He is more streetwise than you thatz why he could so easily manipul8 your conscience so you'll feel guilty he having none. Stonewall this guy if you want to retain your sanity. Just take him as a mistake you've made and nothing more. You guys are not in an inquest so you shouldn't bother proving it to him that he's guilty. He knows anyway it's just that his new side kick is there as his prop. He came back to you once sis. What does this show?- that the side kick cannot hold a candle for you neither can she hold his attention too. He'll come crawling back like all leeches and cockroaches do with tears and all when his bubble bursts. Then you'll be in a position to remind him of what he put you through. Dam your heart baby and move on. Just gratify good people by CRUSHING him mercilessly when he comes tail-between-legs. It might take time, but he'll come back one day.

@poster
 Babe i dey vex for you, please just let him go cause he is not worth you at all. i know it is not going to be easy but with time the pain will heal itself. Dont even bother askin where you went wrong cause you were not wrong.A cheat is always a cheat

@gab
babe where you run go

gabrywyl:

Poster, how can you believe anything on the net? I have met a few Nairalanders here whom happen to flirt alot with the ladies here and some ladies here took it soo seriously that they made it sound serious and the guy thought the lady is fooling around so he made it even serious but in his real life, he is a married man and he has responsibilities and he is a whole new set of person. he said he do that just to have fun and also to release his tension from work. SO at times, whatever you see on his FB or anywhere might not be real.
Why dony you just talk to him and tell him how do you feel and all and get it over with.?

This is the worst advice ive seen on the internet - not just on nl but the whole blogs on the internet

@ Poster
You already know what to do but you're just scared - Forget bout the dude, there are other dudes out there that can make u happy and not stress you to the extent of going to open a fb account

dont send him no card. the relationship has gone past its sell by date.

it is like most of us (girls) to be precised are encouraging guys to cheat. how pathetic. no offence o

girl move on with your life he doesnt deserve you.

@ poster, This is called "Reverse psychology" he is playin the victim MOST people (male or Female) do it, its a way of making you to put all the blame on urself, galfy dont let him play wit ur mind you know wat you saw so ACT on it, AM sure u know wat to do,

@Diva1,
if you are looking for what you did wrong or why he was mad at you, don't look too far.

If I were your guy, I might have reacted that way, if what I am thinking is the same.

To begin with, you are wrong, absolutely wrong to put his picture on fb without his permission. You should have find out what he think about the idea before you went ahead. In fact, that you missed a golden opportunity at knowing whether he is for real or just taking you for a ride. This is because, when you ask such question in a polite manner, he will either want to shoot them down or expose himself.

Moreover, the two of you are just bf and gf, nothing special, as far as the period was concerned. That explain why he was mad at you. You should have seen the hand writting on the world. After all, you have been having up and down in the affair. Meaning fighting making up. Few men will commit their future to such relationship without resolving the cause of the problem.

Finally, what I guess was happening in that 2-3 months was an attempt to pull himself up and evaluate the situation. He got entangled with other lady because you gave him to reason to do so, or he was bewitched by the lady, or he was just looking for a better alternative to you. He came back, because he found out something worth enduring in you, and maybe the other lady didnt meet his expectation, or he need something from you. You can't know the truth by asking him to explain why he was mad at you. You can only know when you get closer and evaluate things in proper perspective. Getting closer does not mean dating anyway. It can be achieved by just giving him a measure of assurance that he is forgiven.

By the way, you didnt tell us why you posted the picture in the first place and what kind of up and down you had before the incidence. The information will be helpful.

@Olanajim

When i said ups and downs, misunderstanding like every other couple and of cause things changed when I founded he cheated on me but I forgave him.
For THREE YEARS, I should find out if i was just for a ride Ok assuming you are right I should have asked for his permission, he didn't even give me a chance to explain myself or say anything, he was just yelling and calling me all sorts, an even when I apologised if he was offended but of cause I needed explanation, what about that?? Did i commit the Unforgivable?? How about after everything he did, and I could forgive him and still help him out to see him happy, How about that??

