Ms. Lurker:

What's so great about this guy?

Is there something magical about him? Does he grow gold off his body? I mean, what is it?!

Now that's kind of mean.

It's her husband she's talking about here, people!

what's the problem and why is it that so many are on the guy's case? The guy definitely has his own reasons for doing what he's done and he's not come out to openly declare it because men dont discuss these kind of things openly. If one was to find out why it's gone awry, you may find out that it's the woman's fault (I'm not saying that's a certainty).

However if you believe the man has left you because he does not want a white woman, please move on with your life and find a white man to marry. No point in trying to label every black man based on a few individual circumstances

carmelily:

Now that's kind of mean.

It's her husband she's talking about here, people!

Not trying to be blatantly mean but she wants this guy who is outright cheating on her. There is nothing special about a cheater. I don't care what anyone tries to say.

@ms.lurker

No one's saying the guy's doing a good job with his wife. But SHE needs encouragement to make her marriage work. Not just up and go without a fight. That's a loser's attitude.

You and i don't know him like she does. we only know about the cheater part but there must be other parts she fell in love with and married. That's why she's here.

Yes, they should go to couple's counseling. I doubt the guy wants to change, though.
This is why people need to communicate in marriage. I don't care if you don't like it or not used to it. It's not about what YOu need, it's about being upfront and honest about the situation.

I get the point, but who's the "YOU" in your post?

Ms. Lurker:

Yes, they should go to couple's counseling. I doubt the guy wants to change, though.
This is why people need to communicate in marriage. I don't care if you don't like it or not used to it. It's not about what YOu need, it's about being upfront and honest about the situation.

The two folks in this problem.

Are we still on this issue? Let's see

1) He has another girlfriend. . . Openly too.
2) He told her in two years he will be leaving for Nigeria and she won't coming along because she is not Nigerian enough.
3) He does not take her to Nigerian parties because she isn't Nigerian enough.
4) Does not allow to go to his Nigerian church with him because she isn't Nigerian enough for him.

. . . . Yet people are telling her to make her marriage work? Let's forget about the fact that it takes two to make a marriage work or that he's all but told her he wants out, what about her self respect? What about her own peace of mind? What about her own emotional well being? Does is not count because she is the wife?

I can't believe after all these, some people are still going "He is her husband ooh". . . In the same reverential manner the religious fanatics tell you "Touch Not [I]His[/I] Anointed" when you dare criticize these so called men of God.

So freaking what if he is her husband? There are certain expectations that has to be met to earn the respect of the HUSBAND title and what has he done to deserve that respect? Humiliate her? Emotionally abuse her? Disrespect their marriage? Are these the new and improved ways to express love these days? Love deserving of respect?

Seriously, When did the Masochists and Sadists take over the world?

I just pray none of y'all ever find yourself in Tara85's shoes.

carmelily:

I just pray none of y'all ever find yourself in Tara85's shoes.

AMEN.

carmelily:

I just pray none of y'all ever find yourself in Tara85's shoes.

Amen oh!

And I also pray that anyone who finds themselves in a situation like Tara’s, where the husband does not want them anymore and has all but said so, meets advisors who will give them advice that would do their emotional well being good not one deep seated in sufferhead traditions.

Double Amen. 

LOL. The game always looks easier from the sidelines

LMAO! It stopped being a game when one of the players walked off the field!

Poster
I am sorry to hear that.

Race is not the matter if he really loves you. He just wants to change .
My man was also an Yoruba man, he had traveled around without me, but after years, he still came back Asia just because of me.
So, your man has changed. I think you need help from your in- law, also try to show him how much you love him, the kid can be good reason for him to be back (I hope so).
Good luck !!!

Tara85,
All i can say take a deep breath,think about your situation before you make a decision.
What I really don't understand is did u not sit down and talk about the issue of race.it is a big issue when it comes to marriage alot of African and Caucasian marriages don't end well.It did not just start today but time have proven it(don't get me wrong: I did not say all,I said some) but be strong for yourself and your kids.Your husband is just a asshole I don't care whatever anyone say because what kind of a man will will be think of leaving his wife and kids.Lets not even talk about the wife,what about the innocent baby and then someone will tell me we don't know the truth of the story(that's the most unreasonable thing I have ever heard).
It is so obvious he married you for the wrong reasons but u need to move on and let him do the right thing if he want to spend his time with his Yoruba women there is nothing u can do about it.Prayer can change a man's heart but do u want to be in the same house with someone who don't love you but is there because of his son?
Think about this!