@Jay bee You might want to explain this a little better

How would you handle a situation where one of these numerous "defined role play" friends of yours start developing the feeling of only ever being needed whenever you want?

But let me just say that I take people as they come. No expectations, no special friendship rule book, nothing. If you prove to be someone I can depend on for something or the other, fine. If you remember to even think about me despite whatever you're going through in your own life, I'll be grateful for that. I just believe that most of our dissatisfaction from people stem from expectations we place on them, then we feel hurt and neglected when they don't measure up.

ihedinobi2: I think it's very telling that the people who are all about how a member of the opposite sex is their best friend and they cannot do without this best friend is women. I don't know many men who think that a girl is their best friend and they aren't thinking of dating or marrying her.

Why the disconnect?

Word!! Truth though is, it's easier on the ladies' side, than on the men's side, but it swings both ways perfectly. Like Tintingz pointed, I've some female friends I grew up with, some I met while grown up, that I've NEVER had any sexual inclination towards them. They're few though. I've had a female best friend before, she travelled out of the country few years back, but in those times, I've never felt anything romantic towards her, took her like my sis. If she had fell for me, I can't tell though.

In all my times of scouring through Nairaland, I can categorically say I've read 30 percent of Mynd's posts. What I find troubling is that in those posts a whopping 80 percent of the commentors misconstrue him and always went off with defensive ramblings and personal stories that may or may not be true.

It makes me agree with the position that reiterates that most people don't want to know how a system works (which going by his posts, is mostly how Mynd's mind operates) They're only concerned about how to use it. But you can't use it properly, if you don't understand how it works. This's what Mynd is always trying to say.

Ishilove: Op, I don't know what you're talking about. One of my closest friends is a guy who I've known for 15yrs now( since secondary school). He lectures in Canada now, but not once has there ever been any awkwardness between us. There is almost nothing we can't tell each other, and never once have we ever had the issues you mentioned. He's a friend and a brother, and our friendship waxes stronger.

evidence of the both of you still waxing stronger or #fantasy things

EnlightenedSoul: Stuff and nonsense.

You described exactly the kind of "cross-gender friendship" that is to be dreaded - the kind that disguises itself as a friendship but yearns to be more, and what a terrible "friendship" at that.

The characters of your "epistle" clearly need to DTR (Define The Relationship)

Awesome!
Clearly compound interest disguised as friendship.


@topic
I guess I'm quite lucky then.
I've successfully managed one cross-gender friendship(remarkable huh ) and we still talk every week for 3yrs running now

If you're not friends in The Lord, you're just a sin waiting to happen.

opylas:

Seriously! Some guys 'suffer' in silence. It's jst nt possibl 2 keep it long-I cldn't! It's y most guys will tell u they can't hv a 'close' female friend.

speak for yourself. I've had a female best friend for over 6years before we lost contact, and I never fell for her.

Acidosis:

Situations can make opposite genders sleep on a bed (desperate stranger, once in a blue moon visitor, camps, etc). Cases like that are quite different.

El Oh El
Every last one of you is treating these friendships like a friend-zone case.

My best friend is a girl and I dont have a crush on her. Not one hair on my body stands when we r alone inside or outside a room. We both v our own relationships. In fact her current boyfriend was my friend before they started dating. We are very close n we render financial helps to each other without any coitis involved or expected. And she has given me some of the best advices i've ever gotten.

My point is, its very possible to maintain a friendship with someone of the opp $3x

MissMeiya:

So writing articles is about writing things you have no experience in? Ok, I see how credible your post is now.

Erm writing articles need an element(to a large extent actually) of research. So your point of view/ experience isn't nearly enough to lend credibility to your article. You need other people's point of view, and the OP did say it was from a guys' perspective.

Say, I can write an article about breast cancer or the World war 1, and God knows I've never experienced any of those things.

uj_sizzle:
Erm writing articles need an element(to a large extent actually) of research. So your point of view/ experience isn't nearly enough to lend credibility to your article. You need other people's point of view, and the OP did say it was from a guys' perspective.

Say, I can write an article about breast cancer or the World war 1, and God knows I've never experienced any of those things.

Secondhand information is perforce less credible than firsthand experience.

