Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? - Romance (5) - Nairaland
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| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by tpia: 5:28am On Mar 14, 2009 |
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| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by topup: 5:31am On Mar 14, 2009 |
debosky: I disagree with this, I believe men and women are similar, I think it really is that simple. In response to Diva1, I know how you feel, I was there a year ago and have only finally almost recovered, still to this day I actually can only say almost because he still appears in my thoughts rarely and infrequently, but the fact remains that it happens. I believe in you, I believe you have the strength to make it through, though this sounds easier said than done, still attempt to erase him. He is not on your level and I am so so sure about this, I don't believe you will regret moving on because you actually did nothing wrong and didn't deserve this. Despite what other people are saying about what you could have done, the fact remains that you have been every man's dream (from what you stated in your story), you have been a trusting, forgiving and loving girlfriend - and how many times have we heard the story "My girlfriend nags me, but I'm innocent.", "My girlfriend is paranoid and keeps starting arguments about me cheating though I love her." etc. . I am sure you did everything you could to try and be the perfect girlfriend and maybe that's the only thing you should work on for the next relationship. I believe that if you work harder on being yourself, then you'll be true to yourself, he shouldn't have left you, you should have left him. Shown him that you don't take crap and in all honesty, if he finds out that he has missed a good thing he WILL come back, but honey, that may never happen. Hopefully if it ever does, you'll be in a loving relationship with a trustworthy man. Girl, you need to have a sense of self-worth, you know you would never treat him the way he treated you, and you know how terrible you'd feel if you did such a thing, so why tolerate the excuses and lies. You should be forgiving and understanding but not to the point where all the respect in the relationship diminshes. You see, sometimes in relationships partners test the other, he may have wanted to see if you were a fall-back girl, a back-up girlfriend, who will be there, pining for him, for his return, but you're NOT!! I REPEAT: The best thing he did was in letting you go. Maybe you can listen to the lyrics in the song; "Love me, leave me." by Kat Deluna and some gospel songs like "Strong Enough" by Stacie Orrico, if you need strength and support. Otherwise just post on this forum. Now that I look back, I can say in all honesty that I am SO glad that my ex-boyfriend let me go because I have learnt SO much about myself, about people and I have been able to focus my efforts on pleasing myself (and my academics). I'm closer to my mum, as I am no longer doing things that I know she disagrees with and most of all closer to God as there is no competition between a man who tells me his perspective on God's word and God's word. I no longer panic or worry about being the perfect girlfriend and I believe that if I ever end up with an un-appreciative or confused guy that I will be able to get out of the relationship quicker and detect the warning signs. All the best for you, YOU CAN DO IT!! 1 Like |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 6:28am On Mar 14, 2009 |
@topup Thanks a lot for this. You are an inspiration. I'm just wondering how fast time will fully heal me esp with you saying u've been there a year ago and almost recovered not fully recovered. I don't even want to wait for few months before i fully recover cos life is too short but as they say, easier said than done. Also do you think, texting him a happy bday cos it's his birthday is ok? I know a lot of people have said no but I'm torn in my mind if I should just do it. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Ifedisky(m): 8:16am On Mar 14, 2009 |
Diva, as you make your bed, so you MUST lie on it. You've been given good advise, tough albeit but good. You can go ahead and send him a card if you feel your LIFE depends on doin so. It's the wrong option though and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know. But, then again, itz your call.i |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Nobody: 8:44am On Mar 14, 2009 |
@poster i understand your pain. The fact is you still love him and considering your time together it's really difficult to forget. Stop trying to make sense about his actions. Sometimes the best way to forget something is to keep remembering it until it doesn't affect you anymore. You've have not done an unforgive able thingh except there is more to it than meets the eye. A man who will react like this before marriage will certainly do worst. For christ sakes forgiveness is part of love. If he can't forgive you then he can't love you. He sees you as a wonderful lady but he can't match you on your level. So i'll advice you just do whatever makes you happy even if it's sending him a text on his birthday. Sometimes you.ll find out that forgiving actually heals. So send him the text if it makes you feel better but pls by all means don't get back in that relationship. Even if he comes begging. Just remove the bitterness from your actions and you'll see how peacefull your heart will be. Take care. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by touchmeder: 9:31am On Mar 14, 2009 |
