I fully support the wife’s opposition. Why would the man - sneakily behind her back - attend an interview and accept a job offer in a different country? It’s one thing to say the man feels he is wasting away, but just as the decision to move to the UK was a joint one, the decision to move to Nigeria must also be a joint one.

It cannot be a decision the man foists on her by saying ‘I’ve taken the job - it’s too late’. This lady was crystal clear about what she wanted before they got married - it’s quite inconsiderate to ambush her with the Nigeria move in this manner.

How can you be married to someone and go for an interview and accept the job without telling her? Because he knows she will be opposed to it, and wants to back her into a corner - that is not how to do things.

She needs to stand firm in her position - you don’t make your life decisions simply based on money. Yes he might be struggling to hold down a job right now, but what is the guarantee the so called rosy job won’t disappear tomorrow? If there is a plan to change country, the holistic impact on the family needs to be considered and a decision taken - the man needs to do this with his wife before deciding on a job. Any action taken must be in agreement with that family decision and not in isolation.

You need to sort these things out as a family - I know giving up a career for the other is not something people love, but it must not come about as an ambush. If something was agreed before, another agreement must be reached before things change.

This talk of ‘helping him settle down’ misses the point - it means a decision has already been taken that he WILL be in Nigeria and it’s up to her to relocate if she chooses. That is not how things should work.

debosky: I fully support the wife’s opposition. Why would the man - sneakily behind her back - attend an interview and accept a job offer in a different country? It’s one thing to say the man feels he is wasting away, but just as the decision to move to the UK was a joint one, the decision to move to Nigeria must also be a joint one.

It cannot be a decision the man foists on her by saying ‘I’ve taken the job - it’s too late’. This lady was crystal clear about what she wanted before they got married - it’s quite inconsiderate to ambush her with the Nigeria move in this manner.

How can you be married to someone and go for an interview and accept the job without telling her? Because he knows she will be opposed to it, and wants to back her into a corner - that is not how to do things.

She needs to stand firm in her position - you don’t make your life decisions simply based on money. Yes he might be struggling to hold down a job right now, but what is the guarantee the so called rosy job won’t disappear tomorrow? If there is a plan to change country, the holistic impact on the family needs to be considered and a decision taken - the man needs to do this with his wife before deciding on a job. Any action taken must be in agreement with that family decision and not in isolation.

You need to sort these things out as a family - I know giving up a career for the other is not something people love, but it must not come about as an ambush. If something was agreed before, another agreement must be reached before things change.

This talk of ‘helping him settle down’ misses the point - it means a decision has already been taken that he WILL be in Nigeria and it’s up to her to relocate if she chooses. That is not how things should work.

debosky, remind me to send a live cow to you this christmas.

coogar:

how easy is it in nigeria too? the same nigeria where the job security is close to nonexistent - what's to say this man cannot be laid off after 3-6 months? you people should stop painting nigeria like it's canaan. there are people who have told me ugly stories about relocation to nigeria too.

one of my old colleagues in KWAC sold his house for about £250k here, got a job in nigeria and relocated with his family. life was good for a couple of years, then he lost his job. his efforts to get another one proved abortive....the stress got to the wife so much, she miscarried and lost her sanity as a result. they are back in the UK now having to start from scratch while the wifey is yet to recover.....

I am not saying Nigeria is rosy or it is Canaan but each case has to be reviewed independently. The man had a good career in Nigeria, has a good network in Nigeria and has a good job waiting for him. He went down yo Lagos for only one month and got a good job. Nigeria is tight but this guy appears to be one of the fortunate few, so he has no business being unemployed for many years in London.

