rolchi:

Nollywood?!

Welcome to the real world

One may have more clothes than an old person but you can never have enough rags as the old person
EXPERIENCE IS IMPORTANT!

Toks2008:


Exactly what she said. Got tired tolerating but wait a second. What exactly is she tolerating for 12 years that she suddenly cant tolerate any longer? Please be real. she is either carried away or totally confused.

All i know, for the sake of peace and not love because i no longer believe in that i will be patient for a little longer and see what happens.

I have no case of adultery against her for now so i cant start talking about divorce. i just assume she is totally derailed for now.

She is human and even if she gets carried away, she can always retrace her steps if she is meant to be mine.

Dude, I can assure you she's being influenced by some of her friends; or from watching those silly Nollywood movies. No, I ain't joking.

rolchi:

Nollywood?!

No. Real life and known and connected with me.

WhyMe222:

Sincerely my brother. This was my foremost position but wifey said she cannot stay married to me while I bring in another woman. She even said she can't afford to share me. Ain't that laughable? She is just lucky I am the man I am. Age does really make us wiser.

Hahahaha. I just LOOOOOVE naija women. A cheat who cannot share her man. Well, I think you are too much of a gentleman.

salt 1:

No. Real life and known and connected with me.

bros.. why u answer na

too many jambite juveniles on this thread; referring to experiences as nollywood... pity

biolabee:

wow.. that man has a heart of gold

Yea! That's real love! Covered her shame and protected her from ridicule. They had two more sons after the unfortunate incident and there was never a story/suspicion of the wife getting into that again. In fact, her debt of gratitude kept her from misbehaving again

salt 1:
Says who? I have seen a marriage where the wife's infidelity produced a son. The husband was hurt but he forgave and brought up that son along with his other children. The son never knew till the man died. And in the man's old age, it was that son that took care of him.
Op has no healthy option except to forgive and re-build trust. Forgiving is for his own emotional and physical health.
Who said a second wife will be faithful? Women are good at keeping secrets.

na Nollywood? U lie. Big lie. I cannot make love with her again, na zorg I fit dey zorg her. But because of hiv make she pack her load and go. They were zorging b4 d baby, during d pregnancy and 5moths after d baby. Guy do a DNA as d woman no fit wait may d thing heal proper so, them go do again wen d brouhaha die down small. This time, na ur bed dem go use.

biolabee:

bros.. why u answer na

all this jambite juveniles on this thread... pity

Sorry I didn't know it was a rhetorical question.

I am not a Jambite juvenile. I may be as old as your parent!

Now no more insults! That's a good boy!

Asiwaju9ja: na Nollywood? U lie. Big lie. I cannot make love with her again, na zorg I fit dey zorg her. But because of hiv make she pack her load and go. They were zorging b4 d baby, during d pregnancy and 5moths after d baby. Guy do a DNA as d woman no fit wait may d thing heal proper so, them go do again wen d brouhaha die down small. This time, na ur bed dem go use.

What do I stand to gain by lying? Obviously, some people have far higher moral principles than the hypocrites on this thread. Many husbands commit adultery but swear never to forgive a repentant wife.
How's that for double standard and hypocrisy! Sickening

salt 1:

xxxxxxx

sorry not referring to you..rather the guy that referred to you as a nollywood story teller

salt 1:
What do I stand to gain by lying? Obviously, some people have far higher moral principles than the hypocrites on this thread. Many husbands commit adultery but swear never to forgive a repentant wife.
How's that for double standard and hypocrisy! Sickening

you deign to their level by exchangin with them

yellowpawpaw: Sighs.found out that majority don't really know what marriage is before they rushed in.its a pity.our pastors and iman r not doin their works very well either.problems every where.

The mistake is thinking the pastors and imams are role models. Many are having trying times in their homes but they come out looking tidy.

salt 1:
Yea! That's real love! Covered her shame and protected her from ridicule. They had two more sons after the unfortunate incident and there was never a story/suspicion of the wife getting into that again. In fact, her debt of gratitude kept her from misbehaving again

haba.. the woman sef!

Thats why some people are loath to forgive and forget!

salt 1:
Many husbands commit adultery but swear never to forgive a repentant wife.
How's that for double standard and hypocrisy! Sickening

Oh no you missed it. I make my own rules in my house. The fact that you are willing to kill does not mean you are willing to be killed (that's the first rule of an assassin or soldier: kill but don't be killed). So because I am a scammer, I should allow people to scam me? That's not "double standard"; it is commonsense and self preservation. The rule is simple; if you are going to cheat, don't be caught. The crime is in being caught.

