On another note, Angolobabe, is that your baby in your pic? don't mean to be so nosey but that baby is so adorable!!!

Yes thats my son photo on my profile.

Leilah:

On another note, Angolobabe, is that your baby in your pic? don't mean to be so nosey but that baby is so adorable!!!

Tara If your husband was a good and godfearing man he`d not cheat on you either.
I understand your anger , however i think it doesn`t make sense trying to get a man back whoobviously doesn`t want you.
Where`s your self esteem
Let those two have eachother , they DESERVE eachother.
Get those divorce papers ASAP and get on with your life.
The only way you can " punish him " is to move on with your life and to show him that you don`t need him emotionally NOR financially.

Angolobabe in my opinion it doesn`t make any sense to refuse to sign those divorce papers.
Why stress yourself about making it hard on for the man to get divorced from you? He doesn`t want her,
Life is short and i see really no reason why any woman or man would waste his energy on making another person`s life miserable. It`s very immature too!

Arnold1:

This is the first post ever from tara85 (see bolded)

You see, a true welch woman would not place so much emphasis on her man or his mistress being yoruba. It is Nigerian that should
be coming out of her mouth, not yoruba.

Most non-Nigerian women doing inquiries on this forum never even mention the tribe of their mate. Nine times out of ten, Nairalanders are the ones who pry out this
information (their tribe) out of them.

I am sorry to disprove your theory. As a non-Nigerian woman I always described my husband from the start as a Yoruba man to make the distinction in customs and ways of being. You see we also do research and understand that men are taught differently. So when we want specific information about our husband we will distinctively point out his tribe in an effort to gain a clearer and better understanding of our men.

Tara (and others)
I've read the story through and all the comments. IMHO this has nothing to do with race/culture or anything else! The personality, character and brains is what counts.
You might be blind in love, but you should have red control light blinking in your mind when he refused to take you to parties/events/meet friends etc.
You’ve been 7years together and he only NOW got his 5years visa? That sounds strange too.
I know many Nigerians who married (usually older, fat and lonely) woman for papers but I’m not feeling sorry for them anymore (I used to). One has to use his senses and try to look through things.
I did follow my heart but was cautious at the same time.
Now, I cannot imagine my in-laws (my Nigerian mum & dad) accepting my husband misbehaving, they love me so much! And I know another few of couples with happy ending (so far anyway) so don’t give up on Nigerians as a race but blame him for being bad person and please, please WAKE UP and act as mature person, mother of a child. You need to be strong. Write him off and start all over again, he’s not worth it and you should know much earlier. Don’t you have friends?
If you want, get in touch.
All the best

More often than not (NOT EVERYTIME), the men that foreign women date and marry are rather undesirable by Nigerian standards.
They dont know this and they think all Nigerian men are like that

spoony:

Tara (and others)
I've read the story through and all the comments. IMHO this has nothing to do with race/culture or anything else! The personality, character and brains is what counts.
You might be blind in love, but you should have red control light blinking in your mind when he refused to take you to parties/events/meet friends etc.
You’ve been 7years together and he only NOW got his 5years visa? That sounds strange too.
I know many Nigerians who married (usually older, fat and lonely) woman for papers but I’m not feeling sorry for them anymore (I used to). One has to use his senses and try to look through things.
I did follow my heart but was cautious at the same time.
Now, I cannot imagine my in-laws (my Nigerian mum & dad) accepting my husband misbehaving, they love me so much! And I know another few of couples with happy ending (so far anyway) so don’t give up on Nigerians as a race but blame him for being bad person and please, please WAKE UP and act as mature person, mother of a child. You need to be strong. Write him off and start all over again, he’s not worth it and you should know much earlier. Don’t you have friends?
If you want, get in touch.
All the best

Thank you spoony, this has always been my contention with all these foreign women that marry Nigerian men, do not paint the whole culture with a single brush. As with any society there will always be individual who refuse to confirm with the norm. That does not make the rest of us bad.

Leilah:

hhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm

Well hugger, you can't just turn around and say all european women don't love their husbands and would walk away in a heartbeat. I have seen some of them that are even more patient than some 'ngozies' themselves. Thats like me saying all nigerians are 419ers

@Arnold, if I were in that situation (hypothetically) I would also probably quote the word 'igbo' for eg out of anger. Just because she mentioned 'yoruba' twice or thrice doesnt necessarily mean she is a nigerian pretending to be oyinbo why would someone do that? sure we all know how the cookie crumbles don't we? its the condition that makes the crayfish bend so what have we got to gain by pretending to be an oyibo?? -but then again you may know more than I would about this matter to a cerain degree.
Tara where are you please?

sistawoman:


I am sorry to disprove your theory. As a non-Nigerian woman I always described my husband from the start as a Yoruba man to make the distinction in customs and ways of being. You see we also do research and understand that men are taught differently. So when we want specific information about our husband we will distinctively point out his tribe in an effort to gain a clearer and better understanding of our men.