@debosky even though i understand n respect ur opinion, i still stand by my earlier position. i totally agree she should not have taken him back until he had given good reason for the 2-3 months of no communication (personally i could not have accepted him until he did this although there is the possibility that he may have lied)The reason why she agreed and took him back is not for me to answer.She knows why she did that and d harm has already bin done.I am still of the opinion that this lady has done nothing wrong. i could go ahead to reply u quote for quote but i have decided not to cos i bliv that would be an exercise in futility. Let each stick by what they believe in. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Adexy001(f): 10:34am On Mar 14, 2009 |
@poster So have you finally sent the text or the bday card, the cake? Whatever!!! |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by C2H5OH(f): 11:01am On Mar 14, 2009 |
Don't settle for nothing but the best. Don't continue giving your all to some douche who isn't ready to accord you the same level of respect. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by akaa(f): 11:45am On Mar 14, 2009 |
BABY I WANT YOU TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE, THIS MAN IS NOT MEANT FOR YOU THIS IS JUST FREINDSHIP AND HE IS BEHAVING LIKE THIS, FOR GOD`S SAKE MARRIAGE IS A LIFE SOMETHING, IF YOU ENTER YOU DON ENTER BE THAT, AND TELL ME HOW CAN YOU LEAVE WITH SUCH A MAN ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.i KNOW IT IS HARD TO DO BUT ASK FOR GOD GRACE AND CHEER UP, STOP LAMENTING IT WILL HURT YOU MORE |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by dani1luv: 11:52am On Mar 14, 2009 |
eyaaaaaa sorry i didnt read your post  a |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 8:12pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
I decided not to text him a happy birthday again but man! I'm feeling so down, he seems to be having fun while I'm here hurting even if I go out cos I'm the one humilated and betrayed, seriously I thought i was strong but it's not working, after everything. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 8:22pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
I used to be the tough lady, had so many guys but protected my heart and when i decided to open, it got completely crushed especially the manner. It's very humilating, confused. I know suicide is for cowards but if it was an option, who knows, Even my friends, family, i just don't feel like talking to any1 happily except that i'm hurt. He seems very happy, |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Nobody: 10:44pm On Mar 14, 2009 |
Diva1: because all along he had someone else. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by chiogo(f): 12:50am On Mar 15, 2009 |
It's good you didn't wish him a happy birthday or anything. That'd just be giving him the upper-hand. Just engage yourself in activities that'd get your mind off him. It might seem like a huge task now but you'll get through it. And don't ever believe that you did anything wrong. That's just bull. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by C2H5OH(f): 4:57am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Thank you chiogo. Diva1:Diva, I am a man and I say you are weak as fork if you take that slimy bastard back. Whatever happened to humility and pride these days? I too would never respect a woman who lacks strong self esteem and self respect. Get out there and find yourself a good man. Have some respect for yourself and gather up whatever remains of your dignity. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by topup: 7:09am On Mar 15, 2009 |
davidylan: This part is very true. You dedicated yourself to him fully, yet all the time he had a backup plan, he knew your relationship was going to end before it did and you were unsuspecting - hence it shocked you, but he was prepared for the break up, unfair I know. I don't think it matters if you wish him happy birthday, but the key is indifference, my advice is to treat him like a distant friend. Do you text your distant friends on their birthdays, do you spend hours and days labouring over which words to choose, how to write the message and such? I don't believe you would. A simple "Happy Birthday. Have a nice day." would do. Nothing that gives away how you are feeling, because I am sure he wouldn't expect a text (and maybe he doesn't deserve one) - that isn't the point though. The point is to be able to let things go slowly. Will you regret not texting him? Will it plague your mind, because I