Richy4:
Reading between the line, i guess your mother inlaw is an influential person. if not what the hell?

I suggest you ignore her. and keep the relationship between you and her the way she wants it to be. she was the pacesetter. she has set the pace on how she wants the relationship to be. all you need do is follow the pace obediently.

I wish you can write her number somewhere just incase of emergency, then delete it on your phone so that you will not call her again. then when she remembered to call you, kindly ask 'who is this?' nothing hurts old school mums more than when they call and you ask who it was.

then proceed to explain innocently that you do not have her number any more......

just iron things out with your man. that's whom you owe your loyalty to.your mother inlaw is secondary. also keep loving your mum because she will be the one to stand for you when another heat arises. do not neglect her

Hate don't solve family challenges. That MIL was annoyed because her son (the hubby) told her and painted you very bad (she was not smart enough to see her son's heated emotion). Please, don't blame that woman! Remember that ALL MOTHERS wants to protect their 'baby'. That woman is doing same. She's not objective; she's moved by emotions. If she hates you that much; you could never have marry that man. If you think you can despise that woman- your marriage will be threatened and from your hubby actions; he'll misbehave again if you don't solve the issue of animosity with his mum. Also, you have to launder his image with your mum. Men are egocentric; don't let bad advisers here destroy your marriages. Rights destroy marriage;love holds it.

Something rings in my head over and over again.
You could have been killed.

@OP, you are a good wife, nevertheless, ur hubby is good too. Learn to be more submissive and show more respect to ur hubby and MIL and watch things fall in place. It works like magic! To avoid depression, you may seek advice from .......

bluelimit:
@OP, you are a good wife, nevertheless, ur hubby is good too. Learn to be more submissive and show more respect to ur hubby and MIL and watch things fall in place. It works like magic! To avoid depression, you may seek advice from .......

Submissive more? This Nigeria type of marriage tire me I swear. Is it until she dies?
@Op, I agree with the lady that said you should keep a respectable distance from your mother in law. Call her and greet her. No mentions of what happened ND don't report anything to her again.
Don't let any man disrespect your parents. No matter aw many times d man marries you over and over, they are your parent. Even if they are not as rich as your in laws. If they hadn't trained you and loved you right, your husband wouldn't have married you. Imagine if ur mum treats you d way your Mail did. Would your husband meet you alive?
Your parents are your mini God's. Don't give anyone a chance to disrespect them.
I wish you d best in your marriage. No matter how passionate your husband's kiss was, remember to tell him violence is not allowed. Don't take it for all the money in this life. Your children need you.

My beloved married couple, there is a huge difference between single and married.
While the first is someone that is never married or doesn't have a spouse, the other is someone who has left the mother, father sister brother just to be with a single person.
The reason for most failed marriages is because you involve your parents in almost all you do. For the man, you should be ashamed that you have joined your mother to be an enemy to your wife. Are you an enemy of progress? What is wrong in your wife making it and going to write professional exams that will even help you. It is a pity you are not a man and I am really sorry for you because you have allowed your mother be a third party to destroy your home. I only hope that all things will be fine soon because that woman doesn't have who to run to since you have agreed with your mother to hit her head. Gosh you hit your wife? May God forgive you and bring back your senses.

moca:
Hello lady, I must be frank with u.
U r beinng intimidated by ur husband's family.

U r also over trying to win their side.

U don't have a voice.

They run the empire.

U probably came for the money and affluence.


Ur problem is solely ur husband, no ur MIL.
Keep ur marriage to urself.
If u can't tell ur mum,u can't tell ur MIL.
Period.


Now, u have to define ur boundaries.
Sit down with ur husband and revisit ur mum'ss case.

If he still insist ur children won't see ur mum, nne,there is fire on d mountain.

At times,it takes only one incident to make things right.

Now,im talking from experience.


And yep, u are so afraid of incurring their wrath.

I will never be at peace with a man who disrespects my mum like this unless she deserves it.
Yet here u r worshiping the ground his mum walks on cos u wanna be d good wife.
Such hypocrisy!