Why hasn't tara85 been back since ? Ever since I said she is not welch but Nigerian, she has not posted on this forum.
Why is this the case ? Don't you think she'll be interested in responding and getting feedback for her inquiry ?

I have told you people to email Seun and ask for an IP address check, but you fail to.



[size=13pt]
tara85 is a prominent nairaland member but she wouldn't use her real user

name because she is a coward.[/size]

Arnold1:




Why hasn't tara85 been back since ? Ever since I said she is not welch but Nigerian, she has not posted on this forum.
Why is this the case ? Don't you think she'll be interested in responding and getting feedback for her inquiry ?

I have told you people to email Seun and ask for an IP address check, but you fail to.

Should Seun go through each and every members IP address until he finds a match? Why not just tell us who she really is and save all of the suspense.

Maybe she has not been back cuz she has been trying to find a way to save her marriage from a man thief.

Angolobabe your son is soo cute!!

Spoon so is yours! such a sweet picture.

I'm going to put my daughters pic in my profile

Hi. i've been busy the last few weeks. I was just reading through the comments. I have to say I am not a fat, ugly old woman who was desperate to marry. He certainly didn't leave me because of that because she is not exactly Miss Nigeria. She is quite overweight with a chubby man face and her dress sense is up her ass. I am a size ten who goes to the gym regularly. Alot of people say I am pretty and can't understand why I married an African man cos afterall it's only the fat desperate white woman that do it. I am sick of this stupid stereotype. Before I dated him , all of my boyfriends were welsh or english. Please I am worth 10 of her inside and out. By this time 6 months she'll be a distant memory to him.

tara85:

Hi. i've been busy the last few weeks. I was just reading through the comments. I have to say I am not a fat, ugly old woman who was desperate to marry. He certainly didn't leave me because of that because she is not exactly Miss Nigeria. She is quite overweight with a chubby man face and her dress sense is up her ass.

I am a size ten who goes to the gym regularly. Alot of people say I am pretty and can't understand why I married an African man because afterall it's only the fat desperate white woman that do it. I am sick of this stupid stereotype. Before I dated him , all of my boyfriends were welsh or english. Please I am worth 10 of her inside and out. By this time 6 months she'll be a distant memory to him.

You go girl! 

About darn time, I was starting to lose hope for you!!

chei Nigerian men are like tornadoes aren't they??

make sure you sort the mortgage out proper, so you are not left out cold!

2Tara>> With all your work commitment, long hours, taking care of your son, house and looking after husband you had time to go to gym every week! Well that’s what I call determination! ;-)
Don’t take me wrong, I wasn’t making stereotypes, I was telling you real life stories. Besides that, loads of african man actually DO LIKE chubby woman rather then slim/skinny (not that it would be your case!) I didn’t mean to offend you girl! I’m sure you’re young & pretty. All the best!

Dis Guy:

chei Nigerian men are like tornadoes aren't they??

ah ha, this is how the cookie crumbles. its going to happen to me too. The difference is I am well prepared for it. I reckon he was engaged to this lady all along and was using you for papers. Thats the sad reality.

@leilah How prepared are you? i nor fit laugh abeg. so you open your eye go enter "one chance"? pele.

Ask your husband to translate to you.

@topic

Hasn't he humiliated you enough? you waiting till he starts hitting you?

All intending "Nigerwives", take heed:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-188560.0.html

tara85:

Hi. i've been busy the last few weeks. I was just reading through the comments. I have to say I am not a fat, ugly old woman who was desperate to marry. He certainly didn't leave me because of that because she is not exactly Miss Nigeria. She is quite overweight with a chubby man face and her dress sense is up her ass. I am a size ten who goes to the gym regularly. Alot of people say I am pretty and can't understand why I married an African man because afterall it's only the fat desperate white woman that do it. I am sick of this stupid stereotype. Before I dated him , all of my boyfriends were welsh or english. Please I am worth 10 of her inside and out. By this time 6 months she'll be a distant memory to him.

tara85, why have you stopped emphasizing yoruba as you were in your previous posts ?

