WhyMe222: Sorry people, I don't mean to trade words. This is all I want to say and will ever say here.

Yes I came here just like every other individual hurting comes here (Family section which is assumed to be for family related matters and matured minds) to get second opinion and most importantly, to unburden my heart.

In all my write up, I never called her names, I never talked her down, irrespective of my anger and bitterness, I still maintained sanity. I only registered my pains and what led me to that. I also was very discreet and careful to leave out certain details so as to keep this anonymous. It is very unfortunate that I am afraid in her bid to paint me a devil and dispel my story, she might have revealed too much information. I worry about that because no body knows what tomorrow has in store. Family or colleagues my stumble unto this and decipher it.

I wasn't a saint as a young person and bachelor. Any single guy who hasn't at one point or another kept more than one relationship (not kids in their teens or early twenty's) should cast the 1st stone. Most especially when you get to a certain stage when you have to seek out that one person who will complete your life.

Let me also categorically state here in all sincerity, I have NEVER cheated on this woman ever since I said I do. I saw it all in my single-hood and made a commitment to myself to remain faithful because there was nothing else to look for. The woman I married had all I wanted except for being heady, stubborn and short-tempered.

Yes I am a very compassionate person, friendly and a moral booster. I can talk a suicide bound individual out of it. I have a way with words but I know where to draw the line.

This is the much I can say. I leave it all to our NLanders to sieve the chaff from the grain.

I am Lazy while she is the diligent and industrious one who doubles as the bread winner of the house. No problem, I leave it all to posterity and heavens to judge.

Good day all.

Oh puhlease, shush! I remember pple asked u on your thread if there was anything u were doing that your wife wasn't comfortable with/complaining about and u totally claimed to be a saint. U said u have been a loving and caring husband.

Which married man flirts with single ladies (under the guise of advising them) and beats up his wife when she complains about it? What yeye advice do u give women at 12midnight? Adviser Nowamagbe! And it went on and on and on. . . And u say u never cheated and that u've been a very good husband "to the best of your knowledge"?

Who is fooling who here? So its totally cool for you to ignore your wife's needs afterall your chains of ladies u "advise" are much more important than her? Where are those women now to "advise" u too, now that your marriage is crumbling? But no, u ran to nairaland with your self rightoeus tale. Such a joke!

I don't even blame u sef, I blame the wife who was foolish enough to admit to cheating when she could have just denied it hands down since u didn't even see more than "ifemi". Afterall, its same thing she sees on your phone and laptop chats with several ladies yet u never admitted to cheating.

I find it difficult to believe that many women will just up and cheat knowing the "cultural" implications of such actions. There are not much cultural implications for men so they sometimes cheat for no just cause. But for a woman, it usually starts with them having to "confide" in a so called male friend concerning their marital problems especially when their husbands donot listen to them. The person listens to them (or atleast, pretends to), offers a shoulder for them to cry on and the woman becomes emotionally dependent on that man. Then the sex comes in as the "icing on the cake".

Now, this is not to excuse your wife's action. There is no reason under the sun for anyone to cheat, be u a man or woman. What I have a problem with is you painting yourself as "Saint Gabriel" when your filth is there staring u in the face.

Anyways, she has agreed to grant u your so desired divorce. Abeg divorce make we hear word!

^^ calm down ma,... e pass this matter?

If he did not cheat in wedlock, why did she cheat post "I DO" moreover in pregnancy or post partum - not cool

Pls, BB, don't tell me to calm down! Why did he not mention that he was flirting with ladies at 12midnight and that his wife complained but he told her "he is a man and so can do as he pleases"? Why did he not mention that he physically abuses her? What reason will a man ever have to hit a woman? And that was even before the cheating story oooo.

He gave us a self righteous story. Told us how he was the best thing to happen to women and watched on as most people crucified the wife right before his very eyes.

Again, pls don't tell me to calm down!

I agree with you that he did not paint a full pic but still the lady has not told us what drove her to anoda man in pregnancy/post partum

The marriage is young and if she took in 3 years for the baby, has he been such a bad person in 3 years

Also how come noone sees the world view of each other in the posts

He said she cheated but never put her down or called names
She despises him, called him useless and lazy

You get/.?

