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Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:11am On Jul 15, 2014 |
honeric01: House chores: laundry, dishes, cleaning, irnoning .... Nurture: providing food and drinks, showing love, affection and attention ... |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:14am On Jul 15, 2014 |
TV01: I will not go in circles with you when you refuse to answer my questions, so again: What exactly is a father UNABLE to give to his children at which stage apart from b.r. east-feeding that a mother is? |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:15am On Jul 15, 2014 |
Chillisauce: Thank you |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by honeric01(m): 10:22am On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: Provision of food to me remains the main job of the man, the woman should only serve as backup and not take up the responsibility equally with the man. the main is to manage what was provided by the main! Attention is the main thing a woman is expected to give to her kids which kids need while growing up, the man can't give this at a tender age, kids are fond/closer to their mom than their dad during this period of their lives. how can a woman who leaves home by 5:30am, returns by 9-10pm at night give this? |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by honeric01(m): 10:31am On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: The reason why the chores are not his primary role have been explained by stating out his primary role. No, this is why roles and responsibilities come in, let everyone vigorously face the main role and only assist in the other role, women should do what they are good at, nurturing the young ones while the men should do theirs, making sure they remain the role model they are. Because he should face the main things, why wash plates when you cant even provide the food to be served with the plates? BTW, i do not even care about the plates, clothes and the rest, there are machines that can do that, i am talking about things that affect the development of the children and the family, not these petty things you are bringing up. (BTW, i wash my clothes myself even though i have at least 4 people that can do them for me) Then you obviously do not know the real reason a woman was given a womb and 2 beautiful oranges if you think its okay for her to leave home even before the kids are up from bed and also return home when the kids are fast asleep. her primary ROLE is not to chase money but to oversee the development of the kids she carried/breastfed for 9 months. If you want chasing money and career as your primary goals, i advice you do not give birth to kids you have no time for. |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:34am On Jul 15, 2014 |
honeric01: This is your conviction but it remains a conviction, which I respect, but which is not some higher truth that everyone must stick to. This conviction produces MANY families where women are threatened to be send packing because it is HIS house, she has not earned any money, even though she was working at home all day and all night. I know why some people here are so eager to prove why a man should hold financial power. It is nice to leave the house, go into the world, work for some 8-10 hours, come home and be treated like a king and threaten the wife to send her packing or with a second wife if she does not do as she is told, even though her job as a house wife and mother does not end after some 8-10 hours but is to be done 24 / 7. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a father staying at home with his children and you do not argue on behalf of a child's well-being, you are just not willing to give up the financial power you hold and the comfort you enjoy. Attention is the main thing a woman is expected to give to her kids which kids need while growing up, the main can't give this before at a tender age, kids are more fond of their mom than their dad. how can a woman who leaves home by 5:30am then returns by 9-10pm at night give this? Attention is also required of fathers. Children are more fond of their mothers because mothers spend more time with them, not because they are "naturally" more fond of mothers. Who is talking about working hourse from 5:30 - 10? And who told you that it is ok for fatherS to spend little time with their kids? And again: WHY IS A MAN UNABLE TO GIVE HIS OWN CHILDREN ATTENTION AT A TENDER AGE? DOES HE HAVE ANY DISABILITY TO DO SO? 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by davidofficer(m): 10:35am On Jul 15, 2014 |
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Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 10:40am On Jul 15, 2014 |
honeric01: You STILL have NOT given any LOGICAL reason for what a man's primary role should be; same for a woman's primary role. Don't worry, you will not be able to do so because there is absolutely no LOGICAL reason why the roles cannot be reversed. AGAIN: What makes a man UNABLE to stay at home with his children? 