LOL, woman go injure me by sleeping with another man, and then add insult upon it by getting pregnant all for me to raise the bastard? Gentlemen (abi na mugu) plenty for this world o.

salt 1:
What do I stand to gain by lying? Obviously, some people have far higher moral principles than the hypocrites on this thread. Many husbands commit adultery but swear never to forgive a repentant wife.
How's that for double standard and hypocrisy! Sickening

yea a man can do that(am not saying its right though) but a woman can't do what a man does and still be a lady. Its a fact.
The circumstances should be taken into consideration. This is a case of repeated Adultery. They are seeing each other steadily. And with d Lagos traffic, excuse full ground to rush one or two rounds on d way home.

biolabee:

bros.. why u answer na

too many jambite juveniles on this thread; referring to experiences as nollywood... pity

I forgive you!

logica: Oh no you missed it. I make my own rules in my house. The fact that you are willing to kill does not mean you are willing to be killed (that's the first rule of an assassin or soldier: kill but don't be killed). So because I am a scammer, I should allow people to scam me? That's not "double standard"; it is commonsense and self preservation. The rule is simple; if you are going to cheat, don't be caught. The crime is in being caught.

LOL, woman go injure me by sleeping with another man, and then add insult upon it by getting pregnant all for me to raise the bastard? Gentlemen (abi na mugu) plenty for this world o.

Leave d bros make e dey tell pple Nollywood story. The Man na Emeka Ike(Lover boy for nollywood)

logica: Hahahaha. I just LOOOOOVE naija women. A cheat who cannot share her man. Well, I think you are too much of a gentleman.

I just LOOOOOVE naija MEN. Cheats who cannot share there women !

My good man, do you read the obituaries at all ?

The answer to your question is not for very long! If you only knew the kind of damage you're doing to yourself internally by trying to deal with all that negativity.

From what I read, its clear what you should now do, please do it sooner and not later.

Woman no dey send generally,especially that kind of woman. Her life will go on..

WhyMe222: Thanks everyone for your contributions. You have all spoken well. I love my wife and I love my daughter silly. I leave no stone unturned in taking care of my family cos that is the only reason I go out daily (To provide for them). Her friends are a testimony to my capability in taking care of her. Her colleagues in both her former work place and the present one all appreciate for her what she has in terms of her marriage and husband. So there is no gain saying I may not have been leaving up to my expectations as a hubby.

In the last 8 months I have tried to heal, I have tried to see how we can work around it, I have also tried living like it never happened. In all this, none seem to be working. I loved my wife and that is why I have made all these efforts but the torture I live through will never go away and for this singular reason I feel there is no need going on like this. At the moment, I am only tolerating her and that is not good for marriage; reason I said marriage is not meant to be endured. Can there ever be a time I will not remember the incident? Can there ever be a time I will laugh it off and not hurt instead? The sex is dead; No urge because she repulses me and there is no way I will think of S£X with her without remembering what they did. So how can one live in this manner?

God help me.

coogar:

men run after younger girls because they are easier to manipulate, nothing to do with the width of the vägina. the vägina has elasticity - it expands and retracts to the size of the object entering it. if you really think a man with 13 inches of pënis would stick everything in a vägina then you are deluded! only 5 inches of that 13 would go in.

don't mind the baby,na too much banana they worry her

@OP. Your "unfaithful" wife may be reading this thread and already knows your thoughts and/or next line of actions.

It may sound strange but I believe you were not sensitive enough to know she was cheating on you before you read the email. Perhaps a weakness (or oversight) on your part. You need to work on it because of the next relationship in case you decide to divorce her and remarry. We all need to be sensitive to our partners and children's weaknesses in order to nip any untoward issue(s) in the bud. Hence the reason some husbands are very firm with issues concerning their immediate family.

The following steps/issues may be worth considering:
1. No excuse for infidelity on her part but what "if" she was "hypnotised" by your so called family friend/senior colleague. Some men can be very dangerous and/or diabolical.

2.Inform her parents. It is important they are put on notice. Ensure you do this one on one with them (her parents) in her presence.

3. Do a DNA test on your daughter irrespective of the fact of her resemblance to your mother.

4. Does she still work in the same office/company with the trespasser?

5. Do a complete health check-up for the entire family - yourself, your wife and daughter. Hope no STD was passed.

6. A temporal separation (less than 3 months) should suffice and the reasons undisclosed to your family and friends, though this may have already leaked as you have already gone viral on the internet.