can tell you, I listened a lot to what my friends told me but it was only until when I started doing things my way that the guilty conscience started to fade and I felt in control. I had to ask them, when to reply, when not to reply, when to be upset, stern e.t.c. They didn't know the guy, but I did. I know I told you that I am still not fully recovered, but I honestly think that's the way it is until you meet someone new. It's not that I am missing parts of me, it is just that he is my last memory of a relationship, so when I speak of love I can only refer to him, I want to be able to erase him because really I don't think guys like that deserve so much of our memory space  Enjoy your life, you're young and life is too short (like you mentioned) to be letting these things get you down - though sometimes you might need to cry and wallow in self-pity to let the emotions out, but only a short burst, then go back to picking up the pieces to make that beautiful portrait that is you again Peace & God Bless. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Gabry(f): 7:28am On Mar 15, 2009 |
Poster, how can you believe anything on the net? I have met a few Nairalanders here whom happen to flirt alot with the ladies here and some ladies here took it soo seriously that they made it sound serious and the guy thought the lady is fooling around so he made it even serious but in his real life, he is a married man and he has responsibilities and he is a whole new set of person. he said he do that just to have fun and also to release his tension from work. SO at times, whatever you see on his FB or anywhere might not be real. tboy1 All you do is complain but you have not even state on why is the comment that bad. . . It seems to me you are not the type of person whom would talk to your partner left alone to tolerate with your partner. Thats how most couples these days do not last long because of lacking of communication. . . . . They think that life is all about a fairy tale since they do not even want to make the initiative to work hard towards it. Carry on jor. . . |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by olanajim(m): 11:19am On Mar 15, 2009 |
I am a bit astonished reading all these odes to broken heart while a small wound turn to cancer! Let me begin with Topup, I think you got it wrong, absolutely wrong to think men and women are the same emotionally. This is not the thread to discuss that. We shall trash it in future. @Diva1, if you ask me, I will tell you that you have only succeeded in turning your wound to cancer if what I am reading is anything to go by. Before I explain my reason for this later thought, let me ask you, perhaps I was mistaken in my judgement, the following questions: 1. When you had a that break with him, DID YOU, AT THAT POINT IN TIME KNOW HE WAS DATING THE SAID ACTRESS? Your earlier post indicated you didn't know why he flair up and broke up with you. In fact, my understanding of this thread was based on your desire to find out. That was why I gave my earlier replies. 2. Before you went to open the fb pseudo account, HAS YOUR GUY RETURNED TO YOU, TO CRY AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS? WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION AND WHAT MADE FOR ACCEPT HIM BACK? 3. After you went to fb, HAS YOUR BF FOUND OUT YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH THE ACTRESS, AND WHAT WAS HIS RESPONSE? I know my questions may not make sense to those in hurry to pass judgement, it certainly will be of help for me to understand better. Mind you, I don't think the best advise you will get will come from people who agree with you. Sentiment will becloud their judgments just as they will complicate your problems for you. Listen to all sides and open your eyes. I may not agree with everything Debosky said, he certainly tell you the home truth. Before I tell you my mind, I wait to read your frank answer to the above questions. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Isuata: 3:57pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
one thing i agree with olana is dat the best advice yu ll get will not come from most pple wu sympatise with you and those wu advice with bias. evry oda person wu tells yu to find yur way and mouv on dont understand wat yu are going thru. they would advise you either becos they are weak and run at the first sighting of trouble or dey are lettin sentiment be-cloud dia senses. if you run off and forget him- what you would only achieve is alot of heart-ache for a long period of time (though the hurt might eventually leave you) which will beget alot of wrong mind set towards people as at now, you feel useless and worthless-y do yu think dat is so? i will reply you by saying dat, if you had caught stack naked boning the actress lady, your outlook wld be very diffrent-infact we wnt be tellin you to liv him before you do. but you knw wat yu did is way off limits and dnt mind those wu tell yu dias nothing wrong in wat yu did-they re evil people. my advise to you will always be dis simple- go back to dat situation you created yurself and resolve it, for all i can gather , his total lack of respect for you was not his fault but yur own fault, topup sed some biutifl tins you can hold on to in her ode up dia. you nid to understand some things about self appreciation, self worth and lern principles. i will dare say dat yu neva actually had a relationship dat was serious -though it was for 3 yrs- you nid to discover the fault in dis relationship and fix it or discover it and lern from it before yu get into anoda one |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by olanajim(m): 5:55pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
