Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? - Family (3)

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Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 12:34pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

My dear, sometimes I wish I was still single. But please don't be afraid, yours might be better.

My dear all I can say is try to make yourself happy. Read motivational books and articles. If you have tried to bring him closer and he does not want then allow him. Think of yourself as single. If you want a child then at least you have sex once every 2 months, try to make it count, maybe take fertility drugs.

I know we all go into marriage hoping that the person we marry will add more joy and love into our lives, once in a while that happens but most of the time it doesn't, I'm being v frank here. If you are seeing he is not interested then you have to take control of your own well being. Meet up with friends, join a gym, go swimming, go to the movies, start a business. Create emotional detachment from him, don't let what he does upset you. If he comes back great, if not then let things come to a natural end.

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by DonTim1: 12:40pm On May 03, 2015

@fem29, i think its better to identify what led to the prob and not just conclude the man got there by himself,something triggered all of this, if she saw him like that earlier,she wldnt have gone into marriage with him. i also think she should exhaust all options before giving up

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 12:41pm On May 03, 2015

DonTim1:

can you tell me somthing that you fancied most about him while you were courting and if you still do now, then tell what u thought he fancied then about you. Also state precisely when you began to notice the insensitivity issue.

about the se.x part, when precisely did it diminish to 2x a month

all this question are aimed at determining the time frame things went south

Within the first six months of marriage and has been worsening since. I liked his introverted nature cos I thought it would keep us closer and he liked same about me plus the fact that I am smart, beautiful and hardworking.

2 Likes

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by DonTim1: 12:46pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

Within the first six months of marriage and has been worsening since. I liked his introverted nature cos I thought it would keep us closer and he liked same about me plus the fact that I am smart, beautiful and hardworking.

ever had any discussion about child bearing as an issue ?

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 12:48pm On May 03, 2015

DonTim1:
@fem29, i think its better to identify what led to the prob and not just conclude the man got there by himself,something triggered all of this, if she saw him like that earlier,she wldnt have gone into marriage with him. i also think she should exhaust all options before giving up

Well I'm going by what the OP said. She said she has tried her best to get to the bottom of it and he will not budge. What else can you do. She needs to take her own happiness into her own hands. Don't allow anyone to take away your joy

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 2:16pm On May 03, 2015

DonTim1:

ever had any discussion about child bearing as an issue ?

That is another story entirely which I am dealing with privately if you guys don't mind. I mean if I can't get regular sex and sperm, how do I get preggy? If I beg for sex especially during fertile window and he manages to oblige, 90% of the time I get no sperm. That is what I meant by 'does not end well' in one of my earlier posts.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Vikky014(f): 2:52pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

That is another story entirely which I am dealing with privately if you guys don't mind. I mean if I can't get regular sex and sperm, how do I get preggy? If I beg for sex especially during fertile window and he manages to oblige, 90% of the time I get no sperm. That is what I meant by 'does not end well' in one of my earlier posts.

na waoh. hope he is nt married spiritually

this is strange

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 2:57pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:
In a nutshell, he does not care about how I feel. He can't be bothered about what is going on with me or in the home. Intimate things that husbands should know about their wives....nada. Sex life.....total disaster. Every time I try to talk to him about working things out, it ends up in a quarrel with him blaming me for everything. Every single thing has to be my fault. I feel emotionally and psychologically abused. Not sure how long I can cope with the abuse. I don't think he loves me, and I mean the type of love a man should have for his wife. If he ever did, I believe it ended the day after marriage.

whatever you are doing, he is tired of it. Simple.

Maybe he is tired of you but you know what , there is hope.

Stop doing whatever you are doing and Focus on yourself.
get busy and love yourself.

Do what ever you loved doing before you met him. Abi are you one of those women who lived through life with a career of how to look after a man.

He needs a space, with this your constant begging et all, I would be probably be tired too
undecided

As per ikwokirikwo, get a vibrator and use it while in bed with him. Use it until you "cum".

Once you bleed that pressure off you will feel better . wink

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by DonTim1: 3:01pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

That is another story entirely which I am dealing with privately if you guys don't mind. I mean if I can't get regular sex and sperm, how do I get preggy? If I beg for sex especially during fertile window and he manages to oblige, 90% of the time I get no sperm. That is what I meant by 'does not end well' in one of my earlier posts.

@privately, sure, i dont mind, now at bolded, perhaps this whole issue is being misrepresented, he might not be interested in se.x cos he feels its not yeilding results and the reason he seldom indulge. IF this is about "childbearing" then it even becomes easier cos he just needs medical advice possibly beyond NL

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Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 5:38pm On May 03, 2015

DonTim1:

@privately, sure, i dont mind, now at bolded, perhaps this whole issue is being misrepresented, he might not be interested in se.x cos he feels its not yeilding results and the reason he seldom indulge. IF this is about "childbearing" then it even becomes easier cos he just needs medical advice possibly beyond NL

He says there is nothing wrong with him medically - I mean most men will never accept to be lacking in this department. Besides, the boring sex/romance life has got nothing to do with childbearing. Except he knows more and has refused to tell me.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 5:46pm On May 03, 2015

Chillisauce:

whatever you are doing, he is tired of it. Simple.