7. The separation will allow you to take the most appropriate decision.

Having stated all these, I sincerely believe you should forgive her and do not divorce her if she really pleads for your forgiveness and shows sincere remorse.

All the best.

devour129: I just LOOOOOVE naija MEN. Cheats who cannot share there women !

In case you didn't notice, this thread is about a cheating wife. If you want to shriek about cheating men, please open another thread and carry your estrogen over there.

baby_123:
With the way you talk and write about it, it tells me you absolutely see no faults in yourself. You don't compromise and you don't listen. No one is perfect. If your spouse is complaining about something about you, which you as a rational adult know its a flaw. Work on it. Don't talk down on her to build up yourself. She is telling you to change, you are still saying she is confused and frustrated. Are you trying to say as an adult and a woman she doesn't know what she wants? Doesn't she have a right to demand happiness? She is right that if you both had kids, she may have endured or ignored. Now that you don't, she has a choice to move on and start over. We are here in life to constantly grow as human beings. If you decide you want to be stagnant, you may end up affecting all aspects of your life with such an attitude. Saying a woman who is TTC is frustrated, is wrong. You should not say such a thing about your wife outside. Work on how you talk, and how you see her. She is your partner, your other half. If someone talked to you like that or dismissed your concerns in such a manner, how long would you endure

^^^ please, will u marry me?
money is no problem.
i work in an oil company, as in i sell fuel at nnpc filling station.

emiye: This is the more reason why i see your wife as callous and so self centered, why is she giving you conditions, she ought to have stayed neutral and keep mute about that, when you suggested you want to take such a step, "she cant afford to share you" is not a statement of love, it is a self centered position from her ...... . A truly remorseful wife could make a statement such as "right now, all i care about is keeping our marriage and making it work again and regaining your trust, i know you have the final decision".

an advice from d wise.

baby_123:

I should ask my female friends as a woman LOL, dude, the vagina is not the penis. You are mistaking organs. The vjayjay has feelings all the way to the G-s*pot. This is why size matters. Get it? All the walls are action packed.

and how far is the G bus-stop?... 2inches!.
see your life?

Peterwins: @OP. Your "unfaithful" wife may be reading this thread and already knows your thoughts and/or next line of actions.

It may sound strange but I believe you were not sensitive enough to know she was cheating on you before you read the email. Perhaps a weakness (or oversight) on your part. You need to work on it because of the next relationship in case you decide to divorce her and remarry. We all need to be sensitive to our partners and children's weaknesses in order to nip any untoward issue(s) in the bud. Hence the reason some husbands are very firm with issues concerning their immediate family.

The following steps/issues may be worth considering:
1. No excuse for infidelity on her part but what "if" she was "hypnotised" by your so called family friend/senior colleague. Some men can be very dangerous and/or diabolical.

2.Inform her parents. It is important they are put on notice. Ensure you do this one on one with them (her parents) in her presence.

3. Do a DNA test on your daughter irrespective of the fact of her resemblance to your mother.

4. Does she still work in the same office/company with the trespasser?

5. Do a complete health check-up for the entire family - yourself, your wife and daughter. Hope no STD was passed.

6. A temporal separation (less than 3 months) should suffice and the reasons undisclosed to your family and friends, though this may have already leaked as you have already gone viral on the internet.

7. The separation will allow you to take the most appropriate decision.

Having stated all these, I sincerely believe you should forgive her and do not divorce her if she really pleads for your forgiveness and shows sincere remorse.

All the best.

Thanks for your contribution. I know my wife will find this and I wasn't hiding it. We do frequent nairaland to keep abreast of happenings. Reading through all the comments with diverse opinion from people of different races and nationalities and most especially our fellow country men/women from different tribes will help draw a clearer picture of the quantum of her misdemeanor and cause her to take a deeper sober reflection.

I don't agree with you that this thread will cause a leak as I did not disclose vital statistics and keywords that can give us away. I had that at the back of my mind all through and I carefully avoided such details.

WhyMe222:

Thanks for your contribution. I know my wife will find this and I wasn't hiding it. We do frequent nairaland to keep abreast of happenings. Reading through all the comments with diverse opinion from people of different races and nationalities and most especially our fellow country men/women from different tribes will help draw a clearer picture of the quantum of her misdemeanor and cause her to take a deeper sober reflection.

I don't agree with you that this thread will cause a leak as I did not disclose vital statistics and keywords that can give us away. I had that at the back of my mind all through and I carefully avoided such details.

