A Racial-marriage Problem! - Family (4) - Nairaland
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Marriage Problem / Inter-racial Marriage: Nigerian Men Vs Nigerian Women (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Gamine(f): 11:10am On Oct 02, 2008 |
There was Wahala from the very beginning. She saw the signs when they were still dating. She has laid her bed, she has to lie in it. Pity. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by kiwi992(m): 11:19am On Oct 02, 2008 |
Hey A-40, You said Everyone should just stop giving any form of advice. The situation is either a story or she just likes people telling her stuff to console herself. Oh yeah? How are you going to do that then? Please give us your 'Tara's Lesson Plan' LOL! Which position (in class) would suit her most? Shall we say dgy-dgy or sitting on the teacher's face? You choose because you are the teacher. LOL!! Sorry Tara, just messing. You got to laugh, don't ya? kiwi992. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 11:26am On Oct 02, 2008 |
tara. dont mind all these jokes. Tara take his child away form him and leave him to 'his own' he will treat her like a slave too so be thankfull he is gone. You are young! you have your whole life ahead of you. REMEMBER NOW HIS YORUBA WIFE IS PREGNANT! THERE IS NO GOING BACK NOW YOU MAY FORGET IT AS THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE FIRST PREFERENCE OVER WHITE WOMEN. YOU WILL NEVER GET RID OF HER ITS TOO LATE NOW! JUST CALL THE POLICE AS I ALREADY TOLD YOU. GET THE TWO OF THEM DEPORTED! DONT LET THEM AWAY WITH THIS. DONT LET HIM TAKE YOUR SON OUT. HE IS A USER, HE USED YOU TO GET HIS PAPERS! NOT THINKING OF HOW IT WOULD IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO NOW. ONLY GET YOUR OWN BACK ON HIM. COZ AS I HAVE SAID HE DOESNT WANT YOU ANYMORE, HE GOT WHAT HE WANTED(HIS PAPER) AND SO DID HIS YORUBA WIFE. USE YOUR HEAD AND GET THEM DEPORTED. IM NOTT HE ONE JOKING ON THIS FORUM. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by skfa1: 1:50pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
Na na na nawaoo sorry tara you will be fine. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Angelheart: 2:03pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
Excuse me Tara, shine your EYES!!! He got his papers and evidently, that is what he was looking for!! Stop being naive and blaming yourself. Some men can be selfish like that!! |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by sistawoman: 2:51pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
Tara, Take lots of pictures of him to show to your son when he grows up. Never bad mouth your ex-husband to your son ever. Teach your son about his hertiage, his father and his grandparents. Regardless of the fact that you had the father deported back to Nigeria the grandparents will still want a relationship with their grandchild, but make them come to you for visits never take your child to Nigeria. Pull it together, report him and move on with your life. He is never coming back. He drew first blood, now finish it and destroy him. Dont let him live happily ever after with his slut on your papers and your dime. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by bawomolo(m): 3:08pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
Regardless of the fact that you had the father deported back to Nigeria the grandparents will still want a relationship with their grandchild, but make them come to you for visits never take your child to Nigeria. lol are you sure u know about nigerian culture. there are lots of abandoned kids fathered by nigerian men in the US and europe. make baba agba come to you   dude is most likely going to move on with new life/wife. she knew the kind of man she married. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by sistawoman: 6:38pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
bawomolo: I did not say the father, I said the grandparents. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 6:54pm On Oct 02, 2008 |
NO ONE WILL REMEMBER THE PAST MOVE ON JUST LIKE THEY HAVE. YOU TELL YOUR SON THE TRUTH WHEN HE IS OLD enough TO UNDERSTAND. THE GRANDPARENTS!!! AS IF THEY ARE GOING TO WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE OYIBO CHILD WHEN HE WILL HAVE HIS OWN CHILDREN WITH HIS 'REAL NAIJA WIFEY'FORGET THEM TOO because AT THE END OF THE DAY NOW HE HAS HIS FULL BLOODED NAIJA WIFE AND FULL BLOODED KIDS ON THE WAY TO HIM. HE IS HISTORY AND SO IS HIS FAMILY SO NO POINT IN HANGING ON TO ANYTHING. please TARA I BEG YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, DON'T LET THEM AWAY WITH THIS!!!!! |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Nobody: 12:24am On Oct 03, 2008 |
@Tara do not involve immigration beside they cannot revoke his papers ,all they can do is to wait until 5yrs is over and am sure that with a good lawyer  like me  :ohe'll get his britico pkali b/4 then,so dont waste ur wit immiga beside ur child need's dad,all i can advice u to do is to bring him to court so that he can be paying child support,i stil dont believe u r innocent in all this mess,am sure some how some way u must have provoked him into this mess.just move on,i pray god will give u the strength to carry on |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Gabry(f): 6:16am On Oct 03, 2008 |
