Lemi start by say please don't judge me
I have done that to myself and it hasn't solved my dilemma.

So I'm a guy in my very early 30s and everyone says its time to get married, but I'm not in the slightest bit interested. I get a dry mouth just contemplating it.
Anyways, in the quest to find a partner, a colleague introduced me to her baby sister. My colleague ranted on about how her sister was just 21(2years ago) and hadn't seen the world and how I had better not toy with the sister.
Long and short I started dating her and she is a sweet sweet girl, I cannot deny that. Here lies the problem. Now in my 30s, I have done my own fair share of women. Everyone who sees me, knows this guy can't be a good man, I accept that. But cos I started dating her at 21 everyone assumes I did it in a catch them young move. Maybe I did sha, however no one else knows she had been seeing and sleeping with some dude too. Her sister who more or less matter of factly told me her baby sis is an angel doesn't know she wasn't a virgin when we started dating.
Now we are getting to the lets make this real point and everyone is applauding me for getting fresh blood and urging me to tie the knot quick so I can tear into her soon as possible. HELLO!!!! Some else's been there, done that! Its grating on my nerves. And she maintains the sweet innocence looks thats driving all the rating, I just wanna scream and slap someone!
I dated a few in my day and virginity has never been an issue for me, but now I'm about to marry, maybe a combo of this situation and a realisation that if you are gonna have a wife, you want her untouched or something, its just eating me up. I mean, its 3.30am and I am posting this.
Is it normal for guys who have been with others to suddenly want virgins when its time for them to marry and shit?
Cos I find I can't get past the fact she isn't one now and its eating me up. I have tried to get help online and stuff but have come to see from general comments on help sites that there are people who have been married 20years and this kind of situation is still eating them up. I don't wanna be like that and I must confess the only thing I have in this whole wide world is my happiness and I am slowly losing it on this issue.

I'll comment when somebody reads and summarizes it for me

Its not making fp don't bother
@mods, please leave this in this section
please no fp tinz please

I Felt the same way too , I just forgive her and concentrate on her good path I also convince myself and made my mind accept that virginity doesn't matter. I would have been more happy though if she had kept herself .

you cant eat your cake and have it...

u ain't 1 and u need 1. u need Jesus

madmadu: you cant eat your cake and have it...

well, he would have it as his poo...

slimjones.. concentrate on her good sides... it seems besides nt being a virgin there is nothing more to her.. virginity is overrated. there are many virgins messed up in thier minds.. and many experienced ladies that have defined a course in their lives and world make great wives.

i have a feeling u don't really love this girl

get over it

making a moutain out of a molehill

kilokeys: slimjones.. concentrate on her good sides... it seems besides nt being a virgin there is nothing more to her.. virginity is overrated. there are many virgins messed up in thier minds.. and many experienced ladies that have defined a course in their lives and world make great wives.

i have a feeling u don't really love this girl

Na. Everything else about her is perfect, must admit it.
Even this is a new development for me, sort of.
Maybe its from the guilt everyone is projecting on me, that I'm the damage goods and she is perfectly innocent, maybe cos I have never considered marriage with anyone else before.

I don't know really, just feel like it would have been an easier decision to marry if she has all the qualities she has presently and was a virgin

hushmail: get over it

making a moutain out of a molehill

http://waitingtillmarriage.org/jealousy-faq-get-over-partners-past/#comments

yeah, I thought I was too
and I thought I was alone
people been married decades and are not over it.
Don't wanna turn out like that is all.
if I know I could overcome this easily, I would sooo not be here posting

slimjones:

Na. Everything else about her is perfect, must admit it.
Even this is a new development for me, sort of.
Maybe its from the guilt everyone is projecting on me, that I'm the damage goods and she is perfectly innocent, maybe cos I have never considered marriage with anyone else before.

I don't know really, just feel like it would have been an easier decision to marry if she has all the qualities she has presently and was a virgin

brace up.. u r d man.. shield ur woman.. joseph did it for mary.. since u both know the truth.. nobody matters. na small thing

What i still dont get about this virginity issue is
Does marrying guarantees a happy home ?
Or does being a virgin denotes being a saint ?
Plz, can someone xplain this to me.?
Coz i still Couldn't phantom why dis ishvis being overhyped..

ERCROSS: What i still dont get about this virginity issue is
Does marrying guarantees a happy home ?
Or does being a virgin denotes being a saint ?
Plz, can someone xplain this to me.?

thats what I'm trying to get over too.

The partners of the different gals you've banged in the past are feeling the same way too. Wrong focus I'd say.....

slimjones:
thats what I'm trying to get over too.

