@Olanajim

True talk.

debosky:


My dear don't confuse yourself. If you wanted answers and this led you to snooping, then you don't TRUST him. SIMPLE!

If you don't trust, don't get back into a relationship. There is no equivocating on the matter. You're either in or OUT. If I don't trust my girlfriend, then there is no point!

Why did you rush back into the relationship without getting your answers? Why be devious and go round his back?

Your story is also suspect. Unless you created a profile with his name and somehow sent a link to her or something, how would she INSTANTLY find you and start romancing? How would she know it wasn't you who created the profile?  

Very typical of guys.

@Debo

I used a completely different name and I did ask a friend request to someone she knows not her, then 5 mins later, this particular lady asked me for friend request, meaning her friend must have told her something.

I only did this facebook thing to see if i could get answers to what happened during that period. It was just a day thing.It was something i wanted to find out for myself and then invite him over to talk to him about everything, next day cos during that period, we were fine. I just wanted to assure myself that tomorrow, the same wouldn't just happen.

I didn't rush back into the relationship, we were working things out, he changed more loving like when we first met, even sometimes i told him, I didnt trust him, he would tell me, don't worry soon, I would. I would bring up that period, even when i needed help, he still wasnt there for me or check up on me and all, he would tell me sorry, that it would never happen again.

Is it not only natural to want to find out what really happened to free your mind. I wasn't talking about the present.

Poster,

Your name is Diva- yet you let this man threat you like an ordinary woman, dont you know what Divas are made of?

@IJleke,
when you talk of RELATIONSHIP, you have got to ask yoursele "what kind of relationship?"

look, there is corruption everywhere. The corruption of the heart is, in my own opinion, the worst. Many people never define their relationship at the on set that is why the got into trouble in future. Among these undecided craps are those whose heart were made up cheifly by the tingling sensation beneath their legs. Male or female. And their were those who were driven to relationship by fear. Fear of being left behind. They therefore stick to the most avalable partner. The trouble knock their door, when they meet someone else who stir their hearts and put the on going relationship on trial. The on going relationship inevitably crumble when the golf between desire and lust widen. And then thing fall apart. . .

So to your question: it is wrong to expect that a man or woman will not have any relationship with opposite sex unless it is meant for marriage. You asked that question probably because you thought every relationship must be intimate. Not really. Even then, not every intimate relationship are designed for marriage.

So it depends on the relationship. Is it friendship, platonic, or sexual? Are the couple mutually agreed to go into marriage? How committed are they?

Many of us just don't have idea how to define our relationship when we hit it off. This become worse as many ladies feel offended when a guy as for intimate relationship from the word go. So the safest thing to do is to be FRIEND with the other person.

Ironically, most of you count the period of friendship as period of dating. That is a general observation I made. You are friend for two years, and soon after you proposed. Then a month after it breakdown. When they ask you how many years the relationship went, you says "over two years!"

I hope you get my drift?

.

It's obvious that this Diva girl is a glutton for punishment, you can see that by the way she is responding, and i can bet you that by the end of this month she will be back with the guy. When she gets back with him una no go hear from am again until the next breakup. Dump the guy, forgt about him and move on!!! Why should you be concerned about him upgrading himself if you know you can do better? Low self esteem dey worry you seriously.

Tstark:

It's obvious that this Diva girl is a glutton for punishment, you can see that by the way she is responding, and i can bet you that by the end of this month she will be back with the guy. When she gets back with him una no go hear from am again until the next breakup. Dump the guy, forgt about him and move on!!! Why should you be concerned about him upgrading himself if you know you can do better? Low self esteem dey worry you seriously.

May you never experience this or be in this situation if u haven't and I didn't say I was hanging on.

@T,
THere is nothing wrong in her going back to the guy if she is sure he has changed for the better.

Some relationship grew stronger after break up. The issue under discusion is her probing into what went wrong. I think it is not right to exhume a decomposing body just to know whether it is indeed dead or still alive! That is what I think she is doing. And Debosky was also trying to point out something similar.

Babe Diva,
Your soft side for him is glaring.This is when you have to be strong,you did the right thing not for him,but for yourself. he came back begging right? Knowing fully well that he was cheating on you,and you will make a good stay at home wife.
If you are ready to replay this situations in marriage nurture ur soft spot for him and go back, but if you dont desire a cheating husband in future.TAKE A BOW NOW!

@Olanajim
There was nothing wrong in what she did by trying to find out if the guy was sincere or not. He was obviously trying to double date and he got pissed off when he got caught period. She needs to move on, or at least sever all communications with the guy, all this wishing happy birthday and stuff is just ridiculous and it shows signs of her not wanting to move on. Trust me those two will just be laughing at her birthday card and text.

@ OP
Let him go in peace.
Wish him happy birthday !!
Don't ever show you're hurting.

