fem29:



Yes but why are women always expected to be the one to eat shite and smile whilst doing it. Yes she shouldn't have taken the wallet but we are all human, we get angry and frustrated too.

True women are always expected to be at the receiving end.Let me summarise the advice I heard a woman give to someone getting married.
Marriage is sweet and also very bitter. For your marriage to succeed, you must be a dustbin. When you are a dustbin, God will lift you up. Your children will call you blessed.

She also added that her mum had been married for 60 years plus, has chopped insults and is still chopping insults.

This is the reality for so Many people now. The reality they wake up to everyday. Not a nice way to live, if you'd agree with me.


DISCLAIMER: I do not subscribe to this school of thought.

babyosisi:


Please shove this advise down the loo
You do lose your cool by admission and can't understand why a woman whose house keys was snatched by her husband will make noise about it
No be by force to give advise abeg

in the end what happened after all the noise making? She ended up with a broken head! Did that solve anything?

Op, better follow correct advise before you end up actually breaking your head next time.

lolaluv1:


Let me summarise the advice I heard a woman give to someone getting married.
Marriage is sweet and also very bitter. For your marriage to succeed, you must be a dustbin. When you are a dustbin, God will lift you up. Your children will call you blessed.

She also added that her mum had been married for 60 years plus, has chopped insults and is still chopping insults.

This is the reality for so Many people now. The reality they wake up to everyday.

Guy, may God forever keep blessing you for this your statement!

Many women have not chopped half the shite my mother chopped. For years she endured with my dad and it wasn't only until about three years back my dad began to appreciate her.

She stuck with him through his rubbish, horrible times, emotional and verbal abuse but after twenty five long years, my dad became a changed man. He showered her with praises, good words, Money, anything she wanted before he passed on a month ago.

Maybe I learnt this patience from her but even me sef know sey I no reach her level. I wouldn't equate a woman with a dustbin ... even dustbin sef dey full but then you need an amazing amount of wisdom to tackle this marriage thing.

There will be trying times but if you can manage through it, it gets better, hopefully.

lolaluv1:


Let me summarise the advice I heard a woman give to someone getting married.
Marriage is sweet and also very bitter. For your marriage to succeed, you must be a dustbin. When you are a dustbin, God will lift you up. Your children will call you blessed.

She also added that her mum had been married for 60 years plus, has chopped insults and is still chopping insults.

This is the reality for so Many people now. The reality they wake up to everyday.

For many people yes but not for all people, keeping quiet and taking all the insults isn't always the hardest thing to do,
I don't even think a woman should take the insults, talking back at that point might not be the best thing to do but you should address it when things are calm.
I don't believe in letting anyone perpetually take you for granted in the name of marriage.

repogirl:
Guy, may God forever keep blessing you for this your statement!

Many women have not chopped half the shite my mother chopped. For years she endured with my dad and it wasn't only until about three years back my dad began to appreciate her.

She stuck with him through his rubbish, horrible times, emotional and verbal abuse but after twenty five long years, my dad became a changed man. He showered her with praises, good words, Money, anything she wanted before he passed on a month ago.

Maybe I learnt this patience from her but even me sef know sey I no reach her level. I wouldn't equate a woman with a dustbin ... even dustbin sef dey full but then you need an amazing amount of wisdom to tackle this marriage thing.

There will be trying times but if you can manage through it, it gets better, hopefully.

The take away from your post is wisdom, you need wisdom to know when talking back isn't the best option,
I however don't agree that taking rubbish will work in all cases, some women will start to resent the man if they can't find a way to express themselves.

netotse:

The take away from your post is wisdom, you need wisdom to know when talking back isn't the best option,
I however don't agree that taking rubbish will work in all cases, some women will start to resent the man if they can't find a way to express themselves.

its all in the wisdom, a wise woman will know when, if and how to express herself. It isn't easy, I believe such wisdom is from God alone.

obiak4:

GAY ALERT
HAVEN'T I WARNED YOU NOT TO SMOKE IGBO BROUGHT FROM ABII
I EVEN ADVISED THAT EVEN IF YOU SMOKE SUCH DON'T/NEVER COMMENT ON NL

Yea.. Your father is my Gay Partner.. Did he tell you how i rammed up his aass last night and came all over his face? It was fun. Please by all means join us tonght for a 3some. Father & son is on my bucket list.