During that 2-3 months period, things were absolutely very fine, until a day I called him, to know how his day went and how he's doing, his reply was "the economy was bad" and sounding strange unlike how we used to talk. infact prior to that, we saw how many times, even spoke to his mum a day before and all.

And finally even if You think I was wrong, so this is the unforgivable to someone he claimed he loved so much, i would have his children, i made some sacrifices or after everything, still there for him

@olanajim , what are trying to say that she should have taken permission before confirming if wat she felt was true, well i never knew ladies was meant to take permission before you check on a ones cheating bofy,

What is the big deal "Babe, remove the pic", "why did you put the pic without my permission?" Talk to me, and we see if we could resolve the issue.

The way he spoke to me especially through the phone, made me even feel i had failed totally, U know how it is, even if you are Halle Berry or you could get as many guys as you want, but your self esteem goes down. You look at yourself in the mirror and think about everything and still ask, if I'm all this, how could someone do this?

This is the same guy that would cry to me, he loves me and I should never leave him. Asking me millions of time "If i loved him" and also, i didn't hold him back, why did he come back to me, though he changed and was much better than before that's what is even making me more confused.

Honestly as it is, I don't wish them happiness, actress or no actress, charm or no charm, God should really fight for me.

poster will ytou stop allowing d idiot of an slowpoke blackmail you emotionally


infact try deleting and blocking him off from evrything

y not go take a pic wt a guy too and put it on facebk


u better shine your eyes and move on,and i mean ignore d deceitful bastard

olanaijm

ive always agreed wt ur posts,but sorry to say dis,u see ur post on dis thread,is rubbish at its best

@Diva1 ignore his cheating ass, i dont know why u kept on wit his lies all these while, forget him move on wit ur life gal

olanajim:

@Diva1,
To begin with, you are wrong, absolutely wrong to put his picture on fb without his permission.

You kidding me?

olanajim:

you didnt tell us why you posted the picture in the first place and what kind of up and down you had before the incidence. The information will be helpful.

Is this necessary in the issue at hand?

@Diva1, time to move on . . . the more u whine about him, the more u get hurt.
Take a walk outta the relationship if a guy tries to shift his guilt when he KNOWS well that he's at fault.

@Olanajim
Let me ask you, if you had a girl you loved so much, been together for 3 years and something like this happens, you would be so mad to even break up with her through the phone?

And this facebook issue was only a day, when i decided not to torture my heart anymore, so if im loving him back for real, i have to clear this issue. It was only a day, i put a picture of US, set the fake profile, and removed it next day, just to see the other lady's reaction. I didn't even talk to her.

They might not have been kissing in their pics, they were just pics regular friends or people could take but it was her reaction that made me suspect. 5mins after. asking me for friend request, changing her own profile pic toone with them, adding new pics of him and her, then other people's comment, lovebirds and all, Is the hand writing not writing itself on the wall?

Diva1,

I have seen you are finding it difficult to let go considering your 3 years investment. I can understand your feeling.

However, i think this is the time to move since he  has shown such contempt to you. It may be hard but it will be harder if you hang on till marriage.

He loves you for marriage but wants some ogbono soup by the side. My never be faithful to you me think

@diva1,
you missed my points. I read two other replies to my post and I laughed so loud.

I assumed earlier that you will understand.

Now my friend. No matter how many years you go out with a man, it does not mean he had decided to marry you until certain steps are taken by him, even if he talks about marriage. Mistake many women made was that they assume that the mere "I love you" poems is enough guaranttee that a man will live up to his words. It take more than words to know a man. You talked of 3 years. My friend recently cry to me of a man she dated for 9 years treating her as your guy treated you! We evaluated what happened and that led us to finding a clue to his action. That my friend met another guy now who proposed marriage just after a month dating. They are marrying soon, having done the informal introduction. My point, it isn't the length but the substance!

I have gone out with a lady for 8 years, platonic kind of, without thinking of marrying her and she knew I won't though she's married now to my friend who met her during the period. I know some men did that.