Even if he loses his job in a year, he would most likely get another one because of his networks and experience. He does not have that kind of network in London and frankly speaking, the fact that he has been out of work for soo long will count much more against him in London. I know Nigeria is not Canaan, but for this man and his family, I strongly believe they are better off in Nigeria.

chaircover:

Cooger thats not quite true. 4 years is a long time to be out of work. I am surrounded by contractors in my field and I know how many have been/are out of work for long periods of time and I know how badly their marriages are affected. its not easy. its much easier for a woman to be out of work, but its a lot harder for a man. I have contractor friends who work in Saudi Arabia and Dubai and even Eastern Europe just to put food on their tables. Its is not easy. Gone are the days when you tell agencys not to call you if the cpmpany is paying less than £350 a day.

He wants to provide for his family and he is trying all means possible.

Practical context.. there are no jobs
And they say there is a double dip recession... more to come sef

Ujujoan: If I were the woman, I'll let him relocate . . alone!

And if I catch him cheating or slacking on his marital duties, then the marriage is over.

He can't have it both ways . . . he just cant!

I can so imagine you shaking your head vehemently
hahahaha

Ujujoan:

That's what worries me . . . he knew all these before agreeing to relocate.

I'll NEVER let my husband give up his job for an unknown for the sake of our marriage. I'll rather give up mine because like you said, it's easier for a woman to be out of work than for a man!

He should have thought of this before agreeing to those terms.

He should have known jobs weren't lying around it the UK waiting for him.

He should have known he'd have to compromise to an extent to get what he wants.

HE's changing the rules now after just 4 years and that's unfair IMO!

shoulda shoulda shoulda
seems u r blaming the man for his decisions
akin to blaming a lady for wearing tight skirts

Nashville:
I am not saying Nigeria is rosy or it is Canaan but each case has to be reviewed independently. The man had a good career in Nigeria, has a good network in Nigeria and has a good job waiting for him. He went down yo Lagos for only one month and got a good job. Nigeria is tight but this guy appears to be one of the fortunate few, so he has no business being unemployed for many years in London.

but he agreed to be with wife and kids in the UK. why are you people not talking about the initial agreement?

Even if he loses his job in a year, he would most likely get another one because of his networks and experience. He does not have that kind of network in London and frankly speaking, the fact that he has been out of work for soo long will count much more against him in London. I know Nigeria is not Canaan, but for this man and his family, I strongly believe they are better off in Nigeria.

if something goes pear-shaped for him in nigeria, should i hold you responsible?

@OP, u're aren't biased @ all infact, u just told her d truth. She's being selfish or is she a learner? Doesn't she know wat marriage entails. Tell her, u can't have ur cake & eat it. She shud choose between her "passionate" job in the UK&her marriage. If not predators like moi are out dere looking 4 preys like her hubby 2 feed on! Tell her say naija babes no dey carry last!

coogar:

well, it's better the marriage is over here where the woman can teach him a harsh lesson. i hate men with no spinal cord. you promised a woman you would relocate and be there for her and 4 years down the line, the lust for gulder and nkwobi soup is threatening to ruin everything....



so you would leave your hubby in nigeria for 2 years? i am not sure if we should take you serious. nigeria? husband? 2 years?

We d unmarried ones are in trouble if dis is d reasoning of d female folks tday..

Now its d lust f isi ewu n nkwobi

She just enjoys wearing d trousers i.m.o, probably getting off on d ego trips

Let tge man get a lowpaying job n She'll probably b d one you'll see jumping boat cos of 'class'..
The man has tried..who doesnt like it should go look f d nearest gravel heap wit her plate n spoon
if she wants t end d marraige, beta.
wat ppl dont understand dey abuse..

dahmie2013: @OP, u're aren't biased @ all infact, u just told her d truth. She's being selfish or is she a learner? Doesn't she know wat marriage entails. Tell her, u can't have ur cake & eat it. She shud choose between her "passionate" job in the UK&her marriage. If not predators like moi are out dere looking 4 preys like her hubby 2 feed on! Tell her say naija babes no dey carry last!

goes to check profile....

coogar:

but he agreed to be with wife and kids in the UK. why are you people not talking about the initial agreement?

if something goes pear-shaped for him in nigeria, should i hold you responsible?

