Aaaawwwww, please don't stop, I beg of you. This your story is "speaking" to me as I'm just so emotional today.

*grabs handkie*

Love wantintin, pls dont rush it ohh, just type in phases like this, dont leave out any detail no matter how little,the wedding,how u two lived together, the arguments, the vacations,your r/ship with family and friends,infact, everything, u just made my day/week.

Awwww. Beautiful!

Wow. Nice.

@RTFM
serubawon's thread has always been blessed so please feel free to share. We're anonymous so no rush just take your time and feel welcome to come whenever you want.

Sorry about the break. I have been taking the train to and from work these last few weeks instead of driving. It takes longer but is safer.

My first thought was shock. Though we had spoken on many wide ranging topics, I had never expressed any romantic intentions. It really shook me up and I took a long walk on my lunch break to gather my thoughts. Why would a woman send me flowers? I was not unfamiliar with the ways of women, after all I had sisters, I was an alumnus of ISI and Unilag and a fine boy even if I say so myself.
A switch went off in my head and I resolved to find out more.
International phone calls were really expensive in the 90's so I went to to pick up some airmail letter cards. I wrote her a letter.
I got a reply within a week. The paper she used was scented with what I would later find out was her favourite perfume Chloé,
I cannot smell it now without crying.
I sent her a book as she had shown interest in science, the universe, art, history, so many things. The book was Stephen Hawkin's A Brief History of Time. ( later found out earlier this year that she had never read it! I laughed so much when she confessed, so All the time I had referred to it she was just humouring me. What a lady.)
We corresponded for several months.
I bought a mobile phone just so I could hear her voice. ( One to One mobile phones were new at the time and I must have spent all of my salary on phone bills)
Letters went back and forth for months, I fell in love with her mind. Her interests, her view of the world. I knew how I felt but could not bring myself to let her know how I felt.
One day it just struck me, why was I wasting time? We meshed on all levels, we were friends, we saw the world the same way, we found the same things funny. I had found my missing rib.
All this time I had no Idea what she looked like but she had seen my picture on our company website. So I finally wrote a letter, I admitted how I felt and waited an anxious week for the reply.
Turns out she had felt the same way as I did and had waited for me to make the first move. I also got pictures of her. She was every bit as beautiful as I thought she would be.

@RTFM
i know how you feel,
you have to be in it to feel it.
i over the year have cried so hard for my loss that my eyes went bad
pls cry when as you remember her,then smile for all the good things,signs,cares and love she gave you as you journeyed through life together
Just be strong,kos that is what she would have wanted( hard to do, but that's one goal towards saying yes to her wishes)
Go for country drives park under a tree and scream your pain out,
Cry but remember to smile at the same time
God will touch you,when you least recognize it ,
it is well

RTFM
So sorry to hear about your loss and I know that there are no words people will speak to you that will be enough, and nobody can really fully understand what you are going through, but I pray that God's peace and comfort will be with you at every moment.
Remember the good memories and hold unto them dearly, cry whenever you feel like it, scream do whatever when it feels like you just need to let off the pain. It will take a while but as the days go by, you will gradually begin to experience serenity.
I know people can only ever be there for you for a short period of time because everyone needs to get on with life, but hey! talk to God, have normal everyday heart to heart conversations with Him and also this is the time to get involved in some of the things you always wanted to do; play golf, tennis, take that trip, maybe go spend sometime in the countryside, travel round Nigeria (we have got beautiful places; and that is assuming you are in Nigeria) or just generally try out new things for the fun of it to take you mind off the grief sometimes. It is not easy and won't be easy to start this process but everything gets easier with time.
Praying for peace and calm for you.[color=#006600][/color][b][/b]

Looks like RTFM was banned by spambot. Moderators need to unban him. Tgirl4real or RoyalRoy help us unban and release his post

My Condolences to you RTFM

Sorry about the break. I have been taking the train to and from work these last few weeks instead of driving. It takes longer but is safer. Also got banned for 24 hours!!? Not sure why.

