heisenberg33:


Normally i try not to comment in this section of nairaland but posts like yours necessitate some exceptions once in a while. First of all, may be in an attempt to impress a targeted audience here on nairaland, you made lots of assumptions and wild conjectures. How does not having money correlate with the prevalence of Aids in Africa? I really need more explanation on that. Does the availability of money in anyway whittle down the prevalence of the scourge?? Is the cause of the pandemic the absence of money or being jobless as you implicitly stated? Secondly, you said "instead of them to focus and be innovative and creative like their mates in Europe and America". This is a sweeping statement which erroneously alludes that the youths in America and Europe are more focused than those in Africa. There are no trusted statistics to prove this, what they have is a government that enables the innovative and focused ones reach their goal. There are lots of youths in America and Europe wasting away just like you find them in Africa, a few innovative and focused ones may not be representative of the entire sample. Furthermore, i fail to see how being innovative and focused would reverse the spread of the scourge.

The biggest Faux pas you made is stating the age long Nigerian relationship "maxim" that "you want a girl to be your honey, yet you do not have money". This is a gaffe highly reflective of the Nigerian mentality of aggressive love for materialism and consumerism, and you need to rid yourself of such thinking, it reeks of low self esteem. How does being in a relationship translate into being a financial house? I am really mystified at such thought process. The girl is not rendering you any service so why are you compelled to pay her? why isn't she paying you? Yes, once in a while partners can share gifts and live up to some financial responsibilities, but this is not a right of any of the partners, it should be solely within the capability of the partners, and should not be restricted to any of the sexes. Guys like you are the reason why our girls get the wrong message and i don't blame them. Now, you may bring the issue of sex as a justification for the guy to bankroll the lady. Need i remind you that sex is a mutually enjoyed activity by 2 consenting people, so none of the partners deserve to be paid any more than the other.

I believe in being generous in a relationship but that is not a responsibility, it should be out of the magnanimity of the partners. It is preposterous and very parochial to assert that no one should go into a relationship without money, this is the quintessential Nigerian thinking which you need to extricate yourself from. A boy deserves as much right as a girl to receive financial aid in a relationship, it is not the sole prerogative of any sex.

Finally, i do not know your aim of writing this, but if it is to lament the spread of Aids, then the issues you have raised are tangential to your objective of righting this. Also, if your aim was to emphasize the importance of spending on a girl compulsorily, then these points you have raised are incongruous with judicious reasoning

Diplomatic G: am already luvin u, na u go be d mother of my children both male nd female, so gv me ur number or ur email..

ACM10:

Why not castrate them because they are poor? Your post reeks of arrogance. Someone who had a humble beginning will not make this comment. For God's sake, those people are not poor by their own design. Failure of the government to perform its most basic functions condemned those people to the life of poverty and misery. The fact that they are poor do not mean that you should deny them their freedom to make choice. I don't share your view brother. You have no right to pokenose into the affairs of two consenting adults.

baggy4luv: are u dere yet oloriburuku.stp calling some1 poor

heisenberg33:


Normally i try not to comment in this section of nairaland but posts like yours necessitate some exceptions once in a while. First of all, may be in an attempt to impress a targeted audience here on nairaland, you made lots of assumptions and wild conjectures. How does not having money correlate with the prevalence of Aids in Africa? I really need more explanation on that. Does the availability of money in anyway whittle down the prevalence of the scourge?? Is the cause of the pandemic the absence of money or being jobless as you implicitly stated? Secondly, you said "instead of them to focus and be innovative and creative like their mates in Europe and America". This is a sweeping statement which erroneously alludes that the youths in America and Europe are more focused than those in Africa. There are no trusted statistics to prove this, what they have is a government that enables the innovative and focused ones reach their goal. There are lots of youths in America and Europe wasting away just like you find them in Africa, a few innovative and focused ones may not be representative of the entire sample. Furthermore, i fail to see how being innovative and focused would reverse the spread of the scourge.

The biggest Faux pas you made is stating the age long Nigerian relationship "maxim" that "you want a girl to be your honey, yet you do not have money". This is a gaffe highly reflective of the Nigerian mentality of aggressive love for materialism and consumerism, and you need to rid yourself of such thinking, it reeks of low self esteem. How does being in a relationship translate into being a financial house? I am really mystified at such thought process. The girl is not rendering you any service so why are you compelled to pay her? why isn't she paying you? Yes, once in a while partners can share gifts and live up to some financial responsibilities, but this is not a right of any of the partners, it should be solely within the capability of the partners, and should not be restricted to any of the sexes. Guys like you are the reason why our girls get the wrong message and i don't blame them. Now, you may bring the issue of sex as a justification for the guy to bankroll the lady. Need i remind you that sex is a mutually enjoyed activity by 2 consenting people, so none of the partners deserve to be paid any more than the other.