This young man to me appears to be a very loving and kind gentleman. He was doing well and even had built a house in Nigeria but agreed to relocate because he loved his wife and thought that it would be easier for him (based on his skills) to get a job in the UK than for his wife to get a job in Nigeria. So he made the sacrifice for the wife. How can you fault him for doing that? I am sure his wife must have pleaded with him to come to the UK saying things like "what will I do in Nigeria", before he finally agreed? And now you want to blame him?

Unfortunately, sometimes things dont happen as planned. He got to the UK and tried for 4 good years and no luck. Are you saying four years is not a long time? Agreement or no agreement this man has tried alot. Do you know if he may have other family committments that he cannot meet anymore because he has not job? What if he is an only child and his mother is a poorwidow and pensioner and she relies on him for feeding?

There are other issues that may be involved so it will be very bad to castigate the man in my opinion?

Nashville:

This young man to me appears to be a very loving and kind gentleman. He was doing well and even had built a house in Nigeria but agreed to relocate because he loved his wife and thought that it would be easier for him (based on his skills) to get a job in the UK than for his wife to get a job in Nigeria. So he made the sacrifice for the wife. How can you fault him for doing that?

Unfortunately, sometimes things dont happened as planned. He got to the UK and tried for 4 good years and no luck. Are you saying four years is not a long time? Agreement or no agreement this man has tried alot. Do you know if he may have other family committments that he cannot meet anymore because he has not job? What if he is an only child and his mother is a poorwidow and pensioner and she relies on him for feeding?

There are other issues that may be involved so it will be very bad to castigate the man in my opinion?

he worked within that 4-year period as a contractor and i am sure he must have made what permanent staff make per annum in just 3 months.

dahmie2013: @OP, u're aren't biased @ all infact, u just told her d truth. She's being selfish or is she a learner? Doesn't she know wat marriage entails. Tell her, u can't have ur cake & eat it. She shud choose between her "passionate" job in the UK&her marriage. If not predators like moi are out dere looking 4 preys like her hubby 2 feed on! Tell her say naija babes no dey carry last!

chaircover, damiso, naijababe - did you see that?

dBard:


We d unmarried ones are in trouble if dis is d reasoning of d female folks tday..

Now its d lust f isi ewu n nkwobi

She just enjoys wearing d trousers i.m.o, probably getting off on d ego trips

Let tge man get a lowpaying job n She'll probably b d one you'll see jumping boat cos of 'class'..
The man has tried..who doesnt like it should go look f d nearest gravel heap wit her plate n spoon
if she wants t end d marraige, beta.
wat ppl dont understand dey abuse..

Actually coogar is a man . . .

He understands that a man should be strong and not flake out on his decisions anytime things get difficult.

Anyways, I've given my opinion, I'm out!

The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

debosky: I fully support the wife’s opposition. Why would the man - sneakily behind her back - attend an interview and accept a job offer in a different country? It’s one thing to say the man feels he is wasting away, but just as the decision to move to the UK was a joint one, the decision to move to Nigeria must also be a joint one.

It cannot be a decision the man foists on her by saying ‘I’ve taken the job - it’s too late’. This lady was crystal clear about what she wanted before they got married - it’s quite inconsiderate to ambush her with the Nigeria move in this manner.

How can you be married to someone and go for an interview and accept the job without telling her? Because he knows she will be opposed to it, and wants to back her into a corner - that is not how to do things.

She needs to stand firm in her position - you don’t make your life decisions simply based on money. Yes he might be struggling to hold down a job right now, but what is the guarantee the so called rosy job won’t disappear tomorrow? If there is a plan to change country, the holistic impact on the family needs to be considered and a decision taken - the man needs to do this with his wife before deciding on a job. Any action taken must be in agreement with that family decision and not in isolation.

You need to sort these things out as a family - I know giving up a career for the other is not something people love, but it must not come about as an ambush. If something was agreed before, another agreement must be reached before things change.

This talk of ‘helping him settle down’ misses the point - it means a decision has already been taken that he WILL be in Nigeria and it’s up to her to relocate if she chooses. That is not how things should work.