That was why I said you could have asked him. At least, his response will indicate whether he truly love you or not. If a guy dont want to be seen with you in public, then something foundamental is wrong with the love he professes. Forget all these stuffs about wanting to father your kids. A simple test like that go along way in determining where the man or woman you are dating stand. If his actress friend had met certain criteria he set, he won't have return to you.

I don't have detail about other thing, but in this matter, I insists that I know what I was saying.

As for him crying to you etc. That is normal for emotional men. Crying isn't a sign of love and commitment. Let him find a better lady, and he will cry at her feet too!

@ topic
Dude was probably fed up-didn't know how to end it, untill you came up with the facebook thing, and then he embraced that as his exit point. It's reverse Psych no doubt like someone said earlier. But i understand where you are coming from, the confusion at being played like that-it happens.

Diva1:

They might not have been kissing in their pics, they were just pics regular friends or people could take but it was her reaction that made me suspect. 5mins after. asking me for friend request, changing her own profile pic toone with them, adding new pics of him and her, then other people's comment, lovebirds and all,   Is the hand writing not writing itself on the wall?

Which handwriting are you imagining? I don't know why women love to play games!

The boy has a facebook page does he not? Why not look at his page and see if he has all the lovey dovey comments on his pictures with her on his profile? Why be a devious and scheming woman and falsify his identity on facebook?

I would be mad if I were him. It's either you trust me or you don't. SIMPLE. If you don't trust him, LEAVE HIM. He apologised and said he failed you - why not ask him what happened during the three months?

Why accept him back if you know you were not satisfied and needed answers?

Instead you went on your over sabi [/i]detective work and violated his privacy and impersonating him. I can't stand scheming people, they are the worst.

All these actions were from the GIRL. [b]How do you know your boyfriend had anything to do with her except for her posting pictures of him everywhere? [/b]I have known girls who will go around claiming to be [i]so and so's boyfriend and the guy has nothing to do with them - they are just stalkers and confused people.

You went out of bounds. TRUST is the basis for any relationship. If you don't trust him and need to snoop around, then forget about it.

@Olanajim
So what are you really implying? That i sounded desperate or what? I wasn't expecting him to marry me immediately not even a year from now.
I expect being straight with me,he doesn;t want me to have any other guy, we were in a RELATIONSHIP, I have every right to know if he's involved with someone else and if she is sacrificing the way im doing, when he was sick, was she there?? or broke, was she there?? I would want someone to doall that for me too and appreciate it,

I'm not perfect, he's not perfect, where did communication go? what would be better in the other woman he would find?? even if, it would never work out, as long as God is there.

I have gone out with a lady for 8 years, platonic kind of, without thinking of marrying her and she knew I won't though she's married now to my friend who met her during the period. I know some men did that.
And that brings me back to my question why do men keep on in relationship that they know nothing will COME out of,

debosky:


The boy has a facebook page does he not? Why not look at his page and see if he has all the lovey dovey comments on his pictures with her on his profile? Why be a devious and scheming woman and falsify his identity on facebook?

I would be mad if I were him. It's either you trust me or you don't. SIMPLE. If you don't trust him, LEAVE HIM. He apologised and said he failed you - why not ask him what happened during the three months?

Why accept him back if you know you were not satisfied and needed answers?

Instead you went on your over sabi [/i]detective work and violated his privacy and impersonating him. I can't stand scheming people, they are the worst.

All these actions were from the GIRL. How do you know your boyfriend had anything to do with her except for her posting pictures of him everywhere? [/b]I have known girls who will go around claiming to be [i]so and so's boyfriend and the guy has nothing to do with them - they are just stalkers and confused people.

You went out of bounds. TRUST is the basis for any relationship. If you don't trust him and need to snoop around, then forget about it.

Please read my original post again. I had written where i asked him how could he shut me out for months without any reason, his only reply was sorry it wouldn't happen again, and yes he made comments, such as "u go baby, nice hair luv" on one of her pics, she commented back "baby ur my inspiration"


And i created a page with a fake name with a [b]PICTURE OF US NOT HIM. ONE WE TOOK TOGETHER.

