Not sure how long I can continue to cope....

Break it down Lady.

Well..

I was here. When the OP modify, I will

What are some of the insensitive things he does?

In what aspect do you mean?

In a nutshell, he does not care about how I feel. He can't be bothered about what is going on with me or in the home. Intimate things that husbands should know about their wives....nada. Sex life.....total disaster. Every time I try to talk to him about working things out, it ends up in a quarrel with him blaming me for everything. Every single thing has to be my fault. I feel emotionally and psychologically abused. Not sure how long I can cope with the abuse. I don't think he loves me, and I mean the type of love a man should have for his wife. If he ever did, I believe it ended the day after marriage.

I get wat ur e going tru bt I'd advice u not to leave be patient and more prayerful

i get u OP. i think the problem here has to do with you. i'm not blaming you but if your hussy is d quiet or sensitive type, you are probably doing something "inadvertently" that pisses him off and he doesnt want to hurt u by confronting u.

another thing is sometimes and most times, our ladies always have this over hyped expectation about we husbands.

i think you should try to take things one at a time. dont be in a hurry to "have it all". your man is probably trying to get used to the new environment (marriage, so to say).

just be cool with him. i'm sure he'll open up one of these days. (trust me, i've been there and i understand)

Those married to Nigerian men are in the best position to answer this.

Fablady:
In a nutshell, he does not care about how I feel. He can't be bothered about what is going on with me or in the home. Intimate things that husbands should know about their wives....nada. Sex life.....total disaster. Every time I try to talk to him about working things out, it ends up in a quarrel with him blaming me for everything. Every single thing has to be my fault. I feel emotionally and psychologically abused. Not sure how long I can cope with the abuse. I don't think he loves me, and I mean the type of love a man should have for his wife. If he ever did, I believe it ended the day after marriage.

How old is your marriage?

innervoice:


How old is your marriage?

4 years

bigl:
i get u OP. i think the problem here has to do with you. i'm not blaming you but if your hussy is d quiet or sensitive type, you are probably doing something "inadvertently" that pisses him off and he doesnt want to hurt u by confronting u.

another thing is sometimes and most times, our ladies always have this over hyped expectation about we husbands.

i think you should try to take things one at a time. dont be in a hurry to "have it all". your man is probably trying to get used to the new environment (marriage, so to say).

just be cool with him. i'm sure he'll open up one of these days. (trust me, i've been there and i understand)

Trust me it is not what you are describing. Plus I can understand you are a man so I am not surprised. I am not asking him for too much. In fact, I am the one doing too much just to minimize confrontations. He leaves me to do stuff without assistance and ends up complaining if it does not 'fit' his standard.

I wan marry I wan marry. The day we ladies stop seeing marriage as the all in all in our existence the better for us.

Ehen op I feel ur pains o. U r a single woman only with marriage certificate, this isn't what I will wish an enemy.
I'm not married o but I can't cope with any man that will treat me anyhow. God help you!

Nursy:
I wan marry I wan marry. The day we ladies stop seeing marriage as the all in all in our existence the better for us.

Ehen op I feel ur pains o. U r a single woman only with marriage certificate, this isn't what I will wish an enemy.
I'm not married o but I can't cope with any man that will treat me anyhow. God help you!

Lol@ I wan marry I wan marry. My sister, what can we do na? If only society can let us be....

Fablady:


Trust me it is not what you are describing. Plus I can understand you are a man so I am not surprised. I am not asking him for too much. In fact, I am the one doing too much just to minimize confrontations. He leaves me to do stuff without assistance and ends up complaining if it does not 'fit' his standard.

*sighs*


Then you really shouldn't make any rash decisions now cos why he's acting d way he is now is a hard nut to crack. But with God all things are possible.

I responded to ur post cos at a point in my marriage, my wife was having this same feeling/complaints and deep communication with each other helped us in a way.

I'm not trying to be bias cos I'm a man but I'm just trying to exhaust all forms of remedy for d situation.

It is well sha. Just be more patient with him.

Trust me, he might equally be bothered about things which he might not be able to communicate with u. For instance, u mentioned that d se.x is horrible and I'm damn sure, that's one big area he might be lacking. Which might just be as a result of common hemorrohoids (yodi in yoruba) and that may prevent him from discharging his duties efficiently. He might not even be aware he's got it but would be wondering why he aint moved seeing u nu.de. And that can frustrate not just d man but u as well.

That's what happened to a friend of mine recently so, I mentioned that area cos I'm trying to see how dis whole stuff can be sorted.

Meanwhile, you guys are yet to have kids I guess? That may be another stress on its own.

All is well ma'am

Nursy:
I wan marry I wan marry. The day we ladies stop seeing marriage as the all in all in our existence the better for us.

Ehen op I feel ur pains o. U r a single woman only with marriage certificate, this isn't what I will wish an enemy.

Chai! Madam abeg u get bad mouth.

That is it! The society is putting too much pressure on female folks about marriage. The matter tire me I no go lie. I will like to get married o but gaskiya the man has to act right for things to work. Seriously I understand what u r going through, but I can't cope.

