This is my view on the whole White/Court wedding thing and not really as a counter post to Sweetlemon's post here https://www.nairaland.com/1904185/growing-trend-men-shying-away

I saw a post on nairaland by a girl, urging her fellow ladies to always insist on having a white/court wedding after traditional one. And then I got thinking, of what use is it to have a church/mosque/court wedding after having a traditional one? I know it has become the norm with us here but seriously, I think this is one of the vestiges of the West in our culture today.
When you really look at it, there really is not that any difference when one weds in the church/mosque/court or when you have just a traditional wedding. Call me whatever, but I think that traditional wedding should be primary and take preeminence, and that church/mosque/court weddings be made optional. These are my reasons:


1. The Religious Aspect: Let me start from this aspect first cos I know that one is what everyone will love to jump to first. Before the advent of Christianity, people have always been getting married and having weddings. But how it was done then is sooooo much different from how it is done now. In biblical times, this is how a marriage/wedding is done:
Bible speaks of three "C" of weddings: Contract, Consummation, and Celebration. These same things exist today in modern
marriages but the order and timing of each stage is different. Ancient Jewish weddings never involved a wedding ceremony like we see today with the bride walking down the aisle to be married in the synagogue.
In fact the present day "wedding ceremony" is something that did not develop for hundreds of years after Jesus rose from the dead. Modern Jewish weddings are as removed and different from the ancient Jewish marriage culture of the first century as Christian weddings are.

There were three states of a marriage in the Bible:

Stage 1: Signing the "ketubbah" contract (Creating the marriage bond)
The bride would chose her husband and her father would sign a legal contract with him called a "ketubbah". Once this is signed the couple is 100% married but do not have sex yet.
Young children were often married, (arraigned marriage) but did not consummate until of age.

Stage 2: The "chuppah": sexual consummation.
Up to 7 years later, the groom is able to raise the money as set out in the ketubbah contract and notifies the father of the bride, who then sets a date to consummate the marriage at the bride's home. The bride waits with her maidens, for the arrival of the groom and his companions. The couple enters the chuppah room and consummates the marriage while the companions of the bride and groom wait and celebrate outside or in the next room. The groom hands the bloodied "proof of virginity cloth" to the witnesses chosen by the bride's parents, who then give it to the bride for safekeeping.

Stage 3: The wedding feast
After consummation, the entire wedding party walks to the house of the groom in a procession for a wedding feast. At the conclusion of the wedding feast, the couple has completed the ancient ritual of marriage. There was no "wedding ceremony" in the synagogue in the first century, performed under a canopy where the bride and groom would hold hands and say, "I do" before an audience of friends and family. This didn’t develop for hundreds of years after Jesus died on the cross.

A few examples from OT:

The three stages of Isaac's marriage to Rebekah: Gen 24.

[b]Contract (stage 1): [/b]Gen 24:33, Gen 24:51-53, Gen 24:57-58. An offer of marriage is proposed. The offer is accepted and
Rebekah is married by contract. Gifts and money are given both to the bride and the parents of the bride. Notice that
Rebekah was asked if she consented to the marriage.

[b]Consummation (stage 2): [/b]Gen 24:64-67. Rebekah and Isaac go to the tent.
[b]Celebration (stage 3): [/b]No mention of wedding feast, but one likely happened.

The three stages of Jacob's marriage to Leah: Gen 29.

[b]Contract (stage 1): [/b]Gen 29:15-20. Jacob contracts to work for 7 in advance before he gets the girl.
[b]Consummation (stage 2): [/b]Gen 29:21-26. Jacob pays the dowry price of 7 years and takes Leah into the tent.
[b]Celebration (stage 3): [/b]Gen 29:27-28. He completed the 7 day wedding feast with Leah.

The three stages of Jacob's marriage to Rachel: Gen 29.

[b]Contract (stage 1): [/b]Gen 29:27. Jacob contracts to work for 7 MORE years but gets to consummate the wedding at the
before he pays the full dowry.
[b]Consummation (stage 2): [/b]Gen 29:30. He took Leah into the tent at the beginning of the 7 day feast, then at the end of the 7 day feast he took Rachel into the tent.
[b]Celebration (stage 3): [/b]Gen 29:27-28. The 7 day wedding feast was for both girls.

