No wonder there are so many desperate single women abroad. They deserve to be single. These kinds of conversations make me angry.

obowunmi:

Isn't is desperation that forced her to marry a man from Nigeria? Why couldn't she find someone in London, or where ever she's located.


If she loved London so much, you choose someone from there and not try to derail another man's life


The man sef MUGU, MUMU small. He should have never married a heartless witch.

I blame the guy sef. He had his house, good career and was doing well. Why give that up just because you want to marry someone that wouldnt do the same for you. I was not there but I can tell you how it happened.

They met, fell in love, talked about marriage and where to settle. The wife starts pleading that she cannot live in Nigeria, she doesnt have friends, no contacts, she wont get a job, it will be tough for her etc. She pleads, crys and tells her husband how she does not want to lose him. She finally convinces him that based on his education and skills it will be easier for him to get a good job in London than for her to move back home. The guy due to love finally gives in and says that he will join her in London and London will be home.

Now the guy isnt making any progress after four years and you want to let him spend his life in misery. Now she is talking about some agreement somewhere when they both knew that was the only way to make the marriage work. Now the guy has no job, the marriage is clearly not working and she wants that to continue. Cant she sacrifice a few years as well to give her husband a chance in life? Hasnt he sacrificed enough? Some girls sha!

I think it's all about checks and balances jare. If the woman is in a well paying job and has been at it for years, it's understandable why she doesn't want to uproot and start afresh.

~ The average pay of a social worker in London ranges from £46,462 (N11,615,50) to £58,093 (N14,523,250). That is a range of over N11m - N14m and this excludes the free medical (NHS) treatment (including prescription drugs) they're entitled to plus free dental treatment for the kids. What guarantee is there that she would get something anywhere that close to what she's currently earning in Nigeria?

~ The basic amenities here are easily taken for granted. Constant Electricity, water, gas and other utilities such as phone, internet and cable services, good roads etc. You have none of that consistency back home, I'm sorry to say.

~ Security: As long as you aren't caught up in Mafia / gang warefare over here in the UK, you're more or less guaranteed a peaceful night's rest unlike back home where people live in constant fear of getting attacked, r@ped or beaten to death by armed robbers. Emergency services in the UK are just a phone call away. Wetin our mother land fit offer? Last I remember was that you are responsible for your emergency services transportation via Okada or your own vehicle. Oh, and let's throw Boko Haramists into the equation here too.

Now these are some of the horrors the lady in question must be thinking about hence her reluctance to go back home. But on the flip side:

~ Unless you're willing to dig deep into your pockets and pay for private education and tuition, the state schooling in the UK, moreso inner city academies / schools (with the exclusion of grammer schools), is not just poor but grim. Standard of education in Nija is better. And I know what I'm talking about. I once hired a private tutor from a reputable tutoring agency to help prepare my son for his entrance exams. The tutor wanted to know what text book I had in mind for him to use in teaching (oh yes, the state primary schools don't give out or recommend text books for your kids. Your on your own there, and left guessing what your kids studied. Homework is given just once a week if you're lucky! and the focus is only on Maths, Literacy and sometimes, science. Other subjects na wash).

Anyway, I gave the tutor our Naija primary six text book "Understanding Mathematics by M. David-Osuagwu", and the guy exclaimed "Madam, this is GCE standard! Primary schools don't study up to that level here!"

Mtcheew! Can you imagine? So as far as I'm concerned, state schooling is crap here. So maybe, the husband here feels that his kids will get a better form of education back home assuming they don't go private here in the UK

~ If the man's income is going to surpass his wifey's by far, and he feels that she can easily get a similar well paying job in Naija, then perhaps he does have a point. In addition to that, the kids get to have a feel of their roots, where they come from, and know the other members of their family too.

At the end of the day, they just have to sit down and weigh their options. Life is constantly evolving. No condition is permanent. Change is inevitiable and both parties need to learn how to adapt to their change in circumstances. The way the man can lose his new job in Naija is the same way the woman too can lose her job here in the UK through redundancy, cutbacks, etc.

~ Life in Naija is only enjoyable if you have the money. Otherwise the hand-to-mouth rat race for survival is no joke.