I'm more angry at u than ur hubby.

Can u go tru ur posts again?
How will ur mum see u?
U will soon become a grandma. U will know d pains when ur child refuses to bring ur grandchildren for u to cuddle.
Unless ur mum is bad.

U have completely failed.

At the rate at which u r going, when something happens(or u think something may not happen),its still this momma that u will run to.

Lady, behave like one that sucked her mama's bwest pls.

U know ur husband. U know what to do.

(what ladies do to keep their marriage sometimes baffles me)

You nailed it.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

you did not owe your mother-in-law any apology. what exactly are you going to apologize for? since she believe couple problem should be kept btw them you going to apologize to her will seems to her like you are coming to report your husband and she will start thinking you are already gossiping about your marriage to friends and relatives. like she is pretending nothing happened you too should pretend nothing is happen. anytime your husband piss u off don't call her
since your husband agree to take care of the kids you should have listen to him and leave the kids for him. let him try for just one day what you face everyday and let's see if he will suggest the same thing next time you are to go somewhere. afterall he is the father of the children then let him assist. your ceasing his wallet was very wrong though at time you both may be playing around with things but when things are hot like this way you don't play.
hope you ve recover from the injury?

nickibarb:


no, he wasn't on the phone with her all through. it was more like after seeing my text message, she calls him to talk about it. I didn't hear her side of the conversation but I know she asked if he was sure he could take care of the kids and he replied in the affirmative.

also, after he pushed me down, (i won't say beat up cos it was more like a struggle to take possession of the wallet), he called his mother after it had happened. while he was talking to her, i started screaming in a bid to make her hear me through the phone, that he was trying to kill me and she has refused to intervene by taking my call).

my husband said he doesn't like my mum cos when we were preparing for our wedding, she was trying to impose her choice of wedding vendors and other details about the wedding on him. i had told her to handle things like caterer, decorations, venue, etc cos i hadn't relocated to Nigeria yet. he relocated before me . i also told him that I had asked her to make decisions on my behalf. he eventually had his way, we did everything the way he wanted and got defrauded by the wedding vendors he chose. I've told him that whatever happened then, is not enough to cut her out of his life and prevent her from having access to her grandchildren. i wish i knew what else to do about it.

this is the genesis of the disrespect meted out to your mother.

if you do not mind me asking, who bore the major expenses of your wedding?

during the tussle on which vendors to use - who was going to pay for the selected vendors? your family or his family?

the fact is, if he was the one paying the vendors, your mum had no right to impose her choice on him and thats where you should have come in and told your mum to pull back and leave everything to him.

you need to revisit what led to the issues between you mum and your husband no matter how long ago it happened as thats the first step in amending the broken relationship

I hold my parent in high esteem, getting married to a man that doesn't respect ones parent is a NO NO. My husband's family and mine are very cordial with each other, my sis broke up with a fiance in a relationship of 4years just because both mom don't see eye to eye. If our parent doesn't approve of a guy and his family we listen to her because we trust her judgment.

thorpido:
I can only say that there are deeper issues between you and your husband and the parents-in-law.What issue does your hubby have with your mum?Was your husband aware of this exam ahead of time and did he support you?
I think there is a communication issue between you and your husband that got escalated.

Next time avoid things that could result in violence.Don't seize his belongings.

Yeah, like her taking his wallet was reason enough for him to abuse her...Africa mentality!!!

Based on the stupid advices I have seen on here, it seems violence in marriage is allowed and excused, especially if the husband is the perpetrator. The man is the Alpha and Omega of everything. I wonder how Nigerian population can be on the rise, despite all these celebrations of violence.

lolly2pops:


Yeah, like her taking his wallet was reason enough for him to abuse her...Africa mentality!!!

What are you talking about?If i take what belongs to you and you come back to grab my balls and i push you hard and you hit the back of your head against the edge of the wall and pass out,would we be talking about african mentality or the damage done?
I'm not in any way supporting the husband,i'm against instigating violence.She is the one i can address here and hence my comment to her.