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

My response is in two folds. . .

Short Response - Thank you!!!


Long Response - Okay seriously, I am getting angry at the so called renowned scientist of the world. They can send a man to the moon but still can't figure out how to make a man cloning machine??! What is up with that?!!

Well seeing as we still have a long way to go with that, it's a good thing I still have my fall back plan of making sure the word DEBOSKY enters the dictionary. By the time I am done, the word INTELLIGENT will by a synonym for DEBOSKY! So help me God! Amen!!!



@ Topic
Can we please remove the issue of cheating out of this...like he can't cheat in the UK if he wanted to. So not wanting him to cheat should not be the reason for her balking. She is just rubbishing her own point using that excuse. Secondly, painting Nigeria as this hot bed of mayhem and menace where as soon as one lands, it is automatic death...is just plain silly, so please stop! It takes points away from your argument.


For those on the Let him go because he is bound for a meager job scenario - Please for everyone one person who ends up washing cars in the UK, there are at least 2 or 3 people who have made a better life for themselves in that same environment. So painting such a dire depressing picture for why he musto go to Nigeria is like when our parents told us if we ate too much candy, the candy monster will come out of our stomach and swallow our face as we slept at night (or was that just me?) - Scare Tactics! All Scare tactics!

This situation is one that needs to be limited to the parties involved. Their decision should NOT be based on what some phantom 3rd party might do or what may happen driving down the road in Nigeria. It should be based on the relationship between them and what they are willing to give up or accept for it.

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

Don't mind him. Maybe went there with village mentality! Why did he quit his job in naija and relocate to london without a backup plan? Or is it bc of toto,citizenship for his children? Naw,he finally realised his mistake and is heading back home without coming to a compromise with wifey! What an insensitive man! Give him 2yrs and he will marry a new wife or if he has not married yet,a gal will land a child on top his head!
If it had bn those boys that didn't go to school that behaved this way,I wouldn't be surprised but a learned man? Nawaa o!

coogar:

he worked within that 4-year period as a contractor and i am sure he must have made what permanent staff make per annum in just 3 months.



chaircover, damiso, naijababe - did you see that?

I did see that, so what ?

naijababe:
I did see that, so what ?

i trust you though - you are like otunba's wife in lekki wives so no shakings..

chaircover:
LOL . .. she will cook and clean tire

you? chaircover, you are an ajebutter. by the time you try to explain yourself in yoruba, your scottish accent would get in the way and confuse your sympathisers. if i were you, i would hide hubby's passport!

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

And this is the issue, it seems to have been not thought through wella..

He has seen thre light now so should he stay out because of an agreement that is causing pain for him

He has networks, roots and wants to be shuttling to london .. why is the lady against it

I know so many senior broses doing this... london near sef

Others get family for US n canada and are coping.. not ideal but coping

chaircover:

ME!!!!!!!!! You obviously dont know me at all

Me Ke!!!!!! just over a week ago I was at Erunmu market pricing gari and kuli kuli and I paid less than even the locals . . and on saturday I was at Oje market buying ori and ponmo

Like I said, they will pick stones from beans and snap egusi tire. Won ma ba mi nbe. (They will meet me there)

[img]http://2.bp..com/-LtJ5NVnwMHg/UGLI92XqfzI/AAAAAAAADNg/VSUG69_beuw/s1600/Idris-Elba.gif[/img]

What I'm reading from some people on this thread is that a man's life ends once he's married. He becomes his wife's bitch. A man should no longer have goals because he's married.

Sad! No wonder divorce is everywhere.

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

It would be interesting to hear what you would have done were you in the fellow's shoes.
I mean, leaving your comfort zone, where you have all your contacts and can get stuff done, and moving to a place that you find personally challenging, and can't seem to catch a break.

Contrary to what many people think, leaving a comfortable life in the West to move back to Nigeria is an easier decision to make than the converse, i.e. relocating from Nigeria to move to the West. In the first instance, it's simply a matter of money. With the right amounts, the inconveniences and other fallouts can be reasonably-managed. Not to talk of the fact that it is your country after all.