Now the above is what constitutes a wedding back in biblical times. And yet, this is recognized by God as a valid
marriage. There was no need to go to the synagogue for the Rabbi to officiate and bless the marriage, that can be fully
done by both parents and you know how much God honors the blessings/curses of the parents over the children, case in
point Isaac to Jacob and Esau, and Jacob to his 12 sons. I'm not against inviting the pastor/imam to bless the union,
but it shouldn't be a neccessity. I can't really talk about the muslim point of view because I'm yet to attend a muslim wedding to compare it with stories of weddings done in the Quran if there are any there. So, I think this has covered the religious aspects of today's christian weddings.

[b]2.The Legal Aspect: [/b]From the time before the colonials came and changed our ways, we've all had series of traditional laws and statutes that we live by. When it comes to marriage, we can see it in the way we perform our cultural weddings, what are expected of both the couple are made known to both of them and when they fulfill all obligations, they are legally married. Then the white man comes along and tells us that our ways aren't right. That marriages are no longer convenants like it was to us back in the days, but now a legal arrangement of sorts that is backed up by a legal document/license. And poof, they imposed their own culture and we bought it. Now 54 years after they left, we still
believe that theirs is the way and ours is not. I know many will say, we need to do the church/court wedding because they need that license especially for legalities like traveling, immigration, divorce, properties, titles and other stuff, and I'm all for it, truly. But my question is, why can't we make our traditional weddings to carry the same amount of legal weight, if not more than that of a white/court wedding has? Yes, you get issued a marriage certificate by the church/court (which is by the way renewable after some years or so. Another of making money for the
church/state. Call it marriage tax), why can't we do the same during traditional weddings? A marriage certificate can be issued by the Office of the Igwe/Baale/Oba/Emir/Sultan etc of the local government area or village of the couple or that of the locality of the area where the marriage was conducted. That way, it becomes fully entrenched as it should be in our constitution, because by Nigerian law, traditional wedding is 100% legal and valid. Adding the license part makes it even more valid and can be used in any legal standing in and out of the country.

[b]3. The Cultural Aspect: [/b]Why is it that we tend to value the western culture over ours? Our culture is very rich and even the West knows that and make documentaries out of it but only after they have successfully made us lose ours to theirs. Gradually, most aspects of our culture are giving way and getting lost over time. Our own indigenous languages are being looked down upon by us and termed barbaric. Take for instance, the Nigerian TV anchors and newscasters. They all have one thing in common, a fake accent. They want people watching them believe that their mastery of the English language is so perfect and the accent well polished. It works most times because when they make grammatical errors, we don't even know because we have gotten the impression that with such an accent, they can't go wrong. The same way it is with our traditional weddings. Most people will tell you that they rather do the white/court wedding and skip the traditional because it is archaic to them and "local". They want something chic and modern. Funny thing about it is that what we call "local" the west call exotic. Recently an Italian couple came here and had a Nigerian traditional marriage in Imo state. And I'm talking about the bride and groom both being Italians, not even blacks. Meanwhile our celebs have caught the "I must have my wedding abroad" bug, with the likes of 2 face and Tiwa Savage. After the wedding, it will be shown on HipTv as a mini series for some ladies to drool on and start having some silly and unrealistic dreams that they expect their future husbands to make real. Anyways, that's a story for another day.

4. The Logical/Common Sense Aspect: Now this just me being sensible here. Of what use is it that you have to have two weddings done? In this time wey owu dey blow guys anyhow? I mean, think about the cost implications of it and ask yourself "is it sensible?". After the traditional, you still end up doing either a white or court wedding again and for what? Just so that you can get a license (for the sensible ones) or have that Mills and Boon/Princess Dairies/Fairy Tale wedding that you have always been dreaming about ever since you stopped wearing diapers (I'm looking at some of you ladies). Some want to use it to show their "enemies" that their plans have failed. Many want it so elaborately done that they even higher a choreographer that will make the wedding look like a movie. I think if you really give the guys an option, a lot will rather have one and not both weddings. Especially when they are the ones bearing the major burden of the costs of the wedding. Some people even use the white wedding as a competition of sorts where the bride's family competes with that of the groom's. They set up separate canopies and stands that will cater to their own invitees. Each family will prepare their own separate gifts that they give out to guests. Such gifts will be well labeled with "Courtesy of the Bride's/Groom's family". Anyone wey try that kind stunt on wedding will see my other side sha......