Schmuk Fcukoff my mention & buy a brain.

precisionindepth:
most Dont wanna get married but if u c d drama DT comes with not getting married...u will cry.
wat money? y has money become d overall? in really weep for the way Nigerians has taken d issue of money.
marriage is suppose to b for companionship happiness respect and anything aside does, its not worth entering at all.

Dont let societal expectation determine your decision in life. If u choose not to marry cuz you did not find the Right person. It is much better for you.

Than live the miserable life those people who say they are married live.
Just spend your time in the family section for 2 days & you will know the BONDAGE Nigerians calls marriage is not worth it.

repogirl:
in the end what happened after all the noise making? She ended up with a broken head! Did that solve anything?

Op, better follow correct advise before you end up actually breaking your head next time.

Maybe it had to take that injury for get to hear from people that it is

not Ok for a husband to sleep over somewhere without telling his wife
Not Ok for a husband not to allow a grandma( her own mom) access to her grand kids
Not ok to sign off on a man who treats her mom with contempt
Not ok for a grown woman to be treated like a child and have her property taken away
Not ok to be pushed,shoved and injured no matter how many bags of clothing she gets afterwards
Not to ok to regard one's MIL higher than your own parents
And certainly demeaning and not OK to pester an MIL who cares nothing about you

Those are the positives she is getting out of this situation.

I don't have issues with the rest of your post if any but what the fvck is the bolded?

What's there is if he locks her out?
Shudders.
Jeez

repogirl:
Stop stalking your mother in law!

Is not by force that she should love you, you seem so needy self. Abeg leave the woman jare, is it by force to get her approval?

She doesn't pick your calls because she doesn't want to hear you reporting her son to her as if she didn't train him well enough. So, mind your marriage and settle your issues within your immediate family and stop trying to force your self on her.

Your husband will always be her son and you will never have that sort of bond with her. Since you have tried your best, leave it as it is.

Be respectful from the distance she has put you, accept it and live your life.

PS, u sef are a stubborn woman, how will you collect your husbands wallet of all things? You were looking for trouble.
What is there if he locks you out? Will you die? Isn't it for a few hours? All this began because u insisted on taking the kids to your parents am sure, cos if u didn't he wouldn't have insisted you gave him your key.

You better calm your Strong head down, am even sure your mother in law is tired of you attitude and wants to distance herself from you as a result.

Finally my point is, instead of pointing fingers begin by analysing yourself.

cococandy:
I don't have issues with the rest of your post if any but what the fvck is the bolded?

What's there is if he locks her out?
Shudders.
Jeez

That one is nothing in a place like Nigeria when they can be slapped and kicked and cheated on at will and everyone will tell them to pray harder and submit everything including their brains.
Staying married at all costs is the mantra
Locking her out like a disobedient house girl is very minor
She's even lucky he allows her to keep a job

repogirl:
See, I have been married a few years now and the best advice I can give a woman is know your husband and pick your battles wisely.

No point in fighting what you won't win but will only strain your relationship. Talk in a calm sensible manner about your issue when tempers are cool and most times just let him win. I am not saying be a pushover but just be wise about your confrontation.

Okay, he doesn't like her mother...... So she should force him to like her? I don't get it, did he marry her mother also?

How was she even sure she would be locked out? Has he done it before? And even if he does, that is when you should take up the issue with him. Not before,that is what will made her get injured.

Had I been in her shoes, I would have kept calling earlier to let him know I was on my way and he should make preparations to get me the key if he wouldn't be at home.

Besides she even has a help, so the help will not be around also to open the door?

About the mother in law, the OP should just forget about her since she has distanced herself from her. The OP should settle her matters in house and read her husband.

This is a young marriage and if the OP keeps a cool head, things will sort themselves out but if she wants to fight fire with fire, hmmmmm someone is gonna get burnt for sure.

For me when my husband begins act irrationally as men often times do making unnecessary rules and demands, I don't bother talking. I will want to tell him some truths too but in order not to aggravate things, I just say what I want to say in my head.

Mind you, I do lose my cool o but I lose it when its well deserved and him sef will know he has probably gone too far but when a woman consistently barks, you don't know when she is barking or when she wants to bite.

Finally if the OP is also looking inward, analysing herself and how her own actions might be affecting the situation, then that's a good start to things being better.