@ Diva

I have no issues with the fact that you wanted to know. Why not ASK HIM directly? Snooping in the way you did it was wrong, you need to understand that. I personally cannot stand people who do not trust. Yes I know he cheated, yes I know he disappeared for 3 months.

Even if you say you didn't rush to get back together, you should have cleared it up before resuming the relationship. You should have aired your suspicions to his face instead of going round his back. Free your mind by all means, but do it in a way that you don't lose your integrity.

Diva1:

@Debo

I used a completely different name and I did ask a friend request to someone she knows not her, then 5 mins later, this particular lady asked me for friend request, meaning her friend must have told her something.

So what if her friend told her something? Does that prove that your bf had anything to do with her?  

Is your boyfriend not on facebook? Why would she need to approach a new profile when he has an existing one?

The fact is this - do not go snooping around your partner - that is CLEAR evidence of distrust. You didn't accidentally open his phone and see a message, you set out to 'investigate' on facebook by creating a false profile.

Once again, if you don't trust someone, don't get into a relationship with them. If you want to 'find out' about what happened, inform him that you want to do so and don't go behind his back.

BlueDiva:

@ OP
Let him go in peace.
Wish him happy birthday !!
Don't ever show you're hurting.

So with all these, it's still ok to wish him a happy birthday?

@Diva1 NO IT NOT OK

@topic/poster:

I have taken the pain to read this thread through before commenting. I have to ask how the girl knew you posted a picture just 5 minutes after you posted it on fb if you used a fake name et all.

As a very inquisitive lady myself, I know I have played pranks in the past to know what is going on especially when you can see handwritings on the wall so i wont blame you.

Everyone has been hurt once in life but what you do with your hurt matters. I personally think that you need to re evaluate a whole lot of things. With the scenario you painted, you guys like yourselves but there is something he sees in the other girl that he is looking for in you. Do you act like the good girl who is very obedient, saintly and would not do anything to displease her man?( The take home to mama like they call them) I am not saying it is wrong but you need to have a life of your own.

Hang out with friends, be outgoing, have fun, take extra care in your looks and make sure any man you come across sees you as an asset and not like he is doing you a favour. I know men(even if they deny it) like ladies that know their onions and match their status in every way.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Get over him, hold on tight to the little dignity you've got left and dont go back to him even if his whole family come crawling but make sure you have a life of your own before you enter a new relationship.

Time heals the wound, forget about him, hook up with old friends and DONT CALL OR TEXT him on his bday cos he is sure expecting you to do that.(because you are the good girl who is always there that he has known and can predict for 3 years) If that is going to be hard, switch of your phones and give them to a friend to keep for you till after that day.

Remember, no one can make you happy except you.

Much love!!!

Something is missing on the thread, I hope it is not missed!

babe am letting you on the game from experience,if your partner cheats on you and acts the way he did let him/her go,u can cry to yourself to let it out of your system but be rest assured if u kiss and make up he would do it again.
mine was a girlfriend who was a virgin that decided to cheat,i cried but left her in the dust.
u know what i av beeb dating flyer babes ever since.
so babe heads up

i find it hard to believe men and even some girls are saying this girl was wrong for going about this thing her way (via facebook)

I see nothing wrong in what she did. This man has cheated before. if you ever dated a cheat and later forgave him and moved on i tell u deep down u will always be weary and alert. Now fast foward, 2-3 months he is incommunicado. One day he gets over himself and comes back (mayb realising his sojourn was not worth it as such). poster forgives yet again and asks ''what happned'' he got nothing to say. I believe she has every right IF STILL DISTURBED to find out what happned. i would do the same and the least i expect of the son of a gun is to be upset after ive found out things like that on FB. he is the one with explanations to give me, and he can later (after explaining the FB matter for me)bring up the issue of ''u should not have gone about it this way'' and then i can apologise. Thats how people should act.

if the man had something to do with this actress girl, then poster is better off without him. A failed relationship is better than a failed marriage.

Don't send any fuc.kin card to him! Don't be a whimp!!

hmmmn, the reason i liked debosky's and olana's replies wewre becos they re inquisitiv and true natured men, its rare to find dis days cos ppple on NL jst type like dey speak^{dont think bf they_talktype dia replies}.