Negro1: My best friend is a girl and I dont have a crush on her. Not one hair on my body stands when we r alone inside or outside a room. We both v our own relationships. In fact her current boyfriend was my friend before they started dating. We are very close n we render financial helps to each other without any coitis involved or expected. And she has given me some of the best advices i've ever gotten.

My point is, its very possible to maintain a friendship with someone of the opp $3x

Do you need brighter grammar? Did you read the OP? The bolded is what is needed. Obviously, you have given and gained from her if not financialy then morally or in advice and she has been there for you? That is why the OP mention Newton's thrid law.

You people need to sharpen your comprehension skills

Richiy: You forgot to mention the fact that most guys would not consciously appreciate that girl that goes the extra mile for them. Rather, they would go around chasing girls that have no regard for them and end up screaming that girls are heartless. Let every guy check their lives, there is always that girl that is different but they become so used to her that they put her in the background.

chai, are you talking to me?

Spot on bro;i've had female friends in d past;same childish mentality..the fact remains ;i can neva sacrifice my hard earned money and precious tym on any lady dat aint my mother;sister or wifey...because in d end;they wont appreciate ur good gestures

Mynd_44:
This is not about right and wrong. This about the continous programming of the mind of girls that guys won't do you a favor without wanting sex

I think a lot of people are getting the OP all wrong. Don't tell us how you've managed not boinking your cross-gendered bestie.
Guys who have succeeded can share how their female friends have kept the friendship flame burning, without making them feel used.
Females can talk about how they've been less than selfish with their male friends, and what they have contributed to their relationship(not romantic).


This isn't totally about sex

What is the write up about....I didn't read it oh.
in friendship btw a boy and a girl,there is alwys that akward stagewhere the boy decides to ask the girl out. If you overcome that barrier nicely,you guys wil become almost like brothers nd sisters.

You are on point. Guy we should all know that we are in competition with girls. Some grils are so corrupt that they feel guys are fools. For me I know the extent I can go and what I can do for just a friend of the opposite sex.

Once the girl carry money matter enter our friendship, she don spoil the friendship be that.

When the guy gets a girlfriend the so called bestie might start giving off possessive vibe to the girlfriend cos bestie wants all the attention

Mr Renaissance: speak for yourself. I've had a female best friend for over 6years before we lost contact, and I never fell for her.

Bruh, we talking 'close' here, nt 'best', thr's a big difference. Being close friends wt sm1 is deeper. It's @ very few tyms d@ we have our best friends 2 also b our closest friends. U tend 2 hv 'quarrels' (nt d one u'r thinkin. I jst cldn't find any word less 'revealing' 2 put in its place) wt ur closest female friend dan u wld ur best female friend.

I knew wat I was saying wen I said most guys will tell u dey can only b friends wt girls, & nothing more; not best friends or close friends. Really, I dn't knw if u get me, do u?

MissMeiya:

No favors without sex. Didn't you read the OP?

OK..you didn't read the post.

Mr Renaissance: Word!! Truth though is, it's easier on the ladies' side, than on the men's side, but it swings both ways perfectly. Like Tintingz pointed, I've some female friends I grew up with, some I met while grown up, that I've NEVER had any sexual inclination towards them. They're few though. I've had a female best friend before, she travelled out of the country few years back, but in those times, I've never felt anything romantic towards her, took her like my sis. If she had fell for me, I can't tell though.

I think it is probably girls' capacity for self-deception especially where emotions are concerned that makes it seem easier for them. I've heard and seen girls behave in weird and really bizarre ways when they somehow lose some "just a friend" guy . In addition, girls are the more selfish of the two genders. So they tend to take advantage of stuff that's favorable to them while paying little heed to what it costs to provide those favors.

Also, men are wired to provide and be the hero so they can give a lot without expecting much back but when it becomes customary and in fact a matter of reflex that a guy will drop everything and come running when a particular girl calls, he's being more than an exemplary gentleman, wittingly or not. A guy does not assume that much responsibility for a girl without becoming emotionally attached to her. It's the stuff of marriage.