Poster, I heard the same case like your over and over and over and over and over again from other women. I just dont know what is up with these men and why are they behaving as such? They really know how to destroy other people's lives which I really dont get it. . . They can be as selfish as they want but trust me, everything in life is never free. . . They will have to pay back one or another. . .  |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by switosman(m): 8:40am On Oct 03, 2008 |
your case is very special, a lot of issues call tp play here. 1. get your man to talk. 2. you have to be strong brace up for the hard matter. 3. any rash or stupid move by you will tilt the case to other woman. 4. if the other woman is same tribe with him maybe he is more comfortable with her but got more work to do to make him feel more comfortable. 5. assure him of your love and the sacrifices you made for him 6. pray and leave the rest to god, men atimes behave like dogs, pray that his eyes get openned. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by akininNC(m): 2:06pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Leilah: You sound so bitter like a woman scorned. Plotting revenge is not going to make her feel any better. Her goal should be to find a way to move without this idiot. I was married to a white woman as well and my father accepted those kids as his own, so it really depends as to what relationship she has with the grandparents. I certainly could not have abandoned my children and expect my father to welcome me with open arms. @Tara If you have a relationship with the inlaws please cultivate it, send pictures, keep them updated on his progress. If they are of any means, they will visit and seek him out. I know my father would have. keep your chin up, you are young and remember the future is not for us to see. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 2:45pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Euromillion, you may be wrong. Applications for naturalisation here in ireland are taking quite some time. Currently, applications lodged in June 2006 are being processed. Therefore Tara, I don no think it is too late as he needs to be married to you for x number of years and woudl have to wait x number of years to actually get a passport. His conduct is not in line with public policy. He is breaking the law regardless. He is a scammer. Its never too late. Even simple things like parking fines are putting citizenship aplications on hold. I ought to know, I have studied it and have been lectured by the immigratn council of ireland. UK immigration is similar. ie, if she married him in 2004 thats only four years ago, I doubt that he would now be in receipt of naturalistion. Good lawyers are out there to get their money, I used to represent criminals myself. Bottom line is public policy and public securty as regards immigration law always takes precedence. I can argue both sides I can make a great case for him also. Speaking on a human level though. I thinks its of paramount importance that the immigration are informed of this. DO IT NOW PLS. TARA DONT SIT THERE LIKE A FOOL, GET THEM PHCKERS SEND HOME. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 2:49pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Yeah point has been made, you can still keep in touch with his family how long will that last for though? everyones grows old. Akin, what happened to you and your white woman was there too many cultural differences there also? Nija men no compromise, |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by akininNC(m): 3:32pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
@ Leilah We are in the process of going through a divorce but I put in 18 long years. I left home @ 13 so cultural difference was not an issue, we just were not compatible. My family actually swung way over to the other side, 3 of 6 kids married caucasians. Two are still married. My father never saw color and I think that kind of the way he raised us. Although I must say that in the interest of honesty my sister who is married to a Scottish man hardly considers herself a Nigerian anymore and if I had to do it all over again I probably would have married a Nigerian woman. I never thought I would ever want to move back home but after my father died, I have felt the pull of the motherland. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by bawomolo(m): 6:19pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
sistawoman: you are fooling yourself i u think the grandparents would come to the US to see the kids. the woman would probably be blamed for bringing bad luck on their son |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 7:41pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