In my experience not all men often act irrationally.
So if you see any man that's not acting right, don't excuse it as things men often do.
It is quite insulting to the guys. #in my opinion

babyosisi:


That one is nothing in a place like Nigeria when they can be slapped and kicked and cheated on at will and everyone will tell them to pray harder and submit everything including their brains.
Staying married at all costs is the mantra
Locking her out like a disobedient house girl is very minor
She's even lucky he allows her to keep a job

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that line.
I can't lock a disobedient house girl outside.
That's child abuse. How can one do that a mature woman and another mature woman sees it as ok

As a last resort, One can only lock a non-potty trained dog outside so that it won't mess up the house.
But A human being?

People are a product of their upbringing. It is almost a waste of time trying to get words through to some women because suffering is the new normal. So a woman was married to a man for 28years and only enjoyed him on the last three years and all women should aspire to be like that woman? Do these women ever stop and think that some other woman enjoyed her husband for the full length of their marriage? If anything, the lesson to learn from that long suffering situation is not to end up like such women but the disgusting thing is that rather than do the next generation of women good by breaking such circle, people ( including women themselves) are hell bent on living that kind of life. It's really sad.

babyosisi:


Maybe it had to take that injury for get to hear from people that it is

not Ok for a husband to sleep over somewhere without telling his wife
Not Ok for a husband not to allow a grandma( her own mom) access to her grand kids
Not ok to sign off on a man who treats her mom with contempt
Not ok for a grown woman to be treated like a child and have her property taken away
Not ok to be pushed,shoved and injured no matter how many bags of clothing she gets afterwards
Not to ok to regard one's MIL higher than your own parents
And certainly demeaning and not OK to pester an MIL who cares nothing about you

Those are the positives she is getting out of this situation.

we all know what's not okay...... The way forward and how to achieve a peaceful coexistence with her husband is what's really important here.

I sincerely hope they work out their differences, at least he apologised with gifts...... But if it becomes a pattern, fight-break bones- gifts, then there is a problem.

Like I said earlier, this is still a young marriage, you two are still getting to understand living together, OP should apply subtlety and wisdom and hopefully it will turn out well.

cococandy:
I don't have issues with the rest of your post if any but what the fvck is the bolded?
What's there is if he locks her out?
Shudders.
Jeez

I agree that its wrong but I was pointing it out as what's the worst that would happen if he did.... If you follow my post later on, I said if she had returned with the door locked, that was when to give him a piece of her mind .

Okay so.... She seized the wallet because he might lock her out and then that led to the struggle where she was injured.

What if she had just said okay, keep the keys and then the next day, called him to tell him when she would be arriving and make the key available? And if he failed to make them available, that was when to unleash her fury (not even necessary sef cos he would feel guilty already keeping the key from her)

Besides he had the kids to take care of, so common sense would tell you he was going no where, or would he carry them around to his office and other places he needed to be?

All this could have been avoided! That's just it.

cococandy:


In my experience not all men often act irrationally.
So if you see any man that's not acting right, don't excuse it as things men often do.
It is quite insulting to the guys. #in my opinion

oh please, even a saint has his days.

cococandy:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around that line.
I can't lock a disobedient house girl outside.
That's child abuse. How can one do that a mature woman and another mature woman sees it as ok

As a last resort, One can only lock a non-potty trained dog outside so that it won't mess up the house.
But A human being?

I wrote on another thread a while back about a visit home and my cousin came by and was telling me about her promiscuous and physically abusive drunkard of a husband that even beat her up and beat her mother join while she was trying to get him off her daughter.
While we spoke the lady was to jittery,calling him constantly to tell him where she was and worried he wouldn't answer her calls.
When I asked what she was still doing with him,she said she wAs a deaconess at Church and cannot leave her marriage
They ( my cousin and my mom) wanted me to pray that God intervenes and steps in ,I looked my mother in the face and told her I will pray no such prayer.
A husband beats up his wife constantly and even beat up her mother and they are praying?
I told my mom that the day she gets AIDS or beaten to death they should remember that I did ask her to leave and they all with their mother in Israel holiness advised her to stay and contend for the dead end marriage.
Returned to America with my mom and few months later she called mom to say she had enough and was leaving.
I love to be married and I advocate marriage and detest divorce but I will never condone or excuse abuse
Never,ever

babygirlfl:
People are a product of their upbringing. It is almost a waste of time trying to get words through to some women because suffering is the new normal. So a woman was married to a man for 28years and only enjoyed him on the last three years and all women should aspire to be like that woman? Do these women ever stop and think that some other woman enjoyed her husband for the full length of their marriage? If anything, the lesson to learn from that situation is not to end up like such women but the disgusting thing is that rather than do the next generation of women good by breaking such circle, people ( including women themselves) are hell bent on living that kind of life. It's really sad.

