Guitarlife: See the issue with OP is that the said husband disvirgined her. If we carefully read through the bible, we will realise that the disvirginning of a woman represents the actual consummation of marriage not the vows or feasting. Those are just distractions. Exodus 22:16 "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife" and again Deu 22:28 "If a man finds a girl, a virgin not engaged, and lays hold on her, and lies with her, and they are found, "
Deu 22:29 "then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife. Because he has humbled her, he may not put her away all his days." I do not have the energy to type but the fact that OP was a virgin and the said man disvirgined her as changed everything.
On another note, the OPs husband is not impotent, he is only infertile like some people have already pointed out. That means he is capable and indeed carries out his conjugal duties. The issue here is Ops obssession with children which is probably influenced by her strong African upbringing. To be fair, many Europeans and Americans will not find her husbands case am anomally why ?? Because the dude can perform in bed and THEY LOVE HIM GENUINELY. OP is only practicing the african version of marriage I am truely concerned that most people commenting are missing this fact.

Guitarlife: she packed out of her matrimonial home to her parents without a divorce. She is still legally married to the man therefore she has absolutely no right to put the man in between the devil and a tight place and then turn back to rebuke him for choosing the devil. Be objective for once will you ?

ayans4u: Thanks Efe....though my decision may be "inconsiderate" in your opinion, but you would agree with me that I need a "working mind" now than ever...so, another reason the issue of se.x is a no no...is to make me as objective as possible in making any decision rather than rely on sentiments....apart from the fact that....consent to my body was "deceitfully" gotten....so considering his "need" at this time could also mean I would have done same if informed earlier...or could in another sense connote forgiveness and agreement to move on and continue the "family".
...as per from now till Dec.....they have to lay the cards on the table for me.......then I would decide......if the "solutions" are not "repugnant" to good conscience....then we may have to take it from there. moreover, I did not fail to remind them that I am a woman, and have to take into cognizance the fact that the biological clock ticks.....

bukatyne:

Let us stop pulling this 'religious' card when it suits us. If the hubby was thinking about Christianity, he would never have lied/deceived the OP into marriage. Let us stop biting our neighbor and accuse him of being a sinner when he decides to pinch us too.

Tgirl4real: If we're talking according to Christianity here at all, the op has no grounds for a divorce. The fact that she was deceived into this covenant is not sufficient for a divorce. If she chooses to get one, it is contrary to the Faith she professes. So, you can only proceed with a divorce by excluding your faith, ma'am.

I am not unsympathetic however. I know that God rewards faithful endurance and He will in this case. If you stay true, you will be rewarded for your steadfastness. There are those in the Scriptures who married not knowing that their spouses were unfruitful but upon finding out they travailed in prayer for them until God heard and granted their plea.

But if you would prefer to indulge in today's "rationalism" and act as though God has gone silent and is no longer capable of overruling natural laws then go ahead and disobey the Lord. I assure you that He's still the same God that gave Isaac twins when he cried to Him for his barren wife.

As for the wicked deceit that you suffered from your husband, the command to forgive has not been repealed. He did you a terrible wrong but you have got more reason now to forgive him than to hurt him. Who knows? It may be by this that you will win a soul to your Lord, perhaps more than one soul.

Finally, your marriage and its troubles are more God's problem than they could ever be yours. If you appreciate that then you'lk know that He's invested in your tears and is not at all tardy about wiping them away. Trust your God and let Him come through for you and give you a testimony that will turn the hearts of many to Him.

God bless you, sis.

Finally, your marriage and its troubles are more God's problem than they could ever be yours. If you appreciate that then you'lk know that He's invested in your tears and is not at all tardy about wiping them away. Trust your God and let Him come through for you and give you a testimony that will turn the hearts of many to Him.

God bless you, sis.