[quote author=nickibarb post=33669314][/quote] You have low esteem, unless you change somethings your husband will worsen it because you are making him know he can get away with anything. Watch it! You love your husband more than your life so that the day your husband leave, you will die, therefore you will take anything from him. Your husband spend the night away without call, you make job excuse for him. Your husband does not respect you or your people yet you excused it by suggesting your Mil in the first place, still people cant see that you wanted to obey your husband hence the Mil option. Your Mil has proven to you that there's a big difference between daughter and dil yet you are looking for a way to say mum and Mil is same, wait o, even in your face she spoke with her son on the issue still you are maintaining is she doing no interference. I dont fault your taking his wallet, it was the best desperate measure that came your way. The women shouting you could have left your three months old for a hubby that can't change diapers and you know him more than them that he can't adequately care for them wouldnt do so in your shoes. Infact they will be the ones insulting if an accident had happened or if one those guys your husband brought in molested your daughters. Never stop being careful with your kids. The way you kept quiet and accepted gifts in exchange for almost your life, will tell your husband he can do worse next time and nobody will talk. Start to make your mum important by bringing her to yours, talking about her in front of your man and in ways he does about his. Remove your Mil from your mind, she stopped worth staying there. Only call or talk to her when absolutely necessary not with grudge though. Stop worshipping your husband and his people like they did you and your family a favour when they married you. It is you that has made your hubby and his people treat you bad not money. Love your self and your family more then your hubby and family do same, afterall it is the name you call yourself others will call you with.

thorpido:
What are you talking about?If i take what belongs to you and you come back to grab my balls and i push you hard and you hit the back of your head against the edge of the wall and pass out,would we be talking about african mentality or the damage done?
I'm not in any way supporting the husband,i'm against instigating violence.She is the one i can address here and hence my comment to her.

Since you are wondering here's what I'm talking about: This is not a robbery gone bad. This is just two people who know each other well who even happen to share a bad. Yes it was immature for her to try to get some leverage but on the other hand the husband should have foreseen the danger in his effort to get his wallet back. His effort to have the wallet back started the physical straggle which saw the lady get hurt. Are you left wondering again?

KanwuliaJara:
It is obvious that you are very insecure. You leave your exams to focus on the dynamics of your dysfunctional marriage. You lack diplomacy and are very CONFRONTATIONAL!
If your MIL does not pick your calls or reply your text message WHY ARE YOU BOTHERED?

You need to learn to control your emotions and prioritize your affairs in the order of importance.
You have exams to prepare for and you are on NL whining!
Are you the only parent to those kids?

The time you should spend taking care or YOUR affairs you spend NAGGING about your husband and MIL. You want to travel with 2 BABIES alone to write an exam?

From your first post up there, I could list a million reasons why you keep having domestic issues.
You lack proper communication skills for one and you have a VICTIM-MENTALITY.

You feel aggrieved?
Why should you?
You are too NEEDY!
Get help and learn to relax!
Marriage is not a cross to be carried to Calvary!!!

You've said it all!

I couldn't have said it better.

Frankly, I was fuming with disgust when I read OP's post. I cant agree more that OP is insecure, loutish and lacks courtesy. Marriage requires diplomacy and maturity. Op has clearly demonstrated that she grossly lacks both.

1. Your hubby reassured you he will take care of the kids, why bother? At that point when you doubted his ability to fully cater for his kids in less than 24hours that you are away, I'm sure you deflated his morale, his confidence, his pride as a father, his ability to take charge and responsibility in your absence....etc...that alone is enough to stir strife and indignation. He must have been grappling to clamp his pulse when you 'added salt to injury' by confiscating his wallet - this prompted his vehement action (pushing) against you. I guess you were lucky the accident only ended in a concussion. It could have been worse.