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by honeric01(m): 10:47am On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: And what is the "higher truth you believe in"? It seems you always read only what you have in my mind, did i say the woman should not work or make her own money? please we are not foolss here! (WHERE DID I SAY A WOMAN SHOULD REMAIN INDOORS?) Do not put words into my mouth. (Typical of some women) Nope, it's wrong for a man to stay at home all day with the kids, he gives them the wrong impression of what a man should be, same with women, idleness (even though taking care of kids is a job on its own), everyone should be engaged, at work, everyone works, yet some have lesser work and still earn more, some leave earlier than the rest, yet earn more and hold higher positions. this is how a system works. Yes, it's because kids are "naturally" fond of their mom, for God's sake, the womb and the breast are not just there, they have an impact in a child's life, the man does not have these "tools". stop thinking your womb and breast are signboards or factories, they serve much more purpose than that. (A tip why are young animals more fond of their mothers than their fathers? I am the one talking about 5:30am-9-10pm, because every sensible and honest person out there knows that this time-frame is very peculiar in the corporate world and alot of career women are caught in this time-frame trap. Daycare and schools now do the jobs of parents because everyone of them wants to make money, the result? wayward kids and unsafe environment! 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by honeric01(m): 10:48am On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: Are you actually saying this or you just feign blindness? it seems you don't even read what i write, rather just quote.. TYPICAL! |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by TV01(m): 10:50am On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe:Your question has been adequately answered in my last post as quoted below. It is not a question of what either parents is "unable" to do, it's about the different biological/natural giftings and preparation and the consequently different ways mothers and fathers parent; Bringing a unique and complimentary flavour to child rearing which makes for a balanced well-raised child. I change nappies just like my wife does, but you'd be surprised that even in this "chore", we have different approaches - based on the natural feminine/masculine balance. The presence of a mother is best for a new born. All the physiological and psychological changes a woman undergoes prepares her for exactly that. Men do not undergo the same changes. So yes, a man woul dbe able to look after a new born child. Just like zoos bottle feed or hand rear baby animals without mothers. Does that mean it's best and should therefore be adopted as equal/normal. Wild animals have been known to raise human babies. Your concern is not children, their nurture or healthy families. It's equality. TV01: Your ideology forces you to reduce child raising to chores. It's far more than that. Mothers and fathers contribute in different ways to a childs development. The way the articulate, empathise, play, discipline and comfort children all differ. Input from the two is key to a childs optimal development. Nurture =/= Chores. As for claiming I am not answering your questions, you are the one not answering questions, denying what your staements imply or conveniently forgetting things . Questions; 1. Is child rearing reducible to chores? 2. If as stated there is nothing a mother or father does that the other cannot equally or adequatrely replicate, why are two fathers or two mothers not equivalent to a father and a mother? And as you have pressed for, I am willing to take gestation and breast-feeding out of the equation. 3. Are the vast majority of females naturally inclined to taking a lower status mate which is necessary for a full role reversal or swap which is also implied by your stance. The flip side; are the vast majority of men wired in such a way as to play home maker while the wife provides? Or; does the natural dynamic between males and females make the roles interchangeable for the majority whilst ensuring happy unions? TV 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by BizBloke(m): 10:53am On Jul 15, 2014 |
damiso: Well written. The highlighted part is very interesting. I don't really know (and I hope my view doesn't change in two years) but I want to be able to tuck my daughter in and also be there for her when she wakes. Ditto to the boys; I'd love to game a lot with them. As regards your second paragraph, that's very impressive; once upon a time, my mum did something similar. Truth is we have to forgo some alternatives and timing is very important in this. We can't be perfect in family planning and parenting but we can sure give it a hell of a |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:11am On Jul 15, 2014 |
TV01: I do not even bother to read the long epistles unless you give me specific examples of what a father cannot do for his child except for b. r. ea. st-feeding. I am waiting. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:13am On Jul 15, 2014 |
honeric01: I am waiting for a CLEAR answer. I will NOT accept avoidance manoeuvres. What makes a father unable to stay at home with HIS children? 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:21am On Jul 15, 2014 |
Sorry guys, I have to catch my flight. It was a pleasure talking to you guys. I will be back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRvyAPfqO8o Don't be angry with me. I love it this way and I can have it no other way. Honeric, I like you. Take care. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Fernandinho: 11:23am On Jul 15, 2014 |
Tannie: I want to be successful, have my own money, contribute my quota to my family but not at the expense of my family. I don't have to work 6-9 to be successful, I can work 7-4 and still be successful. I want to be involve in my children's life, attend sch parties, have a heart to heart talk with them, create an everlasting bond with them and help them in difficult times, that's why I'm their mother. Well said |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 11:41am On Jul 15, 2014 |
5 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by honeric01(m): 12:20pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: LOL, you want me to repeat what is already on this thread? at least do us a favor, read before quoting.. |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Joel3(m): 12:24pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