It is a natural law that men tend to generalise their situation and try to mirror other people in the light of their own experience or lack of it. It is that rule that make some of us to assume that situation we went through can perfectly be used to explain other people's situation. It is that rule that make it possible for us to commit the fallacy of overgeneration. It is that law that make many people to stop dreaming, to stop risking, and to start waiting for the PERFECT opportunity. The wise know that the PERFECTION we seek is often hidden beneath imperfection we try to avoid. The best flower/garden will inevitably come from the earth that had tasted junks. Rather than using our sad experience to make other people sad, or to create a wide hole of hatred, regret, and distrust in our hearts, why, why, why is it so hard for us to turn this lemon to lemonade? Why must we transfer our heartache to every other facet of our lives? @Diva, you have to understand that, in our pain, we make manifest our joy. Never have I seen anyone who cry, that does not laugh again. But I have seen multitude, cries and laugh, only to end it tear. It is our choice, whether to make an experience work for us or against us. I read how a simple act of saying "Happy Birthday" was turned around to fan the ember of hatred. I also read how you turned from seeking genuine answer into defending yourself. That is what happen when you listen to too many pessimistic views. You soon find that you are in real confusion, losing the foundamental purpose of the thread. To sum up my word, there is absolutely nothing wrong in wishing your ex(?) a happy birthday. But this man, from what I am reading, become (or is becoming your ex) as a result of the confusion created in this thread. . . I may be wrong, quite rightly. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Isuata: 8:58pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
hmmmn, one thing i av lernt so far in my work experience with Indians then real expatriates is that wen you find out a mis norma, you must equally be willing to supply a solution to such mis-norma. madam diva, wat do you really seek? is it people to sympatise with yur present state? or are you looking for some genuine reason to quit this so called relationship yu supposedly had?closure? or wat really. i have read yur replies and see dat even thogh yu are in a predicament yu seem more reasonable and knowledgeable dan most commentators wu av replied yur yur thread. yu seem like some1 wu has a proud persona and wu wld like to hold on to summtin tangible to call her own but you lack a basic skill which is principle its dat lack of principle dat blinded you to the fact dat yu needed a definitive answer(whether truth or lie) to his dissapearin act of 3 months ago. you hav all the virtues a guy will want in a woman but you lack the one virtue dat will help you sustain yurself in anytin you do in life not just a relationship. and dats why yur b/f treated yu d way he did and i can bet dat dis will last for anoda three months and he ll come back and beg and yu ll accept im back. yes he finds summin in yu yet he sees yu lack adat important virtue which is truely needed as a wife. if yu wer like dis as my g/f i wldnt marry you o. dats why i still think ma, dat yu nid to get up and not move-on until you do summin about dis mess yu av created, fix it and wen yu av tried and tins still dnt go d way yu want after yu must gotten yur answers- especially the y's yu ask here then yu wld av a gud conscience and carriage to muv on as a proud and wonderfully made woman of true essence and virtue yu can fix dis if yu really want to- which o beliv yu want to if not yu wnt be lookin for answers like dis and beliv me wen yu seek yu will truely find. i wldnt want to bring religion into dis but if yu re a xtian like topup sed, God ihis d basis of a gud relationship, wia yu do not trust in yur partner but God to hold such relationship. i hope to hia a sweet story from yu soon of either yur relationship has been fixed or dat yu av gotten the answer dat yu nid and are satisfied dat the guy is not the right person for yu and dat yu av sweet and energetic look towards life and goin to stand up strong havin lernt a lot from dis ordeal. isu ata yanyan, God is the basis of a true relationship |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Isuata: 9:04pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