I am not advicing it, I just told you what my mom chose to go through. I doubt I could but i surely hold her in the highest of regards.

This is the reality of most marriages, home and abroad, whether you agree to it or not is your own but marriage isn't a bed of roses.....I didn't come up with that saying, so I suppose whoever did knew what he was talking about.

RiffRaff:


Yea.. Your father is my Gay Partner.. Did he tell you how i rammed up his aass last night and came all over his face? It was fun. Please by all means join us tonght for a 3some. Father & son is on my bucket list.

Schmuk Fcukoff my mention & buy a brain.

THANKS YOU ARE JUST IN ANOTHER WORLD WAKE UP IT 2015 REASONING PREVAIL NOW,
HAVE FUN BUT DON'T COME I HERE AND SHOW YOUR STUPIDITY
THANK ME LATER ONE LOVE

lolaluv1:


Let me summarise the advice I heard a woman give to someone getting married.
Marriage is sweet and also very bitter. For your marriage to succeed, you must be a dustbin. When you are a dustbin, God will lift you up. Your children will call you blessed.

She also added that her mum had been married for 60 years plus, has chopped insults and is still chopping insults.

This is the reality for so Many people now. The reality they wake up to everyday.

Hmm that is deep. Me I cannot do it oo. If you give me shite I will give you shite back. It is well.

repogirl:
oh please, even a saint has his days.

that is true.
Even women have their irrational days.

But you said it was something men often do. which made me wonder if you think it ok for a man to be often irrational.
But no wahala

cococandy:
that is true.
Even women have their irrational days.

But you said it was sometime men often do. which made me wonder if you think it ok for a man to be often irrational.
But no wahala

okay then, let's say sometimes and not often, will change that so as not to mislead people.

It would be best avoided if he didn't seize her keys. Na wa. Is there any room for respect for a woman in marriage?
Nothing makes it ok or tolerable. That's not how one treats his wife.

repogirl:
we all know what's not okay...... The way forward and how to achieve a peaceful coexistence with her husband is what's really important here.

I sincerely hope they work out their differences, at least he apologised with gifts...... But if it becomes a pattern, fight-break bones- gifts, then there is a problem.

Like I said earlier, this is still a young marriage, you two are still getting to understand living together, OP should apply subtlety and wisdom and hopefully it will turn out well.



I agree that its wrong but I was pointing it out as what's the worst that would happen if he did.... If you follow my post later on, I said if she had returned with the door locked, that was when to give him a piece of her mind .

Okay so.... She seized the wallet because he might lock her out and then that led to the struggle where she was injured.

What if she had just said okay, keep the keys and then the next day, called him to tell him when she would be arriving and make the key available? And if he failed to make them available, that was when to unleash her fury (not even necessary sef cos he would feel guilty already keeping the key from her)

Besides he had the kids to take care of, so common sense would tell you he was going no where, or would he carry them around to his office and other places he needed to be?

All this could have been avoided! That's just it.

cococandy:
It would be best avoided if he didn't seize her keys. Na wa. Is there any room for respect for a woman in marriage?
Nothing makes it ok or tolerable. That's not how one treats his wife.

respect must be earned but that is another discussion.

I agree that one shouldn't treat the wife that way, but in the event that he does, what should the wife do? That is the question.....

repogirl:
respect must be earned but that is another discussion.

I agree that one shouldn't treat the wife that way, but in the event that he does, what should the wife do? That is the question.....

there is basic respect that does not need to be earned.
And that is the respect you have for your spouse such that even if you're in disagreement over some issues, there are certain things you don't do. One of them is treating them in a derogatory manner.

What she could do if such happens? maybe not physically fight him because she may get hurt.
(that's where it may seem like we agree a bit) But that's not solution to the problem like you implied. It only protects her from further harm but the root of the problem which is that she has no respect in her own home is still there. Hopefully communication can solve that.

fem29:


Hmm that is deep. Me I cannot do it oo. If you give me shite I will give you shite back. It is well.

I was just quoting What the woman said. In No way do I support that school of thought.
The same Bible that said to be submissive also said the man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. The Bible didn't ask the woman to be a dustbin. She was taken from the man's side to be sheltered and cherished. not abused and battered a la waste-bin.

netotse:


For many people yes but not for all people, keeping quiet and taking all the insults isn't always the hardest thing to do,
I don't even think a woman should take the insults, talking back at that point might not be the best thing to do but you should address it when things are calm.
I don't believe in letting anyone perpetually take you for granted in the name of marriage.

