biolabee:

I think you mean Rachel

Rachel: Thanks I have modified the POST.

kind.way:


Rachel: Thanks I have modified the POST.

No problem, though technically Jacob did not annul his first marriage
He married the two mamis as a consequence

^^^
you know : Like Buy One GET one Free

Surely this isn't a serious question.

ayans4u:

@Tgirl4real......don't forget my "walking out" of this marriage could be premised on my "fear of God" as remaining in it could mean being susceptible to sexu.al sin.....so for God's sake...I may walk out so that I don't commit "adultery" which is the ground "recognized" by the Bible....in the name of wanting to make babies......

Ok sis. You wanna bring in the lesser sin card. Remember that the 'sin of adultery' you are trying to avoid by annulling the marriage is also based on choice. You have other options presented to you, why go for the adultery bit? you get what I mean?

I believe this is a bit difficult and twisted cos we have been made to believe wrongly that Christians are not to suffer. That is why you we go "why me' when this that are "bad" happen to us. Being a Christian alone position you for suffering and makes you are target for the devil. Your faith is being tested sister. And God expects you to hold the fort.

As difficult as it may sound, our primary focus as believers is pleasing God and not marriage or child bearing.

We have plenty cares and afflictions in this world set to distract us from the ultimate goal, which is making heaven.

Please don't lose focus and don't lose heart.

Let me be more practical now, I will suggest you let this matter die down for now. Calm down and let's wait and see the solution they wanna proffer in December. But brace yourself for the worse sis.


@ Ihedinobi,

If hubby decides to set wifey free by offering her a divorce, what do u say to this?

Anullment means the marriage never happened. Usually given to a couple who were deceived, mentally unstable or unable to make decisions on the marriage. e.g if they were pressured, forced or entered the marriage under duress. Catholic church allows this. Ayans you are still here arguing. Go and file for anullment and move on. All this story is not necessary. You know what you want to do. I wont wish this on my worst enemy. Nothing like full disclosure, so at least the person can decide what they can live with and what they cant. Deception to get married can never be defended.

kind.way:
^^^
you know : Like Buy One GET one Free

unfortunately it cant happen conversely as women cant have two husbands in our culture

ayans4u:

@ ihedinobi.....if its not, why would I need children that display my character, have my lips, eyes, nose, walk and talk like me?
don't you think anybody would want an offspring to take care of them when they are old and not rely on relatives etc....have you ever imagined what life would have been for your parents now....without you or your siblings (if any).....so what's your point?
why wouldn't procreation be an integral factor that can make or mar any union?
....don't you know that most marital issues/solution have their roots embedded on the disability/ability to procreate?
or haven't you seen couples who got seriously offended but wholly forgave as a result of the offspring/children produced by the union?

Sorry Ayans, I don't wanna sound insensitive over this child issue...

What if you were barren/infertile, what will you do?

ayans4u:

@ ihedinobi.....if its not, why would I need children that display my character, have my lips, eyes, nose, walk and talk like me?
don't you think anybody would want an offspring to take care of them when they are old and not rely on relatives etc....have you ever imagined what life would have been for your parents now....without you or your siblings (if any).....so what's your point?
why wouldn't procreation be an integral factor that can make or mar any union?
....don't you know that most marital issues/solution have their roots embedded on the disability/ability to procreate?
or haven't you seen couples who got seriously offended but wholly forgave as a result of the offspring/children produced by the union?

Are you saying that the purpose of marriage is tobear children because that is what you want? That is erroneous reasoning, my sister.

My sister, I do not begrudge you your desire. I only think that you're insinuating yourself into God's Place and assuming His prerogatives. As long as you let God be God, your desires will never be frustrated. It is in trying to have things your way that you bring yourself into ruin.

Ihedinobi:

Are you saying that the purpose of marriage is tobear children because that is what you want? That is erroneous reasoning, my sister.