In the other, achieving some level of personal stability and social acceptance, as well as having to grapple with a totally different value system can be extremely stressful. It would take some strong sense of purpose and personal commitment to maintain any level of motivation. Imagine someone with a very good comfortable job in Nigeria, and a relatively senior position, now having to work as a customer service person at Home Depot in Toronto. That's quite a signficant status drop.

chaircover: LOL
silly coogar
aje bota ko . . aje margarine ni
what an insult

when was the last time you held a farm implement?

obowunmi: What I'm reading from some people on this thread is that a man's life ends once he's married. He becomes his wife's bitch. A man should no longer have goals because he's married.

Sad! No wonder divorce is everywhere.

if that's true, mark zuckerberg or bill gates should be on the streets wretched by now, begging for crumbs. marriage is a partnership venture. none of the parties should singlehandedly make a decision that would affect the family.

I don't know why folks can't be objective about an issue.

The man here has given it a shot, it's not working. Should his life end because he's married?

Why are some of you wicked

obowunmi: I don't know why folks can't be objective about an issue.

The man here has given it a shot, it's not working. Should his life end because he's married?

Why are some of you wicked

should the woman's life also end because her husband lacks a spinal cord?

coogar:
if that's true, mark zuckerberg or bill gates should be on the streets wretched by now, begging for crumbs. marriage is a partnership venture. none of the parties should singlehandedly make a decision that would affect the family.

So Zuckerberg and Gates were married when they struck their billions?

Sisi_Kill:



My response is in two folds. . .

Short Response - Thank you!!!


Long Response - Okay seriously, I am getting angry at the so called renowned scientist of the world. They can send a man to the moon but still can't figure out how to make a man cloning machine??! What is up with that?!!

Well seeing as we still have a long way to go with that, it's a good thing I still have my fall back plan of making sure the word DEBOSKY enters the dictionary. By the time I am done, the word INTELLIGENT will by a synonym for DEBOSKY! So help me God! Amen!!!



@ Topic
Can we please remove the issue of cheating out of this...like he can't cheat in the UK if he wanted to. So not wanting him to cheat should not be the reason for her balking. She is just rubbishing her own point using that excuse. Secondly, painting Nigeria as this hot bed of mayhem and menace where as soon as one lands, it is automatic death...is just plain silly, so please stop! It takes points away from your argument.


For those on the Let him go because he is bound for a meager job scenario - Please for everyone one person who ends up washing cars in the UK, there are at least 2 or 3 people who have made a better life for themselves in that same environment. So painting such a dire depressing picture for why he musto go to Nigeria is like when our parents told us if we ate too much candy, the candy monster will come out of our stomach and swallow our face as we slept at night (or was that just me?) - Scare Tactics! All Scare tactics!

This situation is one that needs to be limited to the parties involved. Their decision should NOT be based on what some phantom 3rd party might do or what may happen driving down the road in Nigeria. It should be based on the relationship between them and what they are willing to give up or accept for it.

..but d point u seem not t notice is d womans uncompromising attitude in dealing wit all of this whilst the man has given her four years already.
Four years is a LONG time,anyhow u look at it, for a previously successful man, by Nigerian standards to be searching for a Job no matter how temporary. The psychological torture alone cant b imagined.
Add t tgat d natural instinct of d Nigerian male t b seen as a provider n maybe you'll understand a bit.
He might ve done wrong going behind her back but then wit her attitude, is it surprising??

She needs to Stop being rigid n uncompromising abi she na ASUU
Who throws away a marraige f something so minor s.m.h

coogar:

should the woman's life also end because her husband lacks a spinal cord?

Isn't is desperation that forced her to marry a man from Nigeria? Why couldn't she find someone in London, or where ever she's located.


If she loved London so much, you choose someone from there and not try to derail another man's life


The man sef MUGU, MUMU small. He should have never married a heartless witch.