[b]I think we should try to separate physical abuse from verbal abuse.
Everytime one comes up, the other is brought up by the other arm of debaters making it seem as if verbal abuse is always the precursor to physical abuse which is hardly the case.

Physical abuse can be triggered by anything as long as the abuser is violent by nature.

Always bringing verbal abuse into the equation everytime physical abuse is mentioned undermines the real issue that real victims are suffering from.

Even though everyone means well, it always seems to the one side like the other side is justifying physical or verbal abuse respectively.
which is not true (assuming we are all normal)

That said, verbal abuse should also be addressed. albeit on its own. When the topic is raised and someone brings the angle of physical abuse into it, the message is lost because it then seems as if there's an underlying impression that the one justifies the other. Which may not even be what the poster/posters mean.

Let's try and keep them separate.

Instead either type of abuse can be addressed from the POV of both genders seeing as both men and women are capable of both physical and verbal abuse even if in lower proportions relative to the other gender.
[/b]

babyosisi:


When you make unfounded statements in support of physical abuse then you are not helping matters.if you look around you there is a woman you know who is a victim and often there are children in that mix.it can only end by people admitting that it is real.many women have been disabled and many killed in this process.

It's really sad that you deliberately don't want to see the very obvious in my posts.

How about men that I know who are victims? The fact that men who beat their wives at the slightest provocation are beasts cannot be over emphasized, why won't you address normal people who are pushed beyond their limits?

The difference between you and I, is that I am choosing to live and the real world and you are not, the argument here (besides the main focus of the article that is)is that there are also abusive women, why is that so hard for you to accept?

freecocoa:
Is 80% not sometimes? So long as I didn't say a 100, we are still progressing.

Babyosisi let's try to be realistic please, it is well known that women on the average are more verbally abusive than men, not disputing the fact that a minority of men are also verbally abusive, asking for stats on this is just trying to prolong talk.

I disagreed with the stats because its not true, I'm currently with 4 women and not one of them believe it's okay to be hit, well except they hit first or pose a threat to the man.

Verbally abusive people have the tendencies to be also physically abusive, you have every right to disagree but I believe we all know the truth.

ROFL @ your 80% argument
And I have proven to you that verbal insult is not the driving force for physical abuse neither is it a reason to pyysically abuse.You yourself have admitted that a verbal altercation is not a reason for a man to hit you so I fail to see the meat in your argument.
If you told me you would justify a man that hit you because you provoked it by something you said then I could understand you .You seem to be all over the place at this point.

cococandy:
[b]I think we should try to separate physical abuse from verbal abuse.
Everytime one comes up, the other is brought up by the other arm of debaters making it seem as if verbal abuse is always the precursor to physical abuse which is hardly the case.

Physical abuse can be triggered by anything as long as the abuser is violent by nature.

Always bringing verbal abuse into the equation everytime physical abuse is mentioned undermines the real issue that real victims are suffering from.

Even though everyone means well, it always seems to the one side like the other side is justifying physical or verbal abuse respectively.
which is not true (assuming we are all normal)

That said, verbal abuse should also be addressed. albeit on its own. When the topic is raised and someone brings the angle of physical abuse into it, the message is lost because it then seems as if there's an underlying impression that the one justifies the other. Which may not even be what the poster/posters mean.

Let's try and keep them separate.

Instead either type of abuse can be addressed from the POV of both genders seeing as both men and women are capable of both physical and verbal abuse even if in lower proportions relative to the other gender.
[/b]

We have actually progressed to say that in 80% of cases women are the primary physical abusers according to freecocoa.That is a new one I just learned today.

freecocoa:
Honestly Sholly, it pains me to see that most women on here tend to blame the men for virtually everything, that's not what feminism is about and it's giving the cause a bad name.

Even though feminism is largely based on campaigning for women rights, it doesn't mean men too don't have rights, I take the responsibility for losing main focus on this thread but this is highly as a result of the general perception of men here, it usually looks like men-hating and that's not my idea of feminism, I believe in equal rights for both sexes.

I don't think there is a male-bashing issue on Nairaland, I think it's purely boys vs girls high school bullsh1t. This thread is not saying all men domestically abuse their wives, if anything, it is female bashing because it is stating that women are in such mental bondage that they think domestic abuse can be justified. This should have turned into a "what is wrong with the society?" thread OR "How can we liberate our women?" thread. Instead, the males came here to accuse the females and then the women respond in kind.