Mynd_44:
Do you need brighter grammar? Did you read the OP? The bolded is what is needed. Obviously, you have given and gained from her if not financialy then morally or in advice and she has been there for you? That is why the OP mention Newton's thrid law.

You people need to sharpen your comprehension skills

Obviously, u still need d ali n simbi textbook.
By 'we render' I meant all forms of renderin help is vice versa n there is never a stage when a party wants sex.

And I did not disagree with the OP, I was only expressing my view.

Richiy: You forgot to mention the fact that most guys would not consciously appreciate that girl that goes the extra mile for them. Rather, they would go around chasing girls that have no regard for them and end up screaming that girls are heartless. Let every guy check their lives, there is always that girl that is different but they become so used to her that they put her in the background.

from your comment, I can say you are ugly.

Mr Renaissance:


You sound pissed though.

No mind that idiot. If people talk ihn go talk. Guy wey base for canada which awkwardness ihn wan show? If you no take time sef na she fit don deh put eye for the guy sef.

I USED TO HAVE VERY PRETTY FEMALE FRIENDS AND MOST OF THEM ARE MARRIED AND IT WILL BE A TABOO AS AN IGBO TO SLEEP WITH ANOTHER MAN WIFE ...WE ARE CLOSE FRIENDS AND NOTHING MORE


IT'S POSSIBLE BUT REQUIRES SELF CONTROL ...A GREAT DEAL OF IT

ihedinobi2:
I think it is probably girls' capacity for self-deception especially where emotions are concerned that makes it seem easier for them. I've heard and seen girls behave in weird and really bizarre ways when they somehow lose some "just a friend" guy . In addition, girls are the more selfish of the two genders.

Also, men are wired to provide and be the hero so they can give a lot without expecting much back but when it becomes customary and in fact a matter of reflex that a guy will drop everything and come running, he's being more than an exemplary gentleman, wittingly or not. A guy does not assume that much responsibility for a girl without becoming emotionally attached to her. It's the stuff of marriage.

God bless you!

MissMeiya: Secondhand information is perforce less credible than firsthand experience.

Sweetheart, when you aren't writing something for your diary, but something that's supposed to reflect the thought pattern of a certain race or sex, and possibly influence the thought pattern of a couple hundred people, your personal experience does not completely suffice--it may not even be of any particular importance.

Some people actually happen to be deductive researchers as opposed to inductive ones.

We're derailing

Ishilove:
Next time make sure you read properly before you rush to quote me in order to post shyte, capisce?

A guy who must be married by now or at least have a cool babe over there and just want to keep in touch with old friends how do you expect him to show awkwardness? If care is not taken sef you are the one pushing yourself to him cos ihn deh canada. Girls eh una too longer-throat o. See as you mention the canada sef. If una just see men wey deh abroad na so body go deh shack una. Must you tell us he is in canada by the way? If you are in Lagos and he is in Aba would you ve given us that detail? O girl! Pack well o

zeb04: What is the write up about....I didn't read it oh.
in friendship btw a boy and a girl,there is alwys that akward stagewhere the boy decides to ask the girl out. If you overcome that barrier nicely,you guys wil become almost like brothers nd sisters.

True. Works well where there's an avuncular relationship established.
Don't know how many guys are going to want that though with a girl they want more than friendship with

There is no balanced friendship anywhere even within the same gender, but the reality is that the gap widens in cross-gender, and mostly in favour of women. We all met it that way and some of us are cool with it, lol.

uj_sizzle: Sweetheart, when you aren't writing something for your diary, but something that's supposed to reflect the thought pattern of a certain race or sex, and possibly influence the thought pattern of a couple hundred people, your personal experience does not completely suffice--it may not even be of any particular importance.

Some people actually happen to be deductive researchers as opposed to inductive ones.

We're derailing

Yeah you are...

chuxyz: A guy who must be married by now or at least have a cool babe over there and just want to keep in touch with old friends how do you expect him to show awkwardness? If care is not taken sef you are the one pushing yourself to him cos ihn deh canada. Girls eh una too longer-throat o. See as you mention the canada sef. If una just see men wey deh abroad na so body go deh shack una. Must you tell us he is in canada by the way? If you are in Lagos and he is in Aba would you ve given us that detail? O girl! Pack well o

lol...