I believe in being generous in a relationship but that is not a responsibility, it should be out of the magnanimity of the partners. It is preposterous and very parochial to assert that no one should go into a relationship without money, this is the quintessential Nigerian thinking which you need to extricate yourself from. A boy deserves as much right as a girl to receive financial aid in a relationship, it is not the sole prerogative of any sex.

Finally, i do not know your aim of writing this, but if it is to lament the spread of Aids, then the issues you have raised are tangential to your objective of righting this. Also, if your aim was to emphasize the importance of spending on a girl compulsorily, then these points you have raised are incongruous with judicious reasoning

Chidonsky: @all well luking at our society 1 hz alot of tinz 2 question...culture..social life..morals and lifestyles of ppl.....i tink 1 of d greatest mistakes homes and ppl make is drawing comparison btw 2 different ppl is very bad..we can't b compared wit white considering environment,government,culture,attitude..i can greatly and proudly tell u dat wat a nigerian youth can pass tru and survive an average teenager in europe can't bt rather resort 2 sucide as solution...we were born out of circumstances bt we are still making progress in our own little way.....secondly it baffles me dat wat ppl practice as love is jst materialism....love shld nt b judge by hw much u posess in ur accnt or pocket...''riches" is calculated by value and quantity.....yah money plays d role of geting our need because dats d only exchange 4 value of goods and services...if integrity wz 2 b used as a means of obtaining tinz in life hw many us can have access 2 gud tinz of life wit ease?....i tink a real woman and guy shld b concern more abt hw much ur character,dignity,personality,lifestyle,integrity,dreams worth only dis values can create and retain wealth...we have failed 2 understand dat money shld b our agent why we are its master stop puting ur value on paper above ur worth....thirdly i guess while most ppl are over-dependant and suddenly bcom a prey 2 money because dey have relegated hardwork 2 d background...hardwork shld b 4 both gender witot exception..fourthly..building a beautiful home takes d responsibility of 2 hardworking,responsible,compactible,ambitious,focus,maturemind,creative head,reliable,disciplined partners 2 sustain a stable relationship and home..love nt judge by hw much u can gain bt hw much u can render selflessly witot a tag condition....respect worth more dan money is 1 virtue dat is lacking in Africa beign rich dos nt guaranttee happiness bt hw much ur feelings,effort,sacrifices,input,goals,love,care,ideas are respected wit mutuality....as 4 guz ur primary aim shld b lifting ur life and setting a track of success 4 urslf first b4 carrying a woman along....''a man witot principle is a man witot direction" build a life first b4 a home(woman,kids)poverty is nt a gift is a circumstances dat need 2 b overcomed anaway...bt ladies dnt chastise guz dat are poor because of thr present situation bt consider d zeal,effort,prospect and willingness of him 2 eliviate his state..nothing last 4ever ''life is vanity upon vanity" d question is wat will u b remebered 4? Tnx make nigeria a better place 2 live let it b our slogan

Goldenboy007:


Not everything that goes into finding a partner is biological. Researchers have also found that if a woman looks at the face of a man whom she knows nothing about, she will give it a rating on a scale of 1 to 10 that's different than if she is shown the same face and a corresponding income. When a man makes a lot of money, a woman will rate him higher on an attractiveness scale than she would that same man with a smaller income.

Dr. Berman says this isn't a case of women being gold diggers. "It goes back again to evolution. When we were having babies who were very dependent on us, we couldn't hunt and take care of ourselves, so we were looking for the man who had the most social status, who was the best hunter, who was going to bring home the biggest chunk of meat for our babies," she says. "It's the same thing today."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/The-Science-of-Sex-Appeal/7#ixzz2c4eoPffY


That’s an excerpt from the Science of Sex Appeal; a modern research and it has been featured on Oprah which gives it some status of credibility. I wonder whether you are debating on the premise of what ought to be or what we have in reality. Denying the correlation between a man’s economic status and the success of his love life is what "I" would categorize as being parochial and I ask myself which generation you belong to. I wonder what you meant by “Nigerian mentality of aggressive love for materialism and consumerism” as if it is only Nigerians that have that mentality, perhaps we are not privy to be cosmopolitan like you but we do have "cable satellite" and Internets that bombard us with updated global trends. I think it’s hypocritical of you to feign ignorance of the point the OP is trying to make rather you played to the gallery by capitalizing on the deficiency in coordinating his points. I am sorry when I say the impression you have depicted here is same factor which militates against the emancipation of the masses because the enlightened ones we relied to fight our cause would rather make mockery of our predicaments to seek vain glory... And...if you are not a Nigerian i shouldn't be having this argument with you.
not sex dependent.

heisenberg33:

Your 1st paragraph which explains the correlation between a woman's attraction and money is actually a non-sequitur, and has no relation to the issues i criticized in the OP's write up. The OP was not talking about the role or importance of money in attraction, he erroneously made a categorical statement that "there should be no relationship without money". It is this line of thought i vehemently refuted. In other words, he stated that relationships should be a function of a guy's money (i am wondering why not girls) which i have pointed out is reflective of various ailments bedeviling our country, poverty and greed inclusive.