hmmmn, one thing i av lernt so far in my work experience with Indians then real expatriates is that wen you find out a mis norma, you must equally be willing to supply a solution to such mis-norma. madam diva, wat do you really seek? is it people to sympatise with yur present state? or are you looking for some genuine reason to quit this so called relationship yu supposedly had?closure? or wat really. i have read yur replies and see dat even thogh yu are in a predicament yu seem more reasonable and knowledgeable dan most commentators wu av replied yur yur thread. yu seem like some1 wu doent av a proud persona and wu wld like to hold on to summtin tangible to call her own but you lack a basic skill which is principle its dat lack of principle dat blinded you to the fact dat yu needed a definitive answer(whether truth or lie) to his dissapearin act of 3 months ago. you hav all the virtues a guy will want in a woman but you lack the one virtue dat will help you sustain yurself in anytin you do in life not just a relationship. and dats why yur b/f treated yu d way he did and i can bet dat dis will last for anoda three months and he ll come back and beg and yu ll accept im back. yes he finds summin in yu yet he sees yu lack adat important virtue which is truely needed as a wife. if yu wer like dis as my g/f i wldnt marry you o. dats why i still think ma, dat yu nid to get up and not move-on until you do summin about dis mess yu av created, fix it and wen yu av tried and tins still dnt go d way yu want after yu must gotten yur answers- especially the y's yu ask here then yu wld av a gud conscience and carriage to muv on as a proud and wonderfully made woman of true essence and virtue yu can fix dis if yu really want to- which o beliv yu want to if not yu wnt be lookin for answers like dis and beliv me wen yu seek yu will truely find. i wldnt want to bring religion into dis but if yu re a xtian like topup sed, God ihis d basis of a gud relationship, wia yu do not trust in yur partner but God to hold such relationship. i hope to hia a sweet story from yu soon of either yur relationship has been fixed or dat yu av gotten the answer dat yu nid and are satisfied dat the guy is not the right person for yu and dat yu av sweet and energetic look towards life and goin to stand up strong havin lernt a lot from dis ordeal. isu ata yanyan, God is the basis of a true relationship |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by C2H5OH(f): 9:09pm On Mar 15, 2009 |
Yeah Diva, did you hear what Olanajim and his associate said? He says it's okay to remain a doormat to this tool because there's no ring on your finger? "  " . Hi Philosopher Ola - PHD, JD, MD, MMD, PPHD, I guess I forgot that the term "exclusive relationship" no longer holds water. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 3:32am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@Olanajim 1. When you had a that break with him, DID YOU, AT THAT POINT IN TIME KNOW HE WAS DATING THE SAID ACTRESS? No, though I didn't say they were officially dating. 2. Before you went to open the fb pseudo account, HAS YOUR GUY RETURNED TO YOU, TO CRY AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS? WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION AND WHAT MADE FOR ACCEPT HIM BACK? -Yes he had returned to me. I was angry to even see him, but he didn't let me go and broke down and of cause I love this guy. I waited a while and told him I ha forgiven him for everything, though I didn't understand how he would love me and shut me out that period an behave that way, he said he was sorry and all, it would never happen again, 3. After you went to fb, HAS YOUR BF FOUND OUT YOUR ENCOUNTER WITH THE ACTRESS, AND WHAT WAS HIS RESPONSE? -I didn't have an encounter with the actress and yes he found out and that's why he reacted the way he did. That why would i put our picture without his permission and with a fake name and that lady is his friend, yelling and all, that I should remove the picture. I couldn't even explain myself or say anything as to what happened. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 3:36am On Mar 16, 2009 |
Isu ata: I believe God is the basis of a true relationship. When you say I can fix the situation. How can I? where do I begin from, from here? |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by topup: 4:39am On Mar 16, 2009 |
olanajim: Yes it is a new thread, however I wish to make myself clear, I was referring to the specific example, in terms of cheating, I believe men and women are more similar than we make out. We make out different excuses as to why men are more likely to cheat instead of admitting we are all human beings and have the ability to control our behaviour, so truly these tendencies needn't always be carried out. All I am saying is that a human is a human, though men may be proven to have higher levels of testosterone or anything else the scientists say, they are ultimately human beings and 'men', not babies, they are in control of their behaviour and so there is no excuse. I believe it is less frowned upon for men to cheat than a woman to cheat, hence as a growing man, you are