and pre-schoolers are such hard work)not to be reactive parent.I dont want my kids to think of me as mummy just likes shouting.

Right now my 3 and a half yr old knows bad behaviour=consequences.I know the time will come when she might not like me very much i dont need her liking.I need love and respect which we are working to earn and expect.

I smack(rarely) but after several warnings and based on what was done.The best method though that works for her is isolation and dissappointment.The girl lives for mummy and daddy praise so being told off is not her favourite thing.She is still too young to understand priviledges being withdrawn per se(introducing that though No Dora or Ben and holly if you dont finish your counting)but i cant wait for that to kick in.

Lastly and what i learnt from my parents,IT IS MY HOUSE so MY RULES and yes COS I SAID SO.

You get things done with a kind word and a gun more than you do with just a kind word.

pls when i say i spank my toddler, i wasnt sayn that i spank for every wrongdoing. I spank when neccessary

I guess this post is for the married folks and adults. Not for meeeeeeeeeeee

wow this responses are helping me.thanks

A motivatin wil do, and using urself as an example of such bad act and tellin d negative effect of it

when my son does something wrong and i shout @ him, he will just turn and look at me and laugh so hard,, hmmm, he is just a toddler.

JallowBah:

MY linking between domestic violence and africance came because of the "this is white peoples way".
The most violent people I know, the most aggressive ones, have all been beaten by one or both of their parents. That is how they know to handle disputes and confrontations.

That is wrong again.

The most violent and aggressive people you know (I can assume) are people from a disadvantaged economic background.

I have been privileged to live in both a country with a smacking culture (Nigeria) and a country with no smacking culture (UK). There are tons of people I grew up with in Nigeria of my generation that took a good smack, a level of smack peeps like you today will call abuse (but which it is not to us), and nowhere near significant porportion of us are violent. I for one have never hit anybody first in my life. NEVER! But if someone hits me, I am the opposite of Jesus, I don't turn the other chic, I break the head. You might call that violence, I call it justice. I handle my disputes and confrontations by stating my mind vocally and that was how it was in my boarding school in Nigeria. Physical confrontation in that boarding environment was no worse than it is in the UK where they have no smacking. At least, unlike the UK, we never stab each other to death or slap/insult our parents.

JallowBah:
And science show the same: if you were beaten much as a kid, there is a much bigger chance that you will beat when issues come up later in life, be it your friends, spouse, kids..and how would you do if your kid got in big problems at school for beating other kids? "You do not beat, only I beat!" ?

Which science?

Yes o Mr Jallowbah, which science?

JallowBah:
I would not have shouted, I have would have talked with a firmer voice than normally, and louder, but not screamed.

The screaming would not kill him and it will leave a lasting and more effective impression of wrong-doing.

Neither will the screaming damage him for life.

Sagamite, I just can't wait till you finally marry and have your own kids , I'm willing to risk my identity to meet them then , your own na something else with your unborn children. I will be here inshallah 5years tops? Maybe?

jidegirl12: Sagamite, I just can't wait till you finally marry and have your own kids , I'm willing to risk my identity to meet them then , your own na something else with your unborn children. I will be here inshallah 5years tops? Maybe?

The best father ever in the history of the world waiting.

But I am not yet dating seriously, so make that 30 years tops!

https://www.nairaland.com/1016887/fear-sagamite-beginning-wisdom/5#12097070

Okay I'll be waiting