How would we know if he's been such a bad person in 3 yrs when he wouldn't even admit to hurting a fly? Obviously, he's not been the best hubby and since his wife put up his deeds he didn't deny them.

Ok, let me ask u. . . Would u consider this man a very good husband judging from what the wife has said? If no, why did he claim otherwise? So we all can call the wife names and crucify her?

And again, there is never a reason for anyone to cheat. So u saying the wife hasn't said the reason she cheated isn't necesary. She goofed by cheating, the husband is no saint either. Period!

bettymafy: How would we know if he's been such a bad person in 3 yrs when he wouldn't even admit to hurting a fly? Obviously, he's not been the best hubby and since his wife put up his deeds he didn't deny them.

Ok, let me ask u. . . Would u consider this man a very good husband judging from what the wife has said? If no, why did he claim otherwise? So we all can call the wife names and crucify her?

And again, there is never a reason for anyone to cheat. So u saying the wife hasn't said the reason she cheated isn't necesary. She goofed by cheating, the husband is no saint either. Period!

The truth is i cant say anyone is good, heck even Jesus said no one was good but God
He seems to have provided for his family and ensured they were taken care of
We cant quantify the extent of emotional cheating as people tend to see the worst in others and the best in themselves

If the woman has never said he is a bad husband, she just called him lazy and useless - that is a red flag for me

OP so basically you were phocking another man while still breatfeeding another mans child?

biolabee:

The truth is i cant say anyone is good, heck even Jesus said no one was good but God
He seems to have provided for his family and ensured they were taken care of
We cant quantify the extent of emotional cheating as people tend to see the worst in others and the best in themselves

If the woman has never said he is a bad husband, she just called him lazy and useless - that is a red flag for me

So laziness, uselessness, flirting and wife beating all seem like very good traits to u right? Oh well, what do I know?
I rest my case Biola. . .

bettymafy:

So laziness, uselessness, flirting and wife beating all seem like very good traits to u right? Oh well, what do I know?
I rest my case Biola. . .

madam betty you are taking things too harshly

If Jesus said no one is good who am i to judge another fellow man,, considering i dont know either the protagonist or his wife
You dont need me to tell you wife beating is bad neither is flirting good
On laziness i dont know some people have a phlegmatic temperament and dont seem to be as driven as others.. some will call them lazy, others will say its just fine

If a man earns enough to take care of his family and does not hustle like others, is it just for his wife to label him useless or lazy

We dont know all the full details of this tale, so i will not judge who is good who is bad

all ive said is that the parties can work things out if they want anf try
it will not be easy but it is not impossible

lets not take nl things personal eh?

dayokanu: OP so basically you were phocking another man while still breatfeeding another mans child?

According to her it ended before she delivered - the hubby only found out 5 months later.

i guess this is a case of na who report first.

and i dont beleive the man neva cheated, he should say the truth and stop forming saint.

Aafulenu: i guess this is a case of na who report first.

and i dont beleive the man neva cheated, he should say the truth and stop forming saint.

Abi ooo

First, I could care less if the stories are true although, in my opinion, they do have that ring of truth.

I can understand a woman marrying a man like the op did in spite of all she knew about him. Women are actually wired to be far more enduring and hopeful and romantic than men. So I get it. Doesn't mean it's right or smart. In fact, I think that even if it was just the second before one was to say "I do" that one discovers that her husband was being a dog while deciding to spend his life with her, one should break things off right then and make necessary adjustments. But what can I say, the world is bonkers.

In any case, there isn't too much talk necessary here. Both of you haven't been living the married life for whatever reason, doesn't matter if you only think it's the other person who's been screwing up. What matters is that you two don't want to pull together and figure your problem out and carve out a real future and a marriage from the mess you both have made so royally.

For this sole reason, by all means, get a damn divorce, guys. But if y'all wanna quit being kids and become adults, sit down and talk and listen and draw lines and boundaries and start building a marriage.

