What is the right age for marriage?

Is there a particular age at which you'd expect a lady or a man to be married? At what age should you start thinking about marriage? And at what age should you start panicking if you've not yet found the right man? If you say age doesn't matter, what are the things that matter and can they be measured?

Personally, I think the most important things to achieve before marriage are economic independence and a clear sense of where you're going in life. If you have that by 20, fire away. And if you're a lady, and you're close to or 30, please start panicking! Maybe you've been too picky?!

The right age for marriage, I would say, is immediately after mental maturity, which is around the age of 18 for the male and around 16 for the female. Well there is a condition which is the ability to be able to take care of the wife and the family financially and morally, but then again we shouldn't forget the issue of education which might arise and conflict with the family needs in the aspect of being there and all that. So I would say the best time is after secondary school providing the requirement is fullfilled.Well frankly then again, actually its really a very difficult issue to really tackle because we do have different values, in terms of religious background and cultural values.

In my University, we do have Iranians that are married, and studying with their wives and infact they are happy and I can see that, because they are always hanging out with each other and the brightness of their face says it all. Most of this Iranian colleagues are only 19 to around 20, and frankly I am happy for them. Well if there is the money, I would say why not?

Kazey has said it all really. I should simply buttress his point by saying there is no such thing as 'marriageable age'. As long as one is independent maturity wise (which in itself is a relative thing) and the financial means (without which the whole thing will be a joke) is readily available, then by all means, it's time to settle down. Having said that however, one needs to take into consideration the issue, I dare say the vital issue of raising kids. In my personal opinion, a lady who is younger than 20 might not necessarily be the best of mums to her kids largely because she is still so much a kid herself. Although there are women who are well over 30 and are still not the best mums. In any event, the 3 major factors I believe one needs to settle down will of course include a responsible and like minded man/woman (2) Maturity cum high sense of responsibility and last but not the least (3) financial independence. This does not exhaust the list by any chance but represent the basic things to look out for.

Erm.... Seun, I'm precariously closer to 30 than I am to 25 and I am not married. That is not to say that I've been too choosy or picky, it's just that the 2 relationships I've ever had didn't turn out too well. I've still got deep emotional scares from the last one and it's been over a year. Armed with such invisible wares, one tends to shrink away from these things till you find the right person. It takes time for you to know that, hence my seeing someone now for the last few months and trying to see if we are indeed compatible or not. Touching briefly again on financial independence, the erroneous and outdated belief that a guy must earn and save so much before he gets married is completely untrue. Couples who genuinely love each other remain helpmates and pool their earnings and resources together to meet the needs of the home.

Subjects as heavy as this are usually multifaceted, in that there are diverse sides of it for different people. The foregoing simply represents my personal view.

"Seun":

Personally, I think the most important things to achieve before marriage are economic independence and a clear sense of where you're going in life. If you have that by 20, fire away. And if you're a lady, and you're close to or 30, please start panicking! Maybe you've been too picky?!

Seun, I dont like discussing sensitive issues like this one, but I can't help correcting this statement:
"if you're a lady, and you're close to or 30, please start panicking! Maybe you've been too picky?!"

I disagree with you brother, if you rush into marriage when you are not ready, you will rush out! I will be 30 by June 12, and for you information am not panicking, I'd better marry at 40 and live a happy life, than marry at 20 and stay unhappy for the rest of my life.

I have had experiences in relationships, both good and bad. We are in the modern age if you must know, and you don't go into marriage because society demands or because your mates are married. You marry because your are mentally, physically, financially, and most importantly emotionally ready.

The ripe age for a woman in my opinion is from 21. Take note: any woman who is desperate to get married will always end up with the wrong person. It's not an issue of being choosy or picky. Maybe some of us have had one or two unfortunate relationships, so we learn from our mistakes and they guide us in our future encounters. The essential thing is, 'marry your best friend'. I learnt that from AYA, so I will remain unmarried until I find my best friend, anything worth doing is worth doing well.