I really pity guys like you, people like you have no modicum of self confidence and self believe and that is why you think the only thing that can make a girl attracted to you is money. It is a psychological problem as much as it is a problem of crass stupidity. People like you feel you have nothing intrinsically good to offer, and so in the absence of that you have to make up with money. So for people like you, money is only a veneer that masquerades the real issue of inferiority complex. Like you wrongly insinuated, i am not feigning ignorance of the OP's views, i am only trying to teach you and others who think like you that such blinkered views must be expunged, and that relationships should thrive beyond all pecuniary motives.

This is a mentality not exclusive to Nigerians alone, but more pervasive in Nigeria than in other developed countries. This in a way is due to the poverty in the land, and how precarious surviving in Nigeria is. Due to poverty, a Nigerian girl looks on to a boyfriend to provide petty things she should be able to provide for herself like recharge card, hair etc. Things her father failed to provide for her, she wants to push the responsibility to her boyfriend. Expecting her boyfriend to excel where her parents failed. Why should a girl deserve to be provided for any more than a guy? Okay what should the guy gain from this supposed symbiotic relationship apart from being an ATM machine? I really pity you and guys who think like you.

Lastly, we have moved past the bucolic stage of life where women just sit around and wait for their hunting husbands to feed them, you need to be reminded we are in the 21st century. Things which applied in such rustic era do not apply anymore. I repeat neither a girl nor a guy should be obliged to bear any financial responsibility, it should be the choice of anyone of them and dependent on their capabilities, it is not an EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY but a relationship. If they can afford it, they may want to bear each others responsibilities but this could come from any one of them, it is not sex dependent. Please get illuminated, this may be your last chance to wisdom.

martowskin1: Ur boyfriend's money is not your own, success is not sexually transmitted, work hard and pay ur own bills

heisenberg33:


I do not care what gender you are, but for this statement i want to give you a kiss. Thank you for putting things succinctly.

Goldenboy007:

Emotional frustration is easy to detect, have you just been dumped? Reading in-between lines of your argument would indicate you are not a Nigerian or else you won’t spend the wealth of your derogatory terms qualifying your fatherland. Your masqueraded interest in the topic was just to ridicule the OP's noble intentions and execute a personal vendetta against innocent supporters that “liked” your comments. In fact the OP was not as expressive as the terms you have used to qualify Nigerian girls.
Now despite your dexterity in the use of exotic vocabulary to clarify simple logic you have actually contradicted yourself, so you actually agree that the mentality existed? So what is the basis of your criticism rather than to use us to practice your writing skills?
You dare accuse anybody of Inferiority complex? I think you are the one living in self-denial or practicing psychotic escapism; your egoistical prejudice attitude isolates you in your own little world of ideals. Regardless of what you might call Nigerian girls they have more ethical values than those modern harem you referred to as mentally liberated from African archaic lifestyle.

heisenberg33:

Your 1st paragraph which explains the correlation between a woman's attraction and money is actually a non-sequitur, and has no relation to the issues i criticized in the OP's write up. The OP was not talking about the role or importance of money in attraction, he erroneously made a categorical statement that "there should be no relationship without money". It is this line of thought i vehemently refuted. In other words, he stated that relationships should be a function of a guy's money (i am wondering why not girls) which i have pointed out is reflective of various ailments bedeviling our country, poverty and greed inclusive.

I really pity guys like you, people like you have no modicum of self confidence and self believe and that is why you think the only thing that can make a girl attracted to you is money. It is a psychological problem as much as it is a problem of crass stupidity. People like you feel you have nothing intrinsically good to offer, and so in the absence of that you have to make up with money. So for people like you, money is only a veneer that masquerades the real issue of inferiority complex. Like you wrongly insinuated, i am not feigning ignorance of the OP's views, i am only trying to teach you and others who think like you that such blinkered views must be expunged, and that relationships should thrive beyond all pecuniary motives.

This is a mentality not exclusive to Nigerians alone, but more pervasive in Nigeria than in other developed countries. This in a way is due to the poverty in the land, and how precarious surviving in Nigeria is. Due to poverty, a Nigerian girl looks on to a boyfriend to provide petty things she should be able to provide for herself like recharge card, hair etc. Things her father failed to provide for her, she wants to push the responsibility to her boyfriend. Expecting her boyfriend to excel where her parents failed. Why should a girl deserve to be provided for any more than a guy? Okay what should the guy gain from this supposed symbiotic relationship apart from being an ATM machine? I really pity you and guys who think like you.