To the dude, if indeed you laid a hand on your wife and behaved as despicably as she described while professing marriage to her even if you had not said "I do" yet, you were a lowlife and a scoundrel. If you continued to chat girls up while married to her, you, sir are the true definition of a douchebag. And the only kind of woman you deserve is the one who leaves the kid with you to hang out at bars messing around with total strangers. And I'm saying all that with no hard feelings whatsoever, man.

To the lady, it was a lack of self-respect that led you to marry the kind of man you described and insist on enduring what you did. And it was the same lack of respect that led you into another man's bed while bearing your husband's name and his child. Even were he the devil himself, adultery on your part was a horrible statement against your own self and your recognition of your self-worth.

Well, guys, here ends my epistle. Go and sin no more.

^^^ U seem to be the only guy who has a well balanced, objective and unbiased view on this issue. Nice one.

biolabee:

madam betty you are taking things too harshly

If Jesus said no one is good who am i to judge another fellow man,, considering i dont know either the protagonist or his wife
You dont need me to tell you wife beating is bad neither is flirting good
On laziness i dont know some people have a phlegmatic temperament and dont seem to be as driven as others.. some will call them lazy, others will say its just fine

If a man earns enough to take care of his family and does not hustle like others, is it just for his wife to label him useless or lazy

We dont know all the full details of this tale, so i will not judge who is good who is bad

all ive said is that the parties can work things out if they want anf try
it will not be easy but it is not impossible

lets not take nl things personal eh?

Naaaa. . . Not taking things personal at all. Just airing my views. U are usually objective in most of your discourse. Why u have chosen to be biased in this particular one beats me.

debosky:

According to her it ended before she delivered - the hubby only found out 5 months later.

Are you saying it happened while she was pregnant? before pregnancy or after?

dayokanu:


Are you saying it happened while she was pregnant? before pregnancy or after?

While she was pregnant.......about 7 months pregnant

r231:

While she was pregnant.......about 7 months pregnant

from what she said she wasnt pregnant when it happened, her baby was about 5months old when d affair started. however the husband found out 5 months after she had ended it.

I slept with my colleague 2wice yes....I shouldn't av done dat I av no justification. I was depressed and needed someone 2 talk 2....we both realised what we were doing and put a stop 2 it...that period if he can be truthful my husband can testify 2 how that affected me that period.I was dying in silence cos I wanted 2 tell him. I was scared....he failed 2 mention he found out 5months after all had ended...I slept with dis man march ending..and it ended, 5months after I put 2 bed..I was wrong and I av been suffering in silence and in the open....my husband failed 2 mention I had 2 travel 4 1whole week without my baby, 2 cover an assignment so as 2get money 2 the the needs of the home cos we were starving. I came back after 7days and my baby rejected my bosom milk cos she hadn't sucked 4 long. Now he said I was aving an affair and sleeping with another mab without condoms...

biolabee: ^^ calm down ma,... e pass this matter?

If he did not cheat in wedlock, why did she cheat post "I DO" moreover in pregnancy or post partum - not cool

I never cheated on my husband in pregnancy...pls don't misquote me...

The reason why I bothered 2 reply 2 my husbands post was becos I was made out 2 be the devil.., a woman dont just step out the must be somethyn that may av promted her 2 do so...

My hubby isn't a bad man contrary 2 what u all miss read in my post...but he had his own fault most worse dan mine..

He feels he is always right, and cannever be wrong.

I av made peace with myself and my God...I av attempted 2 make peace with him but he feels he can't make peace with me...

I am not happy I cheated, a lot of circumstances led 2 it...most understand where I am coming from most don't.

Majority just came here 2 insult. I pray God not allow anyone experience all dis.

I never lied about anythyn I said in my ealier post...I just wanted him 2 kknow he also is not a saint...he can't deny

It is very unfortunate dis got 2 dis level...all my life sin. I never tot I'd find myself in a place like dis.

Not my intention 2 wash my dirty linen outside...8months after discovery my hubby decided 2 post dis on Nairaland...he has slept with me over 20times since he knew now ihe says I repulse him..we av been happy! But it seems he wants me 2 kill myself before he knows I am sorry 4 what happened.