~ Life in the UK if you've got the money is even more enjoyable.

~ Life on the breadline or below in Naija is awful and explains why hundreds of people try various routes of escapism including risking life and limbs to cross the Sahara dessert all in the bid to seek greener pastures.

~ Life below the poverty line in the UK is tough. But at the end of the day, it's better to be a poor man in the UK than a poor man in Naija.

For a man to take a pay-cut and stay with you while you make you own maga is one huge selfless sacrifice.

Would I sell everything and work as a Ordinary Nurse Practitioner (if available Nigeria) if he wakes up one day that he wants to move and make more instead?

Absolutely!!

But I doubt it'll ever happen... the dude don turn oyinbo patapata


Nuff Said! Life's too short... I no get pawa oh


Dami love you've said the right thing. Drop their case Abeg.

jidegirl12: For a man to take a pay-cut and stay with you while you make you own maga is one huge selfless sacrifice.

Would I sell everything and work as a Ordinary Nurse Practitioner (if available Nigeria) if he wakes up one day that he wants to move and make more instead?

Absolutely!!

But I doubt it'll ever happen... the dude don turn oyinbo patapata


Nuff Said! Life's too short... I no get pawa oh

You?? You Jide dey talk say you go do a biblical Ruth and sell up all assets, leave North America and come settle for Naija without a blink?

Abeg talk another one jare. Your kids private all-white-no-black-faces schooling nko? Their snow-mobiles, swimming pools, golf-course, and not to mention that private acres and acres of land that hosts your personal snow-topped mountains, personal pine forests, etc?

Biko, make we hear word jare.

AjanleKoko:
So Zuckerberg and Gates were married when they struck their billions?

you missed the point as usual.
the dude said a man's life ends once he's married and i replied if that was true, zuckerberg/gates should be wretched by now cos their wives should have ended their lives.....

obowunmi:
Isn't is desperation that forced her to marry a man from Nigeria? Why couldn't she find someone in London, or where ever she's located.

more like it's desperation that forced the husband to marry a wife in london. he's got 40 million marriageable women to choose from in naija and yet he settled for the woman abroad to the extent of moving out there -

the woman in london has less than 200,000 nigerian men to choose from. by the time you strip it down to her preferences concerning height, employment status, educational background, etc, that number reduces to probably 50 to 100. my spider sense tells me the man abroad is far more desperate!

If she loved London so much, you choose someone from there and not try to derail another man's life

by the same token, if the hubby loved naija so much, why agree at all to relocate to london?

The man sef MUGU, MUMU small. He should have never married a heartless witch.

bwahahahaha - i am glad you now admit the hubby had no spinal cord!!!

i am beginning to see some weird sense in your obscene logic

obowunmi:

Isn't is desperation that forced her to marry a man from Nigeria? Why couldn't she find someone in London, or where ever she's located.


If she loved London so much, you choose someone from there and not try to derail another man's life


The man sef MUGU, MUMU small. He should have never married a heartless witch.

You'd make a good script writer for this film
I can also see the woman.. the CRIER of Nollywood - Stella D

The guy will be Van Vickers

Tonto Dikeh is at home in Naija waiting to pounce if the london woman no give herself brain

Nashville:

I blame the guy sef. He had his house, good career and was doing well. Why give that up just because you want to marry someone that wouldnt do the same for you. I was not there but I can tell you how it happened.

They met, fell in love, talked about marriage and where to settle. The wife starts pleading that she cannot live in Nigeria, she doesnt have friends, no contacts, she wont get a job, it will be tough for her etc. She pleads, crys and tells her husband how she does not want to lose him. She finally convinces him that based on his education and skills it will be easier for him to get a good job in London than for her to move back home. The guy due to love finally gives in and says that he will join her in London and London will be home.

Now the guy isnt making any progress after four years and you want to let him spend his life in misery. Now she is talking about some agreement somewhere when they both knew that was the only way to make the marriage work. Now the guy has no job, the marriage is clearly not working and she wants that to continue. Cant she sacrifice a few years as well to give her husband a chance in life? Hasnt he sacrificed enough? Some girls sha!