So Sorry to hear that Akin, at the end of the day whats meant to be will be. I have often aske dmy husband whether or not, one day he would wake up and realise he shout marry a naija lady, he says he would never want to live in Nigeria again and loves me and that thought has never even entered his head. He actually knows very little about his own culture. I think also, its mind boggling how his family emembers have became so westernised (even though they all married naija only) to the point where no one speaks igbo to their children and some of the children who are even up tp my age have not got one clue about igbo language. So I suppose it depends on the person. Personally,I would be more for cultural preservance as opposed to materialism, my husband and his family they are all very westerised and a long time living in the west. That obviously doesn't mean they don't carry on their strong moral and cultural values b'because they do. On another note, there has indeed been many a royal rumble in his family amongst themselves over very flimsy things. Nothing to do with me of course thankfully. As time goes on one will see. I was quite amazed to see his elderly parents welcome me so warmly! I thought I was dreaming! all the wonderful things I saw in Nigeria (while stayingn with my in laws ) I do hope that warmth will continue to be mirrored and that I be accepted as a fellow human being. You are NEVER supposed to forget your roots, you always know in your heart who you are and who your flesh and blood are, really if you love someone so much in you heart you can be who you are, if that person understands who you are and lets you be who you are. Bobs your uncle!(for a while anyway) So at the end of the day Mr Tara has indeed been a pig. I obviously feel as though poor Tara was not afforded an opportuinity to work on things as Mr tara jumped the gun without giving a damn, so sad. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by sistawoman: 7:41pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
bawomolo: If the grandparents wont come visit then so be it but the mother should not stand in the way of the relationship between the grandparents and the child. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 7:43pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Akin, sorry on another note, you said if you had to do it all again you woudl have married a nigerian lady. Sorry if I seem intrusive, but why was that? |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by lucabrasi(m): 8:25pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
@poster dont listen to the many sarcastic comments on here and some dumb replies as well, the first thing is that nigerian girls/women experience this same thing from other girls trying to snatch their man so its not just the inter racial thing,just last week a family friend flew to nigeria after she heard reports of some girls trying to snatch her husband from her e.t.c ask any married naij woman and they ll tell you they wont even leave their man with their friends talk less of strangers and they will fight to save their marriage,in my opinion i dont think you should give up like that,push to save your marriage and see if you can still work things out,involve his family more and be a bit more assertive cause u seem to be a pushover for him,and please ignore some silly sarcastic comments on here who are only making fun of you |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by akininNC(m): 8:51pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Leilah, Like I said, as I have gotten older(I am in my 40's), I have started to feel like I have more to offer Nigeria than the US and I think it would be easier with a Nigerian woman who understands the culture. I felt totally different in my 20's when I had absolutely no intention of going home. I actually had a period when I did not go home for 15 years but my dad passed and I started to see things differently. I could find someone that is not Naija but understands that there are cultural differences and what we believe in the west is not the same as in Nigeria. My sister is married to a Nigerian man but she acts differently when the in laws are around than when she is alone with her husband and she is as westernized as I am. You sound like you understand the culture a little bit and I wish you all the happiness in the world. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 9:55pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Thank you Akin! I'm gonna need it. I think the fact that I am originally muslim I'm half Jordanian half irish so I had an in depth understanding of the islamic culture which kinda ties in with naija one. Well thanks again and good luck to you also.  Sorry tara if youre still there. Just follow your heart. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Sisikill: 10:00pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
Yes Tara pay attention to the people who are telling you not to pay attention to what your husband is trying to tell you. That's right, ignore your husband when he tells you he doesn't want you, ignore him when he says he can't be seen with you at parties, ignore him when he tells you he doesn't want you attending his church. When he told you he plans to move back to Nigeria in 2 years and you won't be coming along because you are not Nigerian enough for him. . . I hope that entered one ear and came out the other? It didn't? Ah, okay start ignoring it fast, fast. Last but not least, ignore the fact that he is doing the horizontal tango with his refugee girlfriend, instead imagine she is his male buddy whom he plays touch football or wrestling with. . . at night. . . on the bed. TARA, IGNORE ALL THE SIGNS, THE COMMON SENSE STUFF AND WHAT YOU HUSBAND HAS TOLD YOU. What should you do instead? Beg him, ask him to tell you what you can do to please him more, tell him you will do anything. . . anything as long as he does not leave you and when he says he still isn't interested, what should you do? Why, you beg some more, okay? Okay. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Nobody: 11:47pm On Oct 03, 2008 |