Maybe he is tired of you but you know what , there is hope.

Stop doing whatever you are doing and Focus on yourself.
get busy and love yourself.

Do what ever you loved doing before you met him. Abi are you one of those women who lived through life with a career of how to look after a man.

He needs a space, with this your constant begging et all, I would be probably be tired too

As per ikwokirikwo, get a vibrator and use it while in bed with him. Use it until you "cum".

Once you bleed that pressure off you will feel better .

Thanks for your contribution but you know it's so hard living with someone in the house and acting like you are alone. That was not the whole essence of getting married. But I understand what you mean and I will try.

Lol@ career of looking after a man. I am not one of those women . I have a proper career and I can take good care of myself. He met me looking good and doing comfortably well.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 8:29pm On May 03, 2015

madam op snoop on his phone for a week. There lies your answers. Thank me later

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 9:19pm On May 03, 2015

intbizoil:
madam op snoop on his phone for a week. There lies your answers. Thank me later

He can always clean up his phone before getting home in the evenings. Lol.

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by 5minsmadness: 9:37pm On May 03, 2015

rudebouy:

Am not a marriage counsellor, am not even married sef. But d little I know abt relationships is dat how u feel abt ur marriage is more important dan wot is going on in ur marriage. So pls do not give in to frustration, apathy and hopeless. Rather accept the situation and be hopeful.

Also I think u shd get some or all of Pst. David Ibiyeomie's messages on marriage. He's d pastor of salvation ministries. I advice u get d dvd and mp3s, and try playing the video when he's around so d two of u can watch it togeda. But if he's not interested, I advice u play the mp3 with a device just loud enof and close enof for him to hear, maybe when he's in d lobby and ur washing. Dont make it look like u want him to hear it oh. Just pretend like ur playing it for urself. Its no garanti but if he can listen to some of dose messages, I think he might decide to change.

Maybe u shd give it a try.

Nice one.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by 5minsmadness: 9:42pm On May 03, 2015

XtraSmooth404:
Hmmm.. This one pass me. Now I'm scared of getting married

You too dey fear angry

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by 5minsmadness: 9:45pm On May 03, 2015

None of you have asked her what the man means when he says it's her fault

@tearoses
Dontim1
innervoice
Rudebouy
taryour

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nursy(f): 9:46pm On May 03, 2015

My dear ur case is so similar to a relation of mine. Married a man who was treating her anyhow and didn't tell her he had low sperm count. How person wey dey always quarrel with husband wan take carry belle na? She left the man to marry someone else, she's now a proud mother of a baby boy after having 2 miscarriages for her new husband. Meanwhile she didn't miss her period for one day while still with her ex.
I'm not saying u should leave ur husband o. I pray God intervenes in ur situation. Some human beings no be am at all. Them no like peace at all.

Fablady:

Thanks bigl. The issue of kids is another story entirely. Not sure I am Virgin Mary. I need sex and sperm to make a baby.

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by 5minsmadness: 9:54pm On May 03, 2015

Problems deciphered so far:
1. Romantically frustrated wife.
2. Introverted husband.
3. Introverted wife.
4. 4yrs of marriage yet no kids.
5. Strange boring and scarce sex in which wife recieves less than 90% of sper..m.

For those of you thinking this man is cheating I highly doubt that is the case. It all lies in thier sexua.l lives. Something is not right.
@fablady, can u elaborate more on the 90% absent sper.m?

3 Likes

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Ewuro4: 9:56pm On May 03, 2015

rolled:
What you are going through is not new it happens in most marriages especially in naija but most women esp on NL will lie about it.The days of dating is different from marriage but what I don't understand is the intimacy part
Did you say once in 2 months?he doesn't want kids from you or what
Hmmn

Oga speak for yourself and stop hating on NL married women ko? There's nothing to lie about, marging 2 different lifestyles cordially is not an easy task, everyone is trying their best and tolerate each other to make it work. No need for unnessary jab abeg. undecided

***
OP my dear, sorry, your post is split into parts so I cant figure out what your story/consern is all about. From what I gathered..

1. He ignores you (how)
2. Insensitive about what exactly?
3. Doesn't make love to you?

My first q is ; have you spoken to him about this? Secondly, is he okay at work , financially, is anything bothering him? Have you tried to investigate ? because men are the simplest being to manipulate. If they're in the right state of mind (financially& psychologically), that is.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by crackhaus: 10:01pm On May 03, 2015

Ewuro4:

My first q is ; have you spoken to him about this? Secondly, is he okay at work , financially, is anything bothering him? Have you tried to investigate ? because men are the simplest being to manipulate. If they're in the right state of mind (financially& psychologically), that is.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Ewuro4: 10:04pm On May 03, 2015

crackhaus:

#Yimu

before nko ?

Food,

great sex,

don't nag.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by crackhaus: 10:15pm On May 03, 2015

Ewuro4:

#Yimu before nko ?
Food,
great sex,
don't nag.