My sister, I do not begrudge you your desire. I only think that you're insinuating yourself into God's Place and assuming His prerogatives. As long as you let God be God, your desires will never be frustrated. It is in trying to have things your way that you bring yourself into ruin.

we all know the sole purpose of marriage is not to bear children but it is a key and important purpose so dont downplay the importance of children
Moreso humans have desires and have the right to acheive their desires

Moses - his peoples freedom
Hitler - his peoples freedom

Will you now say we should not desire for freedom since such desire is evil

On a serious Note, I mean all Jokes apart: My heart goes to the Ops:

I have read a lot of comments here and I have this to say:

a. Is it the man's fault that he was born with un-descended testis ? NO
b. Is it his fault that the Operation was done late ? NO
c. Has he done enough medically to ensure his infertility conditions are treated? UNSURE

d: Is is the LADY's fault to marry a man that covered his inadequacy ? NO
e: Must she continue carry a burden of the predicament because of a 2 hours religious marriage ceremony that is based on deceit in the first instance: ?

PUT yourself in her shoe: walk a mile in those shoe and see how much pain it brings.

A SIMPLE truth from this MAN would have saved the OPS traumatized emotional state:

Do unto others as you want to be do to you.

For me, I'm just completely confused by this plan to wait till December for his family to come up with a solution. Say wha? Why does his family have to be the one to come to a solution for you guys. Shouldn't it be a decision primarily between you and your husband, with imput from doctors and other advisers of your choice? What exactly would they have been able to do by December that they can't do in July? Or August? Are they going to cure his infertility by then? How exactly do you foresee this playing out realistically? In short, what will you hear from them in December that will make you go back to your husband?

@kind.way

concise summary... puts it all in technicolour

chikena

ileobatojo: For me, I'm just completely confused by this plan to wait till December for his family to come up with a solution. Say wha? Why does his family have to be the one to come to a solution for you guys. Shouldn't it be a decision primarily between you and your husband, with imput from doctors and other advisers of your choice? What exactly would they have been able to do by December that they can't do in July? Or August? Are they going to cure his infertility by then? How exactly do you foresee this playing out realistically? In short, what will you hear from them in December that will make you go back to your husband?

They are buying time. I am sure they will come with pastor and all sorts to beg. Ayans the ball is in your court. They lost power to make decisions the day they kicked you out when they knew what was going on. In 6months time, you could have started your healing process and even started dating. Wait another 6months and be emotionally and religiously blackmailed into unhappiness, and the guy that may have been a good match for you will find someone else.

Tgirl4real:

Sorry Ayans, I don't wanna sound insensitive over this child issue...

What if you were barren/infertile, what will you do?

@Tgirl4real....if I had the "signs"....like having never men.struated, removed my womb....etc and did not disclose it ....or I had just 1 breas.t and say I never knew that women are supposed to have 2 b.reasts.... what would you say?
of course you know that it is the same bible that has made us know that non would be barren.....Ex 23 vs 26....

Tgirl4real:

Sorry Ayans, I don't wanna sound insensitive over this child issue...

What if you were barren/infertile, what will you do?

^^^
The truth covers a lot of SIN: A simple conversation about it while dating would have help, tell the other partner , He can't father a child now and if it is okay by the her, they will accept and do it together than to deceive others and wreck their hope of having their own kids. Its nothing but wickedness of the highest order.

The same thing goes for the Lady: (look into SIENA's example) he is ready to go ahead if the lady is willing to adopt a child.

It's a SHAME that a lot of people are defending/justifying deception here on religious ground.

Ihedinobi:

Are you saying that the purpose of marriage is tobear children because that is what you want? That is erroneous reasoning, my sister.

My sister, I do not begrudge you your desire. I only think that you're insinuating yourself into God's Place and assuming His prerogatives. As long as you let God be God, your desires will never be frustrated. It is in trying to have things your way that you bring yourself into ruin.

Oh please get real, will ya?!

As long as you are/were married in Naija, to a Naija spouse, living in Naija, with Naija relatives and inlaws surrounding, and you living, eating, breathing Naija air, the number one, sole purpose of getting married is pro-creation!