My first thought was shock. Though we had spoken on many wide ranging topics, I had never expressed any romantic intentions. It really shook me up and I took a long walk on my lunch break to gather my thoughts. Why would a woman send me flowers? I was not unfamiliar with the ways of women, after all I had sisters, I went to a mixed secondary school, I didn’t toast her or say anything that would indicate romantic interest. I wasn’t looking for a relationship.
A switch went off in my head and I resolved to find out more.
International phone calls were really expensive in the 90's so I went to to pick up some airmail letter cards. I wrote her a letter.
I got a reply within a week. The paper she used was scented with what I would later find out was her favourite perfume Chloé,
I cannot smell it now without crying.
I sent her a book as she had shown interest in science, the universe, art, history, so many things. The book was Stephen Hawkin's A Brief History of Time. ( later found out earlier this year that she had never read it! I laughed so much when she confessed, so All the time I had referred to it she was just humouring me. What a lady.)

@toyemz, am so sorry for your loss, lots of love.
@RTFM, welcome back, I ve been refreshing this page like my internet subscription depended on it.

I keep getting banned!!?

Thank you all so much to everyone on this thread. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Writing part of my life's story has indeed helped me so much. Things do not seem as dark and hopeless. It has been therapeutic and cathartic.
I will keep posting some things, if I can, pardon me if it is disjointed, or if I am away for some time, I still need to earn a living.
I have started writing again but mostly on paper. Some things are too personal even on an anonymous forum.
I will not put events in chronological order but I will try and give impressions of a most wonderful and peaceful relationship.
I will also try and keep things brief so as not to upset my new nemesis the "Nairaland Anti-spambot".
Thank you,you dear, dear people. You have no idea how low I was until I came across this thread.
God bless you all.

What a beautiful story. May her soul continue to rest in peace.

@serubawon,Great to know that the lord has been so good to you,came across this thread and I have been reading all the pages like I have to defend it soonest,there are times I will laugh and times when my eyes got misty,but then i learnt alot from it.how is olori and your kids doing? i pray that the lord will continue to keep you all.
@RTFM, the lord is your strength and i can't imagine how you have been so lonely,but hey,dont despair,the lord sure knows how to reposition you and make you brand new just as he did for mr serubawon,the lord will heal you too.
be free always to pour out your mind here,i trust the likes of @spoilt,@jk,@tgirl,@analytical and all to lend a crying shoulder.

RTFM, when the spambot gets you. Send a message to one of the mods to unban and release your post.

RoyalRoy, come and release post abeg.

This gist is too sweet for this your spam bot wey dey para

baby124: RoyalRoy, come and release post abeg.

This gist is too sweet for this your spam bot wey dey para

Lolllz.

Guess the spam bot is in love with RTFM

Thank you all so much.

I posted this today on Facebook, actually should be yesterday now and I also dedicate the sentiments to all of you on this thread who have been so welcoming and supportive,

Today, for the first time in weeks I prayed. Not a get down on your knees thing but a quiet internal dialogue with my creator. Almost immediately I felt the fog beginning to lift. For some strange reason I was filled with a deep sense of gratitude and peace. I will be the first to admit, I am not a particularly religious man, too much of a cynic, but I have always had my faith and it has supported me and been a source of strength. Today I was reminded of how blessed I truly am. I remember my mum and my wife, both of whom are no longer with us and I am thankful. I am thankful that I have all you wonderful friends who have helped me through this dark time. I am thankful for a great marriage, a fantastic job the respect of my peers and superiors. I am thankful for life in a different country and the realisation that the Swiss are not as cold as they have been depicted but can be just as warm and welcoming as a genuine African. Today, I mark another year on this planet. Under normal circumstances I would have taken the day off and dossed around the house in my underpants while being waited on hand and foot by my significant other. (not a pretty sight but once a year I can get away with it). I went to work instead and had a good day. Today, I see how blessed and lucky I truly am. With all the posts, IMs, BBs, phone calls, texts, letters, cards, emails, the odd fax (yes, fax, some of us were alive in the 80's). I appreciate those who have offered words of comfort and made gestures behind the scenes and those who have done so openly. I will work my way through in due course and thank you all individually but for now, Thank you all so much! Merci beacoup! Dankie, Shukran, Xièxie, Danke schön, Na gode, ịmela dalu, Mahalo, Molte grazie, Dōmo arigatō, Hvala, Muchas gracias, E she gaan ni.