Efemena_xy:

You?? You Jide dey talk say you go do a biblical Ruth and sell up all assets, leave North America and come settle for Naija without a blink?

Abeg talk another one jare. Your kids private all-white-no-black-faces schooling nko? Their snow-mobiles, swimming pools, golf-course, and not to mention that private acres and acres of land that hosts your personal snow-topped mountains, personal pine forests, etc?

Biko, make we hear word jare.

Lmao! Efe see how you expose me! acres and acres of pine forest lol

On a serious note, I swear I no fit leave my hubby go live Naija all by himself oh, say wetin happen? What will I be doing here? It's the truth Efe. I love the dude oh, I just dey front sometimes , I love am wella

Besides the kids can always come over on holidays for winter fun.

coogar according to your logic where she has only 50 men to choose from and he had 40m women, she was the more desperate of the pair

coogar:

you missed the point as usual.
the dude said a man's life ends once he's married and i replied if that was true, zuckerberg/gates should be wretched by now cos their wives should have ended their lives.....




more like it's desperation that forced the husband to marry a wife in london. he's got 40 million marriageable women to choose from in naija and yet he settled for the woman abroad to the extent of moving out there -

the woman in london has less than 200,000 nigerian men to choose from. by the time you strip it down to her preferences concerning height, employment status, educational background, etc, that number reduces to probably 50 to 100. my spider sense tells me the man abroad is far more desperate!



by the same token, if the hubby loved naija so much, why agree at all to relocate to london?



bwahahahaha - i am glad you now admit the hubby had no spinal cord!!!

jidegirl12:

Lmao! Efe see how you expose me! acres and acres of pine forest lol

On a serious note, I swear I no fit leave my hubby go live Naija all by himself oh, say wetin happen? What will I be doing here? It's the truth Efe. I love the dude oh, I just dey front sometimes , I love am wella

Besides the kids can always come over on holidays for winter fun.

Okaaaayyy babes...

I don't doubt you love your hubby. No.

I do doubt that you can be torn away from the life you live...unless maybe, you buy a snow machine carry follow body for Naija

biolabee: coogar according to your logic where she has only 50 men to choose from and he had 40m women, she was the more desperate of the pair

he's the one more desperate to have left 40 million potential nigerian brides, a good job, his family, his network of friends, etc to start afresh in the UK. men don't move into a woman's house by default - it should be the other way round!!!

dBard:


..but d point u seem not t notice is d womans uncompromising attitude in dealing wit all of this whilst the man has given her four years already.
Four years is a LONG time,anyhow u look at it, for a previously successful man, by Nigerian standards to be searching for a Job no matter how temporary. The psychological torture alone cant b imagined.
Add t tgat d natural instinct of d Nigerian male t b seen as a provider n maybe you'll understand a bit.
He might ve done wrong going behind her back but then wit her attitude, is it surprising??

She needs to Stop being rigid n uncompromising abi she na ASUU
Who throws away a marraige f something so minor s.m.h

Could it be that her uncompromising issue stems from the fact that he just presented her with a fait accompli?!

I think that is what many people are missing here....they are so intent in painting the woman as the one who has exchanged her husband's head for something else. What would it have cost him to sit his wife down and talked about it instead of going behind her back and suddenly hitting her with a done deal.

There is a reason he went behind her back and that is because he KNOWS it is contrary to what they had based their marriage on. I sincerely believe if he had carried her along with his plans, she won't be this "uncompromising". Except she does not love him (which is highly unlikely) I doubt she'll want anything but the best.

No one is saying he shouldn't want better things for himself (because when it's good for him, it's good for the family), it is the WAY he went about it that some of us are not backing. He is no longer a bachelor, he has a PARTNER now...he can't make decisions like he would when he was a bachelor.

Her reaction is based on HIS action. It is that simple and If y'all can't see beyond man vs woman with on this issue...then there's nothing more to say.

Alls I'm glad is at least a guy sees this, understands this, so those elenu shobiris who like to make everything about feminism can just shut it.

coogar:

he's the one more desperate to have left 40 million potential nigerian brides, a good job, his family, his network of friends, etc to start afresh in the UK. men don't move into a woman's house by default - it should be the other way round!!!

weirdly you have a point...

theres nothing wrong having toddlers who have residence already

LOL

This woman has never met husband snatchers like Stella Damascus... my dear, hug your job in London.