I think i have seen this story on linda's blog. Did you send her your story as well? Just curious. i didnt want to raise alarm just in case you are genuine.

I strongly advice anyone who comes across this thread to recommend it to friends and family members. Indeed its one of the most educative thread on NL concerning marital issues.

WhyMe222:

Thanks for your contribution. I know my wife will find this and I wasn't hiding it. We do frequent nairaland to keep abreast of happenings. Reading through all the comments with diverse opinion from people of different races and nationalities and most especially our fellow country men/women from different tribes will help draw a clearer picture of the quantum of her misdemeanor and cause her to take a deeper sober reflection.

I don't agree with you that this thread will cause a leak as I did not disclose vital statistics and keywords that can give us away. I had that at the back of my mind all through and I carefully avoided such details.

Good. Once again, if she has truly repented, then forgive her. It's very difficult (I know) but possible. Some people may consider you as a weakling (it doesn't matter) for forgiving and not divorcing her but I tell you the truth it's the best option IF she has sincerely repented. You will never regret the decision as she will love you for the rest of her life.

It is well.

baby_123:

I think i have seen this story on linda's blog. Did you send her your story as well? Just curious. i didnt want to raise alarm just in case you are genuine.

I did not. Does that girl has the right to use it without my express permission?

WhyMe222:

I did not. Does that girl has the right to use it without my express permission?

This was a month or two ago. The only difference in the story was email and that the guy confessed to cheating on wifey first. Anyhow, all good. Hope you got a bit of relief.

Hi @op I have been following this thread and want to drop a few thots.

1This is an advise to married ladies who work, since you spend most of your time in the office and there is a tendency to get close to a colleague, there is really no harm in that but once you begin to notice chemistry between yourselves, its a red flag to stop the relationship remember the bible says flee but most people ignore it and get into trouble which is what happened to the OP's wife, i am a married woman and by the grace of God i have not cheated on my man but these things happen when we as spouses get careless or carried away.

2. if you decide to divorce your wife, its not really going to make so much sense why? because you have the capacity to forgive, God forgives you, your sins no matter what you do, so why cant you seek his help to forgive your wife, the bible says God mentioned divorce because of the hardness of the heart of man.

3. If you decide to divorce your wife, you will stigmatize your daughter becos your family will always refer to her mothers adulterous affair and besides if you guys divorce, you marry again, your wife too marries again what happens to her, where will she fit in the equation, also consider the fact that even single guys these days are not finding it easy to settle down becos of the issue of a good wife, one that is not in it for the money or other reasons other than love, but you know your wife loves you despite her actions.

4. Finally 10years from now which is no so far from now,you will no longer remember the hurt but you will most likely have worked on your marriage and will have a very wonderful marriage with the wife you love.

Be strong, give her a second chance and when those pictures flood your mind remind yourself, that its in the past and all of you have moved on from there. cheers.

N.B

Anyone that doesnt support my views should not abuse me for having a different opinion thank you

jackymfon: Hi @op I have been following this thread and want to drop a few thots.

1This is an advise to married ladies who work, since you spend most of your time in the office and there is a tendency to get close to a colleague, there is really no harm in that but once you begin to notice chemistry between yourselves, its a red flag to stop the relationship remember the bible says flee but most people ignore it and get into trouble which is what happened to the OP's wife, i am a married woman and by the grace of God i have not cheated on my man but these things happen when we as spouses get careless or carried away.

2. if you decide to divorce your wife, its not really going to make so much sense why? because you have the capacity to forgive, God forgives you, your sins no matter what you do, so why cant you seek his help to forgive your wife, the bible says God mentioned divorce because of the hardness of the heart of man.

3. If you decide to divorce your wife, you will stigmatize your daughter becos your family will always refer to her mothers adulterous affair and besides if you guys divorce, you marry again, your wife too marries again what happens to her, where will she fit in the equation, also consider the fact that even single guys these days are not finding it easy to settle down becos of the issue of a good wife, one that is not in it for the money or other reasons other than love, but you know your wife loves you despite her actions.

4. Finally 10years from now which is no so far from now,you will no longer remember the hurt but you will most likely have worked on your marriage and will have a very wonderful marriage with the wife you love.

Be strong, give her a second chance and when those pictures flood your mind remind yourself, that its in the past and all of you have moved on from there. cheers.

N.B

Anyone that doesnt support my views should not abuse me for having a different opinion thank you

cool story. i will tell to my kids.