2. You MIL refused your calls, so what the heck? without her, you can surely make alternatives ( which I think is absolutely unnecessary since your hubby gave his words. Why whining like one childish moaning minnie.

I can go on & on, but apparently, a lot has been said and I want to believe that you have gained one or two things from the load of comments on your thread. Pls learn to be calm, relaxed and manage pressures with less worry. Equanimity is one quality that I can clearly spot isn't in your character. There was no point calling your mum (though you haven't stated you did) or your MIL.

qbd2:

I don't get what u mean, u mean shud have been 'jealous of one another'?

yes why is it that you gals have PHD(PULL HER DOWN)
MEANING JEALOUS OF ONE ANOTHER

lolly2pops:


This is not a robbery gone bad. This is just two people who know each other well who even happen to share a bad. Yes it was immature for her to try to get some leverage but on the other hand the husband should have foreseen the danger in his effort to get his wallet back. His effort to have the wallet back started the physical straggle which saw the lady get hurt.

At that point,the husband can't foresee anything,else she won't have gotten a cut in the head in the first place.The beginning of a scuffle is easy,the end of it is what is usually unexpected.I have read and seen a case of someone who died from something similar.Do you know how dangerous hitting the back of the head on a hard surface is?
I'm not absolving the hubby here,as a matter of fact he started it.He's however not on this thread but she is.Whether you say African mentality or not,the man is physically stronger and can do more damage.

creamynuela88:



I know very well what u mean, because I myself am married. She did nothing wrong to her MIL. So I don't see why she should go and apologize for nothing. The only thing she should do is always respect her. If she likes she calls her on phone (that's if she would pick up) anywhere she sees her greet her, chat with her just get along with her as much as u like. Its not mandatory u take rubbish from pple because they are ur hubby's family members. Its d way u carry yourself u would be treated. If u carry yourself like a slave or a mumu they treat u as one, if u carry yourself with respect they respect u.

I GET YOUR POINT BUT............
hope you are not what am thinking you are...........
EQUALITY SPECIES/ADVOCATE

nickibarb:


Thanks, I love your no nonsense approach, you've given me a lot to think about. my husband and his family are packing when it comes to the money aspect. I guess that's why there is a tendency to try to trample on the rights of people who are not so fortunate. (my parents are not paupers though, but compared to my inlaws, there's a big diff). I was really upset at my husband but I guess it was easier to forgive him cos of the bond we have between each other. (we were like so in love when we got married). I guess it's easier to forgive him cos I can point out at least one thing i did wrong (the wallet thing). but for my MIL, I can't seem to fathom out why she treated me that way. It's almost as if she was willing to let me miss my exam (an exam i have been preparing for, for like ages), let my husband maim me, all for the sake of keeping up her marriage counsellor principles of non-interference. i guess that's why its harder to forgive her

it is very difficult to satisfy some women in wc u r one of them. If ur MIL had come to decide in support of her son against ur stand, u wil begin to hate her dt she is supportin her son, now dt stay away 4 both of u 2 settle, u av started plantin hatred. If u don't av MIL, won't u live again. I support d MIL, go & study how to leave peacefully wit ur husband

nickibarb:


yeah i know i was wrong to have taken my husband's wallet, but i got desperate cos i was at a loss at what to do, my husband was not budging, my MIL wasn't taking my calls, i was trying not to involve my parents cos I know my husband doesn't like my mum and I was really running late. exam was at 7am the next day and it was almost evening and I hadn't left my city. I finally got the the exam city at 1am and was taken straight to the hospital. I was able to do the exam after pleading with the doctors to discharge me from the emergency room that morning. luckily i passed. Thank God

cos I know my husband doesn't like my mum
this summarizes everything,why would you marry a man that doesn't respect your mum

