n-guage:

I will tell you what no one said so far. The lady in Nigeria is very likely your husband's "real" wife or girlfriend who he plans to marry and he only used you to get the Finnish equivalent of a Green card.
I'm sorry you fell for this but experience is the best teacher. In very rare cases, it's really love but in most cases illegal residents are not the best people to give your heart to.

I believe I said it myself
Yes, I do believe you're right in that.

nomanicole link=topic=199268.msg3138036#msg3138036 date=1227650422:

@namun
thanks dear!

@enitan
please don't misunderstand my point,i'm not praising the man for cheating.i said if he really loves her 2years is too long a time for him not to realise she has a child for him, who knows maybe the guy is even married to some one else, i mean before he met her. according to her,they got married ,did she state if it was contract or the church thing where his family will be involved? she said they got married because he was about to be deported,excuse me?did i make that up?yes the man is not justified for cheating but i believe they had an agreement and maybe it has expired,she said he doesnt like condoms.lets face reality,was the marriage for love,companionship,help and multiplication? or for helping him out get his papers to avoid being deported?at least we have heard alot of stories where people do the contract agreement thing?she and the guy don't even stay in the same place,oh please! she wants him,he doesnt want her,why kill yourself? move on with your life or better still keep enduring and wait for heaven to change his mind.what if this guy has kids and a happy family in naija already?he married on contract to get what he wanted.i don't why i'm seeing things from this angle but its reality.

Well, except we didn't have a contract. We would've married even if he was deported, in Nigeria. That was the plan but we managed to get wed b4 the final actions. I actually had booked the ticket for the flight already.

I don't know what went wrong in our relationship and when exactly. He still claims he loves me, but really if he does would he then have 2 other women as well?

nomanicole:

@poster
you wont die if you stay without him,please.

shegirl71:

No you are not being too harsh,I suggest you move on.and leave his soory ass.

PurestBoy:

@poster,

Leaving your husband is not the solution as you may jump from frying pan to fire if care is not taken but I suggest you seek your Pastor's help to counsel your randy husband.

tomba:

My own belief is that, a man who dosen't play the part of being the normal, godly husband should be negleted. Don't leave him, because of ur kid, but treat him as if he dosen't exist. Go on with ur life.

PurestBoy:

@poster,

Leaving your husband is not the solution as you may jump from frying pan to fire if care is not taken but I suggest you seek your Pastor's help to counsel your randy husband.

chukwuify:

I did call his pastor. No help coming from there either. Well, what can be expected as SHE's a member of that same church too?

Sis, I must tell you to show him more love and give him more sex, buy him gifts you know he cherishes. I guess these should help, Just give a try

PurestBoy:

Sis, I must tell you to show him more love and give him more sex, buy him gifts you know he cherishes. I guess these should help, Just give a try

Sisi Jinx:

Let's see if I have this right. . .

ACTION REACTION
He cheats on her - She shows him more love.
He cheats on her - She gives him more sex
He cheats on her - SHE buys him gifts

Is that so? Gotcha!

Thanks.

Sisi Jinx:

Let's see if I have this right. . .

ACTION REACTION
He cheats on her - She shows him more love.
He cheats on her - She gives him more sex
He cheats on her - SHE buys him gifts

Is that so? Gotcha!

Thanks.

PurestBoy:

What do you think she can do? cheat back? Tell us your opinion on this matter

Sisi Jinx:

My opinion? Oh let's just say I am no expert like you. I'm still waiting for the part where you tell her make her bed ready for her husband and his girlfriend to carry their loving or maybe she'll just drive him to his girlfriend's home, wait in the car until he's done, drive him back home, draw his bath, feed him and cap the night off by giving him a massage?

PurestBoy:

I do not agree with those at they are inhuman act from any man

but do you think fighting back or packing out of the house will change the man?

@nomanicole,ah! this man has actually brain washed you,so you actually think if he had been deported, he would have still married you? even with his naija wife? oh, please! all his talks then were strategies to get you to make his stay possible,any desperate hussling naija guy can say anything to satisfy their thirst,girl,open your eyes.what more do you want to hear? oh! you might die staying with him?? exactly,because he'll keep frustrating Uone day he might just come and run away with your kid,leaving you with nothing.shine your eyes Shocked,or you plan to come to naira land again? make hay while the sun shines

okunoba:

dear chukwuify,
I have to confess to u, having more than one woman is standard amongst most Nigerian men. We grow up seeing our dad`s with multiple partners, hence we end up accepting it as the norm. It only becomes a problem when we come to the Western world and start dating white women, then we realise it`s not the norm here but by then it`s usually too late to change and very few of us ever change. My advice to u is, decide if u can take his cheating like his mom had to with the father or leave him if u don`t think u can take it. I once had a Finish girlfriend but was honest enough to tell her I couldn`t commit to her alone which she understood and we ended up being friends. Nigerians love praying to solve any problem they might have , if that was the solution, your husband would not be in finland where they never pray but in Nigeria where they do. Prayer suggestion is just a way of saying they don`t know what advice to give so leave everything to faith.

okunoba:

My advice to u is, decide if u can take his cheating like his mom had to with the father or leave him if u don`t think u can take it.