                 o gal, in as much as yu ve drawn so much sympathy, yur story lacks som substance. debo dey ask yyu sey why yu get bak insyd relationship wen yu neva clia ground of wia im disapia go for 3 months? yu seem to be some1 wu either was tryn to hide summin yu did durin dat 3 months or yu re just a mumu wit no principle-ow cld yu enter bak widout fully understandin wat went dwn gal? and yu behaved lyk a tart and did sumin dat ridiculous and som pple re hia clappin for yu. oga o! if yu cld go thru all dat widout thinkin _{yu shld be workin for police force} yu ve bin datin for 3 yrs and wen yu ask about wat went dwn he ll tell yu sorry sorry-it wnt happen again and yu go just gel like dat-yu re not givin us the full gist jare omo de yi!!! mape aja lo obo fun wa jo!_{excuse my rich lang}. dia re so many loose ends to yur story. ofcourse, if i wer the guy though i wldnt just brek up on fone like dat-i wld actually be amused and probably just hug yur hed to my chest and pat yur butt and say:ki lo n ma n se e na but we re all diffrent pple  with diffrent ways.
    yu knw the reason yu re hia rig marollin not knwing wat to do? its becos yu knew wat yu did was wrong, its becos yu knew deep down dat yu still dnt hav nothing on the guy=cos i knw if yu caught im boning the gal live!!!! yu wnt be askin for advise hia but yu re in adilemma becos yu dnt knw wats up.
    and now yu av to go bak to wat yu re supposed to av done b4- go to him and apologise or do wat yu ladies do wen yu dnt want to apologise, aftre dat find out wat went dwn gan gan and decide wat to do.

@touchmeder. You are spot on! Can't believe a CHEAT should be accorded niceties! If he was innocent and she snooped, the shoe'll be on the other foot. But the slowpoke is a FUCKING CHEAT! so which privacy should he have? Privacy to turn the girl to a nervous wreck? Jeez!!!

and now yu av to go bak to wat yu re supposed to av done b4- go to him and apologise or do wat yu ladies do wen yu dnt want to apologise, aftre dat find out wat went dwn gan gan and decide wat to do.

goodness gracious

He is a liar.
He will never change.
You were not even the main girlfriend.
You are better off without him.
You have seen the handwriting on the wall.
It is time to move on.
Don't ever take him back.
He definitely has measured you and he has come to the conclusion that you are a fool. Prove him wrong.

Isu ata:

hmmmn, the reason i liked debosky's and olana's replies wewre becos they re inquisitiv and true natured men, its rare to find dis days cos ppple on NL jst type like dey speak^{dont think bf they_talktype dia replies}.

                 o gal, in as much as yu ve drawn so much sympathy, yur story lacks som substance. debo dey ask yyu sey why yu get bak insyd relationship wen yu neva clia ground of wia im disapia go for 3 months? yu seem to be some1 wu either was tryn to hide summin yu did durin dat 3 months or yu re just a mumu wit no principle-ow cld yu enter bak widout fully understandin wat went dwn gal? and yu behaved lyk a tart and did sumin dat ridiculous and som pple re hia clappin for yu. oga o! if yu cld go thru all dat widout thinkin _{yu shld be workin for police force} yu ve bin datin for 3 yrs and wen yu ask about wat went dwn he ll tell yu sorry sorry-it wnt happen again and yu go just gel like dat-yu re not givin us the full gist jare omo de yi!!! mape aja lo obo fun wa jo!_{excuse my rich lang}. dia re so many loose ends to yur story. ofcourse, if i wer the guy though i wldnt just brek up on fone like dat-i wld actually be amused and probably just hug yur hed to my chest and pat yur butt and say:ki lo n ma n se e na but we re all diffrent pple  with diffrent ways.
    yu knw the reason yu re hia rig marollin not knwing wat to do? its becos yu knew wat yu did was wrong, its becos yu knew deep down dat yu still dnt hav nothing on the guy=cos i knw if yu caught im boning the gal live!!!! yu wnt be askin for advise hia but yu re in adilemma becos yu dnt knw wats up.
    and now yu av to go bak to wat yu re supposed to av done b4- go to him and apologise or do wat yu ladies do wen yu dnt want to apologise, aftre dat find out wat went dwn gan gan and decide wat to do.

It was even hard trying to understand ur english but newayz read my post well and understan before just posting. Didn't you see, where i said i apologised if i offended him but that doesnt answer anything, and he didn't even want to hear me out or hear my explanation?

What did I do wrong mister? Clarify. And if u have a girl, let the tables be turned on you. She has cheated, behave strange and shut you out for months with no reasonable reason, and comes back and then on her facebook,  you see her in different events with a man especially during that period, and other people are commenting on them with love words, you call her and she yells at you to remove the picture of the both of you,  After all these,  you can decide to have nothing on her.

touchmeder:

i find it hard to believe men and even some girls are saying this girl was wrong for going about this thing her way (via facebook)

I see nothing wrong in what she did. This man has cheated before.

So what if he has cheated before. Have you not lied before? How would you feel if your every statement is regarded with distrust? Did she get back with him out of pity when he cheated? Please end this story. If she didn't trust him, that was her chance to walk. Either you trust or you don't, no one forced her.

if you ever dated a cheat and later forgave him and moved on i tell u deep down u will always be weary and alert.