The reason for marriage in olden days was mostly so we can have children to help out in the farms, companionship then was secondary, a man can even marry more than one wife just to produce enough children. Now in the modern age, companionship (in my opinion, I stand to be corrected) is primary. To have children in our society, you have to be financially ready - so it's secondary.

Since the basic thing is companionship, and the economic situation coupled with cultural demands about marriage don't make things easy for couples ready for marriage to get married, it now make a lot of couples live together for ages, some even get children, before they now think of making their marriage official. Just like Ra said, the onus falls on both partners now. If you waiting for the ripe time, it might never come.

In essence what am saying is this: Nowadays we all enjoy companionship even if we are not married (boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, live-in lovers etc.) therefore marriage keeps getting postponed and delayed.

Well, I guess I'm with angelgirl on her views. I think, for a guy sha, all things being equal you should marry between 26-29. Marrying at 30 or after it is just not cool. For girls I guess 21 up ain't bad. But as angelgirl said a whole lot of things have to be considered.

Personally, I believe the right age for a man to marry is when:
1. He is financially able to take care of a family (not necessarily rich).
2. He is emotionally mature to play the role of a husband and a father.

As for the woman, the right age for her to marry, in my opinion is when:
1. She is has reached at least the age of 18 (to guard against VVF).
2. She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband.
3. She has a ready suitor (which is the most important factor).

diakim:

Personally, I believe the right age for a man to marry is when:
1. He is financially able to take care of a family (not necessarily rich).
2. He is emotionally mature to play the role of a husband and a father.

As for the woman, the right age for her to marry, in my opinion is when:
1. She is has reached at least the age of 18 (to guard against VVF).
2. She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband.
3. She has a ready suitor (which is the most important factor).

Brother, whereabouts are you from? Forgive my French, but I couldn't help cracking my ribs when I read your “She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband”.

I believe what you meant to say there was she must be independent career wise. Learning a trade or skill somehow reminded me of the days of my great grandparents when all the wives could do was limited to dyeing clothes, selling palm oil or farm produce and matting hair.

Now the trend of the topic is changing. well first of all i would like to say that not everybody has to go to school and earn a certificate.

Everybody should go to school you might say? right? OK who would be my maid? a graduate from a university? who would be my butler or even mechanic? a university graduate.

when we tend to look, at the situation, its not the educational background nor even the millionaire achievement if you might call it that, that is really an important factor that needs to be sufficed before we can even take a glance at marriage. We said meeting the right guy? does time really justify that? Marrying our best friend? Trust me i have had best friends that have really disappointed me. But thats not the issue. The issue is the right age for marriage. But then again we say for the right age we have to have this , we have to have that. Then what really is primary? Maturity and financial stability? or even more?

And before i forget i would like to say happiness comes with scarifies and endurance, and its not natural. This applies to happiness in marriage too.

Ra:

Brother, whereabouts are you from? Forgive my French, but I couldn't help cracking my ribs when I read your “She has learned a trade or skill to avoid being a financial liabilty to her husband”.

I believe what you meant to say there was she must be independent career wise. Learning a trade or skill somehow reminded me of the days of my great grandparents when all the wives could do was limited to dyeing clothes, selling palm oil or farm produce and matting hair.

Well, I am laughing too.

The point is, if a girl has to marry at the age of 18 or less, then she couldn't have achieved much career-wise. At best, she might has just finished her secondary school education.

This is an interesting question, one that has been bothering me too.

I have read all contributions and they all make a lot of sence, but I still think the buttom line is "It is all relative to everybody". Right?

As a lady I believe the right age for marriage is when I am independent cos I wouldn't want to be a liability.  People need to mature and find themselves before finding someone else and one does not truly mature till their late 20s, or 30's.

One would really need to take their time and search for their soulmates.  You know, you really have to find the bone of your bone and the flesh of your flesh. Remember, God took a rib from Adam to create the woman.  So personally, I believe you must find your missing rib before going into marriage.

And then one important thing is the issue of finance.  As Ra rightly said, one must be in a position to take good care of the family and at the same time one has to commit it into God's hands.  HE KNOWS BEST.