Floodgater:
You have low esteem, unless you change somethings your husband will worsen it because you are making him know he can get away with anything. Watch it! You love your husband more than your life so that the day your husband leave, you will die, therefore you will take anything from him. Your husband spend the night away without call, you make job excuse for him. Your husband does not respect you or your people yet you excused it by suggesting your Mil in the first place, still people cant see that you wanted to obey your husband hence the Mil option. Your Mil has proven to you that there's a big difference between daughter and dil yet you are looking for a way to say mum and Mil is same, wait o, even in your face she spoke with her son on the issue still you are maintaining is she doing no interference. I dont fault your taking his wallet, it was the best desperate measure that came your way. The women shouting you could have left your three months old for a hubby that can't change diapers and you know him more than them that he can't adequately care for them wouldnt do so in your shoes. Infact they will be the ones insulting if an accident had happened or if one those guys your husband brought in molested your daughters. Never stop being careful with your kids. The way you kept quiet and accepted gifts in exchange for almost your life, will tell your husband he can do worse next time and nobody will talk. Start to make your mum important by bringing her to yours, talking about her in front of your man and in ways he does about his. Remove your Mil from your mind, she stopped worth staying there. Only call or talk to her when absolutely necessary not with grudge though. Stop worshipping your husband and his people like they did you and your family a favour when they married you. It is you that has made your hubby and his people treat you bad not money. Love your self and your family more then your hubby and family do same, afterall it is the name you call yourself others will call you with.

Gbam!!
I wish she could read this over and over and over again
If she must single out one post here to meditate on day and night ,this is it.

#hmmmn!
What a thread!

fpeter:


cos I know my husband doesn't like my mum
this summarizes everything,why would you marry a man that doesn't respect your mum

I'm wondering too.

DollyParton1:

But she actually dint train her son well. if she did, the son wont be trying to lock people out or disliking his MIL.



very apt.


So from her narration, all you could deduce is that she has strong head. Girl your analysis get as e be.
So what could she have collected as a leverage instead? His Pėniś?
Contrary to your opinion, there is something if he locks her out. I assume you dint read the part where she said she might be coming back very late at night. Being locked out at that time is dangerous. Moreover, no one in their right senses appreciate being locked out even for a minute, even in the middle of the day. And I think locking a spouse out is a form of abuse.
And u also missed the part where she said he doesn't like her mum, and that's why she doesn't want his kids there. YOU dont think that needs to be addressed.

Her mother inlaw is tired of her story, and tired of her being alive too abi? She heard the lady got hurt, yet she dint see it as enough reason to break her rule of not interfering. Till now she hasn't even check on her wellbeing.




She said it too, she is here to seek other people's opinions and analysis.

See, I have been married a few years now and the best advice I can give a woman is know your husband and pick your battles wisely.

No point in fighting what you won't win but will only strain your relationship. Talk in a calm sensible manner about your issue when tempers are cool and most times just let him win. I am not saying be a pushover but just be wise about your confrontation.

Okay, he doesn't like her mother...... So she should force him to like her? I don't get it, did he marry her mother also?

How was she even sure she would be locked out? Has he done it before? And even if he does, that is when you should take up the issue with him. Not before,that is what will made her get injured.

Had I been in her shoes, I would have kept calling earlier to let him know I was on my way and he should make preparations to get me the key if he wouldn't be at home.

Besides she even has a help, so the help will not be around also to open the door?

About the mother in law, the OP should just forget about her since she has distanced herself from her. The OP should settle her matters in house and read her husband.

This is a young marriage and if the OP keeps a cool head, things will sort themselves out but if she wants to fight fire with fire, hmmmmm someone is gonna get burnt for sure.

For me when my husband begins act irrationally as men often times do, making unnecessary rules and demands, I don't bother talking. I will want to tell him some truths too but in order not to aggravate things, I just say what I want to say in my head.

Mind you, I do lose my cool o but I lose it when its well deserved and him sef will know he has probably gone too far but when a woman consistently barks, you don't know when she is barking or when she wants to bite.

Finally if the OP is also looking inward, analysing herself and how her own actions might be affecting the situation, then that's a good start to things being better.

Yomieluv:
seun, we need frustrated section on nairaland, especially in the family section. seems the marriage institution is going to the dustbin.