familiar with the idea and might even get the sense of 'it's just something that happens or 'we do' '. I know men who have told me straight on "There is NO excuse." and "I would never cheat." and admitted to it being an excuse, because the basics of the rationale lies with; thinking you won't get caught, thinking you'll get away with it (if caught) & thinking it's inevitable. Okay, these may just be words, but I believe these men are honest and are not beating it round the bush, cheating is an action, it has many phases, it is NOT a reflex. Lastly, I am not commenting on the emotions men or women have, but more on actions. I would agree if I was told that men are emotionally different to women, but I wouldn't agree if someone said that because of that, they can't help certain things. Men are supposedly more violent than women, and so what?? We should expect them to beat women or each other? Really, is that how it works?? Diva1: I have come to learn that too. What you won't do for love, you will do for God (if you truly believe & fear him). |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by olanajim(m): 6:26am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@topup, thanks for the clarification. It helps. @C2H5, You can see from my posts I tried to refrain from making judgement. That was because I know about the imperfection of man. FYI, Olanajim did not have phd or any of the tempting degrees you ascribed to him. He is yet to make his 5 O'Level credit. That said, I believe you posted what you did because you didnt read certain posts because they are long. Long posts are not made for fun. When you find long post, the writer must be trying to make something clear. The mistake most people do is to ignore them, and read short ones then a message will be lost. @Diva1, Thank you for that honest answer. From your answers, you should have found out that many posts above have deviated from the real issue and are confusing you the more. Although I am expecting those answers, because I have read the replies from your posts, I wanted to be sure that I got it right. I can assure you that if you continues to listen to these elements asking you to "dump his ass and run" you will end up with heartbreak and also permanent distrust of menfolks. That must never be your lot. When the guy was cheating, you didnt know. He left, and return of his own volition to beg you. And hinted that he was cheating when he said "it will not happen again" though you didnt know exactly. You reconciled, without having solved the riddle of why he left in the first place. At this time, you are back together, though you dont trust him again(which was what Debosky tried to point out), you went to fb and tried to exhume the ghost of the past 3 months he was away by having encounter with someone he (probably) flirt with, he found out and was angry. You want to find out why he was so angry, and that was the essense of the thread. And guess what? All you hear is DUMP HIM! RUN! DONT WISH HIM BIRTHDAY etc! Does that help you? I think you have got a good response, but I am alarmed at these loud voices. They will derail your purpose if you fail to apply wisdom. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Diva1(f): 6:50am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@Olanajim So what opinions do you have on what I should do? What are ur own opinions? |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by olanajim(m): 6:58am On Mar 16, 2009 |
On a personal note, I believes Debosky made sense when he told you you didnt trust the guy. He was right that your lack of trust of him drove you to fb. I can say from your posts that you still love the guy and that you went to fb with your heart still with him. Only that you are seeking an answer to a question. Something you should have done differently with perfect result. However, you applied the wrong method. Using his picture in that circumstance was very wrong. You used the pictures on a pseudo names, not on your own, not his, and you want him to smile and embrace you for a job well done. Yes, you could have tested him from the fb. Or monitored him with that account. You could have also use the false names to monitor what is going on between the guy and the said actress. That way, you will have a first hand information to use. You could have read your guys wall comments and his page, and her page and get the answer you are seeking. You didn't. You could have been a silence observer. Putting up the picture spoilt the good works the false fb ac would have done for you. If anyone you dont know went to internet and post a picture of you and your bf, will you embrace that fellow? Since you didnt use your real names, you acted like an intruder. . .by putting someone pix on that pseudo names. Can you still salvage your relationship? Yes and No. It depends on what you want. Can you still get answer to why your guy left you? Yes and No, but you can only get that answer when you return to him and when you handle the situation maturedly. You can NEVER get the answer on this page! The nearest you will get from here