Lastly, we have moved past the bucolic stage of life where women just sit around and wait for their hunting husbands to feed them, you need to be reminded we are in the 21st century. Things which applied in such rustic era do not apply anymore. I repeat neither a girl nor a guy should be obliged to bear any financial responsibility, it should be the choice of anyone of them and dependent on their capabilities, it is not an EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY but a relationship. If they can afford it, they may want to bear each others responsibilities but this could come from any one of them, it is not sex dependent. Please get illuminated, this may be your last chance to wisdom.

Goldenboy007:

Emotional frustration is easy to detect, have you just been dumped? Reading in-between lines of your argument would indicate you are not a Nigerian or else you won’t spend the wealth of your derogatory terms qualifying your fatherland. Your masqueraded interest in the topic was just to ridicule the OP's noble intentions and execute a personal vendetta against innocent supporters that “liked” your comments. In fact the OP was not as expressive as the terms you have used to qualify Nigerian girls.
Now despite your dexterity in the use of exotic vocabulary to clarify simple logic you have actually contradicted yourself, so you actually agree that the mentality existed? So what is the basis of your criticism rather than to use us to practice your writing skills?
You dare accuse anybody of Inferiority complex? I think you are the one living in self-denial or practicing psychotic escapism; your egoistical prejudice attitude isolates you in your own little world of ideals. Regardless of what you might call Nigerian girls they have more ethical values than those modern harem you referred to as mentally liberated from African archaic lifestyle.

Goldenboy007:


Now i am confused! where do you stand exactly? because what you have just given someone a kiss for isn't too far from the OP's reasoning. You said Romance don't need finances and the idea is a figment of the writers imagination. How come you are here again admonishing women from taking money from their boyfriend.

2s£xy:
I disagree with you bro... He has spoken pretty well since the threshold of this discussion.

Goldenboy007:


Now i am confused! where do you stand exactly? because what you have just given someone a kiss for isn't too far from the OP's reasoning. You said Romance don't need finances and the idea is a figment of the writers imagination. How come you are here again admonishing women from taking money from their boyfriend.

Druss: This is a juvenile thread. I predict in 5 more years, the OP will change her mind.

dmcdad:
My dear... This is relative depending on the kinda guy involved and his mindset.

I once left a girlfriend of mine just because I weighed everything and could not find any reason to be with her. It's not like there is someone out there who can't offer one thing or the other, but the reality of the matter was that, after spending some months together I decided to have a review of everything to know where or if I have been running at loss or gain. But, as bizaree as it may seem, I couldn't find anything to hold on to to make me wanna go on with her.

There is always the need for girls to make sure they know whom they are dealing with in totality. Try to know his strengths and weaknesses, his mision and vision towards life, his attitude and reactions towards whatever issue that comes to the fore and how mature he is in all spheres of life. You will discover that if you can be able to take cognizance of these aforementioned facts, it would place you in good stead while deciding whether to have anything good with him or not; or even if he has some values to add to you. The reality remains that alot of girls are blind to these and find themselves falling for it from one guy to the other. Maybe they are looking at the wrong things or they are ignorant of the nitty-gritty that should be taken into account before having such union with a guy.

Personally, at the moment I can never be of much help to a girl financially, that is why I tend to run away from some kinda acquaintances but then, the fact remains that the values I can add to a girl are things she wouldn't get even with Dangote's son. He would definitely be far better financially but if we are to talk about things that gives you real value, he would never get to see my tail light on that. So, it depends on the individual, and that's why I encourage people to go into relationships for the right reasons rather than for reaons that would not add any value to their present state.

Just my humble view...

heisenberg33:


I never knew i have been talking to a gas bag. You are such a fool and lack basic reasoning skills, and once again you concluded hastily that i am not a Nigerian, well sorry i am fully NIGERIAN. I understand what you mean by me not being Nigerian, you expected most NIGERIANS to go with your defeatist ideology and so you were shocked to see one who didn't. You expected most Nigerians to bask in the euphoria of this stupidity posted disguising as wisdom. People like you can not be redeemed, you are lost.

And did you ask if i was dumped?? You see how intellectually vacuous you are?? how did you arrive at the question you asked? How does the views i have espoused show someone who was dumped?? You really have a long way to go. Well, i would leave you to your warped views because for all i know you may be a teenager who still has lots of things to learn.

With you i would have to heed the advice which says, "never argue with a fool, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience"..........I leave you temporarily to your ignorance