@leilah put that idea of to deport him in the bin,no one can deport him and no one can revoke his 5yrs stay,he can apply 4 naturalisation based on humanitarian ground am sure he'll get it for living legally for 5yrs beside they are stil legally married ,yes if he's going 4 naturalisation based on married to her yes they'll need her to sign.she should'nt waste her time going to immiga,wat profit to her if he's deported ,which i know they cannot do anyway. in ireland it takes 5yrs of legal separation b/4 divorce,is'nt it? basically the marriage is stil on.i still have so much points to argue but arguements takes us no where |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 12:12am On Oct 04, 2008 |
Sec 3 ie humanitarian LTR is impossible to get I mean absolutely impossible the immigration are lazy asses over here, they are lazy and short staff yeah so here perhaps he may be waiting long enough to get naturalised. Yes, the Divorce law needs reform. However I think UK are more equipped to deal with thesematters than ireland. Plese stop using white ladies for papers- whoever is doing this. They are human beings, they may be more sexually liberated yeah, they may not be good cooks, they may have no booty's, they may have no morals etc etc. Nothing justifies this, God will punish you in there hereafter. Allah/God made us from all different tribes so that we can get to know one another, we are all children of Adam. its such a shame, can't even accept ladies from other tribes-let alone a white oyinbo woman. rot in hell all you users out there. We all need to earn our bread but to terrorise fellow human beings and children in the process!!! sure even when you do find that 'ngozie' yall treat her like a slave and the difference is : she'll put up with 'it til death do us part' you will have to answer to that also. Nothing will go unpunished in the hereafter. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by akininNC(m): 3:57pm On Oct 04, 2008 |
Leilah: |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 11:55am On Oct 06, 2008 |
Yeahhh my grad party is on Nov 8th next!!!! the world is invited. In saying that I can't even get a job there are no jobs here in Ireland. I hope to specialise in Immigration, tort and criminal but beggars can't be choosers in fairness. Yeah its true that some women enter into these marriages full knowing it was for papers all along. Just hope I don't get dumped because I'll never be naija. Funny enough I often speak to my husbands parents and they are always asking me to come down to Nigeria again. So I guess thats a good sign. They are such lovely people. |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 11:56am On Oct 06, 2008 |
On another note, Tara never even came back. Where are you Tara? |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by ehie007(m): 3:35pm On Oct 06, 2008 |
i dont understand this oyinbo woman, its simple, the guy just used her to get a blue card or green card and i dont understand y she doesnt want to accept. she don fall mugu. or the oda nigerian gal don use jazz for him, people like ur hubby are spoiling the bad name of nigeria the more over there, but one good thing is that, what goes arond comes around, nemesis will catch up wiv him, all the best dear, but u for shine ur eyes well well, |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by akininNC(m): 7:57pm On Oct 06, 2008 |
Leilah: @ Leilah, Why are you worried that you will be dumped because you are not Nigerian? If you entered the marriage as a loving couple not under other pretext you will grow old together. I did not leave my wife because she was not naija, as a matter of fact I stayed a lot longer than an American would have because there is such a stigma attached to divorce in my family. Do you have any kids? Stop thinking about your differences, think more about what you have in common. I am getting ready to find my ticket for the graduation, maybe I can find myself a nice Irish lass over there! |
| Re: A Racial-marriage Problem! by Leilah(f): 8:13pm On Oct 06, 2008 |
What would you need an irish lass for?  I have a problem Akin its in the thread 'I need your advice' Well we entered into the marriage fully knowing of course. See nigerian women pamper men and so everything for them. My hardest try is like nothing to them. I have one daughter Ayah. That daughter is from a previous marriage (an arranged marriage to a muslim man that I ran away from) She knoes no one else as her father only my husband. He was there for her from the day she was born. she was taken down to Nigeria too. |
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