I see your point; I do think you should call the person who you feel is unnecessarily bashing the opposite gender to order than try to throw women under the bus by coming up with a ridiculous statistic.

babyosisi:


ROFL @ your 80% argiment
And I have proven to you that verbal insult is not the driving force for physical abuse neither is it a reason to pyysically abuse.You yourself have admitted that a verbal altercation is not a reason for a man to hit you so I fail to see the meat in your argument.
If you told me you would justify a man that hit you because you provoked it by something you said then I could understand you .You seem to be all over the place at this point.

What you fail to see in my argument is that if someone is verbally abusive, chances are high that they can also be physically abusive.

There is a difference in having a verbal disagreement with someone and being verbally abusive, I don't know why you see the two as the same.

Verbal abuse shouldn't result to physical abuse but it should be discouraged and condemned, this is the gospel I have been preaching since, which you still obviously don't seem to agree with.

babyosisi:
Two out of three women in subsaharan Africa have witnessed physical abuse from their domestic partners
That is a sad testament yet some people get upset when the subject comes up.
The abusers perhaps
The saddest aspect is that there are women who justify it
I saw it live on a recent thread and this study buttresses the fact that there are indeed women who think it is a ok in some instances for a husband to beat his wife.

I think pepetatrors of domestic abuse(the variety that alienate,prey,control,subdue their partners esp)have serious issues.So to think that 2/3rds of (cos2/3rd of our women are one half of a couple) of our male population are inherently abusers is very difficult for me to believe.

My father was not an abuser,all of my uncles (Except one who used to beat his wife and my mum stopped speaking to him for years for his wife's sake he was like the black sheep) my husband,my brother,my male friends,etc see men who beat women as weak.So how can I now believe a very large chunk of the male African population are abusive towards their partners?

babyosisi:


We have actually progressed to say that in 80% of cases women are the primary physical abusers according to freecocoa.That is a new one I just learned today.

I don't think she really means that.

You know how nairaland be na. Sometimes one can over quote a percentage to make a point.

#iamguiltytoo

freecocoa:
It's really sad that you deliberately don't want to see the very obvious in my posts.

How about men that I know who are victims? The fact that men who beat their wives at the slightest provocation are beasts cannot be over emphasized, why won't you address normal people who are pushed beyond their limits?

The difference between you and I, is that I am choosing to live and the real world and you are not, the argument here (besides the main focus of the article that is)is that there are also abusive women, why is that so hard for you to accept?

And you fail to realize that these men you describe as beasts outnumber the minority that are physically abused by women. Every statistics make that claim.
Majority of violence in the world is by men
Majority of people in prison for violent and non violent crime is by men.
If you heard of any act of crime today anywhere in the world 9 times out of 10 the perpetrator is a man but when it comes to domestic abuse despite the stats you want to twist it ( without proof)and blame the woman as not only the instigator but the main aggressor?

I am just tired of the constant demonisation of Nigerians by Nigerians.And this is by both genders.
The men keep chanting Nigerian women are materialistic,aggressive,emotionally immature bla bla.Does this include their wives,mothers,girlfriends,aunties? They will say no.

The women will say Nigerian men are brutes,they are animals,they don't help with chores etc Does this include their husbands,brothers,sons,uncles, etc they will say no.


Sorry I used your thread to vent but it's just getting ridiculous.


There are horrible and good people in all peoples,creeds,nationalities and cultures

damiso:


I think pepetatrors of domestic abuse(the variety that alienate,prey,control,subdue their partners esp)have serious issues.So to think that 2/3rds of (cos2/3rd of our women are one half of a couple) of our male population are inherently abusers is very difficult for me to believe.

My father was not an abuser,all of my uncles (Except one who used to beat his wife and my mum stopped speaking to him for years for his wife's sake he was like the black sheep) my husband,my brother,my male friends,etc see men who beat women as weak.So how can I now believe a very large chunk of the male African population are abusive towards their partners?

So the women that reported that in an anonymous survey were lying?
You can argue that perhaps the demographics surveyed had something to do with it.
It says 1 in 5 in the USA,1 in 4 worldwide
Those are equally scary
I believe it

Shollypopzz:


I don't think there is a male-bashing issue on Nairaland, I think it's purely boys vs girls high school bullsh1t. This thread is not saying all men domestically abuse their wives, if anything, it is female bashing because it is stating that women are in such mental bondage that they think domestic abuse can be justified. This should have turned into a "what is wrong with the society?" thread OR "How can we liberate our women?" thread. Instead, the males came here to accuse the females and then the women respond in kind.