I was quoting the woman only to show the mentality of a typical Nigerian. I don't subscribe to that school of thought at all....

repogirl:
Guy, may God forever keep blessing you for this your statement!

Many women have not chopped half the shite my mother chopped. For years she endured with my dad and it wasn't only until about three years back my dad began to appreciate her.

She stuck with him through his rubbish, horrible times, emotional and verbal abuse but after twenty five long years, my dad became a changed man. He showered her with praises, good words, Money, anything she wanted before he passed on a month ago.

Maybe I learnt this patience from her but even me sef know sey I no reach her level. I wouldn't equate a woman with a dustbin ... even dustbin sef dey full but then you need an amazing amount of wisdom to tackle this marriage thing.

There will be trying times but if you can manage through it, it gets better, hopefully.

I agree that patience is needed in this marriage thingy But I don't subscribe to the dustbin school of thought. I only said that to show the average mentality people have about long suffering wives.

I also don't subscribe to a woman chopping shit for the better part of her life. Rather be alone and Happy.
Your mum is an angel....

babyosisi:


Please shove this advise down the loo
You do lose your cool by admission and can't understand why a woman whose house keys was snatched by her husband will make noise about it
No be by force to give advise abeg

every one is entitle to his or her opinion..

lolaluv1:


I was just quoting What the woman said. In No way do I support that school of thought.
The same Bible that said to be submissive also said the man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. The Bible didn't ask the woman to be a dustbin. She was taken from the man's side to be sheltered and cherished. not abused and battered a la waste-bin.

Yes submission can only coexist with love. How can you submit consistently to someone who does not have your best interests at heart but only his selfish interests

repogirl:
Guy, may God forever keep blessing you for this your statement!

Many women have not chopped half the shite my mother chopped. For years she endured with my dad and it wasn't only until about three years back my dad began to appreciate her.

She stuck with him through his rubbish, horrible times, emotional and verbal abuse but after twenty five long years, my dad became a changed man. He showered her with praises, good words, Money, anything she wanted before he passed on a month ago.

Maybe I learnt this patience from her but even me sef know sey I no reach her level. I wouldn't equate a woman with a dustbin ... even dustbin sef dey full but then you need an amazing amount of wisdom to tackle this marriage thing.

There will be trying times but if you can manage through it, it gets better, hopefully.

My dear, this is exactly why women should stop eating poo and saying she is doing so for the kids sake. On the contrary, it is actually teaching them wrong values. It becomes a norm for the kids and who then tend to accept the same treatment (or even worse ) or mete out same in their respective marriages. Whether you accept or not, from your comments, you seem to think it is the norm too. Not your fault though but trust me, a woman does not have to "lose" herself to be happy.

It is never okay to stay in an abusive marriage, the cycle continues with the kids and it even gets worse down the chain.

A woman is not an experiment, what if your dad never got round to appreciating your mother? Would she live all her life in misery just to be called a Mrs? And what's the joy if a woman suffer for 25 years, then her fully depreciated husband who has become feeble and needy now thinks it is the best time to start appreciating her and living like a true couple? Who wan carry liability?

babygirlfl:
People are a product of their upbringing. It is almost a waste of time trying to get words through to some women because suffering is the new normal. So a woman was married to a man for 28years and only enjoyed him on the last three years and all women should aspire to be like that woman? Do these women ever stop and think that some other woman enjoyed her husband for the full length of their marriage? If anything, the lesson to learn from that long suffering situation is not to end up like such women but the disgusting thing is that rather than do the next generation of women good by breaking such circle, people ( including women themselves) are hell bent on living that kind of life. It's really sad.

You know, the succeeding circle is worse off because whilst the mother knows that she is in pains but grits her teeth bearing it, the daughter thinks what she sees from the mother is not pain but norm and confidently argue its normal, worse still dosnt believe there's a better and can reject the better even. The three years indeed; is it not the remnant of the other woman? Is it not the dead blockos years the other woman rejected? Is it not the time he can no longer afford strength to move about chasing skirt or when sickness has fallen him down? Is it not when he can no longer work to earn money for the other woman or to inflate his ego for abuse?...just imagine the one saying a woman is meant to eat shiit, so if she has been eating it from afar for 28years, how dare you say she should not celebrate the three years it is now served in her face. If not that someone else will learn a thing or few, i saw something that made me conclude the Op belongs to the category therefore time was only wasted.