Diva1:

@Olanajim
So what are you really implying? That i sounded desperate or what? I wasn't expecting him to marry me immediately not even a year from now.
I expect being straight with me,he doesn;t want me to have any other guy, we were in a RELATIONSHIP, I have every right to know if he's involved with someone else and if she is sacrificing the way im doing,  when he was sick, was she there?? or broke, was she there?? I would want someone to doall that for me too and appreciate it,

I'm not perfect, he's not perfect, where did communication go? what would be better in the other woman he would find?? even if, it would never work out, as long as God is there.

mmmm i dont know about that. i suggest you go look at topup's thread on relationships closure. we have all been betrayed one time or the other i would advice you get on with your life and focus yourself on how to succeed without him. that is the only reply you give cowards like this.

he has taken your 3yrs already  why will you give him more years?

forgive and move on. most importantly, dont give another guy the chance to mess you up again. no man is worth occupying your heart like you are allowing.

@ debo

Snooping or no snooping, the guy had cheated before but they got back together. It's only natural for her to be wary over trusting him.

@ poster
This is one of the situations you need to let go. You would only look like a pest trying to wish him a happy birthday. I'm afraid despite all advice suggested here, you would still take him back if he comes and woo you again. Although  arguments must surely arise between partners, relationships should never be a tug of war where trust issues are concerned. Move on, please.

It's not even about him being fed up, let's assume he was fed up, he had the opportunity to do all he had to do. I was on my own, moving on, when he came back, that he doesn't want to leave me and all, asking me if i met someone else? all sorts, that it's just going to US.

TRUST is the basis you are right but how can one trust in this situation?. And i wasn't suspecting him, all i needed were answers as to what made him shut me out that period especially when we weren't fighting.

@diva,
on whether I can take it from a gal who did same to me. You obviously don't know me! Those who know me are familiar with my open hearted nature. I don't fret about love and I never hid my distate for these kind of love going on. That is why I used to tell my close pals that I wont marry for love. I have said it and acted it.

When you make "love" ( I mean this delusional feelings being branded about in recent time) as your primary focus, you will lose much more than you invested in the affair. Love, to me, is secondary.

To your question, yes, I can take it. I took it once. Truly, you will be disappointed at the other person action. But wait, what if I tell you that in most cases, such thing often end as blessing to men and women who know how to turn adversity to blessing? Will you rather have a cheating bf who either repent or you dump his ass? Or a cheating husband who will either walk out or the relationship leaving you as a single parent, or end up messing your matrimonial home with his unholy flirtation with women?

Like I once told a friend, "Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage"

Things like this, Diva1, make you know whether your partner is taking you on a free ride or serious. Believe me, humans can be amophous sometimes. There are chamelons among us who changes to reflect their immediate environment. The only way you can spot them is to give them freedom and then watch them from a distance when with other people/environment.

Admittedly, you can't know a man or woman completely during courtship. But event like that of your fb, and pictures often trigger reactions that if properly scrutinized, will help you to a large extent evaluate your partner's behavorial trend. We learn more in crisis than in comfort.

grey hair is coming to you soon.

@ Diva

sorry if I misread your post.

First things first - what name did you use for the profile you created? Was it your boyfriend's name?

Diva1:

TRUST is the basis you are right but how can one trust in this situation?. And i wasn't suspecting him, all i needed were answers as to what made him shut me out that period especially when we weren't fighting.

My dear don't confuse yourself. If you wanted answers and this led you to snooping, then you don't TRUST him. SIMPLE!

If you don't trust, don't get back into a relationship. There is no equivocating on the matter. You're either in or OUT. If I don't trust my girlfriend, then there is no point!

Why did you rush back into the relationship without getting your answers? Why be devious and go round his back?

Your story is also suspect. Unless you created a profile with his name and somehow sent a link to her or something, how would she INSTANTLY find you and start romancing? How would she know it wasn't you who created the profile?