Lol, okay. grin

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nursy(f): 10:15pm On May 03, 2015

He thinks he owns her right? If u see some couples eh u will feel like getting married sharperly and when u hear the stories of some, marriage go tire u.
I close relation of mine when through almost same situation as the op so I understand d pains. The woman is trying to make it work but the man doesn't want a happy home. *sigh*

rudebouy:

Our soceity puts pressure on d lady to get married. And so she gets married, and day still put pressure on her to carry belle and make d marriage work. If she no carry belle, its her fault. If d marriage is not working, its her fault.

So u see, its not only d fault of d men. Besides, she was bought with a price, so literally he thinks he "owns" her. D issues are many my dear.

Dis tin called marriage no be beans oh! Its either na d woman day cos wahala or na d man day mumu.

One shd just pray for a nice partner dats all.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Wendy80(f): 10:16pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

My dear, sometimes I wish I was still single. But please don't be afraid, yours might be better.

U are a good woman. I pray God help Ur marriage.

8 Likes

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by taryour(f): 10:26pm On May 03, 2015

5minsmadness:
Problems deciphered so far:
1. Romantically frustrated wife.
2. Introverted husband.
3. Introverted wife.
4. 4yrs of marriage yet no kids.
5. Strange boring and scarce sex in which wife recieves less than 90% of sper..m.

For those of you thinking this man is cheating I highly doubt that is the case. It all lies in thier sexua.l lives. Something is not right.
@fablady, can u elaborate more on the 90% absent sper.m?

you could be right, the man might not be cheating or even have a thought of it. He just might have lost the attraction and bond between them. No matter how much she tries he just might never look back

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Wendy80(f): 10:26pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

My dear, sometimes I wish I was still single. But please don't be afraid, yours might be better.

U are a good woman. I pray God help Ur Marriage

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by taryour(f): 10:30pm On May 03, 2015

intbizoil:
madam op snoop on his phone for a week. There lies your answers. Thank me later

I for one detest the idea of checking people's phone.just my person. my hubby's phone could ring from now till thy Kingdom come I go just dey look am. even before I got married I don't touch my siblings phones or my parents, I just hate the idea.

@op please do not do that, it will only complicate matter, whatever is hidden will be opened sooner than you expect, it can never be hidden forever.

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by taryour(f): 10:33pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:

He can always clean up his phone before getting home in the evenings. Lol.

on a second thought op, you might have offended me in the past. It could be before you got married or after marriage, it might have really broke his heart. He thinks he has forgiven you but deep down he hasn't or hasn't forgotten which is affecting him now and making him act like this. * I could be wrong though * just my thought.

1 Like

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by lordkrato(m): 10:43pm On May 03, 2015

Fablady:
Not sure how long I can continue to cope....

Rope
Robin blue
Knife
Cliff.

You know what all above have in common..
If you're not ready for option A then take B whereby you either grow a thick skin or apply a deal breaker .

Being a whiny arse is not an option to me...

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by lordkrato(m): 10:49pm On May 03, 2015

Nursy:
I wan marry I wan marry. The day we ladies stop seeing marriage as the all in all in our existence the better for us.

Ehen op I feel ur pains o. U r a single woman only with marriage certificate, this isn't what I will wish an enemy.
I'm not married o but I can't cope with any man that will treat me anyhow. God help you!

Hmmm.. Are you a fool for hire?

If not, then I advice you change your career path.

That's how people don't get husbands in the future and wouldn't remember that they complained and formed that they wanted someone who will be their perfect clay , not even man sef

Idiot.

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by rolled: 11:25pm On May 03, 2015

Ewuro4:

Oga speak for yourself and stop hating on NL married women ko? There's nothing to lie about, marging 2 different lifestyles cordially is not an easy task, everyone is trying their best and tolerate each other to make it work. No need for unnessary jab abeg.
***
OP my dear, sorry, your post is split into parts so I cant figure out what your story/consern is all about. From what I gathered..

1. He ignores you (how)
2. Insensitive about what exactly?
3. Doesn't make love to you?

My first q is ; have you spoken to him about this? Secondly, is he okay at work , financially, is anything bothering him? Have you tried to investigate ? because men are the simplest being to manipulate. If they're in the right state of mind (financially& psychologically), that is.

Who is this again

Re: Ladies, How Do You Cope With Insensitive Husbands? by Nobody: 12:29am On May 04, 2015

Ewuro4:

Oga speak for yourself and stop hating on NL married women ko? There's nothing to lie about, marging 2 different lifestyles cordially is not an easy task, everyone is trying their best and tolerate each other to make it work. No need for unnessary jab abeg.
***
OP my dear, sorry, your post is split into parts so I cant figure out what your story/consern is all about. From what I gathered..

1. He ignores you (how)
2. Insensitive about what exactly?
3. Doesn't make love to you?

My first q is ; have you spoken to him about this? Secondly, is he okay at work , financially, is anything bothering him? Have you tried to investigate ? because men are the simplest being to manipulate. If they're in the right state of mind (financially& psychologically), that is.

Answered all these questions in earlier posts.

1 Like

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