I av tried. U all say it is okay 2 chat rawly with young ladies cos its just a chat he hasn't slept with dem dat makes it okay. It is okay 4 him 2 av kept on sleeping with his ex days before our wihte wedding months after aour court wedding cos we were not married yet?.

Since he.has read on dis forum all the responses and support he is getting he believes he is right and the victim.

I leave all 2 God. And I leave him 2 his next wife...

bettymafy:

Naaaa. . . Not taking things personal at all. Just airing my views. U are usually objective in most of your discourse. Why u have chosen to be biased in this particular one beats me.

Cos he's going through similar mess it's a no brainer eh?

Miss me yet Biola??

wifeofwhyme222:

I never cheated on my husband in pregnancy...pls don't misquote me...

The reason why I bothered 2 reply 2 my husbands post was becos I was made out 2 be the devil.., a woman dont just step out the must be somethyn that may av promted her 2 do so...

My hubby isn't a bad man contrary 2 what u all miss read in my post...but he had his own fault most worse dan mine..

He feels he is always right, and cannever be wrong.

I av made peace with myself and my God...I av attempted 2 make peace with him but he feels he can't make peace with me...

I am not happy I cheated, a lot of circumstances led 2 it...most understand where I am coming from most don't.

Majority just came here 2 insult. I pray God not allow anyone experience all dis.

I never lied about anythyn I said in my ealier post...I just wanted him 2 kknow he also is not a saint...he can't deny

It is very unfortunate dis got 2 dis level...all my life sin. I never tot I'd find myself in a place like dis.

Not my intention 2 wash my dirty linen outside...8months after discovery my hubby decided 2 post dis on Nairaland...he has slept with me over 20times since he knew now ihe says I repulse him..we av been happy! But it seems he wants me 2 kill myself before he knows I am sorry 4 what happened.

I av tried. U all say it is okay 2 chat rawly with young ladies cos its just a chat he hasn't slept with dem dat makes it okay. It is okay 4 him 2 av kept on sleeping with his ex days before our wihte wedding months after aour court wedding cos we were not married yet?.

Since he.has read on dis forum all the responses and support he is getting he believes he is right and the victim.

I leave all 2 God. And I leave him 2 his next wife...

Madam your attitude will not get you further in life I tell you. You did the unimaginable act and you want everybody to pat you on the back?

The good/bad cop games you just resorted to will not only destroy what's left in your marriage but your life. If you happen to be my sister you won't hear the last of it. Mtcheew!!

There is no excuse for cheating in a marriage period, get off your selfdom pedestal and start being apologetic genuinely .

I will be right back

jidegirl12:

Madam your attitude will not get you further in life I tell you. You did the unimaginable act and you want everybody to pat you on the back?

The good/bad cop games you just resorted to will not only destroy what's left in your marriage but your life. If you happen to be my sister you won't hear the last of it. Mtcheew!!

There is no excuse for cheating in a marriage period, get off your selfdom pedestal and start being apologetic genuinely .

I will be right back

Wia have u been madam"!

She said she is sorry..do you want her to commit suicide? They should separate, or sort things out themselves. But one thing is the trust has been broken! Madam did the unimaginable!

But it has happened, she has apologized, hubby can't live with it...then they should let each other be! Simple!

Vikin dear I've been extremely busy with work, kids recitals, and 'course my grown up kid

@Topic

Put yourself in HIS shoes and for a second fathom what you'll do if it were you, how long will it take to forgive and forget and move on with the lovey dovey with a defrauder without putting on an act and fake.

My dear it is not that easy!!

Eight months she said, humm, even 2 years sef.

Can they move forward from this? : absolutely, how? Lies with her; patience and she should stop running her mouth, the thought of my hubby humping a woman that I know will never erase from my medulla, will I forgive? well it's easier said than done, but the devil you know....

Brb

How's my Princess doing?

@Jide, this will either tear them apart or bring them much closer. Like I said the damage has been done, it will never erase in the mans memory

Likewise the wife, her self respect will be gone with the winds and if not careful she will start having low self esteem issue.

Whatever the case is,

For me, cheating my husband while am nursing...I cant even imagine what she was thinking...the leaking breast couldn't even stop her. But OP, I guess something made you do it, and you were also ready for the result that will come out of it. Not judging you but seems you already found ur solution.