Why the shift from yoruba to Nigeria and Africa ?

You've been gone since Oct 19th and you are just leaving one post.

You couldn't even
address those responding to your "inquiry" like legitimate people do Go figure



[size=13pt]
tara85 is a prominent nairaland member but she wouldn't use her real user

name because she is a coward.[/size]

Oga Arnold, why are you embarrassing us like so, ehn? Most non-Nigerians married to Nigerians tend to emphasize the tribe the spouse is from and who can blame them,  when the first thing we ourself ask them when they tell us they are married to a Nigerian is


[size=18pt]“WHERE IS HE FROM?” [/size]

You don’t believe me; take a look of the “I’m white/black/Hispanic/Welsh/British/Someone who is not Nigerian married to a Nigerian” thread.

Haba, we are still arguing on one thread that us Nigerians can be logical and this your post I not helping our cause one bit.

I don't need to ask him to translate this. I carry my hand I find trouble o. I went to Nigeria twice remember??

Yeah maybe I'll never get rid of his lazy ass!! he will prolly never leave me knowing my luck!

Ah I still love him. I cook him all his food and work too! I please him in all aspects!

Thankfully he is not the 'wandering' type. I can never get him to go out anywhere.

Its the condition that makes the crayfish bend its all good.

Leilah:

I don't need to ask him to translate this. I carry my hand I find trouble o. I went to Nigeria twice remember??

Yeah maybe I'll never get rid of his lazy ass!! he will prolly never leave me knowing my luck!

Ah I still love him. I cook him all his food and work too! I please him in all aspects!

Thankfully he is not the 'wandering' type. I can never get him to go out anywhere.

Its the condition that makes the crayfish bend its all good.

I don't really get your meaning about finding trouble and coming to Nigeria. Explain?

You dey try for pidgin, sha. But wetin "one chance" mean?

Remember, Tara85's man didn't "wander" anywhere to get a second "wife". He simply sat in front of a PC. Technology makes getting a second wife easy lol. As crayfish follow condition bend, e go still follow condition enter pot o! Be kiaful o!

just kidding, girl. All the best in love!

thank you dear.

@tara85,

If u r a christian, go on a 3 day fast.

Pray violently and d bible says, what d Lord has joined together let no man put asunder.

The girl may have put black magic on him.

Get a prayer book by Dr Olukoya called "prayer rain".

Ask God what His will is.

ROFLMAO, so now it`s the girls fault?? Abegi!!!
The guy is a cheat and the best thing for Tara to do is to divorce and move on,
Life is to short to waste on that looser , !!!

Linda

abujabooks:

@tara85,

If u r a christian, go on a 3 day fast.

Pray violently and d bible says, what d Lord has joined together let no man put asunder.

The girl may have put black magic on him.

Get a prayer book by Dr Olukoya called "prayer rain".

Ask God what His will is.

abujabooks, i think you may have a strong point. I was on the phone to my mother in law and she thinks the same thig. Up until the point this woman came along he was all about me and our son and now its all about her. Please tell me more, which verses etc, etc.

o my goodness, i can`t believe what i`m reading here.
Tara : Since you`re brain is so clouded and you don`t wanna see what an asshole your husband is , and you`ve already made your desicion that you want to get him back by all means, pulease do us all a favour and stop boring us with your boring story on what an evil witch his new Gf is, ! Man, you`re PATHETIC and it`s no wonder that thos guy is playing you!!!!

abujabooks:

@tara85,

If u r a christian, go on a 3 day fast.

Pray violently and d bible says, what d Lord has joined together let no man put asunder.

The girl may have put black magic on him.

Get a prayer book by Dr Olukoya called "prayer rain".

Ask God what His will is.

LOL LOL juju don enter the matter?

Let's make that fasting 40 days and 40 nights

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Tara, he is with another woman (a nigerian woman) they value their own culural women more, obviously he is with her despite the fact that she is nothing to look at. Remember Nigerian men are not like white men who will judge a woman on the size of her belly. Listen, he obviously appreciates her more. So leave them be, believe me you will never be able to split a fully naija couple up, they are not like us, they don't accept divorce (amongst themselves). Thats the start reality! I have seen many, many, pretty slim white womens lives ruined because at the end of the day they werent naija.