As a woman in that environment, your status as a married woman is not sealed until you pop out those kids, and your home is filled with the pitta-patter sounds of tiny feet! Forget all that clap-trap of companionship, etc. All that comes AFTER kids and holds sway AFTER the kids have entered the picture.

@OP knows this, and is well grounded on that. Besides, she's said it time and time again that she wants her own biological kids...little mirror images of her that bear her features, characteristics, and so on.

biolabee:

unfortunately it cant happen conversely as women cant have two husbands in our culture

Such an unfair society

ayans4u:

@Tgirl4real....if I had the "signs"....like having never men.struated, removed my womb....etc and did not disclose it ....or I had just 1 breas.t and say I never knew that women are supposed to have 2 b.reasts.... what would you say?
of course you know that it is the same bible that has made us know that non would be barren.....Ex 23 vs 26....

U sure know that u can be barren as a Christian and we have such examples in the bible and God answered their cry. We also see an instance where God shut someone's womb. You are mis-quoting that scripture.

Now, back to my question, you are mixing it up...if you discover you can't conceive due to some medical condition or a habit or just naturally, what would you do?

kind.way:


It's a SHAME that a lot of people are defending/justifying deception here on religious ground.

I am certainly not doing that. I hope you followed the thread from the beginning.

Tgirl4real:

U sure know that u can be barren as a Christian and we have such examples in the bible and God answered their cry. We also see an instance where God shut someone's womb. You are mis-quoting that scripture.

Now, back to my question, you are mixing it up...if you discover you can't conceive due to some medical condition or a habit or just naturally, what would you do?

If the OPs knows and hide such conditions from suitors, then it a sin, A share wickedness, and emotional FRAUD, a Deceit of the highest order.

Marriage should be based on Trust : "AND THEY WERE BOTH NAKED AND WERE NOT ASHAMED"

Ihedinobi:
Do Christians show godly attitude all the time?

Christians do not show godly attitude all the time but the fact that they repent and sorrowfully turn from their ungodly attitude is what is more important to God. Not remaining in sin.

Ihedinobi:
If procreation is not the sole purpose of marriage, then marriage is not frustrated by the failure of procreation. If it is not, then deceit as to one's ability to procreate does not render marriage invalid. As for why people get married, there are all kinds of subjective reasons, but we cannot judge the validity of a marriage contract by them because none of these people instituted marriage. Only the One Who did has the right to say what the Purpose of Marriage is and where that Purpose has been frustrated thus rendering the contract fraudulent, don't you agree?

Let me accept for the sake of argument that he deceived her. Now, did he realize that child-bearing was a make-or-break factor in the alliance?

Your argument is counter-productive. Why would a christian deceive a fellow christian into making a decision that affects destiny?
Why didn't he tell her after the wedding about his condition? Why did he not act when his siblings were tormenting her because of childlessness? Why didn't he lay a solid and truthful foundation for a new home?
If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do says the scripture....

God who instituted marriage also commanded that we should multiply. When there is disharmony, the foundation and fabric of companionship is already broken.

I cannot answer if he realized whether its a make or break but if it is not, why would his family torment the poor lady?
I will not blame the guy for his medical condition, it is no problem of his, I will only blame him for not disclosing it.

Tgirl4real:

U sure know that u can be barren as a Christian and we have such examples in the bible and God answered their cry. We also see an instance where God shut someone's womb. You are mis-quoting that scripture.

Now, back to my question, you are mixing it up...if you discover you can't conceive due to some medical condition or a habit or just naturally, what would you do?

seriously.....if I had the signs before marriage, sincerely I would disclose it.....if not I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled.....hope this answers....
of course there are examples in the bible and even in our present day society where women urge(d) their husbands to marry other women...the story of Abraham....Sarah....Ishmael....Isaac....