Guitarlife:
On another note, the OPs husband is not impotent, he is only infertile like some people have already pointed out. That means he is capable and indeed carries out his conjugal duties. [s]The issue here is Ops obssession with children which is probably influenced by her strong African upbringing[/s]. To be fair, many Europeans and Americans will not find her husbands case am anomally why ?? Because the dude can perform in bed and THEY LOVE HIM GENUINELY.[s] OP is only practicing the african version of marriage I am truely concerned that most people commenting are missing this fact. [/s]

Efemena_xy:

This alone, says it all.

I really do hate it when faced with a real-life problem that requires a real-life solution, people rather than focus on that, turn to religious books to quote excerpts. The bible as we know it, is contradictory in itself of which numerous examples exist.

A good example is this: The ten commandments state, thou shall not kill...thou shall not commit adultery / covet your neighbour's property. Yet king David killed Uriah and slept with his wife. The product of that union, Solomon, as we all know, went on to form the lineage from which Christ was born!

So let's give it a rest, shall we??

Ihedinobi: If we're talking according to Christianity here at all, the op has no grounds for a divorce. The fact that she was deceived into this covenant is not sufficient for a divorce. If she chooses to get one, it is contrary to the Faith she professes. So, you can only proceed with a divorce by excluding your faith, ma'am.

I am not unsympathetic however. I know that God rewards faithful endurance and He will in this case. If you stay true, you will be rewarded for your steadfastness. There are those in the Scriptures who married not knowing that their spouses were unfruitful but upon finding out they travailed in prayer for them until God heard and granted their plea.

But if you would prefer to indulge in today's "rationalism" and act as though God has gone silent and is no longer capable of overruling natural laws then go ahead and disobey the Lord. I assure you that He's still the same God that gave Isaac twins when he cried to Him for his barren wife.

As for the wicked deceit that you suffered from your husband, the command to forgive has not been repealed. He did you a terrible wrong but you have got more reason now to forgive him than to hurt him. Who knows? It may be by this that you will win a soul to your Lord, perhaps more than one soul.

Finally, your marriage and its troubles are more God's problem than they could ever be yours. If you appreciate that then you'lk know that He's invested in your tears and is not at all tardy about wiping them away. Trust your God and let Him come through for you and give you a testimony that will turn the hearts of many to Him.

God bless you, sis.

bukatyne:

Trust me, it's not but that's for another day

bukatyne:

What of the question the pastor asks the couple 'does anyone of you know of any impediment...'?

Efemena_xy:

No??

So what do you say about the example I gave about David breaking the commandments and yet his lineage is blessed?

Tgirl4real:

He was punished adequately for his sins.

Tgirl4real:

That is before the solemnization. It is asked in other to avoid awkward moments as this.

I am still moved to tears over this issue.

I am still praying for you sister.

Efemena_xy:
No??

So what do you say about the example I gave about David breaking the commandments and yet his lineage is blessed?

Efemena_xy:

But was blessed through those same sins, yes?

So which was bigger? The sins he committed? Or the blessings derived from those sins?

And does the fact not still stand that he broke the commandments and yet was blessed? Is that not contradictory?

bukatyne:

If either party lied to this question, does it not stand to reason that the marriage was solemnized on falsehood and lies?

I am not against the OP going back to her hubby or not. In an earlier post, I actually said she should pray so that she doesn't make a mistake.

I dislike the fact that some posters are now pulling the religious card like she is the worst sinner if she leaves him.

If she does stay, it's an enormous gift/ sacrifice and not his right or because he deserves it.

bukatyne:

If either party lied to this question, does it not stand to reason that the marriage was solemnized on falsehood and lies?

I am not against the OP going back to her hubby or not. In an earlier post, I actually said she should pray so that she doesn't make a mistake.

I dislike the fact that some posters are now pulling the religious card like she is the worst sinner if she leaves him.

If she does stay, it's an enormous gift/ sacrifice and not his right or because he deserves it.

If she does stay, it's an enormous gift/ sacrifice and not his right or because he deserves it.