I see your point; I do think you should call the person who you feel is unnecessarily bashing the opposite gender to order than try to throw women under the bus by coming up with a ridiculous statistic.

The problem with this thread is actually the stats, that percentage is a bogus lie.

Growing up in Nigeria, a man who beats his wife was often condemned and seen as a bad person, I grew up hearing "no matter what, don't hit a lady", heard women talk about how a man who beats them will either face the wrath of their folks or theirs, so who are these 2/3rds of women who justify men beating them?

You are right on calling the people responsible to order though, but you do know this is NL, right?

Btw, I'm not throwing women under the bus, I have explained that na..

First and foremost, the OP is a fraud who sells her fake lifestyle for a living.
Those who say if a woman abuses her husband he should also abuse back forget that the same argument goes for if the man beats the wife she should also use her hands abi the wife no get hands too? Bunch of hypochrites!
The real SHOCK is that almost 100% of women believe that it is OKAY to verbally abuse their husbands or that verbal abuse is somehow justified in some circumstances. Oya women over to una.

Shollypopzz you got it right
In a group of intelligent women this thread would have provoked discussions as to why a large number of women as much 90% plus in afghanistan and 22% in Nigeria would think their husbands beating them is justifiable .
I can't tell you I am shocked to read what I am reading.

babyosisi:


And you fail to realize that these men you describe as beasts outnumber the minority that are physically abused by women. Every statistics make that claim.
Majority of violence in the world is by men
Majority of people in prison for violent and non violent crime is by men.
If you heard of any act of crime today anywhere in the world 9 times out of 10 the perpetrator is a man but when it comes to domestic abuse despite the stats you want to twist it ( without proof)and blame the woman as not only the instigator but the main aggressor?

I am not twisting anything.

How many men will admit to being abused by their wives?

I'm starting to think, you still believe things are like they used to be in the medieval times, in the real world, these things don't actually happen the way all these articles put it, that is the fact.

Differences in Frequency of Violence and Reported Injury Between Relationships With Reciprocal and Nonreciprocal Intimate Partner Violence
Daniel J. Whitaker, PhD, Tadesse Haileyesus, MS, Monica Swahn, PhD, and Linda S. Saltzman, PhD


Objectives. We sought to examine the prevalence of reciprocal (i.e., perpetrated by both partners) and nonreciprocal intimate partner violence and to determine whether reciprocity is related to violence frequency and injury.

Methods. We analyzed data on young US adults aged 18 to 28 years from the 2001 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which contained information about partner violence and injury reported by 11 370 respondents on 18761 heterosexual relationships.

Results. Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. [size=18pt]In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases.[/size] Reciprocity was associated with more frequent violence among women (adjusted odds ratio [AOR]=2.3; 95% confidence interval [CI]=1.9, 2., but not men (AOR=1.26; 95% CI=0.9, 1.7). Regarding injury, men were more likely to inflict injury than were women (AOR=1.3; 95% CI=1.1, 1.5), and reciprocal intimate partner violence was associated with greater injury than was nonreciprocal intimate partner violence regardless of the gender of the perpetrator (AOR=4.4; 95% CI=3.6, 5.5).

https://www.google.com.ng/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB0QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov%2Fpmc%2Farticles%2FPMC1854883%2F&ei=qHAMVYbFMYvbavXmgJAF&usg=AFQjCNGm0wew68B_xjqhXu2bcmtWU1oLZQ&bvm=bv.88528373,d.d2s

@highlighted, what this essentially means is that in 70% of the cases, when the man did not reciprocate the abuse, the women would begin to physically abuse the man.

so freecocoa wasn't far from the truth.

dinachi:
First and foremost, the OP is a fraud who sells her fake lifestyle for a living.
Those who say if a woman abuses her husband he should also abuse back forget that the same argument goes for if the man beats the wife she should also use her hands abi the wife no get hands too? Bunch of hypochrites!
The real SHOCK is that almost 100% of women believe that it is OKAY to verbally abuse their husbands or that verbal abuse is somehow justified in some circumstances. Oya women over to una.