Plus confession section too if possible.

nickibarb:
I needed to travel for one day to write a professional exam, but my husband refused to let me take our two little kids (aged 1yr 4 months and aged 3 months) to my parent's house for my mum to take care of them. He said he would care for them himself. (Note that his mother was out of town if not I would have taken them to her). I wanted to make my mother-in-law aware of the situation so that I won't be accused of abandoning my kids for my career (you know how judgmental naija society can be sometimes). I tried to call my mother-in-law, she didn't pick up, I sent her a text explaining the situation and then proceeded to call her again. I was surprised to see that she was talking to my husband about the issue on the line that I just tried calling her on, but she hadn't called me back. My mother-in-law refused to take my calls cause apparently she's of the opinion that couples should keep everything between themselves. My husband went ahead to take away my copy of the house keys. He locked the doors and said whenever I was ready to go, he will let me out, in order to ensure that I don't come back when he is out, to take his kids to my parents' house. I had already assured him that I wasn't going to take them away but I was opposed to leaving without a key, since it will be very inconveniencing for me to go on such an exhausting journey, return and not have immediate access to the house. (My husband's whereabouts is usually very difficult to discern on account of the nature of his job-politician). Again, I tried to get my mother-in-law to intervene and ask him to let me have one of the keys but she still refused to take my calls. I sent her another text. I was running late so I proceeded to take my husband's wallet which he left in one of the rooms. My intention was to use it as an exchange item so I can get the keys from him.

Unfortunately, this got him very mad and in a bid to get the wallet back from me, he pushed me and I hit the back of my head on a glass table resulting in a head injury as revealed by a CT scan. In all of this, my mother-in-law still refused to take my calls even though she could hear me shouting and crying through the phone (recall my husband was intermittently on the phone with her while the fracas was going on). Since that day, I haven't called her again, and she hasn't called me either. Even when my parents informed her about my head injury via text (since she wasn't taking their calls), she still failed to give me call to find out how badly hurt I was. She has come to our home one day since the incident, I was taking a bath, by the time I was done and came to the living room, she was gone. I don't think she asked after me but I didn't ask my husband whether she did. This is someone I have loved and respected as a mother all this time, we have never ever had even one disagreement. By refusing to get involved, she has effectively destroyed our cordial relationship. I cannot honestly say that I feel like she cares whether I live or die as long as we obey the golden rule of keeping everything between ourselves as a couple.
My issue is, I'm not happy about the fact that we've fallen into the category of MIL and DIL that do not get along. My question is, am I right to feel aggrieved, and am I right to have not made any effort to reach out to her for more than a month now, considering that this means that she has not interacted with her grand children all this time? What would you suggest I do?

As a married man and also a Marriage counselor, it is clear to me that as expected (which is not your fault by the way), this narration is not complete, this is why in counseling both parties must be present...You seem more concerned about your Mother-in-laws role in this matter than your husband's role, also I can deduce that in your marriage either you or both you and your husband have given your parents access to your marital challenges, this complicates issues further, also it is clear that you are your husband are having issues and the event for you to write a Professional exam was your husband's opportunity to display his pent up anger and animosity, I suspect he doesn't even agree that you should even have taken that exam but you stubbornly went ahead...Please leave your Mother-in-Law out of this matter, I'm not saying what she did is right but I'm guessing the situation is very awkward for her, the real issue is sorting out the problem between you and your husband; let me share something with you to explain why you need to sort this out, the way things are, you are heading for a divorce and that must not happen, your misunderstandings that you have not settled in the past has graduated slowly to the point of even hating each other, you both need to sit yourselves down and have a heart to heart or go to a Christian Marriage Counselor and have a talk...Your marriage relationship needs healing and the good news is, it is not too late, through prayers and wisdom, your marriage can heal and be better, after this your mother-in-law shouldn't be a problem, in the meantime like I said leave her out of this, do everything to restore your cordial relationship back. Remain blessed.