The Stella Damascus of Nigeria await fresh meat like your husband.

Wow see different angles On the road at the mo waiting to pick my daughter from swimming so have to be fast.
Let me clarify on (maybe) why the guy went for the interview.She had always known that in his job search, he had always looked at options outside the UK. I remember a time he went to Holland for an interview.She just has this grouse with Naija.

BRB

Me I still cannot understand why this is such a big deal?! The man don try na for 4yrs make the woman too shift small abeg!

obowunmi: This woman has never met husband snatchers like Stella Damascus... my dear, hug your job in London.

The Stella Damascus of Nigeria await fresh meat like your husband.

i think tonto dikeh is more in the game now

Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

Or is it just the gals

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

Or is it just the gals

Examples??

Efemena_xy:

Okaaaayyy babes...

I don't doubt you love your hubby. No.

I do doubt that you can be torn away from the life you live...unless maybe, you buy a snow machine carry follow body for Naija

Sounds tough I know but I will do it.

Efe ....There are ATVs for dirt fun now.... And besides snowmobiles are driven on lands too

They have good schools too, just ridiculously expensive compared to what we pay here.

And who told you Naija carry last for unlimited enjoyment? Naija is fun oh! I rarely lift a finger when I go home.

The Koko is who's gonna warm my bed every night in this snow land

Kneels down and pray fervently: Lord Help me make good life changing decision I will never regret. Amen

^^

naijababe: Me I still cannot understand why this is such a big deal?! The man don try na for 4yrs make the woman too shift small abeg!

why should a social care worker shift and go to nigeria? do you know any company in nigeria that pays N11m per annum for such jobs?

Efemena_xy:

Examples??

Well . . . everybody, apparently. This thread isn't different much from others I read in this section.
Just wondering

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

This statement is like putting red before a bull,..

This cyberland has no-drama, no-issues,cooperative-hubby, 50/50 type marriage.. and that is the company line except for the real posters who come out with real issues facing each n everyone of us

We all have our dramas.... We just don't whine bout it.

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

Or is it just the gals

You keep questioning our Prince of Saudi-esq lifestyle?!!

Seriously, why is that so hard to believe? We invited you to our play yacht (and by that I mean the yacht reserved for fun not a toy yacht thank you very much) you ignored it yet here you are again all perplexy like asking questions.

Don't lemme use just off the prints mints to slap ya face oh.

You've been warned.

coogar:

why should a social care worker shift and go to nigeria? do you know any company in nigeria that pays N11m per annum for such jobs?

Same reason why a guy who's well advanced in his career can shift and come to the UK to test the waters. Some of y'all are talking as if Nigeria is Somalia, abeg! There are loads of UNESCO, ILO, UN, WHO sponsored gigs in naija that she can gets hands dirty with. Seek and ye shall surely find jo!

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

Or is it just the gals

Itumo o? Just asking ni o

Sisi_Kill:

You keep questioning our Prince of Saudi-esq lifestyle?!!

Seriously, why is that so hard to believe? We invited you to our play yacht (and by that I mean the yacht reserved for fun not a toy yacht thank you very much) you ignored it yet here you are again all perplexy like asking questions.

Don't lemme use just off the prints mints to slap ya face oh.

You've been warned.

That's it!

I've had enough!

I'm soooo going in my STS 133 Discovery shuttle rocket on a well deserved trip to the moon. More sanity there...

naijababe:

Same reason why a guy who advanced in his career can shift and come to the UK to test the waters. Some y'all are talking as if Nigeria is Somalia, abeg! There are loads of UNESCO, ILO, UN, WHO sponspored gigs in naija that she can gets hands dirty with. Seek and ye shall surely find jo!

you mean all those jobs women have to rub palms or slëep with one pot-bellied chief with his tobacco-stained teeth?

coogar:

you mean all those jobs women have to rub palms or slëep with one pot-bellied chief with his tobacco-stained teeth?

Unless the administrators and directors of such programmes are pot-bellied chiefs with tobacoo stained teeth, which I am most certain they are not! Talk another one coogar