So really there is no right age for marriage.  You only have to consider it when you feel you are matured enough to endure all the pain, joy, sorrow, happiness and whatever that comes with marriage.

tayotina date=1112966876:

People need to mature and find themselves before finding someone else and one does not truly mature till their late 20s, or 30's.

I want to be sensitive, but this has to stop.

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I do not agree with the idea that women should get married in their late 20s or early 30s. You make it sound as if when you feel you are ready you can just go to a supermarket and pick up a man. I don't think it can be that easy.

When you are in your early twenties, or even just above eighteen, there are lots of suitors:
- Boys your age want to go out with you.
- Men slightly older than you want to go out with you.
- Single or divorced men much older than you want to go out with you!

So at this level the girl gets a lot of attention. This is the age at which the phrase "every girl has a suitor" is actually true.

When you are in your very late twenties or thirties, this is the case:
- The 'good' men your age are engaged. Taken.
- Men slightly older than you are married.
- Men much older than you are 'old men' as far as you are concerned.

The few single men are still going to be dating women in their early twenties, as well as people closer to your age (I would)! And to make matters worse, your 'taste' would have improved, with all the extra education and work experience. This is when ladies start having serious doubts about whether it's "ok to date married men".

The point is this. If men are getting married at 25, women have to get married at 23. If men are getting married at 28, 29 then women have to get married at 24, 25. Because men will not date women who are older than them, but we would gladly date women who are much younger. As far as I know, the most eligible men get married earlier than the 'strugglers' and 'players' you are trying to avoid.

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A lady should not prepare for marriage by 'waiting' for maturity. You should prepare for it by getting matured faster. Now exactly how is one to get matured faster? We'll have to the relationship experts, but I don't think it means burying yourself in a demanding career or field of study while your friends are dating and getting married!

Hey Seun take it easy. You make it sound as if women are some unlucky people that have to always beg for marriage and that men are kings have the upper hand in selecting marriage partners. Yes I'm a guy and I love the fact that it's man's world, but you've gotta have pity and reason with the girls once in a while. As much as you enjoy your advantage when it comes to picking a partner you wouldn't want ur sister to suffer just to get married.

I got a sister a little younger than me, and I wouldn't want her to go through that. I also got two elder sisters both over 30. The younger is married with kids and the older not yet. What matters in life is being happy and impacting positively on others. if marriage fits this plan for u then goodluck. If not you can still enjoy your life.

Seun take it easy on yourself boy. You got it all wrong. I only said one do not truly mature until they are in their 20s, 30s. I want you to read the last paragraph again ok? I know you always have a problem anytime the issue of relationship is being discussed. Don't worry it's only a matter of time.

trae_z:

hey seun take it easy. u make I t sound as if women are some unlucky people that have to always beg for marriage and that men are kings have the upper hand in selecting marraige partners. yes I'm a guy and I love the fact that it's man's world, but u gotta have pity and reason with the girls once in a while. as much as u enjoy ur advantage when it comes to picking a partner u wouldn't want ur sis to suffer just to get married.

I got a sis a little younger than me and I wouldn't want her to go through that. I also got two elder sis both over 30. the younger is married with kids and the older not yet.  what matters in life is being happy and impacting positively on others. if marriage fits this plan for u then goodluck. if not u can still enjoy ur life.

Thank you trae, u said it all

Tayotina, you're right!

I get a little excited when relationships are being discussed. The thing is, all I was trying to say is that being a woman is more of being a pop star than being a man is. One day people can't get enough of you and you think you are in control of them. But once the next cool thing comes along they look past you and you realise you were not as much in control of their hearts as you thought.

Having said that, I will try to refrain from discussing issues I haven't experienced.

It depends on so many things mostly maturity both physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, healthwise, spiritually etc. Marraige is something you can rush in but can't rush out, so you have to be very careful. I can say there is a right age for marriage because if I should say maybe 24, some culture will query that so it depends on the parties involved.