i see no reason why this keep poping up. there is a preference to everybody. in that case everyone is right. this thread is like a food for some peep. Why is this even popping up from my list. Oh i guess it was on follow. Now unfollow bye to thread. |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by TV01(m): 12:29pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
Nonso23: carefreewannabe, Excellent post. With the tiniest of amendments TV 3 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Nobody: 2:10pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by damiso(f): 2:44pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
BizBloke: Children have such a small window of childhood and as much as we want to give them the best things in life sometimes their needs are actually far simpler than we make out. I even think the early stages are the cheaper bit and the expenses probably pile up more as they grow older and are less dependent on you by then which you would have created a bond and foundation that just needs to be worked on.So many studies have shown that the Early Years Foundation Stage (0-5 years) are very crucialnin the development of a child and are such is one of the hardest times to adjust esp in your career. Which brings me to another issue.I have worked in Nigeria and the UK and contrary to some points being raised here I actually think western societies (Europe especially) actually cater more to the fact that being a mother (parent actually but mothers more so) and having a career is a tough juggle.I like to talk from first hand experience and its real life experiences . Nigeria's coporate world is BRUTUAL to family life and allowances are not made to accommodate those who want to pursue career and raise a growing family. I won't mention names but there was a company (don't know if its still the case) where it was an unwritten rule that you could not get pregnant in your first few years of employment. My uncle's wife got laid off while 8 months pregnant in a now defunct bank as her branch manager felt she was the disposable or weak link as she would soon be going on 3 months mat leave (all employers quite understandably are not fans of mat leave but coporate Nigeria really can't stand it)and would also be closing at 4 (its called nursing mother allowance) for another 3 months.He let her go and kept the single girls as he felt motherhood was a liability. I will compare that to my case.I was entitled to 9 months PAID maternity leave with the option of taking a whole year with the last 3 months unpaid.My company was quite generous as I got full pay for the first 6 months and SMP(statutory mat pay) for 3 months.When I was ready to go back I had a meeting with my manager and asked for flexible working patterns where I was able to negotiate coming in early and leaving early.All parents with children under 5 are entitled to 13 weeks unpaid parental leave if they need it and my company even allowed you to take a further one year career break after your Maternity leave if you felt you needed it. My role was to be made redundant due to company relocation while I was on mat leave with my 2nd pregnancy. My company offered me a job in the new location before anybody else on my team as they had to cover themselves by law to ensure that I was not being made redundant due to being on mat leave.I went through a 4 month consultation period before I decided on taking a voluntary redundancy due to my family situation at the time. So I disagree that progressive nations do not understand that parenting is a big deal and having a hectic work schedule is detrimental to family life.Afterall who coined work life balance? How many Nigerian companies give paternity leave? Until this year in the UK paternity leave was just 2 weeks and women got 39 weeks paid.Even now a woman can choose to split the 12 months with her partner but majority of couples still have the woman using up most of the 12 months. So i think Nigerian companies need to step up a bit (I think the MNCs are a bit better) in the regards of allowing a bit more flexibility to people with young growing families. 2 Likes |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by uzoexcel(m): 3:51pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
i have always said it...i look forward to marrying a teacher or even a lecturer by God's grace..at least someone in academia..it will always ensure that ur kids are properly groomed and taught on home fronts especially if the man doesnt really have time due to work...its just a wish though |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Gynacologist(m): 8:25pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: To each their own. I can understand why he reasons this way and I am ok with it. I just couldn't get married to a man with this way of thinking but I am sure he will find a woman who is ok with it.as if u hv a choice |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by Gynacologist(m): 8:28pm On Jul 15, 2014 |
carefreewannabe: To each their own. I can understand why he reasons this way and I am ok with it. I just couldn't get married to a man with this way of thinking but I am sure he will find a woman who is ok with it.as if u hv a choice |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by SenatorJames(m): 6:31pm On Jul 16, 2014 |
Matthewbriggs:The best response so far. 1 Like |
Re: Is It Ideal To Go For Someone With A Lesser demanding career than You by adeshola17: 8:16pm On Jul 26, 2014 |
Well tell him to make sure he runsvaway from the likes of 'sheryl sandberg' because women like her are exactly the type of women he does not want. |
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