Let me send you over the edge

This is march
Since this year zubby and I have not had a single argument where we didn't speak to each other.
Not one.
Neither has he ever raised a finger at me.
Never saw my dad strike my mom either
I love him enough to recognize him as the head of the home.He is everything I needed in a man and some.
He doesn't have to prove his manhood
He is already a man that's why I married him.
I know that is hard for a damaged good from a dysfunctional home like yourself to understand..
Within the last one year alone we have taken 3 trips alone and stayed at fine hotels without the kids.an average of 4 days per trip.
That is what real men do.
Love and pamper their women

BTW he is a great provider too
Many abusive men are underachieving men so I know your pain

I know it hurts you when I warn women about psychos like yourself.
I won't stop no matter how hard you cry.

cococandy:

Coogar this one is a lie.
On nairaland, all the guys I've ever Insulted took the first jab.
90 percent of the time.

you really think they would stand back and watch when you throw your snide remarks or when you curse them subliminally?

They just can't stand different opinion.
You only need to state a different opinion to see a reply that comes with horrible unwarranted name calling

this is not true - they only call you out after you must have thrown a snide remark.

So I'm wondering if that's how they will exchange words with their wives at home if the poor lady holds an opinion different from theirs.

Some guys have bad mouth gan. No try them o.

and yet you wonder why these guys only attack a particular sėt of women on this thread and not the others. show me when these unruly men with potty mouth have ever attacked chaircover, greatgod, damiso, etc. if you cannot provide any evidence then i should advise you to watch the company you keep or learn to behave yourself.

Verbal abuse is not only about women just as physical abuse is not only about men

so why do women think verbal abuse is a natural feature of theirs & they can use it as they wish on their men?

babyosisi:
Shollypopzz you got it right
In a group of intelligent women this thread would have provoked discussions as to why a large number of women as much 90% plus in afghanistan and 22% in Nigeria would think their husbands beating them is justifiable .
I can't tell you I am shocked to read what I am reading.

Are we now diverting to throwing jabs? Maybe you should actually come back to Nigeria and see things for yourself.

5minsmadness:


@highlighted, what this essentially means is that in 70% of the cases, when the man did not reciprocate the abuse, 70% of the women would begin to physically abuse the man.

so freecocoa wasn't far from the truth.

is babyosisi disputing the fact above?

Michelle Carney a,⁎, Fred Buttell b
, Don Dutton c
a School of Social Work, Tucker Hall, University of Georgia, Athens, GA 30602, USA b Tulane University, USA c University of British Columbia, Canada
Received 25 May 2006; accepted 25 May 2006
Available online 12 July 2006

Among the debates in the field of domestic violence, none is more acrimonious than the debate around female
initiated violence — a debate that has been troubling for feminists since the first U.S. [size=15pt]National Family Violence Survey
of 1975 found women to be as violent as men. Because this finding contradicts feminist theory, it has been suppressed,
unreported, reinterpreted, or denied.[/size] Attempts to explain away or diminish female initiated violence in intimate
Aggression and Violent Behavior 12 (2007) 108–115
⁎ Corresponding author.
E-mail address: mmcarney@uga.edu (M. Carney).
1359-1789/$ - see front matter © 2006 Published by Elsevier Ltd.
doi:10.1016/j.avb.2006.05.002


A conclusion borne out by Archer's (2000, 2002) meta-analysis
of 82 couple-conflict studies which found that [size=14pt]women were more likely to use physical aggression than men and to
resort to violence more often than men.[/size]


http://lab.drdondutton.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Carney-M.M.-Buttell-F.-Dutton-D.G.-2007-Women-who-perpetrate-intimate-violence.pdf

Its a very long article but makes a good read.

.

5minsmadness:


Its a very long article but makes a good read.

in the UK, 40% of the domestic violence are suffered by men. if you take out the factor that most men never report or feel ashamed to report they have been beaten by females, you would have it even steven.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3PgH86OyEM

the video above tells you what women get away with in the west. it was a social experiment. when the man acted like he was harassing the woman, see the number of people that came to her aid.

when the actors put the man as the victim, everyone just continued with their lives - they had seen it happen a lot to react. a woman abusing another man is very normal in our society today.

5minsmadness:


@highlighted, what this essentially means is that in 70% of the cases, when the man did not reciprocate the abuse, 70% of the women would begin to physically abuse the man.

so freecocoa wasn't far from the truth.