Tgirl4real:
Sincerely, I agree with u. Unfortunately, it is not a biblical grounds for divorce. If OP doesn't wanna live or address this issue on biblical grounds, I will be the first to tell her to take a walk cos it is only God that can sustain someone in such a situation.

Efemena_xy:

No??

So what do you say about the example I gave about David breaking the commandments and yet his lineage is blessed?

bukatyne:

Bellong has replied but some of the stuffs he suffered included:


His son raped his step sister and the step brother killed him

He did not get to build the temple

His son Absalom planned a coup, dethroned him and slept with his concubines

His son Solomon eventually lost the throne

bellong:

We need to understand the context and cultural practice of Isreal about union before we can categorically talk about a divorce not being biblical or not.

For all the godly unions I have read in the scripture, there was none associated with deceit. Sincerity and truthfulness are the first step to a godly union. Whatever is laid on the foundation of lies and deceit is not laid on the foundation of God. The fact that somebody got married inside a church building does not make it a godly union unless God's standard about the process are fulfilled.

I believe that deceit is enough to annul the union without attraction of God's wrath. If the husband is godly in himself, he would have opened up during the courtship knowing that there is nothing God cannot do. He would have proved himself overtime and earned the undying love of his wife to stand by him during this trying times.

Tgirl4real:

Don't turn this to a religious thread na.

lol

Tgirl4real:
U said that right...it is not the unpardonable sin, but there is a more excellent way.

The reason why this is becoming a very big issue is the fact that OP really wanna have kids. If not, she may have just forgiven him for lying to her and moved on with the union.

bukatyne:

What of the question the pastor asks the couple 'does anyone of you know of any impediment...'?

bellong:

That is the reason why she came to this forum to unload her heart before some pharisees are making it difficult. I sincerely feel the pain of the husband in question that his medical condition is none of his fault. It became his fault when he refused to talk to the lady about it.
Had it been he told her, I will not support the divorce because she knew before making the choice. If I were in his shoes, I would have told her everything, Loving someone also involve letting go if it will be beneficial to the person.

Ihedinobi:

"...let him or her say it now or forever afterwards hold his or her peace."

The marriage covenant is unbreakable by its nature. Once the bond has been forged, in God's eyes it is unbreakable. The only situation in which the bond is considered breakable is where a Christian finds themselves married to an unbeliever. Even in the case of adultery, divorce does not allow remarriage.

If the bond is formed deceitfully, it is no less formed. Deceit is a terrible sin but one of the nature that the op speaks of does not invalidate the bond of marriage. The option open to our sister as a believer is forgiveness.

Ihedinobi:

"...let him or her say it now or forever afterwards hold his or her peace."

The marriage covenant is unbreakable by its nature. Once the bond has been forged, in God's eyes it is unbreakable. The only situation in which the bond is considered breakable is where a Christian finds themselves married to an unbeliever. Even in the case of adultery, divorce does not allow remarriage.

If the bond is formed deceitfully, it is no less formed. Deceit is a terrible sin but one of the nature that the op speaks of does not invalidate the bond of marriage. The option open to our sister as a believer is forgiveness.

debosky:

I respectfully disagree - a bond formed deceitfully doesn't exist in my view and is a lie, even in God's eyes. God who sees everything will not endorse a lie.

She should seek a dissolution of the marriage on the basis that it was only entered into due to the deception of her husband and his family. She is free to re-marry.

debosky:

I respectfully disagree - a bond formed deceitfully doesn't exist in my view and is a lie, even in God's eyes. God who sees everything will not endorse a lie.

She should seek a dissolution of the marriage on the basis that it was only entered into due to the deception of her husband and his family. She is free to re-marry.

debosky:

I respectfully disagree - a bond formed deceitfully doesn't exist in my view and is a lie, even in God's eyes. God who sees everything will not endorse a lie.

She should seek a dissolution of the marriage on the basis that it was only entered into due to the deception of her husband and his family. She is free to re-marry.

Siena:

A 1000,000 likes.