There are other reasons that I have but I these points will suffice for now and they are enough reasons for me not to subscribe to the whole "We must do white/court wedding" thingy.

Epistle lo gun lo to bayi

Tor mo ti bu ooo

op thanks for dis post jare, I've always said it, traditional marriage only is what I will do. in fact that type that they would beat our traditional drums. religious marriage is just a waste of time, energy an money.

to me white wedding is not really a religious wedding, its just d whites 'traditional wedding' yet to some if they've not done it they are not married

AfricanApple:
op thanks for dis post jare, I've always said it, traditional marriage only is what I will do. in fact that type that they would beat our traditional drums. religious marriage is just a waste of time, energy an money.

to mW white wedding is not really a religious wedding, its just d whites 'traditional wedding' yet to some if they've not done it they are not married

Honestly, I am very very surprised that this is coming from a lady...

Keep it up ma'am

Pray 4 Africa.

mcdreeezy:
Honestly, I am very very surprised that this is coming from a lady...

Keep it up ma'am

thanks

The person that posted the thread on the increase in the trend of court and church weddings is Igbo. This is understood. The Igbo set aside a day for traditional marriage which is characterized by huge spending. Among the Yoruba, much is not spent because both the traditional marriage (which they choose to call engagement) and the church wedding take place on the same day. The engagement which takes place early in the day is characterized by just the groom's family giving the bride's family the bride price, which always not much. The ceremony doesn't last upto two hours, after which the guests are fed with a light meal like tea and bread or yam and souce.

Omimah:
The person that posted the thread on the increase in the trend of court and church weddings is Igbo. This is understood. The Igbo set aside a day for traditional marriage which is characterized by huge spending. Among the Yoruba, much is not spent because both the traditional marriage (which they choose to call engagement) and the church wedding take place on the same day. The engagement which takes place early in the day is characterized by just the groom's family giving the bride's family the bride price, which always not much. The ceremony doesn't last upto two hours, after which the guests are fed with a light meal like tea and bread or yam and souce.

Sorry, but you are wrong in some parts of your post. I'm also Igbo and we also have engagements which we call Introduction and it is a very small ceremony usually attended by the groom and few members of his family at the bride's house. There the dowry/brideprice can be paid or paid on the day of the wedding proper. The brideprice varies across the states with some parts of Imo state being known for the high brideprice demanded and others like Anambra and Enugu having as low Three thousand naira as brideprice. Most families even return part of the brideprice immediately after it is paid. The wedding proper is the traditional marriage and it is usually done in the evening unlike what is obtained today and it isn't supposed to cost much and the time it takes is less than an hour after which the celebration/reception begins.

henryskywalker2003:


Sorry, but you are wrong in some parts of your post. I'm also Igbo and we also have engagements which we call Introduction and it is a very small ceremony usually attended by the groom and few members of his family at the bride's house. There the dowry/brideprice can be paid or paid on the day of the wedding proper. The brideprice varies across the states with some parts of Imo state being known for the high brideprice demanded and others like Anambra and Enugu having as low Three thousand naira as brideprice. Most families even return part of the brideprice immediately after it is paid. The wedding proper is the traditional marriage and it is usually done in the evening unlike what is obtained today and it isn't supposed to cost much and the time it takes is less than an hour after which the celebration/reception begins.

Among the Yoruba, introduction and engagement are two different things. Introduction is characterized by the formal visitation of the family of the groom to that of the bride. The ceremony is usually low key, holding in the living room. In most cases the day of the marriage wouldn't have been fixed. In some cases the marriage could up more than a year after.
The engagement is what in other tribe described as traditional marriage. It holds on the same day as the the church wedding.