My baby is growing oh, just finished fighting with her now from using her pacifier..she can't sleep without it, and I don't want her to have a dis formed teeth so I will gradually take it away

@something made her do it,

There's NO justification for cheating in Marriage NONE!!

Yeah it'll eithe break or Mend them so its all up to them....it's redeemable , I've seen worse .


@Princess; Using the suckie at bed time is okay, don't worry braces only costs $6k

jidegirl12: @something made her do it,

There's NO justification for cheating in Marriage NONE!!

Yeah it'll eithe break or Mend them so its all up to them....it's redeemable , I've seen worse .


@Princess; Using the suckie at bed time is okay, don't worry braces only costs $6k

I hate those braces...looks scary! Want her teeth to perfect so she won't blame me in the future .

But let me state here that cheating is not only when you sleep with someone..from their story, they both deserve each other. So for me, they should forgive themselves and move on!

WhyMe222: Sorry people, I don't mean to trade words. This is all I want to say and will ever say here.

Yes I came here just like every other individual hurting comes here (Family section which is assumed to be for family related matters and matured minds) to get second opinion and most importantly, to unburden my heart.

In all my write up, I never called her names, I never talked her down, irrespective of my anger and bitterness, I still maintained sanity. I only registered my pains and what led me to that. I also was very discreet and careful to leave out certain details so as to keep this anonymous. It is very unfortunate that I am afraid in her bid to paint me a devil and dispel my story, she might have revealed too much information. I worry about that because no body knows what tomorrow has in store. Family or colleagues my stumble unto this and decipher it.

I wasn't a saint as a young person and bachelor. Any single guy who hasn't at one point or another kept more than one relationship (not kids in their teens or early twenty's) should cast the 1st stone. Most especially when you get to a certain stage when you have to seek out that one person who will complete your life.

Let me also categorically state here in all sincerity, I have NEVER cheated on this woman ever since I said I do. I saw it all in my single-hood and made a commitment to myself to remain faithful because there was nothing else to look for. The woman I married had all I wanted except for being heady, stubborn and short-tempered.

Yes I am a very compassionate person, friendly and a moral booster. I can talk a suicide bound individual out of it. I have a way with words but I know where to draw the line.

This is the much I can say. I leave it all to our NLanders to sieve the chaff from the grain.

I am Lazy while she is the diligent and industrious one who doubles as the bread winner of the house. No problem, I leave it all to posterity and heavens to judge.

Good day all.

Statements like this makes it seem she is right with u saying it is right for a man to cheat.... By the way, I can cast the first stone

bettymafy:

Naaaa. . . Not taking things personal at all. Just airing my views. U are usually objective in most of your discourse. Why u have chosen to be biased in this particular one beats me.

Sorry if it seems I'm biased but interesting what may have ticked me off is not the infidelity but the lady's statement about hin being lazy

In my opinion it connotes contrmpt for the man and once a woman despises a man it's over there; it's just a matter of time

wifeofwhyme222:

I never cheated on my husband in pregnancy...pls don't misquote me...

The reason why I bothered 2 reply 2 my husbands post was becos I was made out 2 be the devil.., a woman dont just step out the must be somethyn that may av promted her 2 do so...

My hubby isn't a bad man contrary 2 what u all miss read in my post...but he had his own fault most worse dan mine..

He feels he is always right, and cannever be wrong.

I av made peace with myself and my God...I av attempted 2 make peace with him but he feels he can't make peace with me...

I am not happy I cheated, a lot of circumstances led 2 it...most understand where I am coming from most don't.

Majority just came here 2 insult. I pray God not allow anyone experience all dis.

I never lied about anythyn I said in my ealier post...I just wanted him 2 kknow he also is not a saint...he can't deny

It is very unfortunate dis got 2 dis level...all my life sin. I never tot I'd find myself in a place like dis.

Not my intention 2 wash my dirty linen outside...8months after discovery my hubby decided 2 post dis on Nairaland...he has slept with me over 20times since he knew now ihe says I repulse him..we av been happy! But it seems he wants me 2 kill myself before he knows I am sorry 4 what happened.