obiak4:

marriage is not about who is right or wrong
remember an eye for an eye would make the world go blind
IMO and I do it often if you are annoyed to a certain extent I just leave you no matter what
we should learn to be a "LITTLE"bit Patience
surulere Patience is a virtue in all marriage

Yes but why are women always expected to be the one to eat shite and smile whilst doing it. Yes she shouldn't have taken the wallet but we are all human, we get angry and frustrated too.

fem29:



Yes but why are women always expected to be the one to eat shite and smile whilst doing it. Yes she shouldn't have taken the wallet but we are all human, we get angry and frustrated too.

culture, religion, society at large expect the woman to be submissive because she is too "POWERFUL"

Jahblessme:
I understand what you mean my dear..but believe me when I say that if you fix things in your home front,then your husband will be able to coax /bring your MIL in order or at least shield you.

Its unfortunate your parents are being treated this way, its up to you to address the anomaly.Excess money or lack of it isn't what determines how a person should be treated.Integrity and self respect matter most.

Why I'm interested in your parents is because I see a point where their time with your kids will be limited or disappear completely for no just cause.You sef may become cut off from them.

The best thing to do is address the pushing and the parents issue first.You can discuss about MIL with your husband but I doubt it will do any good cos she has already by her inaction shown that whether you are dying or not she doesn't care..all in the name of not interfering.

I don't know why she's done this but at least its clear to you how she feels about you.A cordial relationship can follow,you can forgive as that's what's expected but never forget that when the chips are down,you will be the loser.

Good luck!! I'm glad you aced your exams.

i did not want to comment on this because am still a very small boy......but going thru ur comments......u r d best! Nice counsel and advice from u.. Jah really blessed u with wisdom

Learn to disagree and agree with your husband. Leave your mum and in laws out of your family issues. Learn how to handle your husband. Men are very simple to handle if you do it with love. I observe that you and your husband still do not trust each enough.

obiak4:

I GET YOUR POINT BUT............
hope you are not what am thinking you are...........
EQUALITY SPECIES/ADVOCATE

No I am not. I respect my spouse to infinity. Also respect my spouse's family. Thats y I need my respect too. They say respect is reciprocated. Its ur idea of marriage that makes people wish their MIL dead b4 they marry. Buh my dear it's not like that. U can have a comfortable relationship with ur spouse's family not necessarily by being their foot stool.

repogirl:
See, I have been married a few years now and the best advice I can give a woman is know your husband and pick your battles wisely.

No point in fighting what you won't win but will only strain your relationship. Talk in a calm sensible manner about your issue when tempers are cool and most times just let him win. I am not saying be a pushover but just be wise about your confrontation.

Okay, he doesn't like her mother...... So she should force him to like her? I don't get it, did he marry her mother also?

How was she even sure she would be locked out? Has he done it before? And even if he does, that is when you should take up the issue with him. Not before,that is what will made her get injured.

Had I been in her shoes, I would have kept calling earlier to let him know I was on my way and he should make preparations to get me the key if he wouldn't be at home.

Besides she even has a help, so the help will not be around also to open the door?

About the mother in law, the OP should just forget about her since she has distanced herself from her. The OP should settle her matters in house and read her husband.

This is a young marriage and if the OP keeps a cool head, things will sort themselves out but if she wants to fight fire with fire, hmmmmm someone is gonna get burnt for sure.

For me when my husband begins act irrationally as men often times do, making unnecessary rules and demands, I don't bother talking. I will want to tell him some truths too but in order not to aggravate things, I just say what I want to say in my head.

Mind you, I do lose my cool o but I lose it when its well deserved and him sef will know he has probably gone too far but when a woman consistently barks, you don't know when she is barking or when she wants to bite.

Finally if the OP is also looking inward, analysing herself and how her own actions might be affecting the situation, then that's a good start to things being better.

Please shove this advise down the loo
You do lose your cool by admission and can't understand why a woman whose house keys was snatched by her husband will make noise about it
No be by force to give advise abeg