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- Khalil Gibran

You are welcome. Happy birthday to you. I wish you many more years of laughter and joy. As well as a well deserving woman to be a part of your life. Though she may never replace your wife, but in her own way, she will make you whole again. Enjoy your day! Make sure you go out with people and have a good time

Happy byeday in arrears, RTFM. Menh, I knew there was something special about you. Please think about the journal thingy and when you are more comfortable with it, probably a diary on nairaland. Infact I wouldnt mind reading your autobiography, it would be so inspirational, remain blessed.

Happy birthday RTFM. You don't know how happy I am for you right now. I'm very positive you will pull through. This too shall pass. One day at a time.

Do me a favour right now...please. SMILE!

@RTFM Happy birthday to you in arrears, May you find happiness again,

Happy Birthday RTFM...
And thank you for sharing your beautiful stories with us.

Happy birthday RTMF.

You deserve every reason to be thankful.
thank you for sharing your thoughts,grief,your feelings n above all for making me bless Almighty God cos of this thread n the great impact it is having on peoples lives.
i came across dis thread 2013 wen i was down too but God used Serubawon n every other person who has posted their experiences here for my great turn around.

you will not be left behind too.God will uplift you,console you,only him can be there for you always n forever. Just give him the chance, he alone is the great comforter.

Smile my brother, cos you are not alone.

SHALOM.

Happy Bday RTFM,God is your strength.

Keep on smiling,your days of sorrow are over.
God has a beautiful plan for you.

Lovely, RTFM. Happy birthday, brother.

May the fog be replaced by sunshine and laughter and the songs of birds.

Happy Birthday Mr.RTFM

Happy birthday sir.

Thank you all so much for my Birthday greetings.
I apologise for not posting more frequently but I have been really slammed at work.
Your support has been a huge part of my healing.
A while back when I was at my lowest point I posted the following on Facebook:

Exactly three years ago, my beloved wife and myself moved here from England. We were so happy, full of hope and expectation. It was to have been the beginning of a great new adventure. We had such plans and so many things we wanted to experience together. Today, I am all alone and the pain is almost too much to bear. I don't know why I am writing this on Facebook. It is not my intention to wallow in grief or bring anyone down. If you are reading this status update, you are not obliged to like or comment or get in touch. There are no words suitable to alleviate my feelings at this time. I have shared status updates when I was happy now I am so sad I feel it is right to share as well.
I write as a means to unburden myself and perhaps experience some form of catharsis. It's seven weeks now since my better half was taken from me so cruelly.
The pain does not go away. The passing of time has not made any difference and I wonder if I will ever regain my equilibrium. I now know how it feels to be alone. I miss waking up beside her, the way she laughed at my silly jokes or didn't (she was German after all), I miss her hugs and kisses and whispered I love yous that we exchanged everyday. I miss her phonecalls to me at work, sometimes to ask when I would be home, to remind me to run an errand or just to hear my voice. I miss coming home to her arms, the way she would drop everything when I walked through the door and the occasional dance we would do if music was playing... and there was always music. I miss having someone to take care of, someone to share the experiences of the day with, someone to unburden to, to plan with, to stand at my side against the world. I miss my best friend.
I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to check up on me, especially my wifes's friend, who has been a Godsend and tried to take me out of myself as well as assist with the Swiss bureaucracy. Thank you for the trip into the mountains. I got back home, did not have anyone to recount to and unfortunately it broke me down anew.
Several people have recommended books that they think might help but the written word just does not cut it at this time.
I have no words for those who have told me to be strong and move on. How does one do that?
I write these words in the knowledge that nothing on the Internet ever fades away.
These words will end up on an archive somewhere as a testament that I was loved by and trully loved a most remarkable woman. Thank you my ----- for everything. I miss you.

I have removed the names but this was at the depths of my pain. It is beginnig to get better and you guys are a huge part of that. Thank you.