I av tried. U all say it is okay 2 chat rawly with young ladies cos its just a chat he hasn't slept with dem dat makes it okay. It is okay 4 him 2 av kept on sleeping with his ex days before our wihte wedding months after aour court wedding cos we were not married yet?.

Since he.has read on dis forum all the responses and support he is getting he believes he is right and the victim.

I leave all 2 God. And I leave him 2 his next wife...

Dear OP I never castigated you for your slip and had hoped for a reconciliation even from my posts on the thread

It was the way you potrayed your man as lazy that changed it for me

I will not support s3x chats with third parties moreover when my woman needs back massage etc bla bla bla

I just piked on lazy
Now you have to know there are a lot of juveniles on this land and they know lil so ignore those posts and focus on constructive posts

Only a juve will believe there is one side to a story

For now you want recon but you have to moderate your expectation and be patient

Look at every day as a small victory and focus on lil whyme

Seek marriage counselling

A small seperation may be necessary as emotions are really high at this moment

He will always look at you in bed and see the other guy so just be understanding and prayerful

Also ensure you are economically independent in case...not everyone follows through on their promise

Continue to pray for him
This is Make or Mar time

May God help you and yours in these times

So you were breastfeeding your baby and also breastfeeding an old man in a hotel room at the same time. Wow! Your husband is a great man oh! I cant imagine my wife giving my baby's food to a grown up man in a hotel room and still screaming to the man that i love you in the hotel room. No wonder your baby stopped sucking at 5months. Who says babies are'nt spirit. Your husband must be the biggest fo.ol of the century to still keep you and even have se.x with you instead of him to make your life hell. I want to use this opportunity to advise your husband to tell his daughter(if at all she is) when she is atleast 18years how you were going about from one hotel room to another breastfeeding sugar daddies, a milk meant for her. Wow. A woman breasfeeding sugar daddies in place of her baby is not only a pro.s.titute, slut, ashi, but also a witch. She can even kill that baby because of her sugar daddies. I swear your husband is the biggest fo.ol to still leave you with him and the baby after 8months. Mr whyme222 you are the biggest fo.ol of the century no jokes. Lol.

wifeofwhyme222:

I never cheated on my husband in pregnancy...pls don't misquote me...

The reason why I bothered 2 reply 2 my husbands post was becos I was made out 2 be the devil.., a woman dont just step out the must be somethyn that may av promted her 2 do so...

My hubby isn't a bad man contrary 2 what u all miss read in my post...but he had his own fault most worse dan mine..

He feels he is always right, and cannever be wrong.

I av made peace with myself and my God...I av attempted 2 make peace with him but he feels he can't make peace with me...

I am not happy I cheated, a lot of circumstances led 2 it...most understand where I am coming from most don't.

Majority just came here 2 insult. I pray God not allow anyone experience all dis.

I never lied about anythyn I said in my ealier post...I just wanted him 2 kknow he also is not a saint...he can't deny

It is very unfortunate dis got 2 dis level...all my life sin. I never tot I'd find myself in a place like dis.

Not my intention 2 wash my dirty linen outside...8months after discovery my hubby decided 2 post dis on Nairaland...he has slept with me over 20times since he knew now ihe says I repulse him..we av been happy! But it seems he wants me 2 kill myself before he knows I am sorry 4 what happened.

I av tried. U all say it is okay 2 chat rawly with young ladies cos its just a chat he hasn't slept with dem dat makes it okay. It is okay 4 him 2 av kept on sleeping with his ex days before our wihte wedding months after aour court wedding cos we were not married yet?.

Since he.has read on dis forum all the responses and support he is getting he believes he is right and the victim.

I leave all 2 God. And I leave him 2 his next wife...

jidegirl12:

Cos he's going through similar mess it's a no brainer eh?

Miss me yet Biola??

Mama jhyde how far
Abeg o this is quarter 2 let there be peace on this family seksion

I have no mess I'm goin aside the normal daily bread waka tinz

LOL

Good day and welcome



How is family

Ghen! Ghen! Egbon Toks dey o! Awon Aunty Elenu razor.