There have been plentyof slim attractive women of all races on this forum (for eg simi) who were kicked to the curb for naija women. Its not about weight or dress sense. See once a man finds a woman that will give him what he wants (ie papers) he will jsut take the first one regardless of what weight she is. You just happened to be that first one and you won't be last in society b'cos this is an onging crime. I reiterate that you case is now a matter for your local family court as regards mainenance. I really hope you move on and meet a sound good man.

What's so great about this guy?

Is there something magical about him? Does he grow gold off his body? I mean, what is it?!

[b]

@ LEILAH, MAYBE D WOMAN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL BUT AS USUAL SHE WANTS TO DELUDE HERSELF THAT SHE'S UGLY!, NIGERIAN girl UGLY!, MMM MAKE I SHUT UP .

@ EUROMILLION 1ST POINT IS GREAT, @ SIMIBRASIL, WISH HE HAD MARRIED YA DESPITE!

@ ARNOLD 1, LOL,  !

OK I'LL SOLVE D PROBLEM.

@ POSTER: IF U R WHITE N AS U CLAIM NAIJA MEN R ROTTEN, NO WAHALA, KPATA KPATA GO FIND WHITE MAN MARRY!, ABI NA BY FORCE !!!!!!!!!!!!. LEAVE D MAN ALONE HE'S GOTTEN WHAT HE WANTED N U HAVE GOTTEN D MARRIAGE U EXPECTED!, HOW MANY WHITES DIVORCE EVERYDAY, DO U GO N PUT IT IN D NEWSPAPER THAT ALL WHITES R BAD!, WHY COME N BOTHER US?, MOST MARRIAGES EVENTUALLY ENDS.

IF IT WAS A NIGERIAN THAT WENT TO A WHITE BLOG TO COMPLAIN, WONT THEY INSULT HER, OR TELL HER ITS because WHITE GIRLS R MORE "BEAUTIFUL" (IN UR DREAMS)!, LOL.

OR DOES UR PROBLEM SOLVE D STATE OF YABA MARKET, OR CHANGE D PRICE OF FISH?

I BELIEVE UR PROBLEM IS THAT HE LEFT U 4R A NIGERIAN girl, LOL TAKE IT EAZY U SHLD HAVE KNOWN AFRICAN GALS R, , N WHITE WOMEN R GOOD JUST 4R PAPERS OR TO BRAG 2 UR FRIENDS, OR MAYBE TO SATISFY D BLACK MANS CURIOUSITY! . SHEBE NO BE ME CARRY U COME Nigeria BLOG, SO DOG WHE NO LISTEN TO D WHISTLE OF HIM MASTER, NA GRAVE HIN DEY ENTER, AS UR MAMA, PAPA BEEN SAY MAKE U NO MARRY BLACK MAN, U SELF NO LISTEN, U COME DECIDE TO JOIN THE MARRIED BLACK PEOPLE CLUB!.

IN CONCLUSION LEAVE D MAN ALONE LET HIM MOVE ON WITH HIS LIFE, AFTERALL IT MAY HAVE BEEN UR ATTITUDE THAT DROVE HIM AWAY !.

CIAO![/b]

thats a little harsh what you said mary ray, you said all white girls are only good for papers. 

We know they are being used for them but there are some good women out there.  There is indeed 5per cent of these mixed marriages that work out. There are SOME good naija men out there and there ARE SOME good western ladies who are always willing to do anything like learn the culture etc. You also said white girls are only good to satisfy the mans curiousity! thats not always the case either. I mean, do you have a heart at all my dear? to throw that at the girl!!

Remember my dear, a naija men in need of kpali will also use one of his own for this paper.

Yes, the girl should abviously move on,

There are SOME naija men out there that are genuinely satisfied with their wives and have stayed with them I know of about three or four couples that have been married even more than ten years but there are few indeed. I have been to Nigeria, I know the mentality, I learned how to please my husband as regards his food and his culture etc etc. I also got an invite to come down to nigeria again for a 25th anniversary at xmas time. I suppose all I'm good for is papers and sex too! I can actually live without sex, no prblem.

This man Tara's husband has obviosuly went back home to roost as its better for him to have a wife that wont ask him any questions and let him do what he likes ie a naija wife.

Leilah How can you be so darn sure that Tara`s husband used her for papers? Maybe he did love her and did marry herbecause he wanted to have a family with her. Ofcourse he should not have cheated on her , but Tara seems to be a very insecure woman and insecure women can drive men nuts LOL
How can you expect that man or any man to love and respect her when she obviously doesn`t love herself
How can she be so stupid to only blame the woman? Which woman with selfesteem would want such man back