is how to get the answer, NOT the real answer. Can you prevent re-occurence? Again, Yes and No. With that piece from me, I suggest that you apologize to the guy "IF" you want reunion. He apologised when he returned, reciprocate. Once he accept your apology, you can set in motion, the machinery to find the answer to the riddles that confound you. |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by olanajim(m): 7:37am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@Diva, What I suggest you do? If you are my sister, I will tell you to call a truce. Humour your guy and apologise for placing the picture on fb. Do so without antagonising him. That way, he would feel in control. He will relax. Eventually, you guys can get back together. But in your heart, you must extirpate the elements of doubt and distrust, while cautiously building back the trust. And watch your back. Watch out for any act of deceiption. Once things normalize, you can, I assure you, find the answer you seek. Oddesius, the King of Ithaca was away from home for over 20 years. Drifting ashore and on bank of Posedium river. He ended up in the warm beds of witches and Calypso. All these while he was gracing someone's bed, he wonder whether his wife has been faithful to him! Eventually, he got home and his curiosity was further heighten. Athena, the goddess, made it clear to him that he can only find the answer he was seeking by returning home! He did. And he found out his answer. I say unto you, the answer you seeks will be found when he return to him. When the two of you are back together. He will tell you with is own mouth. However, before you return to him ask yoursele: 1. Do you really love this guy? 2. Before the picture panorama, did he show enough to indicate that he loves you? 3. What are your weaknesses, and what are his? Can it be improved upon? 3. What do you want from the relationship? Can you guess what he want from you? 4. Finally, every relationship carry a measure of risk, are you ready for it? If you can, then go ahead and work on rebuilding the relationship WITH YOUR EYES and HEART WIDE OPEN. That way, you won't be hurt again. Sincerity and trust is essential in any relationship. Work on it. Free yourself from jealousy, fear, suspicions and pessimism. LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDIND, ACKNOWLEDGE GOD, AND HE WILL DIRECT YOUR STEPS. When you guys reconcile, we shall then talk afresh on how to find the answer you seeks. Good luck |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Nobody: 8:35am On Mar 16, 2009 |
@diva thank God we are begining to get more sensible posts on this your problem. Like i said earlier except their is something more than meets the eye forgiveness is part of love. Two people cannot be angry at d same time. Like you said he is happy and you are hurt. How can you be so sure? Find the answers the right way from what i can tell you do a lot of assumptions and that my dear is very dangerous. You still love him, that is very obvious so go out there and find the truth and the truth will set you free. Don't feel like he doesn't love you anymore for all you know he might be in a dilemma as to whom to pick between you and the other lady that is if there is another. But like i always say love is not blind if and when you find the answers, you happen to have any iota of doubt as to his sincerity pls save yourself future trouble and quit with a clear head. But first find the real reasons behind the actions. But i still think there is more to this than meets the eye so forgive forget and move on. God bless |
| Re: Where Did I Go Wrong With My Boyfriend In This Situation? by Adexy001(f): 9:17am On Mar 16, 2009 |
Diva girl, I am glad you did not call him on his birthday. It does not make you a coward, it is only means you are giving him space. Honestly, you earned my respect. I think you do not foreclose communication only where it seems the other party is ready to talk. He is the man and you are the woman, if he wants you, he should come for you. If he comes, you guys can talk and you decide if you still wanna continue(that would only be if you are sure you mean the world to him). Dont live in self pity. Like i said in my earlier post, get a living, excite yourself, try new things and rediscover yourself again. Please dont let him think that he is doing you a favour by you going back to him like that !!! If you beg/talk to him now, what is the motive? So that you guys can come back together? I dont know him but U know him well, do you think he will still respect you or just treat you like the girl next door who is always there? Everyone wants to be appreciated and loved. Stop struggling for love. Even if you guys would talk about what went wrong, heal yourself of this hurt and rebrand yourself. I would not even advise that you get into any other relationship if one comes along now cos you need self healing. Stop asking!!! You are the best in the world remember and everyone who does not treat you as one is not worth your stress. You are an asset o!!! |
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