Give me a link

coogar:


is babyosisi disputing the fact above?

freecocoa:
I am not disputing any of those facts, I'm only saying, it goes both ways.

Do you also know that, some of these women who end up getting pummeled by men, hit the man first?

Do you know that some of them lock the men's shirt? And insist on being killed than letting him walk away from the situation?

[size=14pt]Why are you only talking about men beating women, when above 80% of the time, it is the women that hit first[/size] and expect the man not to hit back because they are supposedly the "weaker" sex?

babyosisi:
Can you share your statistics and the source
I started off this thread with a survey that says that 2/3rd of women in subsaharan Africa have been physically abused by their significant other
Where is your source?
Your own thoughts?

just helping out.

coogar:


is babyosisi disputing the fact above?

Coogar you have admitted on this forum to coming back and slapping a woman that prokoved you so I can understand you justifying abuse or blaming it on the victim.

babyosisi:


Give me a link

the link is there.

5minsmadness:

just helping out.

babyosisi must be trolling then - i have reeled out that particular statistics more than 10 times on this section. who doesn't know women are the biggest culprits of a non-reciprocal violence?

https://www.nairaland.com/1444825/abused-wives-girlfriends-men/34#18348461

babyosisi:

Coogar you have admitted on this forum to coming back and slapping a woman that prokoved you so I can understand you justifying abuse or blaming it on the victim.

shut up your mouth and stop lying against me. if your hubby is abusing you, take him to court. don't use this section to vent out your pent-up frustration.

5minsmadness:







just helping out.

Have you ever hit a woman.be very sincere.I have never ever hit a man ever.
Have you ever laid your hand on a woman

babyosisi:

Let me send you over the edge
This is march
Since this year zubby and I have not had a single argument where we didn't speak to each other.
Not one.
Neither has he ever raised a finger at me.
Never saw my dad strike my mom either
I love him enough to recognize him as the head of the home.He is everything I needed in a man and some.
He doesn't have to prove his manhood
He is already a man that's why I married him.
I know that is hard for a damaged good from a dysfunctional home like yourself to understand..
Within the last one year alone we have taken 3 trips alone and stayed at fine hotels without the kids.an average of 4 days per trip.
That is what real men do.
Love and pamper their women
BTW he is a great provider too
Many abusive men are underachieving men so I know your pain
I know it hurts you when I warn women about psychos like yourself.
I won't stop no matter how hard you cry.

Rotten puccy, cursed skank! You still have the guts to spew your poison after your fake lifestyle was recently exposed. You have totally lost the capacity to feel shame! You are on a rollercoaster ride of lies and deception still thinking in your delusion that reasonable people believed you. . You and zubby goes on vacation? . Kai truth don suffer for your hand rotten puccy! Tell that crap to the marines. That your wussy of a cursed husband is not worthy to untie the shoes on my feet. When you marry a MAN then we can talk! As for the hell on earth you call marriage that is not the end of your curse until you run amok in the market place, a stark raving mad woman. I warn men and women about scammers like yourself who specialize in duping other people of the peace in their relationships with bogus lies and fabricated falsehoods. Your pain no go end as long as you keep deceiving people, I will keep exposing you! . Do us all a favor gather your life savings, buy a rope, locate a tree and do the needful. Stop being a perpetual curseto your generation.

coogar:


babyosisi must be trolling then - i have reeled out that particular statistics more than 10 times on this section. who doesn't know women are the biggest culprits of a non-reciprocal violence?



shut up your mouth and stop lying against me. if your hubby is abusing you, take him to court. don't use this section to vent out your pent-up frustration.

I have quoted it here before and don't have the time to find it now.you are no one to speak on abuse when you are a culprit.
In a bar she provoked you you left came back and slapped her.I know it is embarrassing to admit it now under these circumstances.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=193379



ACCORDING TO FINDINGS recently released by the Oregon Social Learning Center, women are routinely violent towards men and may be fueling the rise in domestic abuse. This study claims that young women are more likely than young men to initiate physical aggression with their partner. Young women are at a higher risk for domestic violence when they’re physically aggressive towards their partner; and young men reduce aggression when they are with less aggressive women.

Essentially, when a man is with an aggressive woman, he has a higher tendency to behave aggressively. CAse in point the Mcdokwe incident.