Fablady:


Lol@ I wan marry I wan marry. My sister, what can we do na? If only society can let us be....

I hate when men treat women anyhow in marriages jare.. Lol

rudebouy:


Chai! Madam abeg u get bad mouth.

bigl:


*sighs*


Then you really shouldn't make any rash decisions now cos why he's acting d way he is now is a hard nut to crack. But with God all things are possible.

I responded to ur post cos at a point in my marriage, my wife was having this same feeling/complaints and deep communication with each other helped us in a way.

I'm not trying to be bias cos I'm a man but I'm just trying to exhaust all forms of remedy for d situation.


It is well sha. Just be more patient with him.

Trust me, he might equally be bothered about things which he might not be able to communicate with u. For instance, u mentioned that d se.x is horrible and I'm damn sure, that's one big area he might be lacking. Which might just be as a result of common hemorrohoids (yodi in yoruba) and that may prevent him from discharging his duties efficiently. He might not even be aware he's got it but would be wondering why he aint moved seeing u nu.de. And that can frustrate not just d man but u as well.

That's what happened to a friend of mine recently so, I mentioned that area cos I'm trying to see how dis whole stuff can be sorted.

Meanwhile, you guys are yet to have kids I guess? That may be another stress on its own.

All is well ma'am

Thanks bigl. The issue of kids is another story entirely. Not sure I am Virgin Mary. I need sex and sperm to make a baby.

Nursy:
I hate when men treat women anyhow in marriages jare.. Lol

Our soceity puts pressure on d lady to get married. And so she gets married, and day still put pressure on her to carry belle and make d marriage work. If she no carry belle, its her fault. If d marriage is not working, its her fault.

So u see, its not only d fault of d men. Besides, she was bought with a price, so literally he thinks he "owns" her. D issues are many my dear.

Dis tin called marriage no be beans oh! Its either na d woman day cos wahala or na d man day mumu.

One shd just pray for a nice partner dats all.

rudebouy:


Our soceity puts pressure on d lady to get married. And so she gets married, and day still put pressure on her to carry belle and make d marriage work. If she no carry belle, its her fault. If d marriage is not working, its her fault.

So u see, its not only d fault of d men. Besides, she was bought with a price, so literally he thinks he "owns" her. D issues are many my dear.

Dis tin called marriage no be beans oh! Its either na d woman day cos wahala or na d man day mumu.

One shd just pray for a nice partner dats all.

U have said it all

Fablady:


4 years

And he has been behaving like this for four years now?

rudebouy:


Our soceity puts pressure on d lady to get married. And so she gets married, and day still put pressure on her to carry belle and make d marriage work. If she no carry belle, its her fault. If d marriage is not working, its her fault.

So u see, its not only d fault of d men. Besides, she was bought with a price, so literally he thinks he "owns" her. D issues are many my dear.

Dis tin called marriage no be beans oh! Its either na d woman day cos wahala or na d man day mumu.

One shd just pray for a nice partner dats all.

But seriously, ladies how do you cope? Or am I the only one having these issues?

innervoice:


And he has been behaving like this for four years now?

Absolutely!

Fablady:


Absolutely!

You have endured a lot. I am truly sorry for you. I know it is not easy.

I have no idea why your husband behaves the way he does but maybe you have an idea already?

Waiting to read the advise from some female familylanders...

innervoice:


You have endured a lot. I am truly sorry for you. I know it is not easy.

I have no idea why your husband behaves the way he does but maybe you have an idea already?

I have no idea. When I try to ask him, it ends up in a quarrel. I have cried and begged. Does not work at all. You will be surprised he mentions divorce in some instances. I never thought of it. He said there is no point me forcing it if it is not working.

Maybe he is cheating, I do not know. But he claims he is not that kind of person and Everytime I bring that topic up, he is always edgy and defensive, and of course makes me feel bad about bring it up.

But really..... How long can a woman cope without good romance in her marriage?

crackhaus:
Waiting to read the advise from some female familylanders...

Me too. I wonder where they all are.

op sorry I dont really understand what you are saying

Are you saying that your hubby doesnt have sex with you at all or are you saying that the tecnique is poor?

Please also give examples of his insensitivity.

Fablady:


I have no idea. When I try to ask him, it ends up in a quarrel. I have cried and begged. Does not work at all. You will be surprised he mentions divorce in some instances. I never thought of it. He said there is no point me forcing it if it is not working.

Maybe he is cheating, I do not know. But he claims he is not that kind of person and Everytime I bring that topic up, he is always edgy and defensive, and of course makes me feel bad about bring it up.

But really..... How long can a woman cope without good romance in her marriage?

Okay now I want to say sth u mite not like.

Stop frustrating urself! Yes! Stop expecting him to change. Just relax and be nice to him.

Its like living with an alsatian dog and expecting it to stop barking. It will always bark but u just adapt to d noise.

Just be nice and good to him. Dont push him for anytin. Just accept dat you're in a prison and familiarise with ur temporal situation. And have hopes dat tins will change in d future as notin is permanent.

At least u will have peace while u wait for tins to change or get beta.