Being wary and alert means you look out for signs of cheating, not going to create some fake profile pretending to be the guy and getting some 'evidence' that doesn't prove anything except that the actress may like him. How can you 'move on' if you are constantly digging up the past?

She said they were happy, so why was she digging up past events?  

Now fast foward, 2-3 months he is  incommunicado. One day he gets over himself and comes back (mayb realising his sojourn was not worth it as such). poster forgives yet again and asks ''what happned'' he got nothing to say. I believe she has every right IF STILL DISTURBED to find out what happned.

Of course she has every right - that should be done BEFORE getting back with him. Why pretend you have moved on and go digging behind his back? That shows a lack of integrity and distrust.

i would do the same and the least i expect of the son of a gun is to be upset after ive found out things like that on FB. he is the one with explanations to give me, and he can later (after explaining the FB matter for me)bring up the issue of ''u should not have gone about it this way'' and then i can apologise. Thats how people should act.  

You violated his privacy and he should give you explanations first?   What kind of inverted thinking is this? Why not ASK HIM directly instead of acting like miss investigator? Why go behind his back? Why should you even apologise when there is 'nothing wrong' in what you did?

What facebook matter does he have to explain? Was he the one telling the girl to add this fake profile and put up his picture? Haven't you seen stalkers?  

if the man had something to do with this actress girl, then poster is better off without him. A failed relationship is better than a failed marriage.

The sad part is that she has found out NOTHING, and ended the relationship at the same time. She doesn't know whether anything is going on between them, and the relationship is over. There has been no benefit from snooping.

If I get back with someone I have been dating for THREE YEARS, and I can't ask him for information and need to go behind his/her back, then I should look at myself for the blame and not anyone else.

Adexy001:

@topic/poster:

I have taken the pain to read this thread through before commenting. I have to ask how the girl knew you posted a picture just 5 minutes after you posted it on fb if you used a fake name et all.

As a very inquisitive lady myself, I know I have played pranks in the past to know what is going on especially when you can see handwritings on the wall so i wont blame you.

Everyone has been hurt once in life but what you do with your hurt matters. I personally think that you need to re evaluate a whole lot of things. With the scenario you painted, you guys like yourselves but there is something he sees in the other girl that he is looking for in you. Do you act like the good girl who is very obedient, saintly and would not do anything to displease her man?( The take home to mama like they call them) I am not saying it is wrong but you need to have a life of your own.

Hang out with friends, be outgoing, have fun, take extra care in your looks and make sure any man you come across sees you as an asset and not like he is doing you a favour. I know men(even if they deny it) like ladies that know their onions and match their status in every way.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Get over him, hold on tight to the little dignity you've got left and dont go back to him even if his whole family come crawling but make sure you have a life of your own before you enter a new relationship.

Time heals the wound, forget about him, hook up with old friends and DONT CALL OR TEXT him on his bday cos he is sure expecting you to do that.(because you are the good girl who is always there that he has known and can predict for 3 years) If that is going to be hard, switch of your phones and give them to a friend to keep for you till after that day.

Remember, no one can make you happy except you.

Much love!!!

Thanks dear, that's exactly what I'm trying to do, cos it's not even about breaking up, but the just everything in general, the humilation.

Debosky

He has a page, I created a page with a picture of "ME" "MOI" WITH HIM. WE took as a couple, with a female name. I used a female name, I just didn't want to use my real name incase, they didn't know me or dig out my personal stuff.

@debo: what if she does ask this chap?, what truth do you imagine will come from him given his antescedent. What do you imagine happened to self help? That this girl will HANG on to whatever trash he tells her as if his word is the bible

Stalker?? lol

I don't know what other language to use to clarify. What if my real fb page, i just changed the profile pic with the one with my bf and I, and she sees that?? what's the big deal? and where does stalking come in here, I fi was all that, I would message her, tell her everything and that's why i wanted to talk to him, I did find out, i don't have to catch them having sex to prove anything but

1) why did she change the profile pic with one with the both of them?

2) Why did she add new pics of him, and them and writing "My baby and I" with other people commenting love words? even one saying no wonder you said you missed him the other day, you travelled

3) This was during that 2-3months period

4) Him commenting on one of her pics, "u go baby, nice hair luv" her reply "baby u r my inspiration" though i didn't take this one as anything serious

5) What would make him this MAD like i had killed someone if he wasn't actually having something with her?


I'm not trying to justify my actions, I'm not perfect, neither is he and yeah you can blame me for accepting him back without really clarifying the issue and it's all about forgiveness.

@post: you're ON sister! Stiffen that spine of your's and STAND. You weren't wrong taking him back before asking questions. You could either ASK him questions and lap up his lies or you OBSERVE him. You chose the later which is the SMART option. You are not wrong at all. Itz called giving a second chance, some people are worth it. Some don't. He doesn't!