Broz..
I suggest u have a lenghty date with a first and see how d tin goes ...
But remember they say love conquers it all..
Work more on ways to make urself fall in love with her...

Well...these things happen all the time. If she's perfect in other areas, then go ahead and marry her. She's not sleeping around or cheating on you, is she?

Being a virgin is not a prerequisite for a successful and happy marriage.

OP, I understand perfectly how you feel. This same issue is the fundamental reason I broke up with my ex. I used to think I could marry a non-virgin until I went through that tortuous experience. During our relationship, I was haunted by her past every blessed day. I just couldn't take it anymore. As I am now, I'd rather remain single than marry a non-virgin. I meant it.

God is absolutely right in saying we should avoid pre-marital sex and extra-marital affairs. Indeed He is always true.

For me I believe that any guy that is afraid to marry a girl that is not a virgin is only being scared of his past atrocities. So after "doing your fair share of women" you want to marry a virgin, so that who should marry those women you 'did'? As you the do thew go na so other paddies ma the do the go. Dwell more on her present and going forward than her past. I want to believe you would be more interested in your spouse staying faithful to you than having a thousand partners in the past. My 1kobo

!

Ngutor: For me I believe that any guy that is afraid to marry a girl that is not a virgin is only being scared of his past atrocities. So after "doing your fair share of women" you want to marry a virgin, so that who should marry those women you 'did'? As you the do thew go na so other paddies ma the do the go. Dwell more on her present and going forward than her past. I want to believe you would be more interested in your spouse staying faithful to you than having a thousand partners in the past. My 1kobo

Maybe part of my issues is I actually started dating late. So yeah I had my fair share, but none with me as commander in chief. I think I woulda married one of em if it was so

iHustle: OP, I understand perfectly how you feel. This same issue is the fundamental reason I broke up with my ex. I used to think I could marry a non-virgin until I went through that tortuous experience. During our relationship, I was haunted by her past every blessed day. I just couldn't take it anymore. As I am now, I'd rather remain single than marry a non-virgin. I meant it.

God is absolutely right in saying we should avoid pre-marital sex and extra-marital affairs. Indeed He is always true.

Its not a religious thing for me, I'm far from religious.
Maybe its ego, maybe I'm just hurt everyone feels thats why I'm dating/marrying her.
She is the best person I ever dated sha, thats for sure. Thats why I'm even contemplating it right now

3cycle: If you like dump her because She isn't a virgin one thing I'm sure of is that karma will still visit you someday for sleeping with other girls and refusing to marry her.

Guy hoes still wanna marry virgins, so who is going to marry the ones you've slept with?

Is it worth it if I feel this way? And will this feeling pass? Thats all I wanna know. If there are people that felt this way in the beginning and it passes naturally, and they can attest to that, I will gladly do it. But reading about people who still feel this way 20years later online is scary to say the least.
While I might have been a "hoe", I wasn't anyone's 1st. Just always wished it would be different with my wife is all.

ERCROSS:
Broz..
I suggest u have a lenghty date with a first and see how d tin goes ...
But remember they say love conquers it all..
Work more on ways to make urself fall in love with her...

hahaha...
I don't have 1sts

I have kept a clean sheet and will marry a lady that has kept a clean sheet.

@op, you don't have what you are seeking. Why bother yourself?

Your inability to forgive yourself of your past actions is what's eating you up.

Nobody is blaming you for anything. It is understandable for you to feel this way and that's what makes you human and have a conscience.

God has forgiven u already and all u need is to not continue in that direction.

!

Just reading comments

3cycle:
Forget what people say online and focus on the girl you wanna settle with. Virginity does not guarantee a lasting or happy marriage what matters most is what both of you share together(love). Except you are saying you don't love her.
The feeling will go away when you stop worrying yourself about unnecessary things, only virgins have the right to be worried.

OP, you will do well to ignore the above comment.

Go for what will guarantee your happiness. Love can fade, but the feeling of having what you don't want, the feeling that you are not her first may haunt you for a very long time. And the more you try to suppress that feeling, the more it haunts you.

jmoore: I have kept a clean sheet and will marry a lady that has kept a clean sheet.

@op, you don't have what you are seeking. Why bother yourself?

how do you mean I don't have what I seek?

Asking the married guys in the house.
did anyone feel like this and does it pass?

iHustle:

OP, you will do well to ignore the above comment.

Go for what will guarantee your happiness. Love can fade, but the feeling of having what you don't want, the feeling that you are not her first may haunt you for a very long time. And the more you try to suppress that feeling, the more it haunts you.

Ok op do well to heed his advice.

Since virginity matters most to you, just end it all with her for your sanity.
Case closed