But in all things, we shouldn't be forgetting someone that is very crucial i.e. talking to Our Heavenly Father about everything even about what age we should go into marriage (I mean individually asking Him).

The right age for marriage is when a person has found the right person to marry. Marriage is a beautiful experience with the right partner, regardless of the age one enters into it.
Ikpa

Ikpa, I like your angle.

But I think we should bear it in mind that who you are at age 18 is not necessarily who you are at age 25 or 32. Over time, people change. Sometimes with age a person may get more mature, or become an angry and untrusting person over some bitter experiences.

Seun all of you have left out one thing. agreed by the time a girl is 26 going on 30 she is supposed to be independent. But culture also determines marriageable age especially when you have a mother with hopes of becoming a grandmother earlier than her mates.

Women are expected to marry young in our culture (because we place a high premium on childbearing).

I believe you should marry when you are financially independent and mentally mature. Age is not the only factor , emotional issues also come into play (However for some of us who don't believe in the existence of love, that may not really be a factor.)

It's quite unfortunate that you feel that way kodewrita; a world void of love is indeed a world empty of hope.

I;ll keep it nice and simple for a guy (target for myself) is 28 and with girls i think 26 sounds just about right

I will rather say one can marry at the age of 20 provided you satisfy the three conditions.
1) you must be physically mature.
2) you must be financially mature.
3) you must be spiritually mature.
If you haven't developed the secondary structures no matter the age you attain you can't go into marriage.
If you can't feed urself talkless of the family, you can't go into marriage if you do it will crash.
If you're not spiritually mature how will you know what is the will of god for you in marriage and how to apply wisdom and principles God put in place for a blissful home.
Please be wise. Shine your eyes.

Seems the answers here are just spawning more questions for me.

For example, most people are saying "marry when {emotionally or spiritually or mentally or physically or <insert your own category here} mature". What do you mean by "mature"?

Anyhow, I think it's silly for anyone to turn marriage (which should be undertaken with the greatest care in the world) into a do-or-die affair by imposing artificial time limits and decreeing a 'suitable' age for marriage.

It's when someone is told that they should get married before they are 30 that they jump into marriage with a totally unsuitable person because they are 29 years 364 days and desperate. And as someone who has seen a fair few desperately unhappy marriages, I'd rather remain single than enter into such living hells.

I'm amused by marriage, seeing as my girlfriend just got married. I'm not sure what she was expecting, but there is no going back. I guess there is this perception where people think their partners will complete them. lol! Na lie~ I saw a TV program where the individual was told, u've got to feel whole first, so that when you enter something like marriage its about sharing.
People, be true to yourselves. Feeling whole doesn't always have to be about making sure you have a secure bank account, or you are the right weight or you have a degree. It may apply to some, but sometimes its the simplest emotions liking finally knowing who you are and being content to let things flow. I do not believe you can place that in an age bracket. Placing culture in the equation is when things generally turn sour ( from what I've seen), but thats life.

seun:

Is there a particular age at which you'd expect a lady or a man to be married? At what age should you start thinking about marriage? And at what age should you start panicking if you've not yet found the right man? If you say age doesn't matter, what are the things that matter and can they be measured?

Personally, I think the most important things to achieve before marriage are economic independence and a clear sense of where you're going in life. If you have that by 20, fire away. And if you're a lady, and you're close to or 30, please start panicking! Maybe you've been too picky?!

well, i think 12 sha...it's pretty normal in ma village...

In Nigeria today the right age for a woman to get married is at most 25 and for men you might evevn decide not to marry till you are 40years na you Sabi

10,12,15,18,22,40,58, whatever as long as she has breasts and she has started menstruating, what stops her from getting married? But all the brothers they like to get established and up and going before getting married so I've said my piece.

Chikena!

stababy:

10,12,15,18,22,40,58, whatever as long as she has breasts and she has started menstruating, what stops her from getting married? .

quite funny really!

Funny? The humour was lost on me but 'barbaric' was the word that came to mind.

The right age for Marriage is when you can support the family financially

At the age of 20 for Ladies and 22 for Man.(My suggestion)