Efemena_xy:

Such an unfair society

abi o... such unfair practices...

ayans4u:

seriously.....if I had the signs before marriage, sincerely I would disclose it.....if not I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled.....hope this answers....
of course there are examples in the bible and even in our present day society where women urge(d) their husbands to marry other women...the story of Abraham....Sarah....Ishmael....Isaac....

No, you didn't. I guess u didn't get my drift. I asked cos you said you wanted a child with your own physical features. If you can't conceive, would you adopt or try surrogacy or so on knowing that your hubby would want his own biological children that have his features?

Tgirl4real:

I am certainly not doing that. I hope you followed the thread from the beginning.

Of Course I followed and I am still following the thread. You can read my previous comments.

If this man's condition happened after they tied the knot sincerely, The Lady will have to carry the Cross, But she was Deceived into it. she got to know after the ceremony. Does she have to live the rest of her 60+ years in abject sorrow and dejection because she was lied to?

For people quoting scriptures? How many of them ended up marrying the guy that dis-virgin-ed them? But looking closely at the book of Exodus: they are suppose to end up with the man.

When Scriptures says: Marriage is honorable with the BED undefiled? How many people here observed that.

While we are yet SINNERS... CHRIST DIED FOR US especially me. I am product of HIS saving grace..

ayans4u:

...if not I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled.....hope this answers....

Would you permit him to get a second wife or urge to let you guys wait on the Lord?

Tgirl4real:

No, you didn't. I guess u didn't get my drift. I asked cos you said you wanted a child with your own physical features. If you can't conceive, would you adopt or try surrogacy or so on knowing that your hubby would want his own biological children that have his features?

Tgirl, I said I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled......
and hope you know each case is treated in its merit...as the scenario you "painted" is quite different from my present experience...?

@Ihedinobi,

Let me give you an example of my marriage, my wife had a serious and critical medical condition. Because of this condition, the guy she was supposed to wed called of the marriage one week to it after all preparations had been made. Her family lost a lot of money and emotional trouble during the period.

A year and more after that, I came up. I already knew about this stuff before approaching her because I did my due diligence. I was waiting whether she will tell me about it or not. If she had not told me, I would have taken a walk because I believe that the union will not be founded on a strong foundation of trust, faith and mutual agreement. I also told her everything I know about myself, medically, spiritually, family and name it because I wanted to have that boldness to answer the priest's question on the solemnization day.

The fact that we started on good foundation of trust, her medical condition is now history two months after the wedding. We joined hands to pray and God answered us, I need not run from church to church. The family are eternally grateful today to God and to me. I am also happy for the person I chose who never conned me to marry her.

If the husband understood the foundation of marriage and the truthfulness involve, he would have opened up and I know it will be history today. I believe in miracle, I enjoy it daily but I do not lay foundation on lies and deceit

^^^kind.way on point!!

I dey gbadun your posts

unrelated, @Seun can we get a thumbs up smiley

@bellong... excellent post
May your union continually be blessed
You truly are a man of faith....

I have seen where a lady had her womb removed during abortion. When she became born again, she decided not to marry so as not to put burden on anyone.

Lo and behold a brother came to ask her hand in marriage, she told the brother her condition but the guy insisted on marrying her. Yes, they got married and about three years after, the lady conceived and delivered triplets. All because she laid a foundation of sincerity, trust and openness. The Lord granted them their heart desire.

He that must worship God, must worship Him in SPIRIT AND TRUTH. He is not an author of confusion... Laying foundation of deception already destroyed the fabric of the union

ayans4u:

Tgirl, I said I would do everything within my "ability" to see to it that he is happy and fulfilled......
and hope you know each case is treated in its merit...as the scenario you "painted" is quite different from my present experience...?

U didn't answer my questions but I will drop it.

biolabee: ^^^kind.way on point!!

I dey gbadun your posts

unrelated, @Seun can we get a thumbs up smiley

@bellong... excellent post
May your union continually be blessed
You truly are a man of faith....

Baba